Sartorial Thug 🍸
@SartorialThug
Followers
35,684
Following
5,527
Media
4,370
Statuses
96,848
Bounder. Cad. Scoundrel.. Badinage. Persiflage. Coddiwompling. Toe-to-toe fisticuffs on the cobbles, no weapons. Hairy. Poet.
Joined December 2015
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Who would have thought, a simple word like sausages would produce one of the best days on here in months. Outstanding
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BREAKING NEWS:
UGLY SCENES at Cheltenham as thousands of sockless 'men' arrive wearing checked suits that are a size too small in the jacket and two sizes too small in the trouser. Bare ankles and baker boy hats have caused an outbreak of mass nausea.
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I don't want a Prime Minister who is too scared of being in the stands at a football ground.
I want a Prime Minister willing to wade into the away fans, windmilling and shouting "COME ON THEN, DO YOU WANT SOME"
Prescott would have done it without dropping his pie.
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Yes. That is a chap with a 5ft narwhal tusk, taken from Fishmongers Hall, tackling a terrorist on London Bridge
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FFS
🚨 NEW: Keir Starmer and David Lammy have just departed the UK to meet President Joe Biden at the White House tomorrow
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At 18 years old Raducanu goes to New York and wins $2.5 million.
At 18 years old I went to Corfu, got a nasty rash from a big lass from Wigan and crashed a moped
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Prince Heinrich XIII has had a shocker here. Never attempt a coup d'état with a double paisley tie and pocket square combo. He's right not to match them as the pocket square should complement (not match) the tie but he really should have gone with a plain dark orange square.
! BREAKING !
German Prince Heinrich XIII Reuss of Greiz was arrested Wednesday morning along with at least 24 others suspected of planning a coup d'état in Germany
The action is ongoing and 3000 police officers have arrested people in Germany associated with a right-wing group
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I've seen pictures of the fighting at Aintree. Amazingly they all appear to be wearing socks so maybe a corner has been turned. Next step is for them to get strides that fit properly.
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I'm seeing lots of tweets about Starmer's "secret" with some rumours about a super-injunction. Well, because I'm a maverick, living life on the edge (of Nottingham), a rider at the gates of dawn who takes no prisoners, I'm going to reveal what it is...
His dad was a toolmaker.
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Rachel Reeves to replace No 11 paintings with art of or by women
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Shout out to this absolute chap on London Bridge who had to be dragged away to allow the police to deal with the situation.
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Here is Narwhal Tusk Chap in action. Along with Fire Extinguisher Geezer and Bare Hands Man
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If I was in hospital with covid 19 and wasn't able to have my family with me, Ross Kemp would be a long way down my list of people I'd want to see.
We should be able to choose our celebrity visitors. I'm going for a bikini clad Liz Hurley, the Minogue sisters and Mary Berry
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@FCDOGovUK
S
SO
SOA
SOAP
SOAPY
SOAPY T
SOAPY TI
SOAPY TIT
SOAPY TITW
SOAPY TITWA
SOAPY TITWAN
SOAPY TITWANK
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My milkshake brings an assault charge,
And they're like,
It was only Farage,
Damn right, it was only Farage,
I can teach you,
But next time it might happen to someone you agree with and we will be flooded with your tears of inadequacy, self loathing and victimhood.
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I didn't bother voting (I know, I know, first time ever I think). I'm starting to feel that by participating in this shambles it gives these people the misguided view that they are fit and able to govern me. They're not. Not a single fucking one of them.
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@jessphillips
Sepsis? You were lucky. I caught typhoid due to living for three months in a brown paper bag in a septic tank. I still went to work down mill for fourteen hours a day and only ate stale bread. AND I had to look after my 21 cousins!
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Just took my 93 year old neighbour to vote. In a very loud voice he said “Which box to ban nonce trotters?" and everyone in the polling station cheered.
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Imagine having the power to ban stuff and deciding to go for smoking in beer gardens rather than men's skinny trousers and nonce trotters.
Keir has had an absolute shocker.
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@campbellclaret
I know about the algorithms but you've got a million followers and I'm struggling to find many people replying to this tweet who don't think you're a massive arsehole.
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Traditional Christmas Market armed police in Nottingham
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I hope those pallbearers are at least a bottle of port in and smothered by trollops by now. If anyone deserves a drink and strumpets, they do. Big nod to the naval ratings and all involved too.
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I'm a fan of bizarre world records. Apparently the longest time a vegan has taken before telling a stranger they're a vegan is a full 9 minutes and 42 seconds.
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Has Jeremy Vine blamed a car driver for Biden falling off his bike yet?
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Every day is a learning day. Apparently cockapoo owners can get really precious if you call their dog a mongrel.
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If
#KimJongUn
is dead, his sister might take over.
I would probably have a go on her. She looks the dangerous sort who would definitely call you awful names as you worked up to a gallop.
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Had a mate come out as gay a couple of years ago. Big announcement in the pub. Our reactions went a bit like this.
Chap 1 - OK, it's still your round you bellend
Chap 2 - You're gay, and you matched that shirt that jacket? Are you sure
Chap 3 - Who's the best looking?
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My niece is in Portugal. Her 4th foreign holiday of the year. I asked if she felt bad about her carbon footprint and climate change. She rolled her eyes. She is 21 years old and this isn't a subject her and her mates ever talk about. It's completely unimportant to them.
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Bit of information for the parents out there. Your kids running around screeching and screaming in a pub isn't cute. It's bastard annoying. Control them or piss off to a ball park or something.
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Lost my legendary grandad this morning. He came to England from Ireland when he was 15 to work as a builder. Shacked up with a wealthy widow in Mayfair for a couple of years while still in his teens. Was a doorman for the Krays before running his own rough pubs.
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Oh dear. Some bloke has just aggressively threatened my niece for legally parking outside his house. What a mistake he has made.
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My twitter account is anonymous because if the ladies saw the real me they would be so moist they wouldn't get any housework done
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This is a great grandmother from Barnsley wrestling a stolen bike from someone.
The 2 chaps didn't exactly cover themselves in glory when they came to "help"
They also need to get trousers that fit properly.
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@Peston
Quite right too. What were you thinking? Lucky not to be dragged onto the cobbles and windmilled into next week turning up like that. A disgrace.
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What the fuck has he come as?
Absolute shower and a disgrace
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Your work is done ma'am. 70 years of unswerving service and quiet dignity the like of which we may never see again. I shall raise several large glasses of gin and dubonnet in your honour.
Rest easy.
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I saw a few lads out tonight who were not wearing skinny jeans and had no visible tattoos. They also wore casual shirts that seemed to fit and didn't have the top button done up. Absolute mavericks. I wish them every success in the world.
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War with France? If they can wait until midday on Friday me and half a dozen chaps from the club will be free. Should be sorted by about half 2 ready for cocktails and strumpets.
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@FlashForFreedom
You should carry a pipe with you for situations like this. I find poking them in the shoulder with the mouthpiece as you admonish them really sets them straight.
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Fewer
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I doff my fez to Rangers fans and their rendition of the national anthem. The equivalent of offering UEFA a tops-off square-go, in the car park, no weapons.
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No
#antiquesroadshow
today. Instead they are showing a two hour luvvie circle jerk which will involve vomit inducing acceptance speeches from people with the misguided belief that anyone gives a fuck about what they think.
#BAFTAs
#BagOfShite
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Severe weather warnings for the weekend. Be careful out there.
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The unacceptable increase of the nonce trotter.
What scandal do you think a TV drama needs to depict next?
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@jessphillips
We but for them and against they were them us with feeling like enough good but we can be nothing expects country reach purity few many the not bubble leaks blah haven't antlers sand.
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They can fuck off
Two guys from Toronto just started a men's bathing suit company called Brokinis
#Toronto
#BathingSuits
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@SiobhanGrrArgh
Barely coherent screeching at someone we disagree with? We've all done that. I once screamed at someone for hours and hours.
I was a very small child though and it was at my mum when she took away my favourite toy.
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What we need is a proper straightener between some druids and just stop oil protestors.
In front of the sarsen stones, no weapons. Losers have to have a wash
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I was thinking of putting my name forward as a community leader, but during a stroll around the neighbourhood of my new home, I noticed a man wearing skinny jeans and 2 men in baseball caps. I refuse to represent them.
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I wonder how many people spent the days running up to the 1966 world cup final telling everyone how shit the country was.
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I've just been through my Facebook 'friends' list and deleted everyone I either haven't had a drink with, or wouldn't have a drink with. I've done the same here and you all survived the cull. Even you with the dodgy strides and shoes
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Ratcliffe-on-Soar power station is closing next week. The site will be demolished in the next couple of years. The cooling towers have been a landmark since the 60s, welcoming weary Nottinghamian travellers home from whatever despicable shithole they have been visiting.
Sad.
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Evening all.
I'm taking myself away for a few days of battery recharging. Total solitude. No TV, no social media. Books and booze in the middle of nowhere.
I do this now and again. Everything is fine but I wanted to let you know I'm not being ignorant if I don't respond.
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@JesseKellyDC
I had the misfortune of trying grits when I was last in the US. I imagine that is what tepid dog sick tastes like. Now, shall we talk about your chocolate or cheese?
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I don't usually do RIP tweets but today we have lost one of the finest chaps ever. RIP Leslie Phillips.
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Fez doffed to those pallbearers. Impeccable so far. They'll be ready for a good drink later
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FFS. Is this the start of a civil war?
I need at least two days to get my fighting wardrobe sorted, and my valet has Sundays off.
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I'm getting early reports of disgusting scenes at
#CheltenhamFestival
. The place seems to be awash with sockless 'men' in nonce trotters and strides that are far too tight. Also unconfirmed sightings of people who have tried to dress as Peaky Blinders.
More as I get it.
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I can't help thinking things were better when ex footballers just sloped off quietly and ran pubs.
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If I was prime minister I would answer each question with "your mum" then shove the despatch box off the desk and offer the opposition's top boy out for a straightener in parliament Square. No weapons.
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Never trust, or take seriously, a man who wears a hat indoors (unless required for safety or as part of a uniform). Rochdale have had a shocker.
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30,000 followers is quite mad for someone who mainly tweets about soapy titwanks and the vileness of nonce trotters. My influencer status means I'm now available to be a brand ambassador for rub-and-tug parlours, or Floris, in exchange for freebies.
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Unacceptable poncery. Just pour the drink. It's not all about you.
Bartending is an art form, not just about pulling pints.
[📹 mogu2_food]
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Parliament being dissolved seems like a perfect time to raise a people's army and seize control of the state. The weather looks nice this weekend so we could invade France. Meet at Dover docks, 11am Saturday? For the men, no shorts, socks are mandatory (women come as you are)
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@GBNEWS
If it's not "we did it" or "we live with the shame and guilt of being selfish, neglectful parents whose bothersome children got in the way of us doing what the fuck we liked", I'm not interested.
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When did booking tables in pubs to watch the football become a thing? It can fuck right off.
The world has gone mad.
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Fury v Jeremy Vine
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@OAanmoen
As we all know the pocket square shouldn't match the tie but complement it but he's gone absolutely maverick with the double paisley combo. Plain burnt orange pocket square would have been much better
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35 years ago I was helplessly standing on the kop at Hillsborough watching horrors that have been permanently burned into my memory. My sadness and anger gets worse as I get older. RIP to them all.
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We sometimes have an XL Bully come into one of my local pubs. I tend to drink up and leave. Not because of the dog, because of the owner. We all know they type. Gold chain over his top, has an accessory dog to make up for his tiny penis and general social inadequacy.
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Pubs.
I grew up in pubs (1977-1990). My granddad was a publican, as were my mum and stepdad. Proper old school pubs full of hard drinking Scottish and Irish men and women. Rogues and rascals. Straightforward, no nonsense, (mainly) working people.
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