Otto Fernandez
@OttoFernandez
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Comedian/writer/actor EMAIL: fernandezotto872 @gmail .com
Brooklyn, NY
Joined October 2010
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Pinned Tweet
Here's me talking about my Dry January experience at this past Sunday's '98 Honda screening at Dynasty Typewriter
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It's Chinese New Year and the first day of Black History Month?
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Whoever drew this gotta have a wild search history
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Mainstream rap needs a filler episode. Maybe Meek plans a surprise party. Tyler, The Creator goes on two dates at the same time.
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Lil Nas X is quickly approaching Snoop Dogg levels of doing WHATEVER
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Job applications are essentially asking you to detail how ran through you are by capitalism
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Emily in Paris being nominated and I May Destroy You not being nominated is the most golden globes shit I can think of
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John 'Wich
Dude at jersey mikes is making my sub with a gun on his hip!
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Eric Adams sending 1,000,000 more cops to the subway stations to deal with this earthquake as we speak
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If The Bear was set in the Delancey Essex McDonald's it'd be the greatest show of all time
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You really gotta be a minimum level of psychopath to make any dream of yours come true lol
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Why is the mayor of a city always some guy who sucks?
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I don't like people being surprised at Katt Williams being thoughtful and articulate
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Getting my dick sucked: This doesn't happen to people like me very often
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Y'all really making snowmen like we don't have enough white people taking up space for no reason
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Me in the Disney writers room making sure their next Black protagonist stays a Black person the entire runtime
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These billionaires going to outer space when Popeyes is right here on Earth. Fucking idiots.
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White people finally have their own Tyler Perry
THR's TV Producer of the Year, Taylor Sheridan, says he can write episodes of hit TV shows in just 8-to-10 hours – and that Paramount never gives him notes. “Taylor writes scripts like you or I have a cup of coffee,” says his producing partner
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If Cruella de Vil is getting a movie then Michael Vick better get one too
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Kyrie wants the impossible shot
Nets' Kyrie Irving might be swayed to take plant-based COVID vaccine in works
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NYC is eventually gonna be flooded from the constant rainstorms and Cuomo and Adams are gonna give NYPD scuba gear
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Wow, this blew up, etc., etc.
Anyway, my cousin Romina started a gofundme to raise money for an emergency procedure she needs to get. Click through, donate & share. Thank you 🙏🏾
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If you miss working in an office because of the "social aspect" might I suggest going to other places you can be social at
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I don't have proof but Fiona Apple definitely has an Android phone
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It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia has done more to help America than Hamilton
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OJ didn't have anything else to live for after the Curb finale
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Seinfeld (1989 - 1998)
People SCARED to say stuff, BUT IM NOT and that’s why I only have 3 friends. 😭
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Do you guys remember Stanley Tucci's role in the Hunger Games films?
Jimmy Fallon.
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@taylorgarron
One of my biggest regrets in life is missing the cafeteria fight where a student knocked out a security guard and two, much shorter security guards struggled to lift him off the ground. I caught that part.
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Bill Cosby for Meek Mill is the greatest trade in history
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Deleting tweets isn't enough. I want my thoughts erased.
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If a mf tried to fight me on a plane I will singlehandedly recreate all 6 seasons of LOST. We can all die.
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I'ma turn Tom Holland into Uncle Ben fr
A behind-the-scenes look at Zendaya’s photoshoot for Interview’s 2021 Winter Issue.
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Y'all are dumb if you think the Andre 3000 flute album will be anything less than this
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People who work in the service industry should be making $30/hr AT LEAST and they should be legally allowed to knock mfs out when they get out of hand
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Not to be weird but I would fight 20 Tom Hollands just for Zendaya to hold me by the waist
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Lotta y'all have BLM in your bio but have never seen Friday After Next. Let's unpack that.
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RIP Peter Falk you would have been perfect in Better Call Saul
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I've been alive for 31 years and have never seen Bill Maher be funny or have heard anyone tell me about a time he was funny
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"We heard you host an 'alpha male' podcast so we took apart your car and left you the parts to rebuild it yourself"
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I'll follow people on Twitter and not on Instagram because sometimes I like the book but don't want the film adaptation
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She broke into his home and stole his heart
This man took “I can fix her” to the next level LMFAOOOOOO cmon bro
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I did molly for the first time ever last night and I just wanna say, fuck Ronald Reagan.
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These headlines gotta start with "THEY STILL ALIVE"
EXCLUSIVE: Pam Grier, actress of cult classics 'Jackie Brown,' 'Foxy Brown' and 'Coffy,' has inked with APA
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Unlike his sibling, Banana Peele, Jordan has never slipped up.
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Kanye is hoping God comes to Kim on some "My homie over there think you cute"
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I'm at a COVID hotel and one of the nurses gave me a Dr. Pepper when I asked for a medical provider
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Squirt isn't pee but what if it was free range chicken broth from Trader Joe's
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I'm gonna pretend this is a Christmas movie just because it'll be out on Christmas
NEW: Jordan Peele’s fourth movie as writer-director will drop in theaters on Christmas Day 2024. It is currently Untitled, and will once again be distributed by Universal.
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If you can do me a favor and share and donate what you can to this gofundme, please and thank you!
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Living in New York means that on occasion you'll randomly have to spend 200 to 300 dollars and then go about your day like you didn't just do that
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I need the aliens to stop playing around and clap our shit asap
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Confidence can get you through any situation in life
Congrats to ASAP Rocky, in celebration here's a classic clip where he spits his verse from 'Pharsyde' to get out of a situation at Oxford University
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Joe Biden's favorite show gotta be Seinfeld 'cause his administration is about nothing
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Free smoke with shipping
A man hurled racist slurs and a punch at a FedEx driver — then died after he was punched back
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Jessica Walter is from Brooklyn so where we putting up the mural?
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If the Queen dies from COVID I don't want to see a single painting of her doing the Wakanda Forever pose with Chadwick Boseman. I already know one of you niggas is working on that as I tweet this.
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We bout to get Madea Joins the Police Academy with Steve Guttenberg smh
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Bro how do people believe in God but don't believe in themselves? Embarrassing.
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Clarence Thomas: The New Queen Elizabeth
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I hope this tweet isn't the only time in my life I'll have a 401k 🤞🏾
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Happy to announce I'm writing for Gossip Girl on HBO MAX. In the pilot one of the white characters says nigger at a BLM protest and is forced to tweet a notes app apology after Black Twitter comes for them. Can't wait!
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Here's my take: That Mötley Crüe movie on Netflix, The Dirt, is White Straight Outta Compton
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Shout out Michael Bay for making a movie called Ambulance that costs the same price as an actual ambulance ride in America
Something of note about AMBULANCE: it cost $40 million. That’s surprising considering it looks more expensive and is scaled back for Michael Bay. But also, I hope it does well because moderately budgeted movies like this that rely less on IP should be more common.
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I'm really about to do 30 minutes of stand-up. And people showed up! Fucking nuts.
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Facebook users are gonna find out about this several months from now
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