Habitual Line Stepper
@TheBlkHumorist
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Black Comedian who does black comedy. Blerd. Marxist. Curmudgeon. Hire me to say funny things: davidsheltoncomedy @gmail .com or my DMs.
Downtown CLE
Joined July 2019
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Pinned Tweet
In light of people being mad at Dave Chappelle again, here's a different Black comedian named Dave with a slightly better take on trans people
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If you knew JFK back when he had a head, it's time to pack it in
For an idea of just how long Nancy Pelosi has been around, here she is at JFK’s inauguration.
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Kanye in the middle of All of the Lights
Super Bowl is lame as hell cause why hasn’t Kanye did one yet
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"Why would companies conspire not to advertise with us?"
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Sue Storm: we won't let you bring Galactus to Earth
Silver Surfer:
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Whoever wrote the Tupac Shakur story deserves all of the money.
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"Just because you disagree with the royals doesn't mean you should wish King Charles would di-"
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TikTok is to women what podcasts are to men
Black mama vs white mom biracials, but with a lil historical analysis:
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Introverts after hearing we got another 30 days on lockdown:
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Pay the writers. Pay the animators. Put the execs in submersibles. Bring back animation.
#RIPCartoonNetwork
Cartoon Network is dead?!?!
Spread the word about what’s at stake for animation!!! Post about your favorite Cartoon Network shows using
#RIPCartoonNetwork
Active members of TAG can help by filling out your survey! Today (7/8) is the last day!
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"And you sure there's no lawyers coming on the show right?"
NYC Mayor Eric Adams will appear on the podcast “Drink Champs”
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Stop warning people not to cook chicken in NyQuil, and just let natural selection do its thing.
.
@US_FDA
has issued a warning against a TikTok trend of kids cooking chicken with NyQuil. CNN medical correspondent
@drtaranarula
talks about the dangers of following this trend.
Watch here:
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Gamers at any minor perceived inconvenience
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Leftists be prison abolitionists but think tweets from 10 years ago are indicative of your current beliefs
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They had Lisa Ann looking like Stone Cold in 98
Adult star Lisa Ann arrested, she says she was accused of looking at her phone while watching comedian Matt Rife
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Tristan Thompson in the post game talking about Zion
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Stan Lee: Miles Morales is Spiderman. Anyone can be Spiderman.
White people:
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Sara Jay logging on to Twitter every other day
sara jay literally looks like hank hill. men disappoint me daily,,,.
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Opponents of this, I have two questions:
1. What specifically bothers you about less work and more / the same money?
2. What does boot leather taste like?
Sen. Bernie Sanders Defends 4-Day Workweek Act, More To Life Than Grinding | Click to read more 👇
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Protests literally *made* the US
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ESPN really suspended one of the most popular journalists in the company for standing up to a racist politician......
#FreeWoj
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Can't remember for sure, but didn't the whites at Fox news say that Trayvon Martin and Tamir Rice looked "big for their age" so their murders were justified?
For the second time tonight Fox News is unabashedly defending Kyle Rittenhouse with Pam Bondi calling him "a little boy out there trying to protect his community"
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Dudes after buying my SSN on the dark web and seeing my student loan debt
Hackers leaked every American SSN and niggas ain’t scared at all fr💀💀 This how you know the country tired
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They've always been GPAs, they just went from academic probation to valedictorian
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Given the Ronda Rousey news, we all know what time it is
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People switched up on Malika Andrews like Sammy Sosa switched races *and* they calling for Rachel Nichols to come back
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Vince McMahon somewhere reading about Chris Jericho on this Saturday morning
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You out yo mind if you don't think Bernie Mac was funny. One of the GOATs
Show me proof Bernie Mac was actually funny. Pls. Cause y’all dragging it.
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This is funny coming from the people who want the age of consent to be 14
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Jonathan Majors, Idris Elba, Regina King, LaKeith Stanfield and Deon Cole in a Black western film? Inject this into my fucking veins.
#THEHARDERTHEYFALL
🐎
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@Pataboo98
Brother was a mayor, father was a congressman, mother was an organizer. She was always well connected
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White people to Jason Whitlock when they need to avoid accountability for something
Raise your hand if you knew "Nip" was an ethnic slur? I did not. Tell me how Mina Kimes' life was impacted by this? Other than nailing herself to a cross, I don't see the damage. She will dance to rap music calling black people N-words repeatedly without uttering a complaint.
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@IAmBumblebee
@jbrous41
The whole problem with for profit healthcare in a nutshell.
"If the NBA can get tests, why can't we?"
"Y'all got NBA money?"
"No."
"Well...."
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Black Mirror: this can happen if humans aren't careful of how they use technology
Sociopathic STEM majors:
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"$100k/yr isn't a lot of money"
-a nigga who makes $33k/yr
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Shannon Sharpe hearing about Skip Bayless
BREAKING: Skip Bayless is leaving FS1, per
@nypost
His last show will be later this summer.
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No D Wade, Gabrielle Union, or Zaya slander will be tolerated on the timeline please and thank you
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Jordan Neely is dead because uppity white people wanna play Batman. Sick fucking country
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America was built on genocide and slavery, currently has the largest prison population in the world, and has a monopoly in damn near every industry (including politics) but we're really gonna celebrate freedom? Couldn't be me but y'all be easy.
#FvckTheFourth
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Conservatives: parents have the right to know if their children are LGBTQ
Parents when they find their children are LGBTQ:
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Disney pulled that man aside and said, "look Mark, if you want the Professor Hulk movie you're gonna have to dial it back a bit"
I have reflected & wanted to apologize for posts during the recent Israel/Hamas fighting that suggested Israel is committing “genocide”. It’s not accurate, it’s inflammatory, disrespectful & is being used to justify antisemitism here & abroad. Now is the time to avoid hyperbole.
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Kevin Sorbo: Hollywood won't hire me because I'm Christian 😡
Hollywood:
Kevin Sorbo says he wasn’t able to get acting jobs anymore because he’s a christian.
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Melissa Berrera is not Gina Carano, please go chew glass
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Jay Mohr (Jeanie Buss' husband) somewhere
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Tell me again how John Oliver isn't "leftist enough" for you. He's done more to call out Israel's genocide of Palestinians than almost every other news organization and late night host combined.
John Oliver has just said out loud that Israel is committing genocide, on HBO and his YouTube channel with 10 million subscribers.
HE JUST DID.
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Me going into the
#kobememorial
....
Today is gonna be rough. All jokes aside, everyone just try and have a good day and hug your people.
#RIPMamba
#KobeFarewell
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Everyday I'm proven right
Killer Mike said Cop City can't be fought cause the corps/city put $100 mill on it. We can't acquiesce based on a price tag. Slavery, mass incarceration & environmental degradation are billion $ investments. But our lives are at stake. Be revolutionary, fight against the odds
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Ken Jeong is the only comedian you should trust for medical advice. All others (especially Joe Rogan) have toe nail clippings for brains.
Joe is very wrong. The risk of myocarditis is higher from Covid than any Covid vaccine.
#TheMoreYouKnow
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Y'all: you may not like Trump but you shouldn't hope he dies from coronavirus
Me:
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Bet y'all wouldn't have this energy if I choked out some homophobic and transphobic Republicans though
Here is Jordan Neely openly attacking the gay community, drag queens, and using homophobic slurs before physically assaulting a man.
Where do liberals go from here?
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Child porn in hard drive
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Are we sure this isn't what started Coronavirus?
Forget knives, is chopping your food with your teeth the future of food prep?
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Politicians are currently making laws against teaching kids about gay people and slavery.
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@stradeup1
@ShoNuffKay37
@TheLaurenChen
Protestors: we want cops to either stop killing black people or be held accountable and an end to institutional racism
Internet guy: I need you to be more specific
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White girls at D1 schools gone storm the capital like their parents
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Know what's crazy? Little dick white dudes & bespectacled white feminists focused so much on the sTrOnG fEmAlE lEaD that we completely ignored the fact that this movie was about refugees who were in turn demonized by the people who terrorized them. Like that is so on the nose.
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You got yourself a goddam deal
Fine, fine, I'll make you a deal: we can keep the retirement age 65 so long as we make that retirement age mandatory for our elected officials.
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Popeyes employee after 18 minutes in line with only 2 cars ahead of me: fuck you want, nigga?
Me: chicken sandwich
P.E: $5. Actually, $7 cuz you ugly
Me: here's a 10, keep the change.
Trust me, Popeyes will treat me however they want and I'm still eating there.
Popeyes ain’t got the customer service to be dealing with this increased demand. That’s gonna be their downfall.
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@c_wat_
A joke/question I pose when I do stand up is "do you ever look at old white people and wonder what they were doing during the civil rights movement?" Honestly young whites should ask their grandparents just for the hell of it.
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Man.... New tag titles that don't look like currency, blood on TV. Paul cooking something serious, we are so fucking back
#SmackDown
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Don't know who homie is but love to see it
New York rapper C Blu charges are dropped. The teen was accused of shooting an NYPD officer. A judge determined that cops had no reason to approach C Blu in the first place.
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Homelander's entire body after 1 Detroit Smash
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Nick Bosa wearing an "end racism" helmet
Nick Bosa wearing a “End Racism” helmet is hilarious LMAO
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John Oliver handled this with more empathy and gravitas than any politician or journalist and terminally online leftists still found a way to complain. He's not Che Guevara but he's infinitely better than any progressive voice on TV. Get over yourselves.
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