Tammy Pescatelli
@TammyPescatelli
Followers
47,681
Following
965
Media
2,414
Statuses
44,482
Verbal Assassin. #TammyTheBull #WonderWoman 's distant cousin. "Women of a Certain Age2" & #WayAfterSchoolSpecial , #FindingTheFunny specials on @PrimeVideo !
Finding the Funny...#FTF
Joined December 2008
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Pinned Tweet
I'm cool like that. I'm peace like that. I'm out.
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I’m not a famous comedian. I’m a working comedian. 26 hard yrs. I’m not a household name but I’ve done every single thing on the checklist 2have been one, & I appreciate where my career is. But if you say you are in COMEDY & “have never heard of me”, you really aren’t in comedy.
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The people who think that the vaccine comes with a microchip to track your location, need a microchip to track their location.
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My husband longingly told me his friend's wife gives his friend a Bjob daily. I told him, "She doesn't work-she should. My job covers the mortgage, the cars, the insurances & all the bills, but if you really want me to quit and go work for your friend, I will."
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@laurenarankin
@jackiekashian
What in the royal fuck is wrong with a court that would give him custody? Call for the remand of every judge that allowed that and repeal the law- NOW!!
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Hey
@DonnieWahlberg
@dannywood
this is 3 yr old
#Hailey
she is a huge
#nkotb
fan and also a cancer patient. Her chemo starts soon, can we send her some tweets, videos, prayers -anything to show this sweet baby love?
@JennyMcCarthy
#blockheads
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I think the lady I just saw bitching at the poor kid stocking shelves ,that her brand of “kimbacha” was not carried at the gas station, was not happy with me when I asked her, “Where did you get your Karen costume?!”
#HappyHalloween2021
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@KristySwansonXO
I live in PA. 3 of 5 machines were “broken” at our polling place and when I took my parents to theirs- no one had to show ID. Also my brother, who moved to NY received a mail in ballot for NY & PA. It’s was a planned attack.
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@timunken
Tell him you don’t want to see his texts on your phone. It’s a problem. For you, the phone owner.
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@BrandiGlanville
@scheana
So this is a situation that all things are right. Yea,
@scheana
knew- but a lot of young 20 yr olds believe in ppl & get lied 2 b4 they realize sometimes men lie to get laid. And it’s the Raquel/Ariana friendship that changes this. That betrayal of your BFF hurts worse than any
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Guess who has a
#Zoom
audition for
#Bluebloods
tomorrow? Fingers crossed I’ll be hanging with my pals
@DonnieWahlberg
and
@StevenSchirripa
soon!
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1 year out of Covid today. I still can't smell correctly and I have heart issues. Makes the scar that chicken pox left seem like a paper cut.
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My 5x married brother informed me: “None of my ex wives like you!”.
I said: “You know who they really didn’t like? YOU!”
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Exactly one year ago, at this moment in time, my father ceased to exist in this world. But he will never leave my heart, mind or thoughts.💔
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My husband didn’t want our son to wear his
#Jordans
for his first full day of in-school at the public school “He looks too rich”. So I sent him w/some of our bills, my unemployment card & a copy of my show schedule.
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Can someone tell me why
#NicoleEggert
went on
@ScottBaio
’s reality show, just a few yrs ago- claiming they were great friends, if he molested her? She wasn’t under duress & there was no career jeopardy. Regrets don’t equal abuse. I want to support the true victims.
#MeToo
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So
@Netflix
employees want to censor comedians? I don’t like that special, but I have an obviously vested interest in allowing freedom of speech. Why didn’t the employees walk about when they realized they only had 3 female comedians over 45 on their service?
Netflix bosses are braced for an employee walkout and rally in Los Angeles as anger swells over a recent Dave Chappelle comedy special that activists say is harmful to the transgender community
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I just went to see Bill Burr at MSG and my seat was next to Jason Momoa. So basically I’m telling you I’m pregnant
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My husband doesn’t feel good. My parents care giver quit. Homeschool is kicking my butt. I wish I would’ve gotten knocked up in high school- I could use another grown up around here to help!
#exhausted
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Tonight is
#WalkingDead
#seasonpremiere
. If
@Cudlitz
&
@JoshMcDermitt
survived these old "bats" they can survive Lucille!!
#LiveBoys
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@jackiekashian
@laurenarankin
Who is the judge ? Let’s get their picture up and make sure the world knows NOT to allow the county they work in to vote for them again!!
#UnseatRapistCustodyJudge
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I always have had this nose. That’s why internet trolls cant hurt me….
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My brother married a rude, ignorant, life long grifter. Now they have started a “go fund me” account for a hole in their roof. They need a “Go F*ck Yourself” account.
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In my 20’s I wasn’t aware of misogyny and sexual harassment. I just called it work.
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6 years ago this week I was cancelled. Lost agent, manager, gigs, friends & reputation. They published my kids school address! Then it came out that I was telling the TRUTH. Some of you mf’ers still owe me an apology.
#ThePhoneLinesAreOpen
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I've spent my life trying to make ppl laugh and smile, and apparently
@openbionics
, you did too! Congrats Cameron!!!
@HamillHimself
11-year-old Cameron is the biggest
@starwars
fan in the galaxy, so we surprised him with a set of Star Wars BB-8 covers for his bionic Hero Arm ✨
@HamillHimself
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Another time
#DMX
came to
@TheComedyStore
he said the funniest thing I heard a non comedian say. When telling us about how he used to rob ppl using his dog, not a gun, he said-“A dog is like a bullet that will chase you!”
#RIPDMX
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Happened again... traded my First Class seat on
@Delta
with a returning serviceman, but felt bad bc no one else did it for his shipmate.
#ThankYouForYourService
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Today is the day that I am going to lose a lot of friends for their disgusting comments. Nice knowing you. It’s time to forget about political parties and be Americans!
#GodBlessPresidentTrump
#GodBlessTheUSA
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Oh crap I'm in the room. Go to google and Search 'Dunkin Save' vote to Stay Weird.
#tapeface
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@sur_rules
It’s official
@JamesKennedyUK
has shortened the name of See You Next Tuesday to just Raquel.
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I’m not wearing a mask bc of
#COVID19
. I’m wearing a mask bc I’ve always wanted to rob a stagecoach.
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My fake
#JenniferGarner
note went viral. And now I’m being cancelled by
#BenAffleck
Affleck Stan’s. So let me apologize- for those who haven’t seen it, and repost again. I am deeply sorry you missed it.
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I think I’m done w/social media. I’m too sarcastic to explain things to morons. There is no vaccination for stupidity.
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@jackiekashian
@laurenarankin
@MotherJones
Ugh! What a ride. I feel violated hearing the story I cannot imagine what that poor woman went thru! This is when I wish I was a millionaire. I would pay for her home in another location, a good attny & her child’s college.
#OneDay
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I was so blessed to have been a small part of connecting
@DonnieWahlberg
and the
#NKOTB
family with our sweet
@HealingHailey_
. She’s now our angel, smiling on all of us. Prayers for her family.
#Blockheada
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Hey
@MichaelRapaport
, don’t worry if he throws sh
#t
@you
, he never connects w/his receivers.
#BrownsFan
@JManziel2
johnny you was most def throwing shade at
@MichaelRapaport
🤷🏾♂️ you tagged the pres and nem in the pic and everything dude
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Show business really sucks. You can be beautiful, talented, funny, kind and sexy. Have so many accolades, but if something bad happens douche reporters only care if you banged Hootie!
We love you
@KateQFunny
!
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Dear
@PBandJenelley_1
, I don't know you.I do know
#Violence
. When I was your age I had an extremely violent & controlling BF, who crushed me physically & emotionally. I was blessed to escape w/my life. I was dead inside. I see that same look in your eyes. RUN! Leave!
#TeenMom2
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Got a notification that someone liked a tweet I posted in 2013. That means they are searching my account for incendiary comments to get me in trouble. Why do all that? Call me and I’ll tell you to F off in person.
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It’s the 3 best friends that anyone could have.... it’s on again!
@GuysGroceryGame
w/me and
@bertkreischer
&
@LoniLove
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If you dumdums knew anything about
@madflavor
, he would take a bullet for his pals. Clearly he was blustering per normal! BTW anyone who would give a BJ for stage time needs to write better jokes! Maybe for MSG I might....
#unclejoey
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Just found out a club pays a male colleague 4x as much as me. We do about the same ticket sales-according to the inside source, mine are consistently better & I have more/bigger credits than him. Is it sexism? Maybe. But I think it’s just a symptom of how irrational show biz is…
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At the beginning of the show, I told the heckler “This is not going to end the way you think it is in your head. You’re gonna end up throwing yourself out of my show.” And he did.
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I’m a tough broad. I travel alone around the world. I do stand up in front of strangers. I stand in front of the mirror - naked. But I am scared like a child at the end of the night when I see an empty hotel hallway! Thx
@StephenKing
!
#TheShining
#PlayWithUsForever
#creepytwins
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"It's guys like you
#Mickey
Oh, what you do Mickey, do Mickey
Don't break my heart, Mickey. Hey Mickey!"
@SHO_Shameless
@ShamelessNews
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@PlayStation
why promote and rub it in? You know we can't find these anywhere bc you sold them all to gougers who are tripling the price, and we can't afford them for the Christmas List. No one has worked for months. Thanks for ruining the holidays.
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So I did my own hair and makeup and come out looking like
#Elvira
- on purpose!
#Halloween
show coming this Friday on
#NewsFromABroad
! (I’m available for parties and remake movies)
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I was really depressed after losing everything. My phone rang. It was Gilbert. He opened with this, "I've been praying for you." I was taken aback, but before I could say thank you, he continued, ".. that she'll lift my tsunami joke!". I laughed for the first time in a week.
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When I sent my pal
@donniewahlberg
a video of sweet little
@HaileyHealing
singing an
#NKOTB
song, he made her his
#specialguest
! What a great ❤️!
#mixtapetour
@jennymccarthy
#bighearts
#cancersucks
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Harrison Ford’s reaction is why the young generation better not sleep on Gen X
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@MzTeel
@angelonuoha7
@techgirl1908
@Google
I agree, except
@Google
should find out who it was and immediately fire that person. Then, that person should do whatever they have to do personally to figure out their life. If Google has a zero tolerance on sexual harassment why not racism? Hello?
#Google
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Laughter is meant for everyone. Standup Comedy, however, is not....
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I texted you this week, and I didn’t hear back. I’m devastated. I love you, friend. Go hang out with my Pop!
#ripLouie
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All comics-UR in the biz of words-we're next!Pull ur bits from
@SIRIUSXM
.U might not agree w/
@AnthonyCumia
but u must defend his rt 2say it
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@brianglicklich
@NicoleEggert
She clearly had nothing but glowing things to saw about him on
@ScottBaio
’s. TV show 2his face, 2prosucers &interviews. She was flirtatious. I’m sorry 4her pain, but she’s misdirecting it. The movement was not 4women who made choices but 4those whose choice was taken away!
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Listen,
#stimulus
is not the word I would use for $600 after being out of work for 278 days. It’s more like a coupon.
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It was a long time and a lot of pounds ago, but this picture was taken in Kabul. It has always been my HONOR to entertain our troupe!
#ThankYouForYourService
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Thank you
@DonnieWahlberg
@MarisaMRamirez
and the crew
@BlueBloods_CBS
for making me feel
@home
!
#tammyonbluebloods
#BlueBloods
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Don't tell me about the
#FemaleStruggle
.
I was one of about 40 female comedians in the country when I came up. This was what it was like.
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@KimKardashian
Why should she hide? She’s done nothing wrong!
@khloekardashian
stepping out look fab is an inspiration to everyone who has been hijacked by a fluffed up pirate and his ho. You just
#keepsteppin
,girl!
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...
@PBandJenelley_1
If not for you, for your kids. Not only do they not need to fear the monster that lives in their house, but 1 rage could be the accident that ends it all. No judgement. Only <3. Reach out. PPL will help.
#YouAreNotAlone
#TeenMom2
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I have 2 specials coming out back to back and a movie as well. Can I do some of these big time podcasts of my friends? Suggest the ones you’d like to see me on below.
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In a world where comedians seem to be cannibalizing each other, let me say this-
@bonniemcfarlane
is the real deal! She is hilarious, a true supporter of women and proof you can be married as a female comedian and still be famous! (She also knows the passcode to my phone....)❤️
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When someone says, “I’ve never heard of you before”, is it ok to say “Same!”. Asking for all comedians.
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Have you ever tried to be genuinely nice to someone and they were so ignorant that by the time the conversation as done - you hated them like everyone else does?
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Let it be said, if you go on stage before me and do 10 mins on why you don’t like me, you are a hack. You aren’t saying anything that my family hasn’t said at a family reunion. Write material.
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Can I just say this to all of the
#RHOBH
- you do realize that Dorit threw a dog away, right? So any story, no matter who told it is TRUE!!! You ladies have style,but no class!
@LisaVanderpump
wins!
@BravoTV
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Sorry I won't be able to join u tom.am
#StandWithAnt
-I will be in the phone with
@SIRIUSXM
asking them for my material back!
@AnthonyCumia
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Let me say this, without
@SiriusXMComedy
playing my material, my family would have lost our home when no one was able to work thru Covid. I am eternally grateful.
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Drunk lady at the show. Shouting out at the feature. No one is saying anything. I’m going to do what I came to do. Pray for me.
#VerbalAssassin
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#Comedy
Club owners & bookers. When we return to normal I will give my pay from one of the shows of your weekend to the staff. If we all give a little we can be made whole. Call my agent
@AaronDixon
@APA
.
#PayItForward
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Tonight a man walked out of my show because he said I was “rude & disrespectful “. When the staff asked him what he was upset about he said, “She was making fun of the brick wall and I’ll grew up in a house with bricks!”
#itsOver
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I’m not saying # my brother’s 5th wife is ugly but I call her “Wind Chill” bc she’s -6.
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