patch
@PatchToTheMax
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21,147
former @jock_reynolds troublemaker. current @maxstainkamph impersonator. drawmonger. nuff. doofus. affable idiot. reluctant @EssendonFC fan. he/him
Joined April 2015
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Pinned Tweet
Were you coerced as a youngster into supporting Essendon by a friend or family member? You may be entitled to financial compensation!
Call 1800 7265 7265 now!
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I'm so conflicted. I don't want Collingwood to win.
I want Travis Varcoe to win. I want Nathan Buckley to win. I want Tyson Goldsack to win. I want Chris Mayne to win. I want Sidebottom, Pendlebury and their good guys to win.
But I don't want Collingwood to win.
#AFLGF
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Live pictures of the AFL justifying the calls in the North Melbourne game.
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228
Held Bruhn in the end for "one more week of data".
I have all the data I need now, thank you Tanner.
#Supercoach
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216
If you're throwing abuse the way of the Supercoach head honchos - maybe consider not doing that?
No decision would have pleased everyone, and of all the things to be vehemently upset over in 2020, Supercoach is a weird target.
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146
Really wanna start some rage trading and Monday night footy is cramping my style.
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3
130
Dear everyone who brought in Will Setterfield.
I hate you.
Signed, Patch
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1
128
We're retiring from
#Supercoach
podcasting. It's been a joy and a pleasure (mostly) and it's been a very, very long time. Much love to every single person who's ever listened ❤️ and my biggest loves of all to the
@jock_reynolds
crew.
(I will never retire from making bad trades.)
The podcast is here!
If you don't want to hear the sap from
@lekdog
&
@PatchToTheMax
discussing their
#supercoach
futures you can skip to the 40 minutes of trade chat!
Listen here:
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3
128
Why is it impossible this season to just find the page with all the team lists on it? The "click here for the full teams" link doesn't take you to all the full teams?
Super minor but I'm amazed at how much the UX gets consistently worse each year
14
1
118
I traded Nat Fyfe to Scott Selwood this week.
Supercoach is now just an outlet for my self loathing
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4
105
My
#Supercoach
side is garbage and not even 30 trades can fix it. Where's the clear team button?
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3
106
"Good news for Bomber fans, Devon Smith is back out there..."
That's not good news for Bombers fans
3
2
102
Where my extra $400k in
#Supercoach
bank balance to alleviate cost of living pressures?! Back in ScoMo's day, rookies were 117k – nowadays the good ones are 200k or more!
@al_superfooty
pls get Rupert to give him a call.
#Budget2022
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1
94
It's not necessarily a *good* full premo... but I think I'm finally at full premo?
#SuperCoach
God help me when I need cover later in the season.
14
0
92
Trading Jack Henry to Lance Franklin for a loss of:
- $195,000
- 39 points
- my sanity
9
0
83
👏 STOP 👏 KICKING 👏 LONG 👏 TO 👏 WALLA 👏 HE'S 👏NOT 👏 A 👏 KEY 👏 FORWARD 👏
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12
80
Me: mum can we bring in Zach Merrett as a VC option?
My mum: No we have a VC option at home
VC option at home:
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5
75
"We think that's the other side of the post, potentially."
Please never let Cameron Ling and Luke Darcy commentate another game of AFL (or VFL for that matter) football again.
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3
75
Looking forward to picking Caleb Daniel as a 380k forward next year after he requests a trade to literally anywhere else
#SuperCoach
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0
75
Yeah sex is cool but have you ever watched Tom Bellchambers rustle Puopolo's hair to shut him up?
#AFLDonsHawks
3
10
68
This is the last season until he retires I don't start Nick Daicos in
#Supercoach
. Gee whizz.
2
1
70
I somehow accidentally captained Neale after forgetting to take Macrae's VC and it's further proof that the less I actually do with my team the better it gets.
#Supercoach
0
0
69
My word is hearing
@JasonBennettTV
calling the game on
@7AFL
an absolute treat. More of him, please.
6
2
68
I've recorded my last-ever weekly
#Supercoach
pod with
@lekdog
and the world is just that little bit dimmer. Much love❤️
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2
67
Thanks for playing everyone, I can end season 2023 a happy man no matter what else happens*.
*don't show my this tweet ever again unless it's because Tom Green is the best
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1
65
FEB 2047: Hocking: Confusion around the new multi-ball rule is all on the players. You can only score with multiple balls after the second elephant has been released, unless you're scoring from a passage of play involving a player named Jack. It's on the players to work it out.
This video from an Essendon training session showcases the new man on the mark rule.
It's caused outrage but AFL operations boss Steve Hocking says it’s on the players:
(🎥:
@NotRodd
)
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EXCLUSIVE: I can reveal 23 clubs will unveil a Super Mega Happy Fun deal which will send Neale to Brisbane, Hogan to Freo, May to the moon, Rory Lobb to Red Sox, LeBron to GWS & Usain Bolt to Carlton for pick one, which the Mariners will use on the delisted Steve Smith
#AFLTrades
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5
63
So turns our a rare side-effect of the jab is a belief Essendon can win a final. Thankfully they picked up on it in the 15 minute window and a doctor set me straight. Go get ya jabs, people.
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1
65
Brayden Pruess NOT NAMED for GWS. Massive for anyone who brought him in for an R2 to take Hayes' score last week.
#Supercoach
#AFLFantasy
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@AFLTradeWhisper
@_The_Commish
You've been scooped: Dustin Martin sleeps nude in oxygen tent which he believes gives him sexual powers
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60
Hey
@Supercoach
, any chance we could not have gambling ads as the first thing we see every time we click on a player?
2
5
60
I'm baking myself this cake tomorrow in memory of my
#Supercoach
season. Anyone who wants a slice is welcome.
4
16
57
I would like to request a trade home from uni because this lecture is really boring.
#AFLTrades
3
7
58
Didn't we say this about Dylan Shiel? Didn't we say it about Devon Smith?
What would Essendon’s forward line look like with Jon Patton in there? It's the move that could take the club from fighting for the top 8 to contending for a flag.
Essendon trade analysis:
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1
57
I'm not sure there's anything I dislike more on this godforsaken website than the trade whisperer. throw old mate whispy in the bin.
11
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Going back through some old stats for comparison and gee whizz what a play Gary Ablett Jr was. Absolutely unbelievable. The Gretzky of
#SuperCoach
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0
59
I'm currently indefinitely stuck on a train. Time has stopped moving. I can't remember the names of my family. It is cold. No-one is talking
6
8
56
Max Gawn was predicted to score 178 today in
#Supercoach
. RIP to everyone who captained him.
7
0
56
I hate how much I love this
1
2
51
Luke Ryan didn't play on from a kickout, trading him out the second lockout lifts
#SuperCoach
3
1
54
Obviously this couldn't be a more biased take but on form is Zach Merrett the best player in the comp?
39
1
54
Who the hell decided to play Thursday night football on the same night Australia play a World Cup match?
Infuriating. Stupid. Get rid of Thursday football.
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3
53
You think doing 60 overs of fine leg to fine leg is demoralising, try reading
@gradecricketer
. I feel personally attacked by this book.
0
6
47
I was tossing up between Macrae and Dunks as the VC, anyone wanna guess who I went with?
#Supercoach
20
0
51
As someone with a hard-to-pronounce last name, I'm still incredibly angry at BT's stance on Fantasia.
No problem with people getting it wrong to start with - it happens. But once you've been corrected it takes an arsehole of the highest order to spit in someone's face like that
9
2
48
If anyone wants to understand the AFL media in 106 seconds, this is it in all its dumpster-fire glory.
4
1
46
luke ryan has just taken a kickout and .... handballed it?
he's played on out of the square and handballed it to a teammate.
what.
5
0
48
Can you imagine not starting Paddy Cripps in
#Supercoach
?
Goodness gracious me I've made a big mistake there.
8
0
44
Patrick Cripps, welcome. I'm fixing a near two month mistake by bringing you in.
Everyone else - I'm sorry. Patrick Cripps is bad now.
11
1
46
I cannot emphasis enough how much I love having Clayton Oliver, Max Gawn, Christian Petracca and Jack Viney in my
#Supercoach
team. Exceptional.
2
1
46
Cocaine?! At this time of year, at this time of day, in that part of the country, localised entirely on the Gold Coast?
2
4
44
So Channel 7 in NSW just cut from the AFL pre-game to a re-run of The Chase UK without any warning. I need to get out of this god damn heathen state.
3
1
41
Dear everyone tweeting about potentially massive
#Supercoach
scores on Saturday,
Why must you tempt fate like this? Why?
Regards,
Patch
4
0
41
Sidebottom 146, Pendles 120, Pies winning by 10 goals?? What is this, 2011? What did Dane Swan score?
3
1
45
*extremely Italian voice*
Ayy-a it's-a Petrucelle, onto my field via da emergency loop-a-hole
#Supercoach
6
2
46
Uh so
@GenSorenessSC
is currently ranked second in
#Supercoach
. Second. Overall.
What a human.
7
0
45
The choice between fielding Doedee in the (very, very) wet or Naughton against Buddy feels like a challenge out of a Saw movie.
7
3
43
me: surely Jack Billings is at rock bottom as a
#Supercoach
option
jack billings: hold my absinthe
2
0
41
Australian of the Year
Millman: “It’s 1am and I have to get up at 7am for my fantasy draft. I’ve got pick two!”
Brilliant. 🎾🇦🇺
#usopen
12
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551
1
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42
Finally watching Moneyball for the first time, trade weeks gonna make so much sense from now on
5
0
43
bump
Really wanna start some rage trading and Monday night footy is cramping my style.
10
3
130
3
2
42
As someone who held him I'm now more confused and concerned than I was last week. Needing 44 touches to score 130 isn't a good sign
9
0
43
Holding the ball? More like holding my head in my hands at the absolute state of this game.
0
0
41
1) I'm on the edge of my seat watching a 12-year-old test
2) Justin Langer hasn't aged a day since 2007
3) Shane Warne was an okay bowler I guess
4) I miss Richie Benaud so much
#Ashes
3
0
40
Essendon has bombed it long to Walla twice in the opening 10 minutes of the praccy match. Christ almighty it's going to be a long year.
5
0
41
All of them.
0
0
41
THIS IS NOT WHAT I MEANT
@FantasyAFLGods
@FantasyAFLGods
I want the fantasy gods to have just the best weekend ❤ Just have a lovely time and relax and treat yourselves 😇
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