Tom
@Tommos_16
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Temporarily landlocked mariner
Liverpool
Joined February 2009
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Imagine how sound your life would be if you were this dense. Not a care in the world. No stress, worries, nothing. Just 45 hours a week on a building site, two weeks in Spain and fake tan inbetween
Someone said “ITV2 final bosses” 💀
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Imagine the lads in CEX and Warhammer. Nunchucks fucking primed, one final swig of Monster before going over the top
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Just seen a fella ask for his “usual” in a Subway and the woman had no clue what he meant. Fella walked in like he was a cowboy in 1920s America. Mortified for him
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He has played one of the longest, most left field goosing strategies of all time this kid and we all fell for it
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A hattrick for our boy! Little specky belter, gets where water can’t
please don’t tell me that’s the greasy haired bloke that tied himself to the post in the everton game😭😭😭
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A fucking seriously hungover man
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Hahaha it’s that little quilt who kept us up! Gwed kid
BREAKING: Just Stop Oil protesters have glued themselves to a Vincent Van Gogh painting at London's Courtauld Gallery. More follows...
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Early one this morning, thought I’d get a little maccies by way of sustenance. Imagine my joy, upon joining the M58 and setting off upon my way, to find that instead of a Double Sausage and Egg McMuffin I had instead been furnished with a bag of salt. What a treat
@McDonalds
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Hahahaha Barkley’s head blown to bits cos the shops were open past 11
Everton will give the green light for Anthony Gordon to join Newcastle today.
The wide man took the advice of fellow professional Ross Barkley, who told him that London as a city is a distraction amid links with Chelsea this window.
[
@jac_talbot
]
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Rather than sacking Silva, why don't we just fold the club. We had some good times, the occasional good result. It was a good run while it lasted
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He gets a lot of shit but honestly, the man is the fucking bollocks. Just look at him. He’s got it on lock
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That XL bully ban might single handily get the Tory government out. This country has a huge number of fucking proper thick Knobheads, all of whom vote Tory I’d bet. If they’ve turned on Sunak it’s done for him.
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No one forgets. Just our Brazilian brothers cannot live without big dinners. It comes for every single one of them
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Still can't get over that absolute shyster 'Captain' Tom floating off to Barbados, mid pandemic, on the public's money cos he walked to his gate a few times. Fair play to the old cunt, he scammed an entire nation and I can't fault it
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Fella in the Leather shop smoking a rollie down to its atoms then standing gallantly like the captain of the Titanic
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My ma, bless her soul, starts Chemo at Clatterbridge tomorrow.
I hope to god she’s alright.
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What do you want from them like. “Nice one for shooting me dad over some sheep fields”? People love getting annoyed over nothing
Argentina's football players have been filmed singing an anti-English song at the
#FIFAWorldCup
.
The team referenced the Falklands War as they celebrated reaching the final of the tournament.
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@GoldenVision90
What’s nice is you could also hold the 2006 World Cup there, when Runcorn eventually reaches 2006 of course
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@YaYaMANIC
@AlbyLad_
Can’t get over how much he looks like Mike Myers but only after he gets bingoed
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Shakespeare’s written worse stories than this
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Juiced to the fucking eyeballs. Lance Armstrong wouldn’t have this much neck on him
We achieved 196 points in back to back seasons. Without cheating.
Levels to this.
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@TheSquareBall
@TommyLanc
Blackpool Pleasure Beach have just been belting Marching on Together out. A surreal moment
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Ten seconds into his life and already on his first win. Nice one
@Everton
!
Oscar Robert Anthony Shannon, gave us a scare but all is well. Katy was and is an absolute superstar
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He’s had to describe every inch of the butty like. Must have been another gin joint fella
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Those sailors who’ve been extremely busy the last 20 years while we’ve been fighting farmers in the fucking desert
The average salary for railway workers is £45,000.
Average salary for those serving in the Royal Navy is £36,444
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Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
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I only met Kenwright once, he was headed through a door in the family enclosure at the same time I was. He held the door for me, I replied “nah go on Bill, you own the fucking place” and he replied “yeah you’re right son, thanks”
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@clynch_abi
I can’t do it. I’ve tried but it always just comes out. Leighton Baines is the daddy of the genre, just flows off the tongue
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Bob Mortimer calling Everton's number 9 an adult haddock on twitter. We're through the looking glass
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My mum's just had another 3 month all clear from Cancer and I am beyond happy. Fucking brilliant news ❤️
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Someone was always going to destroy this whole thing, and it was always going to be her
This has been a burden in my life for a few years now and finally I have got to the bottom of it......
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Just had some very very good news about me ma there. Six months after finishing treatment for cancer, she's still all clear. Could be happier ❤️
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Well that’s one more Evertonian to cheer us along in the championship
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@otrochris
@pete316
We’ll see how big his bollocks are, see if he tries this at the World Cup
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66 thousand tests. Just end it, people are dying. My sister and her fiance are putting people on ventilators on the front line and can't get a test.
David Nugent is more worthy of a test than them? I think the fuck not.
EFL will need to carry out 66,000 coronavirus tests raising fears the season will have to be abandoned; concerns that fans will not be allowed into matches until January 2021
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Absolutely fantastic this
The family spent hundreds on flights, hotels and tickets - but never got to see their first game 😭
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Can't abide people who talk about coffee like it's beak. It's a hot drink you fucking melts, move on.
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@gillesofftheweb
Video’d his bird getting motted out by a chihuahua and carried on like nothing happened. He’s Teflon
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Hahahaha the kip of these belters. Some cunt from Leamington Spa going “you like rock music?”
Royal Blood making their feelings known about the crowd at BBC Radio 1’s Big Weekend yesterday 😂
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Honestly don’t believe this can be topped in terms of comedy value. Sensational
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@scott_steve
@jamajestical
I was adopted when I was very young and for a long time, I've dreamt of a moment like this. I'm so glad it happened for you
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I’ve sent this from an Oil Rig I am sorry bespectacled crusader, needs must I’ve got a sprog on the way
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I have bad health anxiety at times but then I see Alan Brazil confounding all known medical science and it gets better
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Hamez needs to lay off the scran he's heading into Van Der Meyde territory already, goes out more than the postman
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£41 for a tweet that’s done 4,000 less likes than me calling Alexi Lalas a big Ginger cunt. What a website this truly is
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I see Liam Gallagher is still buzzing off having a few pints and a stripe, like he’s a trailblazer.
He’s 45. And every cunts at it.
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Cunts never so much as been voted in as an MP. Some fella dressed as a bin beat him one year
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I’ve said it loads but it bears repeating. Being adopted is the best thing that ever happened to me. Changed my life immeasurably. Makes me happy beyond belief when I see posts like these
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Sigmund Freud couldn’t figure the cunt out by I love him dearly. Watched a fella nearly have a stroke in the Newcastle end after he did this
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Why are they still dressing that little royal kid up like a sailor? Little blert
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One of the most haunting sounds you will ever hear that
just witnessed an ice cream man’s funeral and all the ice cream vans came and followed in solidarity I AM SOBBING
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@Barcajim3
Old fella in a leather/pleather jacket smoking the infinitesimally small remains of rollie outside
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@DanMUNDIAL
Having a bevvie on the train when it serves absolutely no purpose is up there as well, nothing finer than three cans of Heineken from Manchester airport to parbold
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All well and good but you could have just told him the world is black and white and he wouldn’t have known any different. Kids aren’t born knowing this stuff. Save you a fortune in prescriptions
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Let's be absolutely honest, there is just no way on God's green earth that Jeremy Corbyn is an anti semite. Not one single chance.
Not wanting Isreal to bomb Palestine isn't racist.
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@JoshWoogsLFC
He’s out the Malaria zone and straight into the desert. No way he’s making it out alive
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