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Tim Batt Profile
Tim Batt

@Tim_Batt

Followers
16K
Following
23K
Media
3K
Statuses
33K

Joke man, Podcast boy. @TWIOATPod | @littleempirepod | @LilEmpireLive

Auckland, New Zealand
Joined January 2009
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
2 days
I'm building some resources for people who want to learn how to podcast real good. Have you ever considering starting a podcast? Then I would LOVE to chat to you. Please book in here:
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
5 years
Check out this turn out in Auckland!.#ClimateStrike #schoolstrike4climate #ClimateStrikenz
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
5 years
This is completely unedited footage of the New Zealand Health Minister. Seriously. (sound on)
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
3 years
They used the hottest photo and added a cute hat?!
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
2 years
Apple's ideal use case for this product is working first thing in the morning while you make breakfast for your kid. Bleak. Technology was supposed to relieve us from toil but it did the complete opposite so that 6 people could become richer than God.
@tim_cook
Tim Cook
2 years
Welcome to the era of spatial computing with Apple Vision Pro. You’ve never seen anything like this before!
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
4 years
80% of adults in New Zealand have smoked cannabis. 53% voted against legalising it. Why?. Because only only the vulnerable minority have to deal with the outcomes of criminalisation. Cowardice and hypocrisy. I'm livid.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
3 years
Guarantee there's zero people who've worked in a government department in this crowd. Once you have, you could NEVER entertain the notion of government pulling off a grand conspiracy.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
5 years
This is Ngā Hine Pūkōrero who performed at the #BlackLivesMatter rally in Auckland today. I am shook. #blacklivesmatternz .1/2
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
6 years
What a time to be alive.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
3 years
We have a baby now. He's very cool and his name is Remy. Will pass on any well wishes to him from you. 🐣.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
3 years
Ardern has dealt with a terror attack, natural disasters, a global pandemic but on the other hand Judith Collins has a point - ZOOM IS KIND OF TRICKY!.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
3 years
I don't just think we should give Ashley Bloomfield a knighthood - I think we should give him John Key's one.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
4 years
Going a little viral today, bbs.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
8 years
Hi everyone: It's Tim from New Zealand here. We have a single payer system. It's pretty fucking dope. #InvestigateACC #debates.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
5 years
Berate me all you want - Crate Day represents the very worst of NZ culture. A for-profit invention by a commercial radio station and several beer companies, with the sole aim of peer pressuring 19 year olds to binge drink. Cool stuff.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
2 years
Kim Hill: "Is the water safe to drink?".Wayne Brown: "Uh, I'm headed into a briefing and I'll add that to the list".AND YOU COULD AUDIBLY HEAR HIM SCRATCHING ON PAPER BECAUSE IT HADNT OCCURED TO HIM TO ASK THIS! 😶.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
6 years
Guess who purchased
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
2 years
The Green Party always get painted as identity politics merchants yet they're the only ones who've released policy addressing the huge problems in our economy. National's running on "te reo is too confusing" and Labour is the 'This is Fine' dog in a fire meme.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
6 years
Respectfully, NZ media, your job today is incredibly hard but nothing is gained by reading anything written by a murderer. Please do not do it.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
5 years
Don't know who needs to see this but here's the income tax you pay in NZ right now, based on your annual income:.10k 10.5%.20k 12.6%.30k 14.2%.40k 15.1%.50k 16.0%.60k 18.4%.70k 20.0%.80k 21.7%.90k 22.9%.100k 23.9%.110k 24.7%.200k 28.46%.1m 32.1%.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
2 years
The garage is a bit fucked and my back hurts from manually bailing water but I think I've earned a beer.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
3 years
Just fainted while giving blood and pissed my pants. How's your day going?.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
5 years
Part two of Ngā Hine Pūkōrero's performance at #BlackLivesMatter in Auckland today. Cannot overstate how powerful and affecting this piece about colonial brutality was, delivered to a crowd of several thousand in Aotea Square. Aotearoa, we got a ways to go. 2/2
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
2 years
The Greens Wealth Tax works like this:. If you have:.- $1m in assets, nothing to pay. - $2m in assets, nothing to pay. - $3m in assets, $25,000 to pay. - $4m in assets, $50,000 to pay.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
11 months
Fun fact: that $55,000 accommodation benefit Luxon claimed is tax free, so he was receiving, in the hand, what a worker earning $68,000/yr receives after tax. Sorry, I meant fucked. Fucked fact.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
6 months
So like, what's going to happen with Casey Costello? Does she just get to keep being a tobacco lobbyist while serving as a Minister even though she keeps getting caught breaking the law?.Shouldn't. something be happening with her?!.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
1 year
I know everyone's bored of Labour but I cannot stress how much more component Hipkins is in the role of PM, than Luxon would be.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
2 years
Losing it at finding out the name of the social media influencer who ignored warnings, went to Iran, got detained for months until the NZ govt negotiated his release is named TOPHER RICHWHITE.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
3 years
I just have the share this with someone. My infant son has Covid. I have just heard him do the most worrying sounding shit I've ever heard. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. This is gonna be a real one.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
6 years
I am tired of Earth. These people. I am tired of being caught in the tangle of their lives.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
3 years
I am moving today. If you also live in Auckland, you will understand why this is funny (for you, not me).
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
3 years
Ok how bout this - We'll do one more week of level 4 BUT YOU MUST TURN THE WANAKA COUPLE OVER TO WE, THE PEOPLE.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
2 years
Marama Davidson (a sitting Minister) went to a rally to uplift the trans community, then got hit by a motorcycle there, then got accosted by woman who claimed the C19 vaccine had microchips in it - she responded by spitting facts with a smile on and SORRY, WHO'S ANGRY AT HER?!.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
3 years
Wow - did not know any of us had the keys to this account!.
@DeathBlart
TilDeath Do Us Blart
3 years
One week. #DeathBlart
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
3 years
Seeing so many angry news stories about how some overseas people are getting the Cost of Living payment and no stories about how beneficiaries don't get it makes me really sad.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
2 years
David Seymour on RNZ tonight:."the only thing people can do is help each other"."these things in New Zealand happen". Chlöe Swarbrick on RNZ tonight:."this is climate change and obviously we need to acknowledge that".
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
3 years
Also, we legally banned unions in the film industry here!.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
5 years
Check out this incredible @Worthikids that @guy_mont & I did voices in!.
@Worthikids
Worthi 🦇
5 years
BIGTOP BURGER: STOVE
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
4 years
Our PM got applause for saying she smoked marijuana once. Based on this, I believe I could become King of New Zealand.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
5 years
If you thought NZers who have to quarantine are costing our country, wait till I till you about our LACK OF CAPITAL GAINS TAX ON A RUNAWAY PROPERTY MARKET.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
3 years
Our Minister for COVID Response competing with a lawn mower as he informs the country about an Omicron outbreak is peak New Zealand.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
4 years
AT A FUCKING MINIMUM, change to law to require landlords to allow renters to have pets. We all have pets now because NOBODY CAN AFFORD TO BUY A HOUSE AND START A FAMILY. Fuck.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
4 years
I just realised (I think) I have @Worthikids art from 2015 depicting Brady The Rat King! Long live @TWIOATpod.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
2 years
Every Aucklander with a Twitter, TikTok or Instagram account saw the city flooding in real time. Our 76 year old mayor didn't know what was happening because nobody rung his phone. "You can't see from my office what's going on in Henderson or South Auckland"
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
2 years
OH NO, I PAID AN INTERNAIONAL PR COMPANY SIX FIGURES TO REBRAND MY TELCO AND IT CAME OUT RACIST - HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN?!.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
9 months
Spent my life watching Winston Peters build a political career on bashing immigrants. Now he's targeting trans NZers. Fuck right off with this shit. We shouldn't shift a God damn inch backwards in our progress of protection, acceptance and celebration of our trans community.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
6 years
New working theory: Shapiro doesn't know porn exists.
@JasonSCampbell
Jason S. Campbell
6 years
Ben Shapiro argues that a woman can't play 007 because it wouldn't satisfy a "wish fulfillment fantasy" for men
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
3 years
I just walked into a Chemist Warehouse and got a booster vaccine for a global virus for free and walked out and the whole thing took 10 minutes and God damn, sometimes SOCIETY SMELLS GOOD.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
3 years
I have a job now, fuckos!.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
4 years
"COWARDS!" I shout at the people rightly leaving social media to protect their mental health.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
2 years
"It'll be interesting to see how Wellington does after it's big earthquake" - Wayne Brown to Kim Hill when asked about Auckland's lack of preparedness to the flood. 🫥.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
3 years
I'm being forced to use a third party to apply for a rental and it has a premium service option. For me. The renter. Which enables the lights to be on, on time. This country, in many ways, is cooked as a chook.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
2 years
I wanted to make this clear so you can form a picture in your mind of the couple sitting on a freehold properties worth $5,000,000 being asked to pay $25,000 in tax to support a safety net for the lest well off. This is not dangerous or radical. It's actually good and sensible.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
4 years
You would be SHOCKED at how little going viral for a stand up clip has done for my Auckland ticket sales. 🥰.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
1 year
new govt worse than i expected and i expected bad.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
5 years
Our Prime Minister just earnestly apologised for getting a journalist's name wrong. Today. Just now. We are really very lucky to live here.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
4 years
NZ: Adjusts minimum wage for inflation (to US$14.04/hr in a country without tipping), while a landed Gentry continues to lock out home ownership for all but the hyper wealthy. CNN: NEW ZEALAND - A SOCIALIST UTOPIA.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
3 years
Reading the 500th tweet saying "I should've waited to get vaxxed today and then I'd actually get something. ". Yeah, I guess we have to settle for OVERWHELMING IMMUNITY AGAINST THE CURRENT PLAGUE.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
8 months
If you're a New Zealander and describe yourself as a "patriot", you're not a New Zealander.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
4 years
Nothing will make townies sympathetic to your cause quite like holding up Friday traffic with a tractor donning sexist epiphets against the most popular leader of a generation.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
2 years
Sold.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
8 years
BREAKING
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
2 years
4 films i've seen the most times
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@dreadconquest
cool timothy
2 years
4 films ive seen the most times
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
5 years
As of today, I've paid off my $23,000 student loan!.I would like to add that, as of today, I have zero degrees. :D.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
6 years
Oh, just a reminder that you shouldn't refile this PoS in your head as a dottery old painter man. He's the same asshole.
@thehill
The Hill
6 years
George W. Bush called undecided senators to sway them to vote for Kavanaugh: report
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
1 year
If Luxon can be wasted so easily by Jack Tame this morning, how the heck can he hold his own against China and US interests?. Putting policy to the side for a moment, I have no faith in this man's ability to defend our country in a room with the big guys.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
3 years
It is hard to escape the reality that the NZ Herald is now actively working against the best interests of the country.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
4 years
Imagine if we had the combined mental energy currently dedicated to stringing Q shit together on climate change.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
2 years
A reminder that Chlöe Swarbrick once ran to be mayor of this city and was laughed at for being too young. This is a fucking ridiculous situation.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
6 years
Get yo shit to get ready for THANKSGIVING 2018!.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
3 years
This is WILLFULLY misleading. So many kiwis incorrectly think you trip over a tax bracket and suddenly are taxed higher - THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS!
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
1 year
If you paid off your student loan and that is the reason you think others shouldn't have student loan forgiveness, you are a bad person. This is a very straight forward bad person test.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
3 years
Sat down and ordered myself a $14 beer at the bar where I will perform the art of stand up comedy to 4 people. The stuff dreams are made of.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
1 year
Announcement: I have finished editing Deathblart 2023.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
4 years
Rose Garden Seedlings and Fertilizer: Serving DC's Rose needs for 35 years.
@realDonaldTrump
Donald J. Trump
4 years
Will be having a press conference from the Rose Garden in 15 minutes.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
4 years
I love this (not Kmart, humans) 😭.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
4 years
Considering starting a NZ comedy collective called Stand Ups For Women that exists purely to support trans rights. .
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
5 years
Late Stage Capitalism Life Hacks are best Life Hacks.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
1 year
Cannot stress how easy it is to vote in NZ elections. Took me 6 minutes total. Please don't take it for granted - VOTE before 7pm Saturday. You DON'T NEED ID or an Easy Vote Card. There's people to help you understand the forms. Here's where you can vote:
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
1 year
LEGALISE WEED AND USE THE NEW TAX REVENUE TO GET MORE NURSES OR PAY FOR DENTAL OR SOME FUCKING SHIT GOD DAMMIT DO SOMETHING!.
@nzlabour
New Zealand Labour
1 year
Coming soon to a mailbox (and supermarket) near you - but only under a Labour Government!
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
3 years
Don't Look Up rules and I am so confused by the negative reviews. It's a very good movie.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
7 months
Really feels like this government is completely breaking NZ's healthcare system.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
4 years
Fun fact, my flatmates and I have handed over $250,000 to the guy who owns our house. 🤣😀😳🤔😧😥.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
4 years
You know who is more important than Mum and Dad Investors?.Mum and Dad renters.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
3 years
You know what would help the case for isolating at home? Not being in a housing crisis.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
5 years
When the problem is dirty politics in your party, the answer is. *checks notes* Judith Collins?!.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
2 years
dude.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
2 years
No thank you
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
2 years
Moved out west a month ago so now I take the train. No less than four separate, very lovely guys I've met have volunteered that they're drug dealers on the train to me. It's a good energy out here.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
3 years
Glad I was too dumb to get into crypto.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
1 year
Vote Green, y'all
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
5 years
False. The premise of That 70's Show was the show was set in the 70's.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
6 years
@KrangTNelson I'll put 6 bald eagles on Dax.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
9 months
Ending applications today?! You absolute bastards.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
1 year
The absolute gymnastics of Stuff's editorial.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
2 years
AirBNB era is dead. Sick of 30-message back and forths about keys and why I'm coming and agreeing to make less than 45 decibels of noise at any given moment. I MUST RETURN TO MOTEL LIFE.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
4 years
Very chill, everyone.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
6 years
From the Poynter Institute for journalism:.- Name the shooter infrequently and only when his name is critical.- Avoid images of the shooter that could be seen as glorifying him.- Superlatives, like “deadliest mass shooting ever,” could lead to contagion.
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@Tim_Batt
Tim Batt
2 years
Hey @AklTransport. Free to use, from me to you 😘
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