Elijah
@Personhoodlives
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Celibate SSA/gay student at Asbury Theological Seminary. Not always easy. Read the pinned tweet thread!
Side B
Joined April 2015
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For new followers:
- I am a celibate gay Christian
- Why do I identify as gay? Read my undergrad thesis here:
- Why am I in my current place? My testimony:
(Continued)
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I’m not pursuing celibacy because I hate myself for being gay. I’m pursuing celibacy because I love God. He is helping me love my gay self more and more every day.
It’s not self-flagellation to pursue my convictions from the Holy Spirit.
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I thought I was stronger than this. But I’m not. I need some prayer.
Honestly, coming to a seminary, I did not expect to encounter the flippant homophobia that I have.
No one warned me that I would feel most separate in the place I expected to feel most at home.
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I’m celibate and some weddings are very hard...especially today.
(A Thread)
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I guess it took until the asbury outpouring for some people to realize that gay people are in their churches, their pews, their choirs, their worship teams, their prayer groups, their youth groups, their seminaries and all that.
And they’re worthy of love. And dignity. And care.
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I cannot for the life of me understand why churches choose to expel and fire celibate gay Christians.
You are destroying the lives of the people who agree with your theology. You’re actively making it harder for the remnant of sexual minorities in your church to remain there
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I walked out of chapel. I do not have to sit under evil disrespect.
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Gay people are not obligated to expose the most intimate aspects of their life and struggles just to humanize themselves for straight people
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Tonight I’ve been at the Asbury University revival going on 4 days. Yesterday I wrote a prayer request for queer students on campus that I returned to see erased. This troubled my soul because it felt emblematic of the way that queer people have their stories erased at Church.
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I can’t believe this needs to be said again but I didn’t choose my sexuality
I wasn’t sexually abused as a child. I had a good relationship with both parents. I had friends from both sexes. I received salvation at 6 years old
Whatever narrative you want to put on me doesn’t fit
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Pulling together some basic thoughts on how to best be a “Side-B Ally”, or someone who affirms their traditional sexual ethic and wants to best love LGBTQ Christian siblings (and also LGBTQ people in general
Rough thread:
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I think it’s helpful to realize that every human has a broken sexuality.
People attracted to the opposite sex are just as broken as people attracted to the same sex.
You are not more “broken” because of your attractions. You are broken because of the fall.
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Hey
@AsburySeminary
, maybe don’t make your entire convocation sermon from the president centered on lambasting LGBTQ people.
You’re doing worse than just making it dangerous for me to be on campus
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I’m not saying the walk is easy, but it was an easy decision to make with God. I am queer and beloved. I am convinced of the traditional sexual ethic. I don’t hate myself, and I don’t want others to either. I think there is goodness in my walk, otherwise I would not be on it
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Four years later.
I made it.
I’m graduating.
Another student said that my presence on campus would be missed. God made good out of the brokenness I experienced. My time at Asbury Seminary was so difficult. It was rewarding too. Today is good.
I thought I was stronger than this. But I’m not. I need some prayer.
Honestly, coming to a seminary, I did not expect to encounter the flippant homophobia that I have.
No one warned me that I would feel most separate in the place I expected to feel most at home.
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Can I be a little honest for a moment?
I'm scared. My entire life up until this moment has included daily embodied life with people I love. As I leave Seminary (where I lived on campus), I'm afraid of my future celibate life and the possibility of encroaching loneliness
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I’m with a bisexual person raised in the church who wants desperately to identify with Christianity, but he’s never met a non-homophobic, anti-racist, non-sexist, justice caring Christian ever.
I don’t even know where to start, it’s so depressing.
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I am ruined. Not everyone will see you. But some will. You might feel erased. But not always.
This Methodist pastor took my story into his heart and he made a gesture of love from that moment.
I am thankful to God. I am thankful for the goodness in this place.
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You cannot claim to care for single/celibate people while also being unwilling to sacrifice any part of your life to do so.
Opening your doors, your tables, your families, and your hearts takes sacrifice. It means that you are taking up burdens alongside others.
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I fear the impermanence of friendship as a celibate person. Friendship that will wane into a painful almost nothing. I will never procure the same chosen mutual obligation that marriage provides. Instead I'll be a rotating door of various people of various amounts of time
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@grady_ll
@allyyarid
This isn’t actually true. The vast majority of sexual minorities do not have situational sexuality like you didn’t. Most realize their same sex attraction upon the onset of puberty, and do not experience orientation change EVEN if they pursue change efforts.
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There are now 10+ videos in at least two languages with hundreds of thousands of views all disparaging me. I can only hope people will find their way here and see some humanity in my story. If you want to pray or offer up intentions Sunday, ask that God open their hearts
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Calling Christians to only have sex in specific contexts isn’t a new theological belief.
It shouldn’t be that shocking that some of us believe that giving your life to Christ also means giving the way you think about sex to Christ.
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It’s pride month and neither Elijah ten years ago nor Elijah two years ago would have believed that I could have found any sort of queer joy following Christ.
God is good. Let’s celebrate the unique ways he is good to us.
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Imagine telling someone who nailed their sexuality to the cross by pursuing celibacy that they are somehow finding their identity in their desires rather than God.
#Revoice21
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Happy Pride!
Pride is a celebration of a community overcoming adversity. As someone who’s gay, I’m still made in the image of God and I do bring gifts to the church. It’s okay to extricate yourself from self-hatred and find joy!
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Unfortunately, then, Jesus was no man
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I never would have expected it, but in my 3.5 years at Asbury Theological Seminary I’ve garnered an entire community of LGBTQ/SSA+ students on campus.
I don’t go a single day without speaking to, praying with, and worshipping alongside non-straight people committed to Christ
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Vic was kind. They were creative. They were connected. They loved so so deeply. I’m so devastated. It should not have ended this way. I wish the Church loved you better. I wish I had loved you better. You were a light to all side b community always. How could we even move on
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A gay person asked me how to not hate the church today and wasn’t sure how to answer, but I could point to this moment and say that through all the cracks God’s light will shine through. Amen.
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I promised that I wouldn’t go back into the closet, and I think many first-years I’ve encountered know by now. But that hasn’t stopped the onslaught of hurt.
I’m so frustrated because this is supposed to be where the future of the church is formed.
I’m hurting a lot tonight.
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Side-B person gets fired from Christian College, not for breaking any “code”, but for being gay.
My heart is broken for her.
“She identifies as gay but remains celibate in keeping with the school’s code, which forbids sex outside of heterosexual marriage…she posted ‘Queer people offer precious gifts to the church: Don’t miss out’ and ‘Jesus is radically inclusive.’”
via
@RNS
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He spoke to my life and also the world around it. We prayed together. We parted. I sat and cried with a friend.
But then he approached me, leaned forward, and whispered into my ear, “your prayer request is back on the board”
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It doesn’t matter what your sexual ethic is, you are called to love deeply and seek to call in those who have been pushed to the corners. Yes even if they have gender dysphoria. Yes even if they’re attracted to the same sex. It’s just that easy
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Struggling to see celibacy as not-lonely, and struggling to believe friendship can be lifelong today. I haven't got it figured out.
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I feel like I’ve experienced more gay jokes than I did throughout all of college.
I thought I might arrive to an oasis of Christians who had critically assessed their prejudices and grown beyond them.
Instead I’m operating in a space where it feels like I’m an issue again
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How is it possible that the worst case scenario would occur on the first day of seminary.
Why am I still here??
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do y’all have anything else to do other than harass me and tell on me to my seminary that very much knows I exist?
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A girl at the Asbury revival was talking to me tonight and mentioned that she had read all of
@wesleyhill
’s books and I kind of went 👀 and she went 👀 and I met another friend of the family ♥️
never thought I’d stumble on new Side-B family this week
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I recently had lunch with an 88 year old church lady who made me pistachio pudding while I attempted to explain sexuality and faith to her.
If she can still put in the work to care about sexual minorities in and out of the church, I think you can too
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Today in class I offhandedly mentioned that I was gay while making a comment in class.
Sometimes I forget how absolutely wild it is that I feel comfortable enough in my skin to live openly like this. 3 years ago in February I had just published my testimony to the world.
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We need tools for conquering sexual sin that aren't "just hold out until you can have the good sex that isn't sin"
That doesn't work for who are looking at a lifetime of singleness.
What happens someone you told "to just hold out until you can have sex" can't have sex?
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Anyway, it’s 3:43am and though there are maybe 50 people here still ardently praising God, I’m going to bed.
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At the steps of the Church lies a pile of dead bodies, people, who were cast into the corners and isolated from love.
They’re dead and you won’t get a second chance to love them. They’re dead and you did nothing.
They should be here today. They didn’t want to die.
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At Revoice conference this summer I recited the Nicene Creed with 500 other faithful LGBT Christians, so idk what you’re on about.
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If you think it’s great that ssa/gay people will be celibate for life, but you expect straight people to be married, then you’re still perpetuating a toxic idolatry of marriage that will hurt both straight & gay ppl
you only want gay people to be celibate bcs it’s easier for you
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As a young queer person in the church I thought that I had been born with the curse of suffering. I had no idea the Gospel was meant to bring me joy too. The Gospel was good news *later* instead of good news *now*.
The Gospel is good news now. For everyone. You included.
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I’m coming to terms with lifelong celibacy on a personal basis, while also coming to terms with the fact that I may not be accommodated or cared for by our current culture
I can’t (& dont want to) force people to invite me into their homes, or ministries to hire singles
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Some mornings celibacy seems like it’s going to be an impossible and lonely task.
Other days, I remember that Jesus is my beloved and I am his. I will always be discovering new beauty in our relationship. He will always walk alongside me.
I am loved.
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The last 4 years at seminary have been heavy. I've grown so much, stepped more boldly into my calling towards celibacy, gained new family and lost friends, navigated a complicated Christian space, and leaned into God's provision. And now I'm graduating. my emotions are everywhere
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Arguing for an affirming sexual ethic by suggesting that Jesus affirmed pederasty is absolutely off the wall.
What is this ???
JESUS DIRECTLY AFFIRMED SAME-SEX LOVE.
… but many English translations try to hide it.
In Matthew 8:5-13, a Roman Centurion pleads for Jesus to come heal a “young servant,” who is sick in his home.
But this was A GAY LOVER, not just a “young servant.”
The details 👇🏼🧵

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We spoke for a long time. And he called me out of my parched season and into God’s work in my life. He spoke to shame and to my status with God. He felt the groans of pain from the awkward middle place sexual and gender minority Christians feel in the world.
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You’re doing damage to the Gospel. You’re making it harder or build bridges. You’re demonstrating that you don’t actually care about these people.
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No one should have to ask the question “would they start caring if I died?” but I feel like every queer Christian I know has had that question roil around their minds from the corners of their soul into the crushing tidal weight of their waking thoughts
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Gay celibacy often means struggling with singleness, but also with belonging (to others and to oneself).
Today caring for myself looks like enjoying horchata y tacos al pastor after struggling through learning some Hebrew.
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This summer I’m staying with a married couple who gladly welcomed me into their apartment
All I’ve gotten in response to that statement is people suggesting that I’m “encroaching on their married life” or “I would never live with other people like that”
Quick Thread time:
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heterosexual people I know living into that "have fun, ask forgiveness later" sexual ethic and gay people living that "wake up wondering if I'm going to hell for existing" sexual ethic
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Thankful for this day ♥️
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Every time I hear someone recount how a person at their church was "healed" from same-sex attraction I'm pretty sure that
1. You are misrepresenting their story
2. That poor person is gonna have a rough few years before they're brave enough to be honest again
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Celibate people exist in the age of the commercialization of friendships.
Selfless love is stigmatized, and relationships are only worth "investing" in when you expect to always receive back what you're putting into it. Everything is transactional. This does not favor longevity.
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I’m also not bisexual (though some people are) I’ve never been attracted to someone of the opposite sex (though I tried for years).
Perpetuating the exgay narrative today is cruel and ignorant.
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Our culture (and church) is again pushing the idea that where there is a possibility of attraction, there can be no pure friendship.
This is completely and utterly untrue. Let's leave it behind and live in edifying community together
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This tweet goes out to all the invisible LGBTQ/ssa people at church this morning
Even if you feel like no one sees you, God’s got his eye on you. Even if you feel like a singularity know that a host of other sexual minorities worship alongside you this morning.
Praying for you
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9. Please hug us still. Gay people sometimes feel like lepers in Christian community because people (often of the same sex) stop touching them or demonstrating any intimacy. This is devastating.
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“you should pray that God will give you a wife”
N
O
O
o
o
o
o
。
。
.
.
.
* .
ﾟ*.
｡｡ ･
｡ ･ﾟ
｡°*.
｡*･｡
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It's very possible your child will experience same-sex attraction or gender dysphoria.
Will you be safe enough to talk to? Will you be prepared to respond? Will you be disappointed or angry? Will you fight for them? Walk with them? Take risks with them?
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Recently someone was afraid to come out to me because they perceive me as easily being celibate, and not struggling with it much at all because I always describe its joys.
There are joys, but do not be misguided, celibacy is scary sometimes, and even now at 23 it's difficult
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5. Structure your life in such a way that you can accommodate for and do life with single people. This is good for everyone, but especially for celibate gay people who often really feel fearful of loss of any intimacy or community
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just 53% of college-aged agnostics identify as "Straight".
If you are doing young adult ministry trying to reach unchurched people, and you don't know how to engage with sexual minorities, your ministry is ineffective at best
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I want to dream of what our church community and culture would look like if we properly integrated single people into our families and cared deeply about friendship.
It wouldn’t make choosing celibacy immediately easy for sexual minorities, but I can imagine it’d be relieving
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The language of “Non-Affirming” can be a bit vague. But I want to suggest that you can uphold a traditional sexual ethic and have queer friends (and even queer friends who don’t believe in the traditional sexual ethic).
Dear Non-Affirming Christians with gay friends,
You don’t have gay friends…
You have gay people in your life who love you enough to come down and sit with you despite your bigotry. It is a one-sided relationship that generally only you benefit from.
I speak from experience…
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I’m so angry. And hurt. And shocked. And devastated. I am destroyed. Vic didn’t deserve this. I need you to see them. They were beloved of God. They are beloved. I can’t say anything else
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I was at the altar praying over someone I felt called to and a man approached me & asked what he could pray for. He felt called by the Spirit to make the drive here from out of town at 10pm. I didn’t know what to share at first but I finally relented and shared what had happened
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Chosen family is awesome. Don’t denigrate non-traditional living situations. The Gospel comes with a house key. Single and married people have a lot to offer one another.
Don’t isolate yourselves because it’s the cultural thing to do.
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Young people, especially in the evangelical church, grow up w/ this whole slew of plans about their future spouse and kids. Bcs the Church never caters any spiritual guidance towards queer youth we don’t talk enough about the crumbling of our futures as we realize that we’re gay
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10. Call out homophobia when you hear it. It’s sinful and unprofitable. Your gay jokes are not worth the lives of gay people.
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29. Gay people exist. So do gay partnered people. It really makes no sense for you to skip media with “gay characters” when you’re certainly watching people sin in a litany of other ways through media.
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4. Similarly, please don’t pray that we find a spouse. That’s just…really harmful and reinforces both the idolatry of marriage and exgay rhetoric. Let us figure it out with God.
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While some Christians make the mistake of thinking that getting married will fix all their problems I struggle thinking that going off to a monastery will fix all mine
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8. It’s okay to affirm the traditional sexual ethic. I do. But please do not conflate being gay with being sinful. That’s not true. Love us by understanding that our orientation is not our theology or actions.
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It’s weird because opening up that I’m gay is difficult in Christian environments, but sharing my conviction towards celibacy is very difficult when I’m with my atheist/unaffiliated friends.
I’ve been regarded as an impossibility in both spaces
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Getting off Twitter as part of my Lenten fasting. Stay well everyone. Thank you for following along with my journey. Love y'all
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The last 4 years of my life have culminated in this moment. In 2017 God answered my desperate prayers by introducing me to the beautiful and diverse community of Side-B Xtians. I silently pined to finally connect in person with a Christ centered community that had kept me alive
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Being celibate doesn’t mean I can’t deeply love people, or even be deeply loved.
And honestly, it doesn’t mean I’ve never fallen in love with someone. As I follow my convictions though, that love is sanctified in its intimacy.
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When you do not create space where young Christians can safely open up about their sexuality and struggles, you cultivate an environment that will lead them directly to abuse.
In some ways this happened to me.
(Thread TW: Sexual abuse)
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Pray for the broad side b community right now if you can. I don’t know what else to say.
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LGBTQ+/SSA Christians have all either experienced expulsion or ridicule within their churches. Worshiping under leadership that could turn on you in any moment takes a toll on your ability to engage with fervor. Moments of worship in safety and care are precious.
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1. Recognize that processing and coming to theological conclusion is an extremely excruciating process for sexual minorities. Give them space to process it with God and walk with them as they need it. It’s more complicated than you think it is.
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Just finished our church’s series on sexuality by co-preaching with my pastor.
Absolutely floored by my gratitude to God. He continues to work in His church.
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2. Don’t fight us on our identity language. We need to be able to talk about ourselves, our experiences, and the group of people who also experience these things. We aren’t slipping away from Jesus by using gay
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11. Respect pronouns and names. It’s really that simple. It’s not a theological statement of belief, it’s simply giving a yes to someone who’s heard so many no’s. Continue your relationship by loving.
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Kind of wild how overwhelmingly negative the replies are. I think it speaks to the shifting culture on twitter. Less constructive engagement, more vitriol
Happy Pride!
Pride is a celebration of a community overcoming adversity. As someone who’s gay, I’m still made in the image of God and I do bring gifts to the church. It’s okay to extricate yourself from self-hatred and find joy!
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I just remember sobbing over the phone to an ex-gay ministry founder. It was during lunch and I was in my high school parking lot. I hated myself so much. He reassured me that these feelings of self-hatred were right and turning me towards ridding myself of my wickedness
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Why are we so conditioned to believe that married people should be completely isolated from anyone else in their living spaces.
This is not even remotely connected to historical or global precedent (extended families have often lived together!)
It’s also not even scriptural...
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I guess I’ll just go on the record that the traditional sexual ethic is good, actually, and isn’t oppressive.
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