Luke Adsit | Peaceful Parenting Coach
@Peaceful_Tips
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I help parents resolve recurring tantrums and misbehavior without resorting to punishments, bribes or raised voices
End the tantrums:
Joined December 2021
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Pinned Tweet
The 7 biggest mistakes I've made as a parent so far:
1. I got lazy
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@Rich_Cooper
So many women try to become what they’re looking for in a man
It’s a fundamental misunderstanding of what men want
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After 3 years of parenting, here's every parenting tip I could come up with:
1. Stop drinking alcohol.
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@JohnnyTabacco
Ok
@PelosiTracker_
we need to know:
Did Pelosi short $DJT before the attempted assassination???
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Your kids will make you miserable if you punish them
That's because threats and punishments model power struggles, and they're always watching
Here's how I respond when my kids don't meet my expectations without pressuring them into doing what I want:
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@MBurtwrites
There’s also “blanket training” which involves placing a baby on a blanket and putting a favorite object just out of reach and when the baby reaches for it or crawl towards it, the parent hits them
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Unpopular opinion:
Kids shouldn't have to share.
Being good at sharing is not actually an important skill.
When is the last time you had to let someone else use your phone even though you didn't want them to?
It doesn't happen.
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I chose to have kids, they didn’t choose to join my family
They don't owe me anything, I owe them everything
11 ways I pour into my kids🧵
1. I spend time with them every day
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Unpopular opinion:
Kids don't need to learn how to share
It's not a skill that adults use day-to-day
When's the last time you had to let someone else you barely know have a turn using your phone?
It doesn't happen.
7 Harmful Effects of Making Kids Share:
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2. Keep every single promise you ever make. No matter what.
3. You'll never regret spending more time hanging out with your kids
4. Force yourself to slow down. It takes time for kids to figure things out. Rushing only adds to the stress
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NEVER tell kids they're smart
A Stanford study gave IQ tests to 400 kids
Kids praised for their intellect performed 20% worse
Kids praised for their work ethic performed 30% better
Here's why 🧵
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You should NOT tell kids that they’re smart
This simple tweak will make your kids love challenges rather than fear them:
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5. Don't be sentimental. Kids will break things. The stuff isn't what matters at the end of the day
6. Never take misbehavior personally. It's not about you.
7. Never micromanage your kids
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9. Never raise your voice
10. Prevention is better than cure. Whenever possible prepare them for challenges rather than punishing them after they fail.
11. Don't post pictures of your kids on the internet. Just text pics to family and close friends.
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12. The teenage years are only difficult if you're unreasonable
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Punishments and rewards never get to the root of the issue
Because if a child doesn’t know why he should do something then more motivation isn't the answer
Here’s the 3 step process to correct children without using punishments, bribes or raised voices:
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Bossing your kids around is making them despise you
And when you demand "immediate, complete and cheerful obedience" there are big consequences
3 Ways Demanding Obedience is Driving You Apart:
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14. Stop blaming your kids. Take full responsibility for who your children are becoming. They're not the one who raised them, you are.
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@TheLaurenChen
When you’re hiring someone it’s illegal to ask them what their IQ is but there’s no law asking them what they would feel like if they hadn’t eaten breakfast that morning
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8. If force is not an option you'll get a whole lot more creative coming up with solutions
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13. Do your homework.
There are tons of parenting resources out there.
You have no excuse to not give your kids the childhood they deserve
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15. Don't call your kids "bad" or "naughty". It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy
16. If you praise your kids they will become dependent on validation. Rather than evaluating them all the time stick to what's objective
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20. Make your marriage a priority.
21. Lead by example
22. Keep junk food out of the house
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What I do when my kids don't meet an expectation:
1. I find a time and ask them about it
2. I explain my concerns
3. I brainstorm solutions with them
4. When we land on one we're both happy with, we try it out
5. We circle back, identify what went wrong and address concerns
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17. Lose the gut. Some of the most fun you'll have as a parent will be rough housing with the kids. You'll want to do that for more than 2 minutes before running out of steam.
18. Schedule time into your day to hang out with your kids
19. Say "yes" more
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What is Peaceful Parenting?
Maybe you've heard of it before but you're still not 100% sure
15 Signs You're a Peaceful Parent Without Knowing It:
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Kids who are spanked are more likely to have depression, become alcoholics, use illicit drugs and even attempt to end it all
It's time we put an end this barbaric practice
Here's how:
12 Ways to Give your Kids the Future they Deserve
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23. The easiest way to teach your kids to do anything is to do it yourself
24. Read 2-3 parenting books a year. Your mind will be blown by how much a few small frameshifts can change everything
25. Build time into your schedule for kids to be kids
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Your children will become feminist soy boys and OF models if you don't listen to them
If you aren't curious about their perspective while they're still young
then they'll return the favor during the teenage years and onwards
3 Ways to Lead So Your Kids Will Follow:
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Punishments are making your kids hate you
They've been the go-to parenting tool for millenia
It's time we reconsider this brutal practice
8 Ways Punishment is Driving You Apart 🧵
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How to be a top 1% dad:
Read to your kids
Reason with them
Apologize to them
Model self-restraint
Feed them real food
Spend time with them
Run around with them
Listen to what they say
Respect their boundaries
Acknowledge their emotions
Say "yes" as much as possible
Explain why
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26. If you expect your kids to do what you say immediately every time you will be disappointed and resentful
29. Express gratitude. It's proven to whitepill you
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4. Sharing teaches kids that they don't own anything
Unless you want to raise little Communists don't teach your kids that they can't have property
Learning to manage things that belong to you is an essential life skill that kids need to learn
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You’re hopeless as a parent if all you know is what not to do
Here is what you should do:
5 Tools for your Peaceful Parenting Tool Box 🧵
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You tell your kid to get his jacket but he ignores you
What would you do?
Let him be cold to teach him a lesson?
You’d be sending the message that you could’ve helped him but you chose not to and that he can’t count on you to have his back
Instead, consider this approach:
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You're in the checkout line and it's happening again
You told your child they can't have a candy bar and now they're screaming
You feel the judging eyes of the other shoppers
There has to be a way out of this without giving in
The 4 Step Process to Calming Tantrums:
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@iWomansplainer
It’s extremely destructive behavior, especially for women
That’s why often they won’t do it unless they’ve been drinking first
and birth control isn’t helping either
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The key is this:
Praise the effort, not the outcome.
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One reason people say “50% of marriages end in divorce” is because they’re not taking into account that some people get divorced many times
50% of marriages ≠ 50% of people
The actual statistics:
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Punishing kids teaches them they can't trust you
When kids make mistakes they need to KNOW you will be on their side no matter what
Because if they can't go to you with their mistakes who will they go to?
5 Ways Punishment Drives You Apart:
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I've got a lot more to say but there's only so much I can say in a thread
So if you enjoyed this and want to learn more about how to parent without timeouts, spanking or raised voices
Sign up for my Peaceful Parenting newsletter:
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Punishing kids teaches them that they can't trust you
When kids make mistakes they NEED to know you will be on their side no matter what
Because if they can't discuss their mistakes with you they'll miss out on essential lessons
3 Reasons to Stop Punishing Your Kids:
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Consider what sharing is like from a toddler's perspective:
Their toys are one of their few treasured possessions
Asking them to let another child have it (who doesn't treasure it) is a bit risk to them
And for all they know, they'll never get it back in one piece (or at all)
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5. Sharing teaches kids consent doesn't matter
When parents force children to do things they're uncomfortable they learn that they don't have the right to say "no"
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Parenting is hard enough as it is
But all the time I see parents making fundamental mistakes
6 huge mistakes that make parenting way harder then it has to be:
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1. Sharing damages the parent-child relationship
When children are forced to share they will feel frustrated and resentful
Your bond with your children is *everything* in parenting
There's nothing it's worth sacrificing it for
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I chose to have kids, they didn’t choose to join my family
They don't owe me anything, I owe them everything
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Wife is going into labor
Please pray!!
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3. Sharing asks the impossible
Sharing is a complex social skill
Expecting toddlers to be able to navigate the necessary negotiation and problem solving is asking too much of them
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2. Sharing discourages empathy
Forcing kids to share leads them to focus on how upset they are about losing the toy rather than considering how their playmates might feel if they got a chance to have it
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Don't tell your kids to eat their vegetables if you have a beer belly
Don't tell your kids to clean their room if your car is a mess
Don't tell your kids to do their homework if you've never read a parenting book
Walk the walk before you talk the talk
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6. Sharing creates power struggles
Sharing often entails a parent trying to pressure their child to hand over their toy
Don't be surprised when your child also starts pressuring you to do things for them using manipulative tactics like crying or tantrums
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**The Tantrum Thread**
Why tantrums happen and how to prevent them
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7 Harmful Effects of Making Kids Share:
1. Sharing damages the parent-child relationship
2. Sharing discourages empathy
3. Sharing asks the impossible
4. Sharing teaches kids that they don't own anything
5. Sharing teaches kids consent doesn't matter
6. Sharing creates power
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7. Sharing doesn't teach kids to share
When kids are forced to share they don't learn how to let others use their things and how they'll feel when they do
Learning to comply with forced sharing is not the same as learning why they should want to share
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@toomanyspectra
If a child is unlikeable it’s because their parents haven’t raised them right
Dislike the parents not the kids
They’re the ones responsible for how their kids turn out
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1. I find a time and ask them about it:
“Hey kiddo, I’ve noticed that lately you haven’t been feeding the dog. What’s up?”
(No judgements or jumping to any conclusions about their motivations)
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I don’t know who needs to hear this but you weren’t a bad kid
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You might know what NOT to do as a parent
But unless you have alternative strategies...
You'll fall back into your old habits
6 parenting tools to peacefully guide your toddler:
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Parents only make their kids share their toys so that they can have other parents come over with their kids for play dates.
It's not actually in the kid's best interest
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If you want your children to always tell the truth you must never punish them if they are telling the truth
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Children who experience 4 of these Adverse Childhood Experiences live on average 20 years shorter
How many have your kids experienced?
Here's what counts as one:
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@PatriarchySammi
Women calling pets their “fur babies” happens because they have an instinctual need to nurture something
but they’re not willing to quit their job and have kids
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76% of fathers lecture their kids at least once per week
84% of children receiving lectures were reported to have rolled their eyes
Okay I made those up but I know they're not too far off!
How to Help Your Kids Learn From Their Mistakes Without Rubbing Their Noses In It:
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@FeminaStudiosa
Yes, I agree, sharing should always be willing and voluntary, and it’s too complex of a concept for toddlers to learn
And as soon as it’s forced it’s no longer “sharing”, it becomes “be ok with someone else messing with your things even though you don’t want them to”
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3. I brainstorm solutions with them:
“Can you help me come up with a solution so that you don’t forget and so that I don’t have to worry whether you have or not?”
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@coldhealing
She’s trying to play the victim card but she chose to have children with an unreliable man
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11 ways I pour into my kids:
1. I spend time with them every day
2. I say "Yes" as much as possible
3. I wait until they're ready
4. I do my research
5. I make my marriage a priority
6. I swallow my pride
7. I put my phone down when I'm with them
8. I read to them
9. I
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Spanking is inflicting physical pain on your children until they do what you want
It’s brutal and barbaric and it’s time we stop pretending it isn’t
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Then I listen and I ask questions until I feel that I understand where they’re coming from.
For example, they could say “In the morning I have so many things to do and sometimes I don’t remember"
but the point is you can't be sure what they'll say, so it's essential to ask
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Baby and mama are doing great
Everything went super well
Thanks so much to everyone for the prayers, they were certainly answered
Wife is going into labor
Please pray!!
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Another group of kids took the same exam, but at the end they were told something different:
“Wow, that’s a great score. You must have worked really hard.”
When this group was asked if they would like to try the more challenging set they were much more interested
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@drvolts
Imagine your whole job is to have one conversation
and you suck at that conversation
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“A kid who learns something because he’s passionate about it is going to learn so much more than a kid who learns something because an adult told him ‘You have to learn this’”
- David Friedman
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5. Religion
30% of atheist or agnostic married couple divorce
26% of married couples that go to church together divorce
0.006% of couples who pray together daily divorce
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2. I explain my concerns:
“My concern is that if you don’t feed the dog he’ll get hungry and I’ll have to feed him. I don’t want to have to worry about whether the dog has been fed or not.”
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@creation247
Because religious people have a higher standard that they hold themselves to
So they’re less likely to hurt each other’s feelings and kill the spark
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Be careful what you feed your kids.
America’s most widely consumed cooking oil causes genetic changes in the brain
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There’s no better way to improve the world than to be a good parent
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Intentions are irrelevant
Who is harming & killing children?
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Just because you had a hard childhood that's not an excuse to give your kids a hard childhood
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"Spare the Rod, Spoil the Child" right?
But if you think that's a green light to spank you're wrong
Let me break down what the Bible actually says about corporal punishment and using "the rod"
Rod Passages Mega-Thread:
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4. When we land on one we're both happy with, we try it out:
“What if we put a calendar on the fridge and you cross the day off after you feed the dog so that we know if he was fed on that morning?”
And if it doesn’t work (and it usually doesn't on the first try):
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The morality of a society is best indicated by how it treats its children
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