Nomfundo Marele
@NomfundoMarele
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A dragon slayer. Storm rider. Phoenix. A Mama. A Lover of Beautiful Things. Light. Bright. Living. ‘Shame must change sides’
Joined February 2009
Every month from age 3 I’d take Little Human for a ‘Yes Day’. She could choose any 3 things to do. It was usually a movie, an outfit and a toy. This year for my Christmas present she took me to Clicks and told me to choose any 3 things and paid with her own savings. She’s 12 🥹🥹.
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He was in SA years ago and we ended up at a private dinner with him. When we got tipsy, we started singing his songs to him… even the sax parts. He was so amused 😂😂😂.
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6 years ago, I resigned from a job with nothing but an idea. I had no plan but an intense knowing that things would work out. Within 6 months I had won a multimillion rand pitch from a multinational that had never used a Black-owned business in that way before.
#DearChild. Name your victories.
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@THISisLULE it’s the little acts of cruelty designed to lower someone’s self esteem that are so awful. It’s like death by a 1000 paper cuts. I’m glad she’s choosing herself.
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You can request copies of your dockets. Ask for copies first after reporting the matter, then ask for copies of the docket which include investigator notes of what investigations have been done. No, you’re not being difficult for asking for these, you have a legal right to them.
South Africa is such a wild place, how does SAPS lose 63% of dockets????.
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And people will withhold support and applause to make you doubt yourself. Celebrate your own achievements always. Every single one.
Some of you don't think your work is good enough just because no one is clapping.
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Michelle Obama: "I have been at every powerful table you can think of. They are not that smart"
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I worked with a guy who talked about using the same vaccination needle on hundreds of kids with such glee. Apartheid roped in their worst sociopaths. These people were rewarded, married, started business, built communities, passed their pathology onto their kids. And here we are.
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Black South Africans can both disagree with someone’s politics and empathise from a deep place of understanding injustice when that person is being treated unfairly. These things are not mutually exclusive, we can do both. This tweet is bizarre.
It's very nice to see all this outpouring of "black solidarity" with @MmusiMaimane on Twitter following his resignation from the Democratic Alliance. Maimane needed that solidarity on May 8, people. Only 4% of black SAns who cast their votes went with DA on May 8. So, nywe nywe.
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My child wanted to go on an ‘adventure’. I had to dress in ridiculous clothes then pack her a suitcase with snacks, water, vaseline and blankets. We walked 2km to the mall where she proceeded to lay out the blankets and have a picnic. Then we walked back home. My ego is at zero.
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Mmhhhh. I battle with this idea of not being owed anything. If we choose to be in each other’s lives for one reason or other, then we owe each other basic humanity. If either of us chooses to operate outside of that, then it’s a declaration of the basis of our relationship.
I do not blame people for choosing themselves over and over again. No one owes me anything . Not loyalty , not love , nothing . The past two years have taught me that .
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It’s true. CorpSA randomly showing up like this is more proof that poverty is manufactured. There’s enough money in this country. Selective generosity is used to foster goodwill while the structure of what causes poverty remains.
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People often stay in abusive relationships because of something called 'trauma bonding' — here are the signs
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Mbaks’ clowning irritates me. He’s in a serious position of authority and he treats it like a big joke. Instead of communicating his department’s plans and policies - the very reason he has a public platform - he clowns around. It’s disrespectful to citizens.
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Where does one report an undocumented migrant of European descent working illegally in SA?.
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Bizarre and irrational question designed to manipulate women into doubting their value and proving their worth by overextending themselves for an imaginary table.
Sex aside,what do women bring to the table?.
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A meeting request made him cry? 😂😂😂😂😂.
“ Meghan was awful to staff , sending emails at 5 am in the morning, reducing men to tears ” . The email and the man in question .
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A teacher at my daughter’s school bullies her. My daughter has told me that this teacher has yelled at her twice and pushed her. I’m now being made out to be the crazy Black woman for getting police involved. The teacher, an older white woman, has somehow become the victim.
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Abusers make threats when they start losing control to scare victims into staying. ‘You’re nothing without me’ .‘Noone can love you like I do’.‘I’ll take the house, the kids and leave you with nothing’.‘I’m going to k*ll myself’.‘I’ll tell everyone you’re crazy’.‘I’ll ruin you’.
NSFAS, social grants likely to disappear should ANC lose power - Ramaphosa
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@moorehn the twisted part of this dynamic is that they will pit their strong wife/girlfriend against their strong mother to assert their dominance and feed their contempt for women. The women will unknowingly play a dangerous, dirty patriarchal game orchestrated by a weak and hateful man.
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@vuyo16 those people looted the state. It still makes no sense that they were never investigated and prosecuted. The democratic state should have a unit dedicated solely for that purpose.
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Classic predator language + pattern, here. He tests boundaries, tries to entice with something ‘shiny’ to hide true intentions. He tries to guilt her out of something she values. He’s aggressive in his demands, dismissive + minimises her concerns then plays victim when called out.
Being A Girl In Any Industry, In This World. Like The Nerve.
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@CheriFlavour a waiter in his 50s told me that he wanted a second wife. I asked him how he’d take care of everyone. He said God would provide. Ndancama 😂. All of this to say, we can’t take those people seriously. They have no plan.
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An abuser gets more abusive towards a woman as she becomes more successful. His already fragile ego gets destroyed and he sabotages her out of envy.
My theory abt woman abuse has just been shuttered, I thought when women are economically empowered they can't be abused, they have power. But at the funeral we are told that Dr T was abused, perhaps glimmer of hope is she was eventually leaving him, not sure why she stayed long.
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I heard a white guy whisper this about me ’She walks like she owns the place’. I intensified that walk.
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Having wants, needs and desires is part of being human. Being called strong so others can avoid making the effort to meet your needs is a scam. It took me a long time to realise this.
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People with a hidden agenda assume that everyone else operates like that. That’s why they’re so difficult to deal with.
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A guy from that abusers list worked as a manager at my favourite spot, Truffles. I spoke to the owners a few weeks ago. They didn’t know what to do about it, so they kept an eye on him and found him stealing. Because in the end, abusers abuse everyone. He’s been fired.
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It’s a tricky ethical dilemma with Herman because I deeply disagree with his politics but this one fight. My Blackness wants him to give them hell, my leftist politics wants to ask him where he was going in the first place & my middle classness wants him to stay because he works.
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@Musanathi2 I’ve found that they have to be made of cotton wherever you buy them. Abahlali oontshontshi kwi-cotton.
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An abusive relationship is one in which the person at the receiving end of the abuse spends inordinate amounts of time teaching someone else how to treat them, explaining, repeating themselves while the abuser continues without a care or consequence.
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A mistake is forgetting to turn off the stove. Do you know the kind planning it takes to enslave, rape and pillage whole entire nations over centuries then coerce THEM into paying you large parts of their GDP to economically cripple them after they free themselves?.
President Macron has described France's colonialism of certain African countries as a terrible mistake and fault.
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I decided to make different flavours of smoothies for the six year old. Her response: ‘It’s like wine-tasting for kids!’.
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Relationships with people who are direct, self-reliant and emotionally hygienic work differently. They just get on with it and things move organically. There’s equal room for intimacy and autonomy. I like this side of adulting 💞.
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I’m having such a bizarre experience. A burglary happened. The suspects are white and known. Footage from the burglary exists. Now other white people are hiding the footage to cover it up. This literally feels like the movie Get Out.
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Deflection and blameshifting is when an abuser brings up and hyperfocuses on the victim’s reaction to abuse. Often abusers will infact claim to be victims. It’s a controlling tactic used to cause confusion and create doubt in the victim and others who find out about the abuse.
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I keep thinking that Mbenenge agreed to a public hearing so that his lawyers can retraumatise and publicly humiliate his victim. He’s going to use his turn at cross examination to play out his rage and punish her for exposing him. I really hope she has the right support.
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I was married to a narcissist for 12 years — and I had NO idea
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@thuli_zl OMG, you’re so right! A proper production budget and visionary network would win. A Saturday morning show when everyone’s at home 🎯.
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The teacher also gaslit my daughter and straight up denied that she’d yelled at her. Last week, out of spite, this teacher also would not accept my daughter into a virtual lesson and is withholding schoolwork. Now I must involve lawyers.
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Vulnerability requires such courage. It’s a hard emotion and state to be in because you have to let go of so much of your made up self. That self which was necessary and shielded you for a large part of your life with no guarantee of what’s on the other side. It’s too risky.
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Psychological abusers don't go for the weak — they choose strong people because they 'like a challenge'
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I’m listening to a podcast where an addiction specialist describes addiction as not a sickness but a desperate attempt by an addict to make an unbearable life liveable. Such a beautifully empathetic viewpoint.
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Once an abuser is outed/exposed, he goes on a charm offensive to manipulate others into believing his nice guy facade. He’ll also play victim and project the victim as crazy and abusive. The smear campaign may also sound like concern for the victim’s wellbeing.
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Bathong! White South Africans even make news for living like migrants like they’re above it.
White people who left south Africa are poor and struggling in New Zealand they even pray in Setswana.
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@BongaDlulane @TheGautrain it’s awful! They are so violent as well. The Gautrain guards just stand there and watch. Clearly @TheGautrain don’t take the safety of their passengers seriously enough.
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I met a woman whose ex killed her teenage son, stole her house, took out a protection order against her when she confronted him then had her arrested for violating the order when she wanted her to fetch her belongings from her house. She spent 6 months in Sun City.
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This is a fantastic thread to understand how emotionally/psychologically abusive relationships start out and progress.
To understand coercive control. To REALLY understand it, you need to understand how manipulators work. The things they know they can do, to bring us to our knees. #coercivecontrol
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@WheelsnToys there’s always been stories that mules who get caught are being used as bait. They’re much lower in the value chain and they get used to distract the public to make it seem like criminals are being caught that time the real masterminds are left to run wild.
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@karenmitchell__ I’ve come across several predators in mental health, some work with kids. The damage they cause using their skills, knowledge and titles is harrowing. Some regulators themselves have predators so reporting is futile. The aim is to drag it out as long as possible to exhaust you.
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First they took the country when we closed our eyes to pray, and now they're taking it again while we covered our eyes to dab.
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Mdu is that friend who deliberately sabotages you then plays the victim. Athi ‘Yhuuu, uxolo tshomi. Please forgive me. I hope this doesn’t affect our friendship’. That time wena you’re left cleaning up emotional, financial and reputational harm.
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We'll see how #colourblind you are after 5 years in CorpSA, you train Stacey, who - a year later - becomes your boss
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This is soooo good! Delicious. Just excellent. >>>> Robert Mugabe: The leader who shouldn’t have been
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Even Solange hinted at Lemonade with this Coachella outfit. Love it!
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@_Onezwa it really was! He’s such a special man. Wasiyeka, wasikhuthaza simculela, simnxilela like it was the most natural thing on earth 😂😂😂.
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The psychology of abuse is complex. The conditioning that happens long before the physical attack is what keeps the victim in the relationship. Abusers are cunning. An abuser can easily manipulate the real abuse victim to publicly defend him.
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It’s been a bumpy ride but I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
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Ask for a form called a disclosure form. Allegedly you are supposed to receive the complete docket within 30 days of request.
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It’s narcissistic. Designed purely to get external adoration and affirmation while being harmful and toxic when no one is watching. Vile.
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@MorolongZA I love this! Sometimes you just want the experience and not the commitment. The experience will tell you whether you need the commitment.
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@MamepeKam @Tina_Hokwana she actually did. One of the attorneys I’m working with on a part of the case is a referral from Tina. I’m grateful to her. To them both.
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Because of women who are feminists, I am able to choose my path. I have language to verbalise oppression and injustice. I singlehandedly built a multimillion rand business by 35. I have an unshakable sense of self ❤️.
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@shawanel @LeratoMannya I’m into my cheesy nostalgia. Put Michael Bolton here and see what I become 😂😂😂.
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An ex-friend who repeatedly antagonised me while I played the bigger, understanding person until I cut her off 2 years ago has is trying to set up playdates with my daughter and her kids behind my back. I, being the peaceful, mature adult that I am threatened legal action.
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Hey Twitter friends, I need your help. My business did an event 3 years ago and this person is dodging paying several hundred thousand rands, even with a court order. She recently moved to avoid the sheriff. Her name is Nkuli Kgositsile, the event was for her mother, Baleka Mbete.
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I love Limpho Hani's unapologetic stance. I love that she's angry. I love that she's not allowing herself to be guilted into forgiveness.
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‘Plausible deniability = doing something intentionally, yet done in such a way that the aggressor can claim it wasn’t intentional, and so the victim has no way to prove that claim wrong. This is the core of passive aggression and of gaslighting.’.
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I once fired u-Anti for stealing money from my wallet. She later sent me a text saying ‘Mkkkkk, ulibambe lingashoni ntombazana’. I used up all my mpepho that week 🙆🏾♀️.
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“Dysfunctional families ‘resolve’ conflict by pretending it never happened”.
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I was so shocked when someone said she sometimes pays her full time nanny in old clothes when she can’t give her cash. I nearly collapsed.
Guys if you can't pay the R20 per hour for a helper as per the Minimum Age Act, don't exploit people. People out here wanting to be madams while they can't afford it. Imagine. Clean your own home like the rest of us asseblief. .
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#ifDAwins we'll still be jobless, landless, economy-less with substandard education, health, housing, services. Pretty much like now+always.
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@salma_khumalo @DeeDunn_ Salam, you sound abusive or accepting of abusive behaviours so I won’t rely on your opinion on criminal conduct, askies.
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As a fellow brick lover, I can tell you that they’re incredibly versatile toys. You can dress them up as dolls, drive them like cars, keep them as pets. Ndibala ntoni?.
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It’s weird this thing our politicians have of shifting responsibility to citizens for the consequences of their poor decisions. Also, making demands on citizens’ spirituality when they make misaligned decisions is disrespectful.
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Can you imagine if aspirant mayors, MECs, Premiers, Presidents, etc. were vetted + grilled like those candidates? #PublicProtectorInterviews.
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@davidgmandel you have to have been through it to truly understand. The incidents on their own seem meaningless. It’s the unpredictability, intensity and continuity of controlling and abusive behaviours over a short period, designed to destabilise the target. It’s like living in an asylum.
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@t0nit0ne I used to believe this, now it depends on what led to the breakup and their behaviour afterwards. I’ll protect your secrets but if you smear me, I’ll clear things up.
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The way I dislike teachers who ridicule their students.
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The craziest thing is that the owners then started noticing other unsavoury staff he was working with to con them and fired them too. Suddenly business is booming. I think the lesson is that isolating abusers is good for business.
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I like it when the nasty behaviours of dirty old men who should know better are exposed for all to see. Mabadizwe!.
[WATCH] "Please send a juicy pic before you sleep." This is a message allegedly sent by Eastern Cape Judge President Selby Mbenenge to court secretary Andiswa Mengo. She explains her response to this text message at the tribunal. #Newzroom405
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They’re sending ‘students’ to burn down the university to try and stop a criminal investigation. Murder, harassment and intimidation didn’t work. It’s a campaign of terror.
The University of Fort Hare (@ufh1916) is burning as students torch exam halls to halt the start of exams. These are live scenes of the burning Sports Complex where all major events, including exams, happen. I'm not sure what it'll take to fix this historical institution. 💔💔
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Financial abuse is another tool abusers use on women. They manipulate women into carrying the bulk of the financial responsibilities in the household. This is done subtly, an abuser is always working on a deal, waiting for a payment, etc. Conmen, parasites and leeches.
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@zilevandamme this is immature, nonsensical grandstanding. We are in the middle of a global pandemic. Testing a government trying to manage it and encourage defiance is political immaturity masked as activism or some bizarre idea of defending civil liberties. Citizens deserve better than this.
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OMG, yes! I’m starting over at 45, it’s truly the best. I spent my 20s and 30s focusing on my career, family and friendships. My interests now include gardening, sewing, painting, beauty, fitness, design. This phase belongs to me. Figuring it all out. All the best 🫶🏾.
Just a question I've been pondering on lately. Can a person "start over" again at the age of 48? Im very young at heart and don't have what people would classify as "normal" ambitions. Mine are Fitness & Beauty and Painting. I'm not academic. How does 1 start over in life?.
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@sighahh the anti-Blackness in Arab communities is something I’m conscious of even as I empathise with the people of Palestine.
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@Tina_Hokwana Nonxuba never would have gotten away with it for so long without corrupt officials. Those who were meant to have oversight in the court, Master’s, Treasury, DoH must be investigated for looking the other way or actively participating in his corruption. The SIU must get involved.
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In the circus that is my life, this lady has accused me of being jealous of her gold teeth.
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When my now 8 yo was 3 or 4, she saw me naked leaning into a bath with my boobs hanging and jiggling. She kept asking why my boobs were long like ropes. When I was telling her the story last night, she started calling me Rapunzel, said I could start weaving them like a rope 😭.
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We really deserve better public servants than what we've been seeing on our TVs recently.
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@Fikz_the_Cook well done to you for this, Fikz. We love who you are. No amount of money is worth compromising who you are. Recovering from that will cost you way more.
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