Jane Chevous 💙💜⛵
@ReshapersCIC
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Writer, activist, educator, grandma, sailor, abuse survivor, researcher, #MeToo #ChurchToo also tweets @voiceofsurvivor . Views my own.
Ipswich, England
Joined March 2011
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Pinned Tweet
Peace doesn't come at any price
Because if you are disturbed so badly that all you ever feel is sad
and peace becomes something you’ve never had
That’s the time to think twice about what you’re doing
and who is this battle going to ruin?
What if I could win this war by losing it?
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He raped her. She didn't consent, she froze. I wish reporters would name it correctly. That's rape.
Burton teacher who had sex with 'vulnerable' pupil in PE storeroom banned from teaching | ITV News Central
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I can't stop crying today. This week for the first time in 20 years someone from the institution responsible for the men who raped & abused me said "I believe you & I'm sorry'.
It's like a dam has burst & I think I will cry for 20 years now 😭
Meanwhile the current case is silent
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Dismayed & concerned to read in
@ChurchTimes
a priest write about "dragging the anchor of safeguarding" preventing the real work of the gospel. I'm sorry. I thought safeguarding children & healing survivors like me IS the real work of the gospel 🤷
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I have THAT police interview today about my
#MeToo
#ChurchToo
case. Ridiculously scared. Hoping I will hold it together enough to give my account clearly, & I will feel my truth is heard. Praying I will not be overwhelmed with triggers & dissociate.
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This week for the first time ever in the 22 years since I first reported, safeguarding professionals spent a day listening to my full account. I feel naked, ashamed & undone 😔; & also incredibly grateful for their kindness & compassion. Being heard & believed means so much🙏
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It's the hardest thing as a survivor when you feel silenced.
Really struggling with that this week.
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The irony of the pm resigning on the day the IICSA report comes out, exactly replicates the dynamics of abuse: the adults battling over power & ignoring the children crying in the corner
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@dandandanitup
@PhuzzieSlippers
@sushistarbcksex
I must read that. I've been reading Caste & thinking, slavery in USA so much worse than in UK, because deliberate violence& oppression entrenched in law, & recent. We don't have that here, I thought. Then I remembered Caribbean
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And she talked about her adopted children in relation to their trauma, making the point that they were adopted. White saviour syndrome
In her confirmation opening statement, Amy Coney Barrett talked about her children’s talents — except the youngest son, who “has Down syndrome and is the unanimous favorite.”
What about his talents? His attributes? Disabled people deserve to be seen for their own merits...
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Just learnt my biological mother died last week. Only other
#adoptees
will understand the complex layers of emotion that I can't even 😭
@CatTheresaUK
@howtobeadopted
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There's no hierarchy of abuse. It doesn't matter if you were abused once or 100s of times, if your abuser just hurt you or many others, or what kind of abuse it was. Your pain & trauma matter equally & you deserve compassion, healing and justice.
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The church National Safeguarding Team wants to call my report of 12 years of rape & sexual & spiritual abuse an "unwanted sexual relationship". This is gaslighting in the extreme. Abuse is not a relationship.
Lawyers still running the show?
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Thinking about the two bishops who did nothing when I reported my rape, still swanning around in retirement preaching & ordaining clergy, with no consequence or accountability, makes my skin crawl. They both refuse to speak or write to me. No apology. No acknowledgement of harm
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So many conversations recently with survivors who spend years overcoming trauma, yet still choose to dedicate themselves to improving the systems, families & institutions that abused them. There is courage, generosity, grace, right there.
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Final meeting today about my case; it won't change the outcome, but an opportunity to try to gain understanding. Some difficult & painful truths to discuss, it's going to be really hard, but I hope it will help to bring some closure.
Positive vibes/prayers welcome.
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I'm not going to comment on today's news about CofE safeguarding, except to say that survivors like me are distraught & weary of being the casualties in a battle that's not of our making & we have no power in.
We're wounded, hurting & feeling unsafe as the battle rages around us
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With thanks for the 98 years of Phyllis Chevous, & her peaceful passing yesterday. May she R.I.P. and rise in glory.
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Praying/holding in the light tweeps, please send some this way. Too many hard knocks the last 2 weeks, need help to hold hope 🙏🏼
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Really struck me today how the inadequacy of criminal & civil justice & church safeguarding systems mean I have spent the last 28 months doing everything I can think of to 'prove' that I was abused. Sadly my everything is not enough 😥
#ItsNotOk
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Later today I have a meeting with a bishop from the diocese where my main abuser lived & I first reported to 21 years ago. Most of all I hope I can find my voice and some peace
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Two bishops failed to safeguard me when I reported clergy rape 20 years ago. The PCR2 reviewer agreed the way I was treated was "wholly inadequate" The NST core group state it's not their job to hold them accountable. The dioceses say it's not theirs. Whose is it?
@JustinWelby
?
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Dear Anglican friends, it's a week since the IICSA report& probably, if you're not a survivor, you've already moved on to another issue. I wish I could. Today I learnt an archdeacon called me unstable & hysterical, & advised my abuser shld be retired early. Plse keep advocating
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It was overwhelming to meet with an independent reviewer yesterday & have my concerns about safeguarding processes, decision-making & treatment as a survivor heard & taken seriously. Whatever the outcome, it was such a relief to be heard.
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The hardest thing about taking on an institution like the church is how all the cards are stacked against you. Like the original abuse, they have all the cards and make up all the rules.
In the end I'm alone and powerless. Really feeling that this week. 😥
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@JayHulmePoet
I was a youth work manager at that time. We ran a safe group for LGBT young people but we had to keep it under the radar, by officially calling it a group about identity. We were banned from attending training on anti-homophobic practice in a nearby local authority. 😠☹️
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Very glad to be joining the Panel at such a critical time. I promise survivors I will do my best to represent survivors voices strongly. You can contact me via DM or
@voiceofsurvivor
website regarding the work of the panel
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I'm absolutely appalled, distressed & angry that the
@churchofengland
have got rid of the two best advocates survivors have had.
Shameful!
@Jas_Sanghera_KN
@SteveReevesUK
you will be missed
@joannegrenfell
@BirkenheadBish
Lost all survivor trust now
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I'm so sick of people accusing abuse survivors & others calling out abuse of trying to bring down the abusive institutions. No, we're trying to reform them! We're not the enemy, the abusers & those who defend them are
@GabriellaSwerl
@Telegraph
I understand the issue with the abuse both spiritual and physical inappropriate behaviour. But I perceive that there is an agenda to destroy both the many, many good things that occurred and destroy Soul Survivor or similar in the future.
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So many times I wish I had never reported. So much pain. So little to show for it.😥
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I'm trying to focus on changing
@churchofengland
response to abuse survivors rather than giving in to despair about it, but sometimes they make that really hard 😥
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Just to squash any rumours flying around, the
#generalsynod
#loudfence
has been taken down by us, purely because it's the only time we have available 🙂
Thank you for your support & we always welcome invitations
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@Miss_Snuffy
How an earth is depicting a loving father cuddling his happy baby destroy the black family? Surely as a teacher you want to see men engaged with their children?
The idea that being a kind dad emasculates men, is what hurts families
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The tragic fact for abuse and rape survivors, is that our truth is not enough
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Never underestimate the power of listening to someone. You might not be able to do anything much to make the situation better. But to break the silence, to be truly heard & seen & your trauma witnessed, that's an essential part of healing. Deep listening is transformational.
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So grateful for my bio family gathering me into their tribe, as we said our final goodbye to my bio mother yesterday. This was her at uni around the time I came along! RIP Shirley. Mourning you & the life we should have had together; so thankful that I found you.
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I'm not a case to be closed or a problem to be reset.
I'm a person with wishes and feelings and needs.
Please treat me as you would like to be treated yourself.
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As an abuse survivor this disturbs & distresses me in so many ways, but I think the biggest thing is the lack of kindness ☹️
Even the term 'victim entitlement' - so judgemental 😒
Masochism is a key psychoanalytic concept
One form is victim entitlement—insistence one is entitled to special compensation in proportion to suffering & victimhood. Thus the need *to amplify suffering* in all ways
Without treatment, suffering & victimhood becomes a way of life
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Even now I feel sick when a male priest takes off their collar. It was the signal.
Struggling with flashbacks this weekend. Prayers welcome 🙏
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The Archbishops' Council met yesterday & were discussing safeguarding. I don't expect them to have all the answers, but I hope there's a plan of how we will get there. We're looking for care, support & agency for all the survivors impacted. I'll keep you posted
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I have lost all faith in the
@churchofengland
national safeguarding casework team. Their treatment of me as a survivor is the opposite of trauma-informed. Its not safe for me to engage with them anymore.I'll keep working for systemic change but the scale of the task is daunting😟
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I was threatened with legal action by the vicar who raped me, and by his solicitor. Later I found out that his bishop had helped him to write the threatening letter.
Still no-one has held the bishop accountable.
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Bitterly disappointed & distressed to reach the end of another week with no news from
@churchofengland
National Safeguarding Team about how they will feed back to me from the Lessons Learnt Review into my case that ended over 1month ago. Yet again I don't matter. So hurtful 😥
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I told the truth and now there is police activity and I'm struggling to stay grounded in the now, as my teenage self was threatened & violently punished for telling and I'm waiting to be punished again.
Trauma triggers are so hard to overcome 😥
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Recently I was excluded from a learning event for professional safeguarding workers, because I am a survivor. This week I'm meeting with some of the organisers to discuss how we overcome the fear etc behind that decision. What do you suggest?
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Heard today that my CDM (disciplinary complaint) against one of the bishops who failed to act on my
#MeToo
abuse had been accepted as legitimate & gone to next stage. So why has the NST failed to initiate one or support mine
@churchofengland
?
#CoverUp
#ChurchToo
#SmashTheSilence
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I've just been writing an impact statement about my abuse. I want others to understand that we live with this forever.
And I want it on file so that if any other victims come forward, they know they are not alone.
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Solidarity with fellow CofE abuse victims who are struggling with it all today. Not a royalist anyway, but all those frocks, collars & croziers v. triggering & especially the reminder that when we report we're one small voice against the authority of the church, the state & God😥
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Reminding myself to breath this morning. Painful survivor involvement meeting yesterday, where we did good work but felt the cost of having keep touching our trauma. We want to change abusive institutions, but it hurts, it costs.
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A very brave friend finally got their court case but tragically the jury were swayed by defence tactics.
It's almost impossible to get justice for child abuse and rape victims. How do we fix the system?
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I've been unable to stop thinking about something said to me at a meeting about my
#ChurchToo
case. I was told a main reason I as the victim can't be told why my abuser still has PTO/no CDM is due to GDPR & the church might be sued. Good to know I'm less important than money.
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Preparing for another Monday, another complaint meeting about my case. I'm trying to keep my mind open & my expectations at 0. I've long given up expecting justice but I would like answers. I'd like to be safeguarded instead of harmed. I'd like it to end. 20 months is too long.
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Welcome positive vibes & prayers today. Meeting a reviewer about my case. Probably the only chance I've got to be heard and maybe get an outcome. Trying not to hope. Petrified 😣
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Really anxious as have an important closure mtg about my case today. Please hold hope for me that I can stay calm & positive & present; & get some answers & resolution.
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Very glad to be part of a meeting today with survivors and others
@churchofengland
discussing what a restorative practice approach to safeguarding might look like. To me it's from day 1 asking the survivor what would be restorative for you?
How about you?
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If you want to support life, march against poverty, rape, abuse, misogyny. March for access to affordable health care. March with God's compassion & love for your fellow human beings, who are vulnerable. Don't march against safe medical care for women in difficult circumstances.
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When I reported him, one of the priests who raped me got his solicitors to write threatening to sue me. I discovered that the Bishop I reported to helped him to write to me threatening the same. That's how victims of violence & abuse are silenced
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Got an email this evening about the
@churchofengland
interim support scheme for survivors. It said "there is no question (about my) eligibility". In bits. Nearest thing to an acknowledgement I've ever had.
That's all I ever wanted🙇🙇
At last.
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Friends, I'm going to leave here for a few days for my mental health. Be back when ppl have calmed down & it's safer again
You know my email or WhatsApp if you need me.
Love & prayers 🙏
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So many of us as survivors dealing with trauma without access to ongoing, affordable therapeutic support. Often therapy is cut off before we are ready, because funding has run out. This triggers more anxiety, panic, distress; retraumatising. Long term funding is vital.
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I learnt on Monday that an archdeacon who called me a goldigger & advised bishop to retire my abuser early in case there was 'something dark in the woodpile' refused to meet me for RJ because he'd apologised & "put it behind him & moved on".
I wish I could 😥
This is International Restorative Justice Week. It is also the
@churchofengland
's Safeguarding Sunday.
If only the experience of restorative justice could be offered to victims of abuse in the Church of England. How transformative that could be on all sides.
@bishgloucester
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@Rgt71Robert
@JillLCDuff
What I also find strange, dissonant, is that a woman bishop defends her position as orthodoxy. It's only possible for her to be a woman & a bishop because women like me challenged orthodoxy back in the 70s (& also were labelled 'heretics' for daring to suggest ♀️ cld be ordained
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It's clear from the latest communications that no-one will ever be held accountable for raping me, or failing to act when I first reported. There is no justice in the criminal justice system or the church.
I wish I had never reported 😣
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Starting tonight, off on retreat for a week, so no social media! Love, light & peace to you all 🙏🏼
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I love that I have found so many survivors & allies to connect with on twitter. I feel much less alone.
#csaqt
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@JennyJonescx
@NotThatBigIan
Personally as a child abuse survivor, I want to see rehabilitative justice. Prevention not punishment. No government figures on cost of services & CJ, but direct support for survivors is limited. I've got an ISVA, but no MH support, just private therapy.
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A plea from survivors to well-meaning Christians: please don't give this book to us, saying we need to forgive our abusers. Please give it to them, with the advice that repentance means they need to stop abusing & take responsibility for the harm they have caused.
Love Mercy: The twelve steps of forgiveness, by Samuel Wells
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If your role ever involves meeting with abuse survivors, please think about how it might be for them. To you it might feel like just another meeting. Not to us. (A thread).
I've lain awake the last 2 nights worrying about today's meeting. I've had flashbacks to the rape & abuse
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Sunday marks the 2 year anniversary of reporting my rapists (& the 2 bishops who protected one of them) to the
@churchofengland
National Safeguarding Team.
614 emails, hours of meetings (& therapy) 6 complaints & 3 suicide attempts later, nothings happened to hold them to account
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Be an ally, not a bystander. If you see a lecturer chatting up a student, a priest building a 'special relationship' with a young parishioner, a man harassing a woman on a train - say something. Ask the victim if they're ok. Ask the abuser an innocent question. Cause a diversion.
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We speak our truth quietly & reasonably as survivors & we're ignored by the institution responsible for our abusers. So we speak up loudly & they try to shut us up.
I will not be silenced. The more they ignore or try to silence, the louder I will be.
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Working in the survivor world is a rare privilege which I hope will never end until I die. It still makes me weep. The depth of our pain 😭
And still we rise✊🏼
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Incredibly relieved and thankful - I've been given a reprieve! Met my advocate today for what was supposed to be our last meeting, & they have been allowed to continue until they can handover to a new service. Overwhelmed with relief 🙏🏼
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@aclientfirst
As a client this is completely bemusing. I just want to know my therapist is a registered, qualified member. I don't grade my needs into columns. I don't need my therapist to be in columns either.
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Adding my voice
I want to make clear that I fully support the two independent members of the
@churchofengland
Independent Safeguarding Board
@SteveReevesUK
@Jas_Sanghera_KN
They have been treated appallingly because they listened to survivors. This is a day of shame for CofE.
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Today I am trying to finish writing my impact statements to go on my abusers' personnel files. It's the best I can do to ensure my voice isn't silenced. It's so painful to write, but I hope it will prove cathartic.
Survivor pain is so deep & agonising. We carry it every day.😞
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@masoneducation
@llmunro
Adoptive parents aren't 'saviours'. And adoptee children don't need 'saving'. And we certainly don't have to be grateful
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Still processing the emotions of meeting with an independent reviewer who listened & took me seriously. Realise that some of these tears are grief because I should have had that from the start, & for a short while I did, then my hopes were crushed 😔
Scared to be too hopeful now.
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I learnt today that
@churchofengland
National Safeguarding Team think the Bishop who ignored my report of multiple rapes, did nothing wrong because in 2002 that's all that could be expected. That's why they have not held him accountable.
Does this seem right to you?
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Dear professionals, it's not caring for survivors if you decide you know better than us what we need & what is safe. We know best what we need. We need to be involved in deciding what is safe. Imposing your solutions & plans on us is almost certainly unsafe. Please don't!
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In a bit of a low place because of the way my
#ChurchToo
case is ending, & thinking of all those who haven't survived. I wish I knew all their names. We should honour them.
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Privileged to be part of an all-survivor audience to debate the failure of the justice system to convict rapists. To be screened after this powerful documentary on Monday
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@AngelaTilby
Insulting that you can use the word "trivia" with reference to women's reports of rape & sexual assault & an inexusable lack of pastoral care & sensitivity 😠😟
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Yesterday I had to end with the amazing advocate who walked with me every step of the last 4 years of
#ChurchToo
& I am undone. I owe her my life & I don't know how to get through the rest of the ISB fiasco without her. I trusted her completely & that is a rare & precious thing.
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I cannot understand why Archbishop's Council has such reckless disregard for survivors. The distress caused by dismissing ISB with no warning, no support & no alternative arrangements in place is immense & dangerous. Trustees shld report as serious safeguarding incident
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It's revealing how resistant people are to this observation. Of course abuse happens in all traditions, but some theologies are the enablers that allow it to flourish. IICSA amply evidenced the systemic, cultural issues that cultivate abuse in church. Theology is part of culture.
When it comes to abuse in the church, we should not be treating perpetrators as bad apples and then moving on. We need to look at the theology that drives the offending and the reluctance of others to recognise and report offending.
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All the feelings of abandonment, distress, grief, rage, fear, that I have been bottled up for the last 20 years have exploded. So overwhelmed.😭
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I don't normally post about this, because I'm not into self-pity nor am I looking for yours. Safeguarding professionals need to hear this. This morning is one of 100s when I've woken up in small hours crying about my case, because no news, nothing happens, everything a battle.1/2
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Once again the church's response to my abuse has nailed me to the cross and left me there.
Jesus, remember me, when you come into your kingdom
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@TaniaCHumphrey
What a heartbreakingly beautiful and haunting painting. I'm so sorry for everything that led you to create it, & grateful for your truth & voice that enables others to speak
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Starting the week full of gratitude & with renewed hope. I've had a beautiful letter from someone in the CofE who does believe me, & who as acted on that belief in a way that demonstrates a measure of accountability for the hurt done to me. It's outside of the formal processes /1
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I light a candle called hope
And take my testimony of the clergy abuse to the church
Seeking compassion and justice
Every time they blow it out
Every time.
The energy to relight it is fading
and hope is burning away
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I don't know about you, but I'm finding the giant landscape of the CofE PCR2 report into past abuse cases overwhelming, & reactivating of my own trauma. Church-based abuse devastates lives. Let's pause to think of all the traumatised people behind the 129 pages 😣
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I've not talked about this before, but now the end of my case means practitioners expecting me to "move on." But abuse is a life sentence. Already had a flashback to my CSA this evening. Go to bed EVERY night in trepidation of the nightmares that will wake me in wee small hours
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Just making notes about my rape & abuse in preparation for meeting with my caseworker on Monday, finally an opportunity to tell them the whole story. Either I will finally feel heard or I will fall apart. Prayers welcome🙏🏼
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I'm giving up expecting justice from the church for my rape case as my Lenten fast. Trying to seek it is like battering myself against a cliff & I'm too bruised & bloodied. A retreat into the wilderness to rest with God & prepare for the bigger task.
Recommend a Lent book please?
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There are many reasons why I am awake, disturbed & fretting in the night.. one is that a father has sexually stroked his daughter in plain sight, & a young man has been arrested for telling the truth 😥
If now is not the time to say these things, when is?
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I've been raped by family, friends, partners, clergy & strangers. Wearing pyjamas, trousers, dress, skirt, underwear. In my cot, bed, cars, a park, a ditch, field, conference centre, club, tent. Anytime, day or night. Nothing I did, said, wore, caused the men to do it.They did.
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