Tatted Wench
@OnlyOneTuri
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5,204
Following
575
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2,334
Statuses
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Pinned Tweet
Life is not a waste of time and time is not a waste of life so let’s stop wasting time get wasted and have the time of our lives
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THEY ARE KILLING PEOPLE IN RONGAIII!!! TEARGAS AND GUNSHOTSS!! WE NEED MEDIA COVERAGE IN RONGAI!!
@KTNNewsKE
#RutoMustGo
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How I'm pulling up to Joan's house after i heard that her parents love mirrors
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“Ebu weka news, dunia inaweza kuwa inachomeka na tumekaa tu hapa”
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Hii uber haina ata tint watu wananiangalia ni kama niko kwa aquarium
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When you're dying from alcohol and your popular friend has to take you home but he's busy saying goodbye to the whole club
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“You have to make friends in University”
Me immediately class ends:
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It hurt so much i gave up playing.
Got scouted in primary, naambiwa i focus on KCPE
Got scouted in secondary, naambiwa i focus on KCSE
Was to be given a scholarship to play football in Portsmouth University naambiwa nitacheza ball nisahau kusoma
Entirely just gave up juu ya mzazi
Did it hurt? Did it hurt when you realized your dream of making it pro in a sport you love will never materialize?
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The Mpesa code ni ya June but heri yeye anatumiwa pesa heh!
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“Chudai!” Or whatever Bensoul says in the intro of all his songs
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Na hii baridi unaniitia ulevi surely? Kwani umechizi?? ᴺᵃᵛᵃᵃ ʲᵃᶜᵏᵉᵗ ⁿᵃᵏᵘʲᵃ ˢᵃᵃ ʰⁱⁱ
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"Yass babe😍😍😘 finish ussss! We are your ground, step on us!!"
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Mnamalizianga sentence na "but y'all aren't ready for that conversation" ndo msound intelligent lakini ni kichwa imejaa tu maji
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Once you start buying credit via Mpesa, there's no going back😩
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Ukishuka mat kwa jam alafu ianze kusonga inabidi utembee mbio ama ukimbie ufike mbele ya hio Mat ndo usikae fala
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When you don't use "si me ndo nakuambia" to prove a point
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How does it look that peaceful?? Kwani hizi za Kenya zimeingiliwa na shetani? You just step into someone's compound in Shagz and they'll gagaagegege while coming at you begging for a fight
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Sinanga shida kununua pads, condoms, P2 in public😂 but a shaving razor is my worst enemy, hio me huogopa kununua juu sina ndevu sasa watu wanajua ni ya mafuthi tu
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Kuna disease zingine tulifunzwa primary me huona ni myth
We ni lini uliskia mtu anasuffer from Whooping Cough??
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Msichana anakuambia “I’ll tell you when I’m free” na unamwamini?? We punda nini?
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This nigga amekuja na dame yake gym, dame akamlipia monthly subscription akamkiss akimwambia “Have a nice workout, food nimeacha kwa fridge” akaenda job😭😭manifesting bana!!
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When it's my time to do my presentation in front of the whole class
My Dick:
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"Where are you from?"
"Kenya.....Africa"
"Okay you have 30 seconds to represent Africa, gooooo...."
*starts shaking their spines embarrassing Africa and Kenyans*
Tory Lanez, Africans, Kenyans:
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When conversations get shorter with someone, they're getting longer with another one. The Theory of Replacement.
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Kupiga pregame na watu wa Solfest alafu unarudi home to your warm blanket, food and a good movie>>>>>
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Kama umesaviwa "David Bae" jua manzi yako alikudanganya anaenda South C kuona aunty yake na umebebwa ufala, dame venye amekata call yako amepick ingine na "Hey babe nashukia hapa Akila estate" na mwenye amepiga amesaviwa "Timo🍆💦"
Pole mkubwa
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Ebu oneni hio menu😭
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Unakohoa mpaka unatoa sauti za bata na unasema ni homa tu?
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Sina mtu wa kupenda, me si hoe wa mtu, siendi enjoyment, sina marafiki wengi, sina pesa, sina gari
Yaani niko tu.😂
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WE ARE NOT CALLING OFF THE PROTEST
@rigathi
!! Fuck off!!
#RutoMustGo
and you must go too!! Mdomo yako inanuka nainusa ata kwa nyumba yangu, funga mdomo
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When i wear my mum’s shoes to go help her bring the groceries in the house
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Indomie should package Bumbu Sauce and sell it as a spice on it's own, it slaps
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12 year old me trying to search how long Snoop Dogg's Dick was
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Nairobi to couples: "How do you want your heart broken"
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Utasoma concepts ngumu za Uni, ufanye exams na upite but trying to understand consent is where you draw the line??
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Malizaneni kabisaaa! In the end ni nyinyi wawili mnaumizana😂😂sisi tunafurahia tu drama na Chaos
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TL asleep?
No matter how much we try to deny it, we're all doing the most (clowning) for someone who doesn't like us as much as we do them
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It's weird how someone somewhere has a photo or a video of you in their gallery yet you don't know them
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Ni vizuri wameweka option ya electric boda. Nimechoka kuskia msee wa nduthi akicomplain kuhusu bei ya mafuta, huyu akianza kucomplain nachomoa power bank tuendelee na safari
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Petition to remove Life's Good by Future and Drake off YouTube
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ANOTHER FALLEN SOLDIER, WE NEED TO TAKE HIM TO THE ER QUICK! SOMEONE CALL 911!
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So we're watching Avengers with my mum
No one:
Absolutely no one:
My mum: Kwa hii vita yote, hawakulangi? (Her pointing to Captain America) huyu anashinda amekimbia na sijamwona akikunywa maji ata
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Nimekanyima
Nyumba inanukia food mbaya mpaka watoto wa neighbour wamekuja kuomba kiasi. Ati “Unco nipee chipo umepika”
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Imagine having this Kenyan edition mnavaa arafats, shambalas, supras in addition to the others😂
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I miss the times when a shawty grabs your hand during an event and bulldozes through the crowd till you reach front row to receive heavy whines and an intense makeout session
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Huyu ameingia kwa mat na pizza alafu anaikula tu tukimwangalia smh
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Ubaya ya kuwa single for a long time ni ukianza kuongelesha someone new, you’re so used to being on your own that the moment that other person starts bringing problems you’re too quick to go back to being on your own juu hutaki stress mingi
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Mara ya kwanza nilienda West Mall nilikuwa naexpect kuona building kubwa inatoshana na labda Galleria ama Westgate hivi, nilikuwa disappointed kuona inatoshana na DH ya shule
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Having a sibling is hard😂
Y'all would rather die hungry than cook for each other
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"Even though your crush is way out of your league, you can do it! Nimekuaminia"
~Alcohol~
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Ukizoea private school uingie public mtu hushtuka mbaya😭sasa huku ni wapi nasomea
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Naenda kutafuta a tweet that’s educational that would benefit me napatana na porn videos nanyonga naendelea kuwa mjinga
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Enyewe mbona utoe tweet hapa alafu ukienda kuweka kwa App ama IG you crop out the name of the person who tweeted it😕😕
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Imagine thinking that a guy has slid in your Dm to woo you and you think he's that smooth only to find out that he used you as an experiment for the TL😂 and he even posts it. Huyu msichana aki😂
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How i ignore most calls then later text "Aki I'm sorry i didn't see your call"
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Honestly speaking, i think Chemistry should be banned
Like, what the fuck was that subject?!?!
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Nimeorder cupcakes for my mum for Mothers day lakinj venye ameingia room na fujo kuniamsha ati nioshe vyombo na kuattend mass ya tv, naona nijiseti kwa bedroom nikule tu zote
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Kama Nyege zako
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Hello😊 here i have some high quality charcoal which you can use during this cold period at home to keep you warm. They don't produce any smoke as they just turn brown when burnt as seen below. We offer it in 2kg,5kg,25kg,50kg.
Kindly RT my customer might be on your TL
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Am i the only one who usually turns off the Wifi/Data on my phone when showing my parents sth on my phone juu wengine wenu mnaweza tuma sth which will make them take my phone
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So Rihanna has been training for World War 3 instead of making an album, she even gave us a hint in her song "Man Down" but i guess we never got the hint.
Biggest clowns we are
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@IChoseViolences
“Yep that’s me, you’re probably wondering how i ended up in this situation”
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Mathe jana alipata cuffs kwa room yangu akaleta shida ikabidi nimchapie nimeingia Drama club ya shule ati tulikuwa tunatumia cuffs kwa skit fulani ya kuonyesha colonisation in Kenya na ati nilikuwa mfungwa
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Ona sasa nimerudi kwa nyumba ya wazazi nishaanza kuambiwa nioshe vyombo mara nicover vitabu za shule za huyu mara nireplace mawe za ukuta mara nikuwe shepherd kama David nichunge mbuzi from Hyenas nikicheza flute
Holidays ziishe nirudi kwa raha zangu za bedsitter
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When you sit for an exam and look through all the questions and you know nothing
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Venye hii course inaenda naona I drop out nianze kazi as the first fundi wa earphones
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The day some of you will accept correction and not take as it if people are attacking you, is when you'll move on
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Just had a talk with my mum and she said "You should first heal your hurting heart before moving on because you will bleed on people who never caused you the pain, people who want the best of you"
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1. Start talking then become acquaintances
2. Talk everyday
3. Become close friends
4. Start having arguments
5. Conversations die or you talk once in two weeks
6. Then you stop talking
7. They leave your life
8. Someone else comes along
AN ENDLESS CYCLE
YOU HATE TO SEE IT
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Am i the only one who calculates the distance when I'm meeting people at a specific time? I'll be like
"Huyu anaishi Muthaiga na mimi Nairobi West, ndo afike town atachukua 30 mins na mimi 10 mins so wacha nitoke after 20 mins ndo tupatane at the same time"
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It is okay to outgrow your old friends and move on with the new friends you’ve made
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Dis you?
Mliamua to hell with morals. Skuizi ni kujipleasure for online recognition.
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I really don't understand people, they send you a message first saying hi and when you respond they just leave you on read or don't open the text
Why text me in the first place??
What was the reasonnnnnn??
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When you see your crush post that “Who visits your twitter profile” thing and you realize she’s a kienyeji
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When it comes to gifts, i don't even know what i would want someone to get me. Nakuanga nimeappreciate kila kitu ata kama ni socks juu sijazoea kuwa gifted
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PIGA UA!! Hii ata anafaa kujiweka self quarantine ndo arudishe self esteem yake😂😂
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If i ever call you nikuulize "Uko?" We jua i have money and I'm going to buy you a whole bottie
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When you're home alone and you're walking and dancing around naked then you hear someone opening the door
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Si we just agree, as single people, tuende mahali we just get wasted hiyo siku ya Valentines
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Do parents ever realize they're the problem when their kids refuse to come back home and prefer to stay at their own places?
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Endeleeni kuuliza huyo msee wa IG wa (i_know_who_you_are_kenya) mjipate Illuminati ati mshauza souls😂😂 don't you find it weird the person knows about you na humjui
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Nowadays I'm reciprocating energies😂 I'm pulling a You on you
People getting mad because I don't give them energy and i love it!
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"Unakumbuka Brayo na Jackie, eeh wale walikuwa wanadate. Baas hao! Imagine waliachana, Alafu Jackie akaenda kudishiwa na Allan juzi kwa bash ya Brayo! Sema drama!"
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