Laura May Rowlands
@TillyTeacher
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Teacher, mother, woman. Occasional @tes writer; co-author of #SuccessInEnglish ; #MTPTProject Rep; English subject expert panel member for @OakNational and HoF.
Southampton
Joined May 2011
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I allowed my eldest son to choose the thank you cards for his teachers for helping him through Reception.
I did not pay close attention to which ones he chose.
The end.
🫣
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I don't know who needs to hear this but PLEASE can we all stop working ourselves to the bone. We're on lockdown. This is a challenging time. Kids and parents do NOT need to be overwhelmed with work. We can't just carry on as normal - these aren't normal times. With that in mind ~
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Absolute scenes this morning. After the Quality Street Debacle the boys now appear to think anything small and wrapped in foil is a chocolate snack. To general dismay this morning they were discovered eating... Vegetable stock cubes.
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I'm not saying the start of term is bonkers for everyone but I am saying that my cleaner texted me to ask if she could put before and after pictures of my house on her business page this afternoon.
🌪️😴🫠🫨
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Me: it's a bit wet outside so I recommend wellies for everyone
4yo: what does recommend mean?
Me: it means what I think is the best idea
4yo: I recommend you give us some chocolate for snacks
THE SASS
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Today has been an exciting day! One small boy has arrived. Name TBC
🥰🥰🥰
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Today has simultaneously got the energy of the last day of term and the last day of the holidays does it not?
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Every morning I diligently take a piece of fruit to eat at break, which I then ignore and have 16 coffees instead.
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So that's a police officer, a teacher, and a midwife asking Theresa May about underfunding. She's not answered properly to any.
#MayvCorbyn
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At this point in the term, Terence the baby dolly is all of us.
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Now that they're getting on a bit we've selflessly decided to vacate our own bed so MiL and FiL can have it for the festive period. I've added some light reading material to spark conversation.
#duvetknowitschristmas
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Just as I was literally on the verge of tears in Sainsbury's because Freddy was LYING on the floor and I couldn't get him up, an amazing woman simply picked him up and asked where my car was. I love mums. 🤣😬🤷🏼♀️
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Good morning to anyone who has small children. Pass the gin.
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If your husband goes out *specifically* for fish and chips and comes home with salad and wholemeal wraps how soon is it ok to start divorce proceedings? Asking for me.
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I bribed myself with a Jaffa cake to change the bed... But now I've had 6, the bed is unmade, and I feel a bit sick. This is a sad story. The end.
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We have the class bear for the weekend and he's in for a dull one. He has previously accompanied the other Reception children to Spanish club, tennis lessons, the Science museum, on a weekend trip to Poland, and to a HARP lesson. We are going to big Sains to choose a pizza🫠🤣🐻
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Today, I asked a pupil why she was out of lesson and going into a random classroom. It was actually a student teacher and I am ready for the urn. 👵🏼
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I cannot BELIEVE I'm finally able to say we work at a GOOD SCHOOL! If you know anything about us you will know what a journey this has been....!
⭐🤩🎉🍎⭐🎊✅
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I miss the old days of early lockdown when it was all Carole Baskin memes and discovering tiktok.
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Our
#NHS
is truly wonderful. Over the weekend we lost our very tiny second son. Through the last scary and painful few days, the ambulance service, A&E staff, and staff at the Princess Anne hospital gave me dignity and love, which I’ll forever be grateful for.
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Today I emailed someone and instead of typing 'I hope you had a lovely weekend' what I actually sent was 'I hope you had a lonely weekend'.
The end.
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Bridgerton has ruined this house. We can't even speak normally to reach other anymore. 'is there any pizza left over? 'in the fridgerton.' 'glass of wine?' 'go on, just a smidgerton.'
Ridiculous.
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I thought I was being supermum this morning hanging out washing in the garden and letting the kids go outside. But all it meant was that I wore lilac Crocs and didn't realise they were not work shoes until I was actually in my school carpark. 😳
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Why does my 3 year old look like a middle-aged Karen who is sick of your crap?
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I did my first morning of volunteering in my son's Reception class this morning and I can only conclude that Reception teachers and teaching assistants are magicians. I actually feel a bit emotional at what a great deal these children are getting! 🥰🥰🥰
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Our nanny had to go home sick today so what I'm saying is if you get an email from me that makes no sense it's because this is how I'm working
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The thought strikes me today that our Year 7s joining next week haven't had an uninterrupted school year since they were in YEAR FOUR. 😬
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Went for an SLT role last week and narrowly missed out on the shortlisting. I asked for feedback, expecting something quite generic but today received a positive, detailed, and personal response. Even though I missed out (as I expected, really) I feel pretty happy now. 😊
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Just mentioned to the in-laws that I had been quite ill this week when I was in hospital. MiL: yes, we've been busy too, we had to tax the car AND get new glasses. It's all go!
😂🙃
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Please find some simple comprehension booklets I made using mainly
@CommonLit
articles (hence why they're not on
@LitdriveUK
). They are in line with chronological reading ages for each year group. 1x y7 (made by my ace 2ic) 1x y8, 1x y9.
Hope they help! X
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Morning everyone it's 3 minutes to 9 so it's time to change out of your night pyjamas into your day pyjamas. ☀️
#workingfromhome
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Looks like these are the new fidget spinners, everyone.
You have been warned.
(They're actually very satisfying).
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I've sent my husband and children out for a socially-distant so I can clean up our house a bit... But all that's happened is I've eaten 9 biscuits and had 2 teas.
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I am going Christmas shopping this morning, COMPLETELY ALONE with NO CHILDREN. I'm so excited, I've been up and dressed for an hour already.
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Oh GOD I’ve emailed my new head and my utterly bloody phone has autocorrected ‘practice’ to ‘practise’ and now I want to die.
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*FIXED IT*
@Andrew_Adonis
I have written to Amanda Spielman, the chief inspector of schools, to commend all schools in providing learning & support in unheard-of circumstances.
@Ofstednews
has a key role to play in thanking everyone from the HT to the cleaners in every school.
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My mother: *hands out Easter eggs*
MiL: ‘Laura doesn’t need hers, she’s going on a diet next week’
Me: *silently crams a whole creme egg into my mouth whilst maintaining eye contact*
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Such an interesting afternoon: everyone in my school has been offered 2x sessions with an educational psychologist to discuss... Whatever they want around wellbeing. I had my first one today (whilst being covered for a lesson). Lots of food for thought 🥰
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Sake. I was getting worried about how often 4yo was slipping off to the upstairs bathroom today. Turns out he's taken a box of Quality Street (a new one, too) and popped it on the shelf to just nip up every 40 mins or so 🤦♀️
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Imagine the horror I've just experienced, on opening the locked drawer in "my" classroom (which I've not taught in since July) to find this. It used to be a banana. I think.
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@rupertevelyn
Planning, setting work online, checking it's been done, going in to school on a rota, homeschooling own kids, administering FSM stuff, checking on vulnerable kids, reassuring worried parents, replanning next year as needed, figuring out y11 grades for this year. That help?
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Husband has returned home from sainsburys laden - LADEN!- with all my favourite snacks and drinks.
Why? I hear you cry.
That's right. In-laws are coming over for garden lunch tomorrow.
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Well, today can just go down as the day when I emailed my headteacher saying I know he’s ‘very busty’.
Busy. Dear god, I meant busy. 😖😖😖
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Good morning to everyone except my 3 year old. Just asked him where his manners were and he replied "At the beach." Too early for threenager sass.
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I wrote the lead article on
@tes
magazine today! The fact that there are a pile of drying nappies in the corner of this shot is not lost on me! 🥰💪🏼
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I work bloody hard during my time in school but I do not work evenings or weekends and very rarely do I do a day in the holidays. I would be horrified if people I manage were working endlessly on departmental stuff which I have control of.
If a teacher is able to have work-free evenings and weekends, don't demonise it! Bottle it and share 'how' with everyone.
Sometimes the answer is to care less and not feel guilty.
Perfectionism can be as destructive as negligence.
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In potentially the most middle class tweet ever, I just spent so much on cheese at the Waitrose counter that the woman gave me a serving slate and a mini goats cheese for free. ❤️❤️❤️❤️
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Put the toddler to bed tonight (usually I feed the baby to sleep).
Me: goodnight darling, see you in the morning
Him, looking towards the corner of the room: Mummy, what's that lady doing?
No sleep for me tonight then.
👻👻👻
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Eldest is playing in the garden - I ask him what he's playing. "Detectives" apparently. I ask what mystery he's solving. He looks me dead in the face and says "the mystery of why you don't want us to have fun".
(Because I took the hose off him as he sprayed it over the fence.)
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I don't quite know how this happened but I seem to have cliché hipster kids. One just asked for bbc6 instead of radio 2 and the other is wearing stripes and photographing his food before he eats it. Sake.
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Leaving the children tonight for the first time ever. Just facetimed them and 3 year old shouted bye mummy and walked out of shot. Anyway... 9 years married today, and we have gin!
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SO. Just watched the first bit of Up for the first time and now I'm ugly crying and scaring my children. I was not prepared for the trauma.
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One thing I'm not doing any more: apologising when I can't do something which is actually unreasonable. Instead I am saying thank you for understanding.
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If today was summed up in one shot it would be this. It is my son, lying down on the ground because the train we waved at didn't stop. 🤣😩
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Me: goodnight, I love you little boy
Toddler: goodnight, I love you big girl
😳😳😳
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MiL is merrily telling my mum how busy next week is for her as she has to get their car MOT’d AND go to the hairdresser.
My mother is a FT secondary teacher who manages an orchestra on the side and regularly does 100k bike rides ‘for fun’ 🤣🤣
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Ofsted subject leader interview: done. Now... McDonalds. 😋
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I've not been very active on here this week but I've noticed lots of lovely new followers. Hi everyone! I've mainly being snuggling this new little nugget who is 9 days old. 💞
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Day 87 of lockdown. It's 10:15am and I'm hiding from my children in the downstairs loo. With crisps.
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A small poem for you all.
NOBODY is fed
NOBODY is in bed
EVERYTHING is fine
Mummy needs some wine
La la la la
It's 9pm 😩🤣
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OMG MiL has just made me a cup of tea in this mug! Am I rumbled?! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
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Even though it was a 4 day week instead of a normal week, wasn’t it knackering? 💤💤💤
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Fact: I used to fight with my husband about who had to do the Sainsbury's shop but now we have kids it's who *gets* to do the Sainsbury's shop. I won this week. 🤣
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Morning. 3 year old is raging because the sky is not 'goldy-pink'. Have explained that I have no power over heaven and earth to no avail.
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WHO taught my child that the only answer to 'would you like a drink?' is 'and a snack?' - that's what I want to know.
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Both of my children are asleep. There are no relatives in the house. It is time for CHEESE.
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I heard from a medic friend today. They're drained and crying on the floor of the handover room. Their patients with covid or sus. covid have all died; doctors are being moved to ICU and are writing their wills in the handover room. There is more to come. Stay home.
Please RT
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Just had a 20 minute argument with my 2 year old because he 'doesn't like air', but honestly that's not even the maddest interaction I've had today.
Is it because it is hot?
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And we're off:
Me: hello MiL how are you?
MiL: fat.
Excellent start.
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2 year old is raging that we have no doughnuts for snacks. We've never actually had doughnuts for snacks but now I'm raging too.
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Seriously though. Who else is searching in vain for an underwired bra and some tights for tomorrow?
#BackToSchool
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SO. Between them on their outfits today the boys have 9 pockets. They are aged 2.5 and 7 months. I, a functional adult in my 30s, have none. This is patently ridiculous.
#WeWantPockets
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In-laws have just been enthusing about a pub they've found, called the "J.D. Wetherspoon". 🤣😩
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Shall I tell you what's funny? Since I've changed my photo to this one, in which I have clearly eaten a lot of cake and am not 7 months pregnant, I've lost about 30 followers. I've just used one of those tracker sites and they're almost all male. 🤣 I know, pregnancy is repellant
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The toddler has been 'hiding from me' in his wardrobe for about 15 mins now and I've had a hot coffee and a flick through the
@coxandcoxuk
catalogue, it's been lovely. 🥰🤣
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Although I know that a 2 year old can't really understand sarcasm, it's hard to believe it now that mine replies 'Ok captain mummy sir' whilst IGNORING my every request. Sometimes he even salutes?!
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Just took the boys for a socially-distant walk in the woods and saw a family having a picnic at a picnic table complete with tablecloth and lunchtime beers, which is frankly isolation goals.
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Tell me it's an in-law weekend without telling me it's an in-law weekend. I'll go first:
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I had several gins and bought my husband (a civil servant) a present, which I promptly forgot about. It arrived today...
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5x wake ups from the small one to celebrate his 6 month birthday. It's a good job he is adorable.
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Does anyone else have those days where all your classes are mad as cheese for no discernible reason?
#tired
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In early to school because I am drowning slightly.
Cleaner: who’s looking after your little boy?
Me: his dad’s working from home today so he’s got him.
Cleaner: that’s nice of him!
Me: (imagines saying) yes, he’s excited to continue to be a parent in my absence.
😖
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We just facetimed my dad to wish him happy Easter and he inadvertently answered WHILST ON THE LOO so now I need to burn my phone, my eyes, everything.
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I left the room for literally 5 minutes to put the baby for his nap. He's even coloured in his teeth.
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They've arrived. MiL just looked me up and down and said 'Yes. You look alright.'
Thanks?
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One two year old for sale. Can deliver. No returns.
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It's been a labour of love to create our new 'Dept Handbook' which draws on lots of wonderful ideas shared with me by
@English_MrsC
@LyndsayBawden
as well as my incredible and lovely department. It's here if you would like to purloin bits too! :-)
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In no mood to think about cooking, so I’ve suggested a Chinese takeaway (my least favourite so I think I’m being magnanimous here).
MiL: only if you don’t order too much.
Twitter, I’m going to purposely over order and then stuff myself. My level of petty knows no bounds.
#fatty
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It's like old times again isnt it, in my dressing gown by 5pm, drinking wine and waiting for Boris.
#Lockdown2
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In-laws have bailed last minute 'because of the corvid', which is sad but now means the evening can be spent eating turkey sarnies in our pants, so it's not at all bad!
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Classics grad here. Please, for the love of god, don’t do half the stuff in the replies which will teach them nothing about the actual Romans. Instead:teach them Roman numerals; Roman gods; Roman houses, especially toilets! the invasion of Britain; do a side note on British Celts
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Absolutely RAGING that I went to work to do stuff today and in my absence ALL of the remaining Easter eggs have been melted down, destroyed, torn asunder to make RICE KRISPIE CAKES which, as we all know, are barely one step above yoghurt in the pudding stakes. 😡
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Tell me you have a bonkers toddler without telling me you have a bonkers toddler. I'll go first:
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I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: although they are mad as cheese, my in-laws are happy to receive a 6.30am phone call asking them to drive across from the next county to look after a poorly grandchild. Feel a bit teary! But that could be lack of sleep...
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I take it all back. WE ARE OUT SANS KIDS IN THE PUB. INLAWS HAVE TAKEN FULL RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE NEXT HOUR 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍
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