Takoma Park's ONLY source for humor. All articles written on a retro typewriter while hogging an entire table at a local coffee shop.
#TakomaTorch
#PasstheTorch
1) I am happy to confirm that the OlneyFans drama has been resolved entirely in the Torch’s favor! Thanks to everyone for your support, but a few extra special thanks are in order...
The humorless owner of the Olney Baseball team has had his lawyer threaten us about our satirical article about the Olney Fans article. We won't take it down because Satire will always be protected as Free Speech!
2) Legal powerhouse
@popehat
took up our cause and found numerous fantastic attorneys who offered to represent us for free. The GOAT
@gross_jennie
signed on to be our official pro bono counsel and did a kick ass job...
3)...And finally, the First Amendment did what it was always meant to do: protect the right of a smart ass with a satire website to make all of the baseball/pornography jokes he wants.
4) As promised, all of the money raised through the OlneyFans t-shirt sales - $500 and counting - is being donated to the Olney Boys and Girls Club. Now go watch some live baseball in your community!
Friends, I just can't say how thankful I am for all the love and support over the past few hours. It's been extremely painful - I've lost money, I've lost sleep, and I've lost faith in our system of justice. But one thing you all have done is brought back my faith in people. 1/
After filing a frivolous peace order and criminal charge against us for a mean tweet, the court ruled that Ryan Miner, MBA owes us attorneys fees. If he pays us, it will go to House of Ruth, an org that helps victims of domestic violence, an issue we think is important to him.
Tomorrow is election day. Show up to the polls looking fashionable with this simple guide to dress like your favorite County Executive candidate.
@Marc_Elrich
@hansriemer
@DavidTBlair
Montgomery County’s tourism bureau
@visitmoco
is representing us well at the Maryland Association of Counties’ annual conference.
The most interesting thing I learned: Montgomery County•Opoly is a thing.
I gotta get this game.
We just want to thank everyone for their support (and jokes) regarding this ludicrous legal threat. We'll be sending a response letter and you can bet we'll be making some
#Olneyfan
shirts.
#VivaSatire
Fans, we are raising funds to create Nimbee, a cute, furry bee mascot who will attend protests against development all over MoCo. If you'd like to see Nimbee come to life, purchase some Torch merch, or simply donate directly to the PayPal link on
The average age of the signers of the Declaration of Independence on July 4, 1776 was 44 years old, but more than a dozen were 35 or younger:
Thomas Jefferson: 33
John Hancock: 39
James Madison: 25
Alexander Hamilton: 21
James Monroe: 18
Aaron Burr: 20
Paul Revere: 41
George
Forgot to give a shout out to our fans & supporters, literally across the nation, who stood by us, provided reassurance & even made some great jokes. Please know we're planning a special event at
@silverbranchus
soon to have a beer on us to simply say "thanks." Stay tuned...
The Babylon Bee, a conservative Christian satire site, is irate after getting suspended from Twitter after making fun of a transgender person (this is not a joke). We also draw a line at picking on marginalized groups, and still easily manage to make jokes. It's not that hard.
5th anniversary Takoma Torch party, Friday March 8th @ the American Legion in DTSS. It's been a rough week but now it's time to party! Come have a drink, meet the team, and tell
@TheNimbee
to buzz off! No cover charge. 6:30pm until the cops come banging on the door at 1am.
We hope you had a great time at the party last night! It was so fun hanging out with you all and meeting some of you for the first time! We were especially honored to have received a proclamation form the Montgomery County Council! DJ
@TheNimbee
thanks you all as well!
@vicsepulveda
@johnrich
I'm not so sure. The billionaire who stole charity funds, cheated on his wife, and never went church sure seemed like the stronger choice.
We are absolutely thrilled to announce that the Takoma Torch has received a $100,000 small business grant from the state of Maryland! Many thanks to all who helped us with the application. We welcome your thoughts and ideas on the best ways to invest this money in our community.
Some families’ excitement over in-person classes resuming was dashed this week when MCPS forgot to inform their bus routes that they were returning to buildings.
The error left students without a ride to school minutes before the day was supposed to start.
Breaking news: Major shake-up in MoCo election. Hucker drops out of Executive Race. Brandy Brooks suspends campaign. Al Carr joins County Council D4. Political yard sign industry facing massive supply chain issues.
Many of you have asked about setting up a legal fund. I don't think I'll do that just yet until I find out what the hell's going on and if my attacker will continue harassing me through the legal system. But it would be awesome if you went on our website and bought some merch! 2/
Fans, we are trailing the City of
@TakomaParkMD
by only 450 followers. Help us close this gap so we can become an even more powerful presence than the city on Twitter! Bwahahaha!