Two Inches Short
@TwoInchesShort
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Professional golf at an amateur level. Tiger Woods once laughed at my meme on the Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon
Pin High, CO
Joined August 2013
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Pinned Tweet
Pretty cool to see your hero laugh at your dumb meme on late night tv
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Respect the hell out of this guy living in the moment with an $18 mich ultra in hand instead of a phone
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“I’m a piece of shit anyway”
- Patrick Reed on joining the Saudi tour
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You just dropped $600 on a round of golf at Pebble Beach and this fucking guy in a call of duty hoodie, backwards camo hat, basketball shorts and a leg sleeve is randomly paired up with you. What do you do?
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“My last boss gambled away all my earnings. It’ll be nice to finally get paid”
- Jim ‘Bones’ Mackay on JT winning the PGA Championship
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Netflix full swing crew following Rory back to his car is the final nail in the coffin
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You get randomly paired with this guy and he does this on the first hole. What do you do?
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Who’s got the most punchable face on tour and why is it Patrick Reed
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“I still don’t even know what RBC stands for”
- Dustin Johnson on being dropped by one of his sponsors
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Scottie Scheffler serving the LIV guys at his Masters champions dinner
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Tiger stepping on Jack’s toes is such an alpha move
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Kevin Kisner went out by himself this morning shot 68 and played in 2:32. That’s not playing fast. That’s being efficient. It is possible. Slow play is a choice. Be a Kisner. Choose to play quickly
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Hey siri, define hypocrite…
Jon Rahm said this back in 2022:
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Number of Bryson DeChambeau fans by country:
USA: 0
Saudi Arabia: 0
Rest of the world: 0
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Tour pros at driving ranges outside of the golf course always crack me up. Imagine not knowing who Rory is and seeing this 5’9” 160lb punk with a cocky ass swing launching balls to the moon at your local range
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This is your brain.
This is your brain on drugs.
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Simone Biles has withdrawn from the women’s gymnastics team final and will be replaced by captain America, Patrick Reed
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Matt Kuchar not giving his kids full sets of clubs to start because he wants them to learn “shot making” is a nice way of says he’s too cheap to give them 14 clubs
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41 years ago today, local caddie Danny Noonan filled in for an injured Al Czervik and sank the winning putt in a $40,000 match to beat Judge Smails and Dr. Beeper at famed Bushwood Country Club
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Tony Finau out here at the pga looking like your grandmother’s couch
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When you go into the woods to find your shitty top flite and come out with a dozen ProV1s
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People forget this is the best Tiger Woods Nike commercial of all time 🐐
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There were only 2 videos games growing up. Tiger Woods pga tour and Madden NFL
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Patrick Cantlay calling his coworkers “pampered fucks” and counting down the holes until he gets to drink a mai tai is as relatable as it gets
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Legit might be the best video the tour has ever produced
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You get 1000 shots to make a hole-in-one on Pebble Beach’s famous downhill par-3 7th. It’s playing 100 yards with no wind. If you make it, you get a billion dollars. If you don’t, you go to maximum security prison for a year. Do you do it?
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You paid a nonrefundable $595 to play Pebble Beach and the wind is blowing like this. What do you do?
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Wife: what are you going to do without pga tour golf until January?
Me: new season starts this week
Wife: are you fucking serious?!
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SAFETY ALERT 🚨
The coronavirus can be spread through Masters badges. If you’ve received your 2020 tickets in the mail and already opened them, do not panic. Calmly place them in an envelope, shoot us a DM, and we’ll provide an address for you to mail them to. Thank you
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Pay $575 to play Pebble Beach they said. It’s a bucket list experience they said
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On this date in 2016, Ernie Els was murdered by the first green at Augusta National
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If you’re playing golf this weekend, just remember nobody wants to hear how your 94 could’ve been a 77
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There’s a special place reserved in hell for people who do this shit
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Jim Nantz‘ schedule:
AFC Championship
Torrey Pines
TPC Scottsdale
Pebble Beach
Riviera
March Madness
The Masters
Must be nice.
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Dear golfers,
What’s preventing you from playing this fast?
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If you’re playing golf this weekend, just remember nobody wants to hear how your 93 could’ve been a 75
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There’s a special place in hell reserved for people who do this shit
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Breaking news: dropping $600 on a brand new driver will not fix your shitty swing
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There’s gotta be an age limit on dressing like Rickie Fowler. This is getting ridiculous
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1 year ago today Jon Rahm made one of the stupidest aces you’ll ever see
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-23 in 36 holes which is a tour record AND takes less than 5 seconds over the ball. Matt Jones is the hero we never knew we needed
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The Masters is in 8 days and Tiger Woods is still the defending champion. This is not a political tweet
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Bringing a range finder to a golf tournament is a serial killer move
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Brooks called himself Brooksy and got ejected from the tour championship
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The CDC now says it’s ok to not wear a mask if you go outside, but still recommends staying home if you use iron covers
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Is the Masters par 3 course a par 67 too? Asking for a friend
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If you’re playing golf this weekend, just remember nobody wants to hear how your 92 could’ve been a 77
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Jon Rahm withdrew from the Players Championship and has been replaced by local pro Ron Smith
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“You’re never going to win a US Open wearing aviator sunglasses”
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Bryson puts on 25lbs of muscle faster than it takes him to play 18 holes
Remember Bryson saying he wanted to pack on muscle this fall? He was 195. He’s up to 220. And he wants to get to 230 (!).
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On this day in 1980, Danny Noonan and Ty Webb defeated Judge Smails and Dr. Beeper at Bushwood Country Club
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Wife: how many beers did you have on the golf course today?
Me:
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As the great Ben Hogan once said: the only thing a golfer needs is more daylight and a wife who lets him play
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When you’re even par thru 3 holes and start thinking today might be the day you break 80
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When the guy next to me on the range says “hey I’m done with these balls, you can have them”
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Masters: we’re moving tee times up tomorrow due to weather
CBS: so what are we going to do about TV coverage?
Masters: play begins at 730am and every shot will be shown live
CBS: but we can’t...
Masters: you can and you will
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The last time LeBron James missed the playoffs was 2005.
Tiger won 2 majors that year.
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Karen DeChambeau asking to speak to this rules officials manager is very much on brand
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Tour just scrubbed the Brooks/Bryson video. It had 9.8 million views in less than 24 hours.
Tiger’s 2019 Masters winning putt has 11.4 million and it’s been 2 years.
Why do they hate their own product?
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Call Rickie at Farmers Insurance. He’s seen it and covered it
How’s this for crazy? My hotel was struck by lighting, I was on top floor,we were evacuated and the place is on fire(only thing of mine on fire this week.) I can’t get back into my room and may miss my tee time because I am without clubs and clothes.
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Rory McIlroy’s proximity to the hole with a wedge
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Direct deposit: $1400
Me at Augusta National: yes, I’d like to buy a membership please
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