My Drunk Story
@TheDrunkStory
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Following
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Statuses
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Posting The Funniest Drunk Stories out there. Submit Drunk Stories Here: Business: TheDrunkStory @gmail .com
Getting Drunk
Joined April 2012
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"Some girl kicked us out of her party, so we stole her dog on the way out." -Elder HS
http://t.co/LmANUvk7QL
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"Some girl kicked us out of her party, so we stole her dog on the way out." -Elder HS
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She said do you love me?
I tell her only partly,
I only love my bed and my llama I’m sorry
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"My girlfriend cheated on me so I dumped her. I'm dating her mom now so now that bitch is my step daughter." - Texas Tech University
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"My girlfriend cheated on me so I dumped her. I'm dating her mom now so now that bitch is my step daughter." - Texas Tech University
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"Some girl kicked us out of her party, so we stole her dog on the way out." -Elder HS
http://t.co/iv5iZmGPzF
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when ur drunk as hell & finally see what you've looked like all night
http://t.co/qTeYt7UPY4
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"My girlfriend cheated on me so I dumped her. I'm dating her mom now so now that bitch is my step daughter." - Texas Tech University
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When you take a sip or smell a certain type of liquor and it reminds you of that time you almost died - AHS
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"Was getting road head and came to a stoplight, guy in the other car saw and yelled,"THIS COULD BE US BUT YOU PLAYIN" at his girlfriend" -HY
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when your dog doesn't bark while you're sneaking back into the house
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"In middle school I told this girl I liked her, she laughed in my face and walked away. Few years later I took her virginity and dumped her"
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One time I heard a black guy call a squirrel a squigga. - Western Michigan University
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"Some girl kicked us out of her party, so we stole her dog on the way out." -Elder HS
http://t.co/oqk3VmhCyq
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My roommate woke up and ran out of the room because he thought there was an earthquake. Turns out it was just me and my gf... - Trine U
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At college if you were bored you just walk down the hall to see your friends. At home you sit around realize how boring your life really is
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"My girlfriend's dad walked in while she was giving me head, he gave me a thumbs up and walked out... She didn't notice." -Long Island
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While my boyfriend was drunk, he programmed my iPhones's fingerprint scanner to only recognize the tip of his penis" -Nebraska
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"My girlfriend scored a free kick against me in Fifa 15. I ended the game & the relationship. Ain't no way she learned that shit on her own"
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"My girlfriend cheated on me so I dumped her. I'm dating her mom now so now that bitch is my step daughter." - Texas Tech University
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"My girlfriend cheated on me so I dumped her. I'm dating her mom now so now that bitch is my step daughter." -Texas Tech University
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"For our senior prank, we put a car in the lunch room and set up all the tables for beer pong." -Devils Lake HS
http://t.co/0ld5y2m35i
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Raise your hand if you've ever been personally victimized by Tequila
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"My girlfriend cheated on me so I dumped her. I'm dating her mom now so now that bitch is my step daughter." - Texas Tech University
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"My mom is a true bro, she helps me hide the pictures of my girlfriend in our house when my side chick comes over
#BestWingman
" NYU
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My mom is the real MVP. Picked me up at 3am after I got trashed and snorted Molly. Then bought me Whataburger.
#cominginclutch
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All semester I got 60% on my tests while sober. Took my final exam drunk and got a 84% on it - University of Wisconsin Parkside
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"My girlfriend cheated on me so I dumped her. I'm dating her mom now so now that bitch is my step daughter." - Texas Tech University
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"Drunk me likes to delete my messages so sober me can't piece anything together the next morning " - Penn State
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"Was getting road head and came to a stoplight, guy in the other car saw and yelled,"THIS COULD BE US BUT YOU PLAYIN" at his girlfriend" -HY
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One bite of this fruit and you already got a hangover for a week
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"My dog barks when my parents get home to warn me while i have sex with my girlfriend
#truebro
#mansbestfriend
" UM
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I don't know how people have such adventurous summers. I'm here like I got work tomorrow and the day after that and after that
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Raise your hand if you've ever been personally victimized by Tequila
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"Was getting road head and came to a stoplight, guy in the other car saw and yelled,"THIS COULD BE US BUT YOU PLAYIN" at his girlfriend" -HY
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"GF's brother called me gay for ironing and doing dishes. Didn't think I was gay when he walked in on me banging his sister:"
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"Was getting road head and came to a stoplight, guy in the other car saw and yelled,"THIS COULD BE US BUT YOU PLAYIN" at his girlfriend" -HY
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“This kid threw a rager. Some random guy dressed as a cop busted the party and confiscated everyone’s drugs. It wasn’t a cop..” -Oak Park HS
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If my parents knew half the stories my friends know, they'd disown me 100%.
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