Chef Ali
@SymplyNoor
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writer. feminist. private cook. hausa. LLB (in view) social media manager: @HominumJournal
Joined January 2022
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Two months plus of this private chef thing.
Rent a chef (me) today🫵🏽
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“Men created things that benefited them and called it culture. “
~ Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
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Let’s make fried rice 😊
You can pull this for your partner on a weekend, oko iyawo 😎.
These are basically all that you’d need.
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My grandma do say something, which is: no woman walks out of a house she's treated finely.
“I trained my wife in the University, built a house for her mother, gave her everything but what did I get in return?”
- Emeka Ike
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Let’s make Nigerian fried rice and honey glazed turkey.
You can pull this out for a brunch date.
I can’t believe I used to dislike fried rice. But you won’t blame me, it was roadside fried rice and the one from school cafeteria, ikida coloring ni, ati carrot ear and dear😭😂
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Heyyy chefs 👋
We’re making party jollof today🙂↔️
I’ve realized that there’s a level of difference between party jollof and smokey jollof. Even though there are used interchangeably, and nearly have the same procedures, but there’s a difference between them. The wood, maybe
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Let’s make gizdodo, rice and turkey😌
this is plainly straightforward, yet classy. It doesn’t have oyaya - understanding dish ni. You can make it for anyone, and for any occasion.
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Hi chefsss👋
Let’s make grilled chicken stew and pea-rice.
In all honesty, this is the most confidently delicious, yet simple dish, I’ve made in a while. Birthed from rigorous brain ransacking.
The highlight of this dish, is the chicken itself. So, let’s get to business🤝
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Let’s make palm oil (village) pasta🤭
This is quite breezy to make. It is always a serve. If your kid got a good vacuum food flasks, you’re good to go, too.
Aje, you can win your mean brother in law over, with this🙂↔️.
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Heyyy there👋
Let’s make yam porridge. Juicy, yam porridge🤭. It is always a serve.
PS: there are a number of ways yam porridge can be made. It’s more of a geographical thing. The Yoruba will go for “asaro elepo” which will be paired with stew. But this here, is more Eastern.
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You need to realize that this very life doesn't revolve around "mummy-daddy". There is: daddy-daddy, mummy-mummy, there's also just mummy, and just daddy; look beyond the horizon of your father's compound, life doesn't revolve there only. And will never.
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ofada and ofada sauce with dodo🤗
interruptions: fried croaker fish, fried panla, fried assorted (liver, roundabout, fuku, and shaki), pomo. the only thing missing was egg🫠
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POV:
keeping fit in the way that pleases the Lord.
PS: add fresh ginger and garlic to the hot water for your regular tea.🤗
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heyyy 👋
Let’s make weekend soup - okro.
Before you people will say it’s only rice and turkey we do in our classes😂.
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"treated finely ": how Tweeter men monetized this phrase is beyond me. Is that what you people center your lives around - money? Don't you have other things, fine things, to treat a woman finely so with, aside money that would make her stay? I feel sad for the lot of you.
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You guys, I’m lost🫠.
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Plate your food with love and enjoy.
What’s my reward? Your likes and retweets 🤗. Byeee.
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Cat fish lovers🤭👋
Let’s make catfish sauce. You may try this out, if you’ve never liked catfish for just “point and kill”
It’s easy to make and pocket friendly. It’s something you can make for yourself, after a long day at work.
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1. For Nigerian, or let me say local dishes, the choice of seasoning plays and an undebatable role in them. It goes a long way in determining what statement a dish would make or not. You can’t use a crayfish based seasoning for fried rice or pie. It won’t sit well.
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for breakfast: stir fry pasta and grilled turkey🤗.
Good morning.
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heyyy there👋
on the table: ofada, with ofada sauce.
interruptions: egg, fried titus, pomo, and panla.
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Excuse you?
Where did you get these from? Abi ewa gbami. Oma watermark e ke.
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2 hours ago?
Why is he doing this? It’s not funny. That’s literally my hand. How come I’m just seeing this now? Please, take the post down.
18:18 PM (W.A.T)
OFFICIAL MEJESCUISINE DINNER
-YAM with GEISHA SAUCE and SCRAMBLED EGG
#WowMeOdumeje
#MejesCuisine
#DinnerWouldBeServedSoon
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Serve with love, for date(s), yourself, whoever, and dig in. Byeee.
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Heyyy👋
Let’s make mangala stew and plain rice with plantain.
A perfect substitute for your chicken/turkey stew🙂↔️. Let’s get to business.
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keeping it very demure, very mindful, and very cutesy.
rice with ram stew and coleslaw🤗
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2. While your rice is getting soaked. You can start with cutting your veges. If you can’t do this, you can get the processed veges from a store. Sinzu money, omo iyami . But na Nara Smith we dey do here - from scratch.
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People with Masters, and PhDs with bottom barrel level of reasoning. It's sad,but also a clear cut picture of the fact that going to school and coming out with good grades doesn't equate common sense. The lot of you, are liabilities shouldered upon humanity.
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for breakfast: crispy fried chicken breast with fried plantains🤗
Should I drop a recipe for the chicken breast?
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@Odumeje_
@Odumeje1stson
Guyyyyyyy????!!!!
This is my food and plates! With background?
I understand sharing? Why the watermark?
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13. These are your end results.
You see that nothing is hard in it. Just follow due process
PS: you people have turned me into a food content creator 😂😭. I’m a private chef, don’t forget. You can always rent me to cook for your hangouts, whatever, at a pocket friendly price
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Good morning my chefs🙂↔️.
Breakfast:
chicken breast-sausage fried rice and peppered chicken.
you see this thing called fried rice? I know am diee.
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7. Chef-Chef. Olowo sibi😌. Well done.
Now, add your stir-fried veges to the rice (make sure the texture is perfect, sho get?) Incorporate the veges into the rice (as seen in slide 2). You’d get slide 3, afterwards. That’s it.
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My chief 🙌🏿
these ones go suffice?
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We shouted up FEMCO/FEMINISTS!!! in class today 😭😂❤️.
@chinonso_nzeh
@Kiki_Mide
@CMephit
Love you guys!
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1. So monsieur/mademoiselle, as usual, you’ll be starting with your protein.
The turkey first, go in with your bay leaves, thyme, rosemary, onion, seasoning, marinate and set aside. For the liver, go in with your cayenne pepper, curry, onion,thyme, seasoning, marinate, set aside
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Dinner:
amala, pelu ewedu ati omi obe🤭.
this is the only food I could eat at the apex of all my illnesses.
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12. Plate your food with love and enjoy. You see it ain’t difficult. It’s just the layering procedures that might make it seem so. It tastes like your normal Boxing Day rice and stew with plantain, just that this is elevated - it has a mild sweet and savory taste.
Byee.
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3. Dice your boiled liver into bites.
Fry and set them aside. They’re giving chocolate-caramel, ouuu weee😌😂.
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12. Dish your food with love and enjoy. Try orange juice with it, and sleep afterwards. My dear, aye jije, koju bayi lo😌. Byeee.
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For sides, you might go with these:
Slide 1: salad - cabbage, lettuce, carrot, cucumber, onion, sweet corn, and hard boiled eggs. Slide 2: salad cream- mayonnaise, ketchup, honey, black pepper, sweet chili, chili powder, evaporated milk (optional). Slide 3: dodo. Ko lo far baby
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It's neither my fault nor my granny's that your woman jilted your sorry ass because you ain't got what em home girl needs to stick with you! Sorry if your level of intellect limits fine treatment to money only. Eyin abunu omo wan yi.
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8. Serve with love and dig in😉.
This, is my best spaghetti recipe, of all recipes. Nigerians ate with this, tbh. Byee.
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5. Wash your soaked rice. In a pot, add your margarine, add your rice, to the melted margarine, add thyme, curry, knorr, then toast the rice for ten mins. Add the turkey stock, grated scotch bonnet, salt to taste, and small water. Boil for 15-20 mins on medium heat.
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Heyy 👋
on the menu: yamarita and guinea fowl sauce
ps: if you’re asked to give your friends up for this, no think am. give them out😭😂.
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1. Now, if you’d be using basmati rice as I did, I’d suggest you soak the rice down, for at least 30 mins to one hour. Sho get? You can skip this part if you’re using our normal foreign rice.
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I don’t know how I got here, but I’m so excited for this phase. I started off, genuinely, just to help out with recipes from my food contents I put out here. And then this. The feedbacks are always encouraging.
Thank y’all. For your likes, rtw, quotes, comments. For everything❤️
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4. Don’t fret. It’s not that hard, just stand on my mandate. Oju lo pe si.
Now, dice your chicken, then season it with your seasoning cube, curry, paprika, cayenne pepper, garlic and onion powder, add your sausage to this, marinate and grill both on a pan with little oil.
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Efo riro - with grilled chicken and some other interruptions here and there🤭.
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3. Chef, now you’d want to boil your turkey, because you’d be needing the stock for your rice later on. You need seasoning (knorr), curry, thyme, garlic and onion for this. Steam it first for two minutes, then add water afterwards. Boil for 10-15 minutes. And fry afterwards.
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Suya rice with grilled turkey and plantain 😊
PS: there’s no day I add this to other dish suggestions that my boss would overlook it. His guys are equally excited, anytime they ask “what’s for lunch/dinner?” and I say Suya rice. Sometimes they ask “when are we having Suya rice?”
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2. We’re still on the prep level.
Cut your veges. And set them aside. There’s no much talking here. So, unto the next stage.
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for dinner: rice with fish (titus) stew and egg, with plantain.
very plain. very mindful.
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6. I love veges, they’re so colorful. Don’t you, too? I know you won’t 🌚😂.
Back to business. Heat up a little oil in a pan or small pot, go in with your veges(retain some for later), sauté, and go in with your fried liver, seasoning, stir fry for two to five minutes.
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4. Now, you are into the business fully.
Hit up some oil (you can use the one you used for the liver earlier), you can add some chopped onions, sauté, and go in with the rice, knorr, and curry. Fry/toast the rice for anything between 5 to 10 mins, on a low medium heat.
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8. We’re literally done. Just some finishing touches for it.
Go in with your retained veges, for crunchiness, stir them into the rice, and you are done. That’s just about it.
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6. Now, in a pan, you’d be stir frying your veges. Add little oil to the pan, add your veges, curry, thyme or rosemary, knorr, stir fry for two minutes and then add your diced chicken breast and sausage. Stir fry another five minutes. And that’s it. Set it aside.
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11 contd: Cover with the lid for some minutes (on no heat). And your jollof is ready.
12. Your end results👌😌. No plating today. I forgot to capture it.
NB: jollof rice is about heat control, and has very little to do with water. And sheer redness lies with your tatashe. Byee
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Fine treatment would mean different thing(s) to each and every individual woman. For some certain women it means good sex - fuck the fucking fatigue out of them, they care less or not about your pesos. For some it means a pole of emotional and psychological stability to lean on.
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I used ram stock for this, and it reminds me of “two weeks “ after salah; where you scramble for ingredients, ranging from the ram stock in the fridge, meat crumbs, the ram fat, and the left over spices and herbs used in boiling the meat to make something uncommonly tasty 😋
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1 contd: steam first, so that the proteins will absorb the spices and herbs, and most importantly the seasoning. Then go in with water after the first few minutes (two-five). You’ll be needing both stocks later.
Chef-chef, ema wo ile 😌😂.
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Heyy👋
breakfast: french fries (with ketchup on some plates), fried turkey, and diced pineapples.
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5. Go in with your turkey and liver stock(s), when you can feel a change in the rice with your spoon (you can tell), if you can’t , take one or more grains and chew, it will taste rubbery. Add a cup water, salt to taste, and cover with a tight lid. Cook on low medium heat, please
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12. Go in with your sesame seeds, stir, and, and parsley flakes, stir, and go in with your grilled turkey. Coat the turkey with syrup, stir, shake, however you deem it fit. Sprinkle parsley flakes on the turkey and that is it🥰🥹.
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And I still stand my ground with darling granny, a woman that has what she wants in a relationship, will never desert that relationship. Isn't women that fight over fellow women because of men, women from all walls of life?
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7. Go in with your veges, incorporate it into the rice, from top to bottom, and sides
Know that, boiling rice, isn’t central to water only. Your heat control, lid, play vital roles, too, if not more than the water itself. Get that trick and you’ll be safe with your foreign rice.
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While you are here, you might want to know or need the service I provide.
This is what I do and am👇
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4. For this stage, we’re dealing with Ikire men. I’m sorry, plantain rather. Olorun maja shi oro so 😂😭.
You’d be slicing some for dodo and you’d be dicing some. Peele, my dear. Walahi e no hard. Na just the prepping. You can do it with your partner, that’s if you have one sha
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You can put a sachet of Gino curry or any other curry, if you want a popping green colour. It’s curry: turmeric and some herbs collabo, so it’s safe to use.
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10. In a bowl, go in with your suya spice, cayenne pepper, ginger powder, garlic powder, black pepper, paprika powder, onion powder, seasoning, a drizzle of vegetable oil, and sesame oil, if you want. Marinate the turkey with the marinade, you can grill immediately, or later.
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9. Fry your plantains. And set them aside.
PS: I forgot to add the sweet corn to the veges earlier when sautéing. So remember to do that with yours, and retain little from it, too. Well done 😌😊.
Now to our honey glazed turkey🥰
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4. I believe you’ve preheated your oven prior🌚? NB: I added fennel to the peppers.
Put the chicken, and the peppers into the oven. Set it for thirty minutes. No burn am o. If your oven will do the work in less than that period, set am well. Ema gbemi se epe o, ore mo se😭😂.
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1. Today, chef, you’ll be starting with your pepper mixture. I didn’t add ginger up there, you can incorporate it if you want (be mindful of the quantity though). Cut, and dice, put them on a baking tray, drizzle some oil on them, and set them into the oven…
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I don’t know how I feel,tbh.
I feel as though I should cry (I was having a bad day) and then I saw this in my mentions. Maybe pride is what I feel, but stained with my already bubbling emotions.
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Layering🤗
Guess the one not so common thing I added in the salad? If you get it right, dm me for 3k for sharwarma🥰
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@heisalpha
@theniyifagbemi
I knew someone would do this. It's just sad how some of you choose, intentionally, to be pathetic.
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11. Heat up your pan on a low (almost “very”) heat, and go in with your honey, sweet chili sauce, ketchup, oyster sauce. Be mindful of the quantity. Too much of them can destabilize the expected taste. Stir and let’s move on.
Ndo, we’re almost done.
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Which does for you?
Slide 1 does for me. I’m neither a pawpaw or banana person.
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