Rizwan.
@RizwanTakkhar
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Following
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Pakistan's only reliable food authority.
Lahore | Dubai
Joined April 2011
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Last Seen Profiles
Guys shaadi season hai so here's my wedding story in a thread so you guys know that having apni marzi ki shaadi is possible.
My guest list had 25 names: friends and parents. The venue was my terrace. The menu was chicken tikka, seekh kabab, pathooray chanay halwa strawberries.
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I'll never forget how in 2008 I went to Masoom's on M.M. Alam and we asked for their wifi password and the server said WONTILAYT and I didn't understand and asked him thrice and he repeated WONTILAYT WONTILAYT I gave up n asked him to write it down and he wrote 12345678
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What I'm trying to say is. IT'S. OKAY. Sukoon karo. Do whatever you want ofc and whatever you can afford. But HAVE FUN. Be happy. Big or small, all weddings should just be HAPPY. Khush raho sab. Bye. (wedding pic added for saboot thanks)
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Hi guys. Just want to ask you all to be super careful with your health in Lahore. There's something going around causing insane fever, nothing showing up in tests of dengue malaria typhoid etc. I've been hospitalised for days and I'm still far from recovery. Been 12 days now.
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Wanted chai for takeaway and Peshawar is so different haha I mean
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Nobody talks about how cricket is called BAT BOLL in Pakistani streets
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Waise looking at the track record, Sherry ka pata rakhna toh zaroori hai.
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Janazay ke baad sab ko khana khilaanay ki koi zaroorat nahi hai.
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A bride sent us her wedding card today and it's a plantable card and there's instructions to plant it and water it and it'll turn into a plant. It's so cool haha love this!
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My mom had planted a fig tree outside my house. Mom dad used to have figs from it occasionally.
Neighbour cut off the whole tree yesterday because its leaves were covering his gas meter. Didn’t ask me, didn’t trim the tree, bas chopped it all off.
I’m absolutely done.
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Hi guys. So there's this 20 year old room in our house and wife and I did a tiny renovation and we're kinda proud of it so here's a before and after. Still needs some finishing touches but yaay. ✌🏼
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Why isn't anyone talking about how expensive Hardee's Pakistan is now. A superstar with medium fries and drink is for Rs. 1,700 now lmaooo. What the FUCK.
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It's called double roti because we saw the British making sandwiches using two slices of bread so yup. Not dabba roti. Fucking weirdos.
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Nashta:
2 eggs omelette in 1 tsp olive oil, a slice of brown bread, chai with no sugar. 🙂
Dinner:
SPICY MCCRISPY ULTIMATE PRO MAX 20 NUGGETS KARAK CHAI EXTRA CHEENI MAARO
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I miss you in Punjabi is called akhiyaan udeek diyan dil waaja maar da aaja pardesiya waasta ee pyar da aaja tenu akhiyaan udeek diyan sajna tenu akhiyaan udeek diyan
‘I miss you’ in Persian is ‘dilam barāyat tang shuda’ meaning, ‘your absence constricts my heart.’
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Garlic Bread is one the greatest discoveries in the history of the world
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He applied to a bank in Dubai in 1971 for his first job. They wanted someone with typewriter skills and had an exam. Dad didn't have a typewriter so he drew the QWERTY keyboard on a paper, practiced typing for a month, BLINDFOLDED, in front of a friend. Passed exam.
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Good morning. First thought as I wake up: I absolutely love this Pakistan cricket team. All of them.
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Pakistani men walk around staring at other men thinking "isay toh main maar loonga"
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Waise saari Eid selfies dekh ke asal mein ye pata chala hai ke tum sab ke paas 1 kanal ke ghar hain with really nice entrances.
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THERE'S A POLICE CAR CHASING A CAMEL ON MAIN BLVD GULBERG LMAOOOO
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I've been working for 14 years and it just hit me that I'll never be able to buy a new car in Pakistan on 100% cash. ANY new car. Just like most of our population I mean. DESPITE being in the income category of the top 10% maybe?
What's the parha likha explanation for this?
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Restaurants in Lahore are opening for dine in again lol and I don't think I even want to dine anywhere anymore. These months have changed me. I love being home, cooking, eating healthy, watching food shows while eating etc. Goodbye restaurants you've lost a pehelwan I'm so sorry.
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McDonald's Pakistan what is wrong with you how did you make such an amazing fresh burger
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I'm at a Sindhi small town/village called Pano Aqil and there's a MCDONALD'S HERE??? I'll sacrifice my own life for Pakistan.
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Urdu teacher slapped me in 5th grade just coz I had my English book on the desk during her class.
So 5 years later she put up a stall selling Pakistani henna at this fair. Called the cops on her that she's selling without a permit. THEY ACTUALLY SHUT HER DOWN LMAO.
Man, I gotta ask. What's the PETTIEST thing you've ever done?
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Only the most jaahil people get to travel and see the world and that’s what makes me fucking sad.
Bacon egg and cheese - bacon?! In Turkey?! Yeh kaisay?
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Waise hee yaad aaya I wore this long oversized black overcoat in Lahore once and these kids outside Mall 1 ran after me yelling KRISHHHH KRISHHHH
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Ahh finally have time to make dinner.
No gas.
Ah chalo I'll make something in the air fryer then haha
Power gone.
I guess I'll take a shower now then eat after midnight ugh no choice
No water. Can't turn on water pump coz no power.
Wow I'll just die.
Qabrastaan full.
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Bechari desi brides want to do the first look with the groom like gora couples where the groom cries etc and our grooms just turn around look at the bride and act like kisi ne koi purani meme dikha di ho
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Just had the greatest meal of 2023 in Lahore at the Observatory.
Perfectly done HUGE T-bone steak with lovely smooth mash and super savoury creamy spinach and cabbage and the most beautiful tasting carrots.
Plus this 40 layer kind of deconstructed lasagna of your dreams.
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No pain can compare to losing parents who spent their whole lives just living for you, loving you, fighting to survive for you. No words can heal. Nothing puts you back together. This is forever.
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coupcoupcoupcoupcoupcoupcoupcoupcoupcoupcoupcoupcoupcoupcoupcoupcoupcoupcoupcoup
CHOLI KE PEECHAY KYA HAI
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The biggest problem with loving your nephews and nieces more than your life is that eventually, their bitch ass parents will turn them into kachra kundi humans and you'll only sit back and watch the fucking show because they're not your kids.
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I set my max budget at Rs. 20,000. A friend lent his cooks, I bought the chicken and masalay from that money and helped prepare it all. Wife cooked khattay alu as a starter. Dad bought fairy lights n put them up on the terrace.
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In Pakistan, every diaper is called pamper.
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I'm on an Emirates flight that is barely 25% full hence the cabin crew cannot contain their happiness hahah the captain chimed in with LADIES N GENTLEMEN BOYS N GIRLS WE ARE SO EXCITED TO HAVE YOU ON BOARD everyone is just BEAMING
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I borrowed 25 chairs from the neighborhood election committee lmao. I forgot dessert so
@RizWanKenobi_
brought strawberries n ice cream. He also brought tables for the food.
@HaseenaAtomBum
and
@hiranajam
FLEW IN FOR THIS.
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We are all the same. We are all bullies. We all have cliques. We all live by ingroup and outgroup biases. My jokes are fine, yours are offensive. My sin is forgiveable, yours deserves death. Aise hee hai sab. Khair hai. We all live with it. We'll all die soon. Bye.
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Most Pakistani women HAVE to make gol rotis to have some semblance of respect at home but men make this loralassi and it's so funny and cute oho he's trying hehehe natkhat chulbula bhaiyaaaa ❤️
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Oh no unfair vote count hogaya what a fucking surprise first time since 1947 unprecedented
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My wife and I wore plain blue shalwar kameez (mom n sis paid for this as a gift). We all ate and talked till midnight when wapda cut us off. The whole shaadi then moved to Manji Munch DHA and then bas. Khush! Done!
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Can't Elon donate like $100b to Pakistan and rescue us I mean why not
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Hi guys I think it's a good time to point out that Queen Shae Gill was part of my portrait project years before you COMMONERS fell in line OK tsk I'm tired of bringing you all the best people in Pakistan
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Nobody talks about the common practice in Lahore where doctors arrive later than their starting hours then go for a 30 minute namaz break as dozens of patients wait past their appointment time.
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AND I FORGOT TO MENTION the cooks were by
@lahorihousewife
❤️ and
@mehravarr
also showed up wow half my Twitter feed was there sorry if I'm missing someone.
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After thinking about yesterday's incident all day, I watched Arif Lohar live for the first time. Absolutely blew me away. The craziest band members ever, guitar solos in Punjabi folk songs, ultra loud bass, super crazy crowd control and dances.
This was the Pakistan I knew.
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Desi men are like toilet paper. Absolutely useless in a desi household, full of shit when in a foreign country, no idea where this tweet is going but that's the point haina
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Yaar I finally watched Friends the whole show this year and it's so nice and easy to watch and funny also and 90s clothes uff and New York and such great actors. Idk why everyone hates on it lol khair. I need some Friends merch now. Propa fan.
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Ameer log chai mix karte hain toh chamach ki awaz nahi aati
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Stay out because donkeys are awesome and people who love donkeys and animals in general are awesome and you are NOT
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I was at Ali Azmat’s house for some work and his pool pipes had a leak so he asked me and my friend to help yelling PAP PHARRO PENCHO
What’s your favorite interaction you’ve had with a celebrity?
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Today I've been married to
@palwashaminhas
for 5 years hmm I still love her etc good scene hai
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My wife has traveled to Dubai like 26 times since 2013 and I’ve been a resident on and off for 20+ years and yeah wife got a rejection for UAE visa this week. Despite flying 4 times this year already.
What are immigration authorities generally thinking lmao.
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Oh bhai burger couple outside Nando's you can give me all the looks you want I'm not lowering the volume on ISHQ KAMEENA
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Punjabis have the weirdest adjectives to describe people CHIBBARH JEYA
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Balgham is such a fascinating word it sounds exactly like what it is
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Why did schools make us cover books in brown paper in the 90s? Do schools still do that? What's up.
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So I'm at this show recording and these celebs were telling a story of how unko set pe current lag gaya aur unpe coffee gir gayi and kisi tarha I stopped myself from screaming KOFFEE WITH KURRENT.
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We are so fucking lucky that we are alive to witness Shaheen Shah Afridi turn into an absolute legend.
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Kabul Restaurant in Islamabad is the best restaurant in Islamabad across all cuisines and that's just a fact.
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Everytime someone in Lahore shows me something in their possession that's been passed down to them from their great great great grandparents I just keep thinking how it must feel to be in a family that's been so financially stable for CENTURIES lol.
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I thought I'm a burger bacha grammarian for life angraizi speaking elitiya but I couldn't make sense of a single sentence Ali Noor has said in his response to the harassment allegations.
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Lahore Airport is the only place here that believes in equality. Ameer ghareeb everyone gets that lund lounge.
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Agar maa baap itni tarbiyat kar rahe hain aur poora mulk fakhar se hamaray family system ki baatein karta hai toh poori qaum itni lund kyun hai discuss
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Guys do you agree that there's a seedha and ulta side of toast, roti, paratha etc.
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I haven't listened to Hasan Raheem properly but here's a Pakistani musician being loved by hundreds of thousands of people. Someone who is constantly making music, performing live, making people happy. Why the FUCK would you hate them?
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At this point I don't even remember why we wanted 2019 to end kya hua tha pichlay saal?
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There better be an empty fucking stadium for the Australia New Zealand final OK you farigh fucks
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Netflix trends don't represent the Pakistani population at all of course we all know that. Our people are pious, God-fearing, women-respecting, non corrupt, law-abiding, human rights radiating gifts to mankind.
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I'm sharing my favorite photo of them OK love
There you go guys! DMing everybody separately was going to take ages! A huge shoutout to
@RizwanTakkhar
for taking beautiful pictures of us and being so so so lovely & accommodating
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Story time. There was this huge fruit market in Dubai (Hamriya) in the 90s where dad would take us every week. One time we waited too long in the car, I didn't know how to find him, huge market etc then I heard a SNEEZE and walked like 100m in that direction and there he was.
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That bike kiss video is super sweet. Wish we could normalize love lol.
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My 8 year old niece is more intelligent and articulate than I was at 18. Talks about movies, comics, world affairs, streetwear brands etc. Goes for swimming, volleyball, is learning the ukulele and violin. Matlab.
Mar ja Rizwan nikammay.
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There's a family of 50 having lunch at Dera. Insane amount of selfies and group photos going on. Everyone looks happy. Acha hai.
I wish I had pleasant relatives that we could meet.
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For a country where 99% of people wear shalwar kameez it’s insane how horrible the quality of shalwar kameez is at even the expensive stores lol
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Just saw two different moms at Emporium slapping their already crying 1 year old kids.
Na karo paida. 🙂
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Aamir Khan spent 15 years trying to get the rights to remake Forrest Gump into Laal Singh Chaddha but couldn't spend 1.5 months learning real Punjabi?
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Okay so I went to Jan's Deli in Peshawar a couple hours ago. I asked the server if they have a smoking area. He's like yup it's outdoor follow me. We followed him. He brought us to the street.
The street.
Smoking area.
NO. FUCKING. CHILL.
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We met a pug today her name was Pugli and it was a good day ❤️😭
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