How patriarchy failed me 🧵
1) I was ostracized by family for not liking hunting and fishing when I was toddler - I found fishing boring as a 4 year old.
1/15ish
I’ve talked a lot of about patriarchy hurts women but not much about how patriarchy hurts men. I don’t have the range to speak on this as I have not moved through the world as a man.
I would love if some of the men could share how patriarchy’s hurt you? If you’re comfortable.
15) And honestly - if it wasn’t for the judgement of others and the expectations it created, mostly my life is great. Yes, it’s a ton of work to navigate my AuDHD along with my son’s, but I wouldn’t trade this for anything. It’s been the best decade of my life. /end
Had a conversation last night at a party where someone said that the transgendered community scared them.
We had a pretty long conversation from there.
During it, four points crystallized.
Hope you stay and read. 1/8
Cisgender woman forced out of the women's restroom by police for not being femme enough. Then called "sir" by police.
This is what gender criticals and conservatives have created.
14) And if that’s not enough - I have been told I am “too emotional, too caring, too affectionate, too invested, too quick to jump in defense of victims, and too easy to manipulate (why else would you care!).”
11b) I was also told when a mom was cool with hanging out with me that we couldn’t hang out by a church pastor who told me that I was creating a separate family with her and i was going to be the cause of two divorces. Mind you these are still our best friends 10 year later.
10) my kids were passed up on playdates - especially in preschool and early elementary- because I am their primary caretaker. I wasn’t to be “trusted” to babysit their kids and it was a burden to include me or babysit my kids when several moms were getting together.
4) I was made fun of by my 4th grade class because our male teacher thought it was funny to call me the phantom of the toilet (the bathroom was in the classroom) since you could hear me humming and singing to myself in the bathroom. No one told me where the name from until May.
2) my neighborhood friends specificallly made songs about how uncool I was because I was the slowest but had to tolerate me because my parents got a pool
3) I was bullied into telling embarrassing things publicly in middle school.
5) I threw up the morning of my fifth grade concert, at school, and my male music teacher followed me and my parent out the door saying I had to tough it out and come to the concert that night.
Our trans sisters, brothers and neighbors have been talking about how dehumanized they are feeling right now between state laws, growing animosity and personal attacks. Add to it the friends who have died and it’s a lot of grief.
Let’s keep showing up, yea? 8/8
6) was made ashamed because I was scared I was going to get a theater role that required kissing before I had my first girlfriend and I was “too slow and cared too much about girls”
12) I was passed up for elder for at least 3 years explicitly because I was “not working nor providing for my family” (even as I served 6 years as the chair or co chair of the deacon board). Yes - I was told this behind closed doors.
13) was told that my marriage was in trouble because I supported my wife rescinding her membership over the treatment of women even as I was invited into active oversight (then disinvited) b/c it looked bad even when we were in lock step. They only talked at me, never us.
7) Was told I acted too slow for not “scoring” with my first girlfriend (didn’t even kiss her) and for breaking up with her.
8) a high school “friend” who went to the same college couldn’t believe I was the first to get married from our theater group.
11) This includes Community Bible Study with my church - including when I offered to stay in the nursery or I was volunteering at the church, where older moms whose kids were in school were allowed to participate.
@kimmocracy
@IamBrokeeper
@Milkbonsme
@heymrsbond
As a former Math teacher who accepted work until the end of the semester- I learned a lot.
1) tests become their own deadlines.
2) you never know what’s going on at home until they share. Often I found out as late work got turned in
3) students often meet respect with respect
Point 3: my 12yo used to go by a nickname until age 6, when he decided to go by his full name. There are maybe three people who he let’s call him by the nickname. I am not one of them.
It would be absolutely childish of me to insist I get to be one.
The principle applies. 5/
Point 1: As a man, I don’t have to be afraid. Not everyone - like in the linked story to the original post - has that luxury. I really am afraid for women who are not culturally femme enough as fear is stoked. 3/
I am a stay at home Dad who runs errands with shoulder length curly hair - I can’t tell you how often I get called Ma’am first by someone from behind. They then get embarrassed when they realize I am a man.
I have gotten this reaction since college. I have grown comfortable. 2/
Point 2: there is a non-binary teacher in my kids elementary school who goes by Professor [last name]. My guest kept asking their gender. I shrugged.
My kids are blessed by knowing the “Professor”. Prof [LN] is a great teacher and helps keep our neighbor category big 4/
(And lest you think my son doesn’t love me, he routinely says I am the wisest person he knows and regularly we walk and talk about life. He *asks* for advice. Our relationship couldn’t be better, but I wish I had done better when he was younger with some foundations) 6/
Point 4: My language in the convo showed ongoing phobia that I need to work out. I am not proud of those moments and I hope that I can do better since I don’t get to edit “live” moments as I do on socials. I have room to grow and I hope to do so. 7/
@Lora013
When working at borders, the number of customers who would come in the door and say “I just heard about this great book on NPR/Oprah and I want it. Please give it to me.” and this was the ONLY description given 😭😭😭
@_therealdanielc
@RevDaniel
There is an infamous story about a pastor (I believe it’s Tony Campolo, but I could be wrong) that he had a three point sermon. It went something like
“1) About 8500 children will die today from malnutrition.
2) Fuck.
3) More of you are upset about point 2 than point 1.”
Ms
@BethMooreLPM
-
Thank you so much for your memoir. I had been meaning to read it since you announced it, but life kept happening and I only finally got to it this week via audio book.
This week you helped me walk through one of my darkest weeks.
@CelesteFinally
Thanks for your grace Celeste. 🥰
It was - I think so, but it also may very well be my own mistake because I didn’t think about it as I wrote it.
Thank you so much for the correction. I appreciate it.
@melnickjeffrey1
One of our professors was taken off of teaching differential equations at our engineering school because too many of his students got As and Bs on the department wide final.
Good on you.
13yo: What’s toxic positivity?
Me: it’s like. “Well, your dad just died. But you should be happy knowing that his suffering is over and he’s in a better place.”
Kids: WHAT!?!
Wife: Dad’s not even exaggerating.
10yo: Is it just me, or are kids more considerate than adults?
@CarissasNewLife
Game of Thrones.
Honestly - most people believe I have seen it because I am such a huge fantasy fan. But I came late, and by the time I did, they interviewed one of the actress’ who said she was raped on camera - even if the actor was really apologetic.
Turned my stomach
@whiskerwerx
@TheSwedishIvy
I heard the story countless times growing up - I got a way from my Mom in the pews and before she realized it, made my way to the platform the priest and altar was on.
Father Hart picked me up and did the rest of service with me in his arms.
@dlsouthFL13
@janefortruth
@shannonrwatts
Holy shit.
My kid with special needs were just given lollipops to help them keep quiet. Candy should not need to be a life saving device. 🤯🤯🤯
Like - yikes!
“We understand that the core problem with Child Protective Services is its existence,” former HSLDA attorney Doug Phillips
This is eye opening.
This is a person who I know was invited on Yom Kippur to a large temple for their ecumenical work! They would say they love Jewish people.
Jews killing Jesus is an antisemitic lie - Rome killed Jesus. He died at the hands of empire.
Please believe Jewish people. 3/3
@JosiahHawthorne
@LauraRbnsn
A friend who was in an awful car accident & couldn’t afford the treatment & had to sue to get the coverage they deserved has been denied by the pharmacists the medication their doctors prescribe. I have been there when they do. And even when they get it, the questions asked 😭
@afrodykee
The doctor told my wife with CCD that he would recommend to terminate any child with ... wait for it ...CCD.
He literally told us her life should have been snuffed out. And mind you, we had been told to go see him BECAUSE of CCD.
I know
@RabbiHarvey
often talks about the casual antisemitism Christians have.
It is so real. Believe it!
I was talking to someone today (who is upset I left their denomination) about some of the lessons I am learning from Rabbis about the nature of faith. 1/
@CarissasNewLife
We took in an 18 y.o. who was leaving a really horrible situation back in 2008. Her cellphone was her lifeline. We worked with her to find a way to make it more afforadable - and I am honestly still not sure we did everything right in the situation.
@emilykmay
I get this.
I once forgot to return a book through two moves over five years.
When I went to return it (after I found it and then agonized over return fees because YEARS and it was in a different town), they only charged me $2.40. 😅
The relief and embarrassment were great
There are so many reach things to ponder in
@sheilagregoire
’s piece.
“And we’re tired of being framed as the dangerous ones when we’re the ones in danger.”
Woe to those who call good evil, and evil good.
Can pastors please stop salivating over women's bodies in their sermons?
So pleased that
@baptist_news
allowed me to write this piece about megachurch pastor Jonathan Pokluda and the woman with body parts "in all the right places."
We deserve better.
@dlsouthFL13
@janefortruth
@shannonrwatts
Holy shit.
My kid with special needs were just given lollipops to help them keep quiet. Candy should not need to be a life saving device. 🤯🤯🤯
Following a traumatic experience every human being must make the heartbreaking adjustment to a new world full of losses. The trauma memories do not disappear but bit by bit we must learn how to live with them so that they are not destructive to our present life.
Prayers for
@PcaMemorial
today. Not an easy thing to discern your future and connection as you take slings and arrows. Praying for wisdom and the congregation in this time. Praying especially that the love you have for one another locally is not clouded by national politics.
@dandevilder
@sinden
The best historical answer is - Jesus didn’t do Seder. The history of pasach Seder doesn’t start until after Jesus’ text.
So yes, Jesus celebrated a meal. At Passover. But it couldn’t be Seder as it’s known today.
@JosiahHawthorne
I was the elder tasked with creating a sexual abuse policy at a 750 persons a weekend church not two years ago that is SBC adjacent.
Your post resonated with me about elders with a personal twist - our senior pastor died of a heart attack in 2019. 1/
I can’t wait until the day that I don’t have to be the strong one… when I don’t have to be the loud one… when I can just rest knowing that people are safe and things are good❤️
It’s not wrong to go to someone who has sinned against you & directly address the wrongdoing. What’s wrong, & I’m wondering how many times I’ve been there, is growing a deeper & deeper root of resentment because we lack the courage to confront or the self control to do it calmly.
@fairlyspiritual
Praying Doug. That’s such a heart breaking place to be - broken by systems when all you seek is care and compassion for others.
That’s just so damn hard.
@TygerSongbird
Yes - there are no contradictions at all between being Ace, Aro, or whatever flavor and still be a Christian.
Rejection because of faith by a parent is so hard! All the caring
@JosiahHawthorne
Lord,
we pray for the victims of these attacks. We believe them to be of sincere heart and compassion, and to be attacked for serving mercy and love - at our most vulnerable - can be very jarring and painful.
We pray that their hearts remain compassionate, we pray that…
@JillMarieRichar
@chelsandrews
Wait - this is why she isn’t on anymore?
Like one thing if her council made the suggestion- but it’s a whole other issue is she forced to be silent.
If it’s the latter - then it shows just how empty their response to Guidepost continues to be and how they continue to do harm
Failure to report and RICO charges among the five charges against
@SBCExecComm
.
If you had done your pastoral duty up front, you wouldn’t have a conflict of interest now with your so-called “fiduciary” one (which you also broke to get to this point!!!)
And yet - 1/2
If you could lift a prayer for my daughter. We have had so many medications and adverse events and different diagnoses over the last week.
Maybe strep? Maybe mono? Maybe both? Maybe allergic to amoxicillin and Cephelexin? Maybe not??? We just don’t know. 😭😭😭
@ShannonDingle
@USAA_help
@USAA
really? With all of the wounded veterans you claim to support, you can’t help this family? Makes me wonder about your other help…
As so many lawyers have said - like
@RCallahanWaco
@R_Denhollander
@DavidAFrench
- the legal system is NOT MORAL. Following good legal council may be fiscally sound - but is NOT A MORAL GOOD. Don’t hide behind lawyers for your org’s poor choices that have hurt others. 1/2
@hoopersnook
A values based organization (I work for a secular one) should do right by those it hurts, even if it is to the detriment of the organization's legal rights.
Anything less falls short of a values-based organization's mission. /fin
@SublimeAmbient
@exfundiediary
Hey Dave - what you are doing is DARVO. You are going on the attack - which reflects on you. Not her.
While Carissa saying she didn’t feel safe should have been enough - the number of women who got weird vibes off of your behavior toward them should make you stop & reflect
@JosiahHawthorne
1) recognize what you have done well - he TOLD you. Lots of love for that. And praise him.
2) he did nothing wrong. If he saw something outside a boundary he wasn’t aware of - that’s okay.
3) talk to him about how he is feeling about the friend.
4/don’t freak out. 1/2
I have lost just about every member of my communities for daring to say we need a culture change.
I have lost mental health, social capital and connection for victims of SA. I have been falsely accused of withholding information because I was willing to act on “flimsy info” 4/
@bartbarber
you want me to believe your apology?
Go to the mat. Make restitution for what you approved. And do it publicly.
It is HARD.
But I remember - in the mirror - at the worst of my suicidal ideation - I know my breaking point got other elders to move to save her. 6/
@megjoyruss
@HollyStallcup
Also IEP here.
And found out the district had a homework max policy where we could write a note saying “they did the maximum amount of homework tonight.” Of course, they didn’t publicize it much, but it was official policy.
@LauraRbnsn
With all I saw - they point blank told me had my wife gone into labor at 26 weeks, our child probably wouldn’t have made it. But at 29 weeks, things were looking a lot better and it would mostly be just time.
Still jarring to realize most people don’t know that.
And thank you, again, for your honesty, your grace, your humility and your connection to Jesus once again.
I am sure of so little nowadays.
But I am sure of His Love alone.
When I posted about the Amici - of my hundreds of Facebook friends…
1
Count ‘em one
Person responded.
A non Christian whose wife I worked w/ in 2010 & who let little old me speak to his grad school class.
All of those Christian friends and family?
UTTER SILENCE. 3/
@minakimes
Worth considering to all the commenters saying world…Mina has family all over the world. Maybe she is trying to highlight something specific in our country’s history and we shouldn’t rush in so we can deflect… so we don’t have to reflect.
@LsTowT
Thanks for asking. 😊
I assume anything here is public & generally made sure I was ready to deal with the public blowback.
Feel free.
Social media would be such a better place if we all approached it with such kindness.
Thank you for being a breath of fresh air. 😊
I stand with HK.
You can’t cancel me for more than I have been cancelled. I know what that feels like. And for someone with AuDHD with a side of RSD, it has led me to addiction.
And I fucking don’t care.
Hannah Kate is worth it.
The victims of power are worth it. 5/
The message of the cross is not simply that my or your sins are paid. It’s that you can die to a system - yet in your living and loving rebirth, your example and being can overthrow the systems that killed you.
And to answer my rhetorical question? yes. They are worth it.
9/
I am still Facebook friends with many of the members of that church, along with several from when I was a youth minister from 2005-9 in another church.
You wanna know why HKs post breaks my heart the most? 2/
@CarissasNewLife
You matter as a whole person in all of the person that you are. So sorry Carissa.
As I read - the scene from the gif kept coming to mind.
Are the hundreds who we haven’t heard about because they hear of bonkers town stuff like the Jesus they learned about is tied to pro-abuse with Amici worth it?
8/
@coffeecatharine
Had a girl cheat on me and rather than tell me we were done, had one of her girlfriends try to get me to cheat with her. The guy she cheated with was a friend of mine and told me the whole story cleanly and apologized. Stayed friends with him for years because of his honesty.
@JosiahHawthorne
they have deep foundational relationships that they can turn to, and that they find comfort under your wings. We pray for those making these calls that they see the hurt they are causing and repent, and to know that angry and bitterness will not bring people closer to you. We…
@exfundiediary
The anxiety I realize now I caused my son for believing this lie of parenting for even a few years is taking years to undo - and I can’t tell you my shame I feel when I see his spike.
I hate this so so so much for you and I am sorry
Keep reading Celeste’s last line over and over
Get it into your head.
The cost of privilege is **always** someone.
If you don’t see it, it’s usually because is a “them” you don’t know and you can’t see.
Le Guin warned us. There is always a child in Omelas.
@ZachWLambert
@reachjulieroys
@KSPrior
@DavidAFrench
@drmoore
That's such a good example of power and privilege. Effectively, your friend looked at the powerful people signing it & the complete powerlessness of the people it marginalizes, and sided with those with power over those he agreed with.
He keeps his privilege, at the cost of us.
@JJ_Denhollander
@ZachWLambert
The revelation this last year that broke my mind was realizing 1) to Rome, Jesus meant nothing 2) it was politically expedient for them to kill Him rather than save Him.
It that doesn’t scream the evils of ALL empires, I don’t know what does.
@LauraRbnsn
When my wife was moved from at home bed rest to in the hospital with a level 3 NICU, they gave me a tour of the NICU. Modern medicine is amazing and yet - we cannot replicate what pregnant bodies do. It really is a miracle. 1/
@JosiahHawthorne
Ask also that you are with those who genuinely are reaching out, that they feel your goodness and love. Some may have not felt that for a long time. May they know your compassion today.
Praying this in our savior’s name
This thread from
@mattnightingale
speaks so much to me now in a way that I used to try and walk a tight rope and I realize how much pain I caused for certain people now.
But I also have to say - there is a version of this re our disability community too. 1/
@JosiahHawthorne
Torn as well.
Those are his feelings and asking him to rewrite might actually make the processing later worse. And this may open up a conversation for the both of them and an opportunity for her to share wisdom (if she is well enough to speak).
But that’s tough 😓
Jesus told her, “Go, close the tab you are using.”
“I am using no tabs,” she replied.
Jesus said to her, “You are right when you say you are using no tabs. The fact is, you have had 56 tabs open, and the one you now have open you are not using.”
I wake up first.
I hate coffee.
I make my wife coffee (she is a “coffee snob” as I make my chai)
I make the kids breakfast. I am teaching them (boy&girl) to make their own.
I sort & do the laundry. I ruined exactly 1 skirt in 18 years.
I do the dishes.
It’s not hard dudes
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: if you are a man, and you are not disabled, and you cannot or will not cook and clean for yourself and do your own laundry, you deserve the consequences. If you and your partner work out an equitable arrangement, great, but it’s not…1/2
Even when it has broken and humiliated me - that one is saved. And hopefully a 100 like her will be.
And it’s that Jesus who inspires me.
Is Samantha really worth **all** of it? Is Hannah Kate? 7/
Just a reminder…
Lawyers work for you as you are their clients - not the other way around.
This decision to weigh in by the lawyers representing
@SBC
,
@SBCExecComm
,
@SBTS
and
@Lifeway
flys in the face of the resolution made in 2021.
The Amici in your name? You own this.
This is how much the Southern Baptist Convention hates me.
This is how much
@SBCExecComm
hates me
This is how much
@albertmohler
hates me
This is how much Dean Inserra and Joshua Wester and
@bartbarber
hate me
They hate me enough to do this