Men, in 2024 if she’s not getting a jacket made with your name and number on it and braving negative wind chills to watch you do accounting or whatever then just focus on yourself and wait for the one who will.
Elon Musk is planning his own town on thousands of acres of newly-bought land outside Austin.
Musk has called his vision a TX utopia along the Colorado River. Signs at the site read "welcome, snailbrook tx est. 2021'
via
@KirstenGrind
@rfelliott
@bykowicz
A guy came up to me and said “don’t see a lot of other blue guys in this gym, good shit man” and then we fist bumped so he’s now like my 4th best friend.
Additional lies Tim Walz has told:
- said he was “doing great” when in fact, he was just doing ok
- said he got his hair cut, when truthfully, it was multiple hairs
- reported a “bad case of the Mondays” without getting a physician’s confirmation of official diagnosis
@tedcruz
@HoustonRockets
@mcuban
The sitting Vice President went to a Colts game just so he could make a spectacle of walking out when players kneeled to protest police brutality. Maybe sit this one out, your honor.
If we’re looking for athletes for the NCAA to apologize to, Silas Nacita would be a good start. He lost his eligibility because he was homeless and someone was letting him stay at their house.
@milkpiefridays
@KT_So_It_Goes
To be fair, his comment lauding Brannon was *almost* a month ago, who can remember the people we considered the face of our political movement a whole month ago?
@callmehuie
@kellyclicker
And he started the whole thing out by saying anyone who thinks there’s racial injustice in the United States should leave the country.
America: “There was literally no way for this trained cop to tell that this man was holding a cell phone & not a gun, so we shot him 43 times.”
Also America: “We should give this teacher w/ a math degree a gun in case there’s a student who might have a gun who needs to be shot.”
What if, and bear with me here, the cops were just honest and said “that kid had 2 AR-15s and we were scared out of our minds. A bunch of us would have died too. Why was he able to just buy them? Maybe people shouldn’t just be able to walk around with guns like that!”
@LSU_Matt
Matt, my grandma really appreciated you visiting her in the nursing home for Thanksgiving. The homemade sweet potato pie was too much though man, you’re the best.
@gumede44
@__alleyKAT
It’s almost amazing, no missing spots, all around the eyes. If everyone weren’t completely honest on twitter I’d think this was a setup for RTs. 🙄
YOU SEE, DAVE ARANDA KNEW THAT ONE OF THE CONFERENCE TIE BREAKERS WAS TOTAL POINTS, SO HE CALLED A TIMEOUT BUT THE FANS DIDN’T KNOW AND RUSHED THE FIELD. LINCOLN RILEY SENT HIS PLAYERS TO THE LOCKER ROOM TO TRY TO PREVENT THE FG BUT THE OFFICIALS MADE THEM COME BACK
Well, probably the simplest explanation is an international web of exotic animal thieves have infiltrated the Dallas Zoo and are carrying out an elaborate heist on behalf a man hell bent on creating a mercenary army of animals grateful for being granted their freedom.
@2Saddington
@leepace
I meant to tell you, my grandma and her friends at the nursing home *loved* the seven course meal you cooked for them! How did you prepare all of that food, it must have taken days?! Anyway, you’re the best, I’ll get your dishes back ASAP.
@Eve6
Me last year: the heart in the blender band? Jesus, I loved that song
Me next year: I’m following the lead singer of Eve 6 into battle to overthrow our capitalist overlords and to set up a worker’s utopia
In 2003 a 4 bedroom house cost $130k, a Ford F-150 was $16k, gas was $2.25 a gallon, and Waffle House paid $8 an hour.
In 2023 a 4 bedroom house costs $330k, a Ford F-150 is $28k, gas is $4 a gallon, and Waffle House pays $8 an hour.
@chrissyteigen
Not unblocking the homeschool hair girl to see what you were replying to, but how did whoever this dude is supposed to be think that was going to go?
@MikeDrucker
@kumailn
@HBO
This culture of trying to get people fired from their jobs is shameful.
Whatever happened to making an offensive joke about someone or their family when they said they didn’t like something I like?
@mattzollerseitz
Also, what would their plan be? She just acts like she wasn’t pregnant for the past 9 months? She waits a month and says, “oh yeah, my baby died. Anyhow, I just made this pastry today and it was fabulous.”
My uncle passed today - my dad’s younger brother. He was lifting something onto the roof of a house and fell off onto the base of his head. My aunt had a bag of these and asked if I wanted one. I said yes because it felt weird to say no in that moment but I’m glad I did.