Natalie the Valkyrie
@NatalieAndrew
Followers
1,643
Following
392
Media
4,791
Statuses
64,908
Fearless. A damsel undistressed. Mother of dead plants. Fan of all things ridiculous and fast. Mission: Messing with the patriarchy.
Somewhere
Joined May 2009
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Pinned Tweet
Dating in Cape Town is so hard. Why do I need to climb mountains and hills on a date? I just want a boyfriend that I can one day marry and make babies with. How does doing the Tour de Atlantic Seaboard help me decide if you're worth keeping?
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The comments focusing on weight meanwhile the real take out from this video is the little one is being taught sharing and taking turns which are huge developmental building blocks because it supports speech, social skills, empathy etc. Well done big bro. 💜
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So the kid wanted shoes with lights on. Damned if I was going to pay R800 for an ugly shoe that he'll wreck and outgrow in a few months.
I bought running shoe lights for R79 and slapped them on a pair of Pep sneakers. 🙃
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Not one woman. Not one black person. The hardest working people on this planet.
Tell me again hard work pays.
World's richest people 2021:
1.🇿🇦🇺🇸Elon Musk
2.🇺🇸Jeff Bezos
3.🇺🇸Bill Gates
4.🇫🇷Bernard Arnault
5.🇺🇸Mark Zuckerberg
6.🇨🇳Zhong Shanshan
7.🇺🇸Warren Buffett
8.🇺🇸Larry Page
9.🇺🇸Sergey Brin
10.🇺🇸Larry Ellison
11.🇺🇸Steve Ballmer
12.🇫🇷F. Bettencourt Meyers
13.🇮🇳Mukesh Ambani
-Bloomberg
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I'm starting to think people working from home are setting up meetings just so they can prove they are in fact working. We never had the need for this many meetings before March 2020.
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Not South Africans playing "Is it Covid? Is it Typhoid? Is it Gastro?"
😫😫😫
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You still don't get it.
62m South Africans beat you last week.
62m South Africans raised that cup with Siya.
62m South Africans woke up world champions today.
We call it country duty. If you still can't compute, just walk away. It's beyond you.
South African president Cyril Ramaphosa thrust himself front and centre of the Springboks’ World Cup celebrations - lifting the trophy just eight seconds after captain Siya Kolisi
#TelegraphRugby
#RWC2023
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Women have to accomplish twice as much to get half as much: A Case Study.
Bafana Bafana
Banyana Banyana
The end.
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Our politicians are a shit show. But man, every time I vote, I get emotional for our people, our constitution, our hard fought for freedom.
We'll get it right eventually. We're the trail blazers of this world. If anyone can get it right, it is us. 🇿🇦
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If it's not mountains and rocks and rivers and roads then I have to win gold in the drinking Olympics, otherwise I'm boring.
No man. Just calm down.
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I love how so many religious calendars synced up this year in this weekend. Christian, Muslim, Hindi, Tamil. Maybe there's more that I haven't come across. I hope so.
God bless you all, whichever one you believe in. 🙏🏾
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Imagine running for 12 hours and you get 300 V*tality points.
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Standard Bank's payment holiday is good for those who's income has been impacted. But if you can pay your installments in full or part, please do so. The interest and fees they are going to charge will cost you more in the long term. This is cash flow relief, not a freebie!
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Who else watches The Crown with Google on hand?
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Girls don't want boyfriends. Girls want the metabolism of a teenage boy and the fortune of an old white man.
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@badgirlnuri
Cousin ran away with her older sister's husband, they got married and had 4 children. Plus the two children by the older sister, second cousin ended up raising 6 kids. 🙃
My aunt had a kid age 45. Her husband and my father had had a vasectomy at the same time 25 years before. 🙃
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Getting cat called in public. Then they notice I'm with a guy. They apologize...to the guy.
Someone please explain. It's happened to me a few times.
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First they hogged the vaccines for themselves. Then they reluctantly supplied them. Now they don't recognize the same vaccines. It's OK to use the third world for cheap labour and goods but can't have them coming to our shores.
Ok then. Understood.
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So much of our daily lives revolves around money. Making it. Spending it. Saving it. Not saving it. Having it. Not having it. Wanting it. Needing it. Giving it away. Receiving it. Honestly, this is why we're all so tired.
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Please white people. Imitating an Indian "accent" when you meet a Durban Indian is rude, cringey, unattractive, and not in the least funny. Have some manners.
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The curse that is being a trustee for a Body Corp. Now I have to explain to a tenant that owners make rules and tenants don't get a vote. Last week I had to explain why fire extinguisher hoses can't be used to fill up the pool. Last week I was part of a cat identity parade. 🤦🏾♀️
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@iamkoshiek
If their signage is not sponsored by coke and their tables not covered in pladtic, you're wasting your time and money. Go home.
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Here it is! I finally did it!
I married myself. 🤗
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Why can't we build useful things in honor of people? Like parks, and bridges, and history museums, and libraries?
Members of the KwaZulu-Natal legislature have supported a proposal to erect a statue to honour the late King Goodwill Zwelithini kaBhekuzulu and remove one of Queen Victoria.
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@fcfortune
Found out when he ended up in the hospital because her husband took a lead pipe to his head after pulling a gun on him.
Realized I'm the star of the circus when I found myself listening to him compare and "rate" her and I. 🤡🤡🤡
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Why isn't there a retirement age for government officials? After 65 you need to go sit on your porch and shout at the neighbors kids, not to on TV and lie to the nation.
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Uncle Cyril
@CyrilRamaphosa
if you're not telling us you're firing all your looters and the incompetent seat warmers in your cabinet, then maybe rather just watch the Sunday night movie and leave us be. We're busy trying to survive this SA the ANC created.
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The last five minutes of a Springbok game lasts 7 hours. It's science.
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The rest of the world plays rugby. This team plays the game of unity and hope. That's the difference. Know your why.
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Netflix and Gift of the Givers must save 7de Laan. There's no way we lose that too as a country. It's going too far.
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"gents be safe"
Safe from what exactly?
Fuck this thinking. We're never getting out of this GBV hell.
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How do kids wake up fully functional the second they open their eyes? Like I'm still trying to remember what planet I'm on.
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Went to shops. Not gonna lie. Between the price of groceries, Cape Town wind and this dress I'm wearing, I was fighting for my life. 🥴
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This year I
- turn 42
- have my braces out
- add 2 certifications and one qualification to my CV
- get off my chronic meds
Suddenly I'm excited.
😎
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Ten years ago I stood in this spot and decided I could be happy living in this city. It took a whole to make it happen, but here I am, a resident now. Can't believe I bought a home just across the bay, in the distance of this spot.
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My People. Who are we voting for come May 29? There's no one. I checked. It's stressing me.
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It's official... I'm a Cape Town property owner. 😱
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@Zymelizer
We get enough of that too sis. That is the standard. That's why it's so disappointing when you actually get asked out but it's to the top of a mountain and your own two legs must get you there, at a ridiculous hour.
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Shout out to the only South African and the most important driver that's on every starting grid -
@alanvdm
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Today is exactly 5 years since I took that one wsy flight from Durban to CT. It wasn't always easy but I've been happier and healthier for. It took 37 years before I got to know real and lasting happiness.
Very thankful for all I have and where I am. 🙏🏾
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This man is wasting our time. We need A style management. Quick, decisive action. Not reflective, history lessons in a bedtime voice.
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@anika_m_
Oh ya, for sure. Dating in Durban is basically looking for something edible in a wasteland.
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@Lexy_irl
We're not walking through the valley of the shadow of death with Tinder kings. We value our lives.
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After 6 weeks of eating under the guidance of a dietician, I've lost 9% of my body weight, had no flare ups of my chronic condition, I'm enjoying my meals more and actually eat more, and there's nothing that I have had to cut out completely.
Proof that diets don't do the job.
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Exam passed. Entry to next week's exam is secured. Back on track after a bump in the road.
I can do this.
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@LesegoTlhabi
Women's success is always handicapped by marriage and kids. Always. Even if they have relative saints for husbands.
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I need a beach resort holiday. All day meals and drinks on demand. Beach in the morning. Pool in the afternoon. Spa treatments before dinner. Books in between. Warm, comfy king bed for the night. The sea for a lullaby.
A girl is tired.
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There's a definite uptake in emigration. Netherlands and Ireland seems to be the big takers. There's nothing wrong with this. There's a whole wide world out there to explore. What is wrong is the way some people are acting because they've moved/are moving overseas.
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@LesDaChef
@FordSouthAfrica
Looks like this car was made for him, personally.
If Ford SA don't cast our Porridge in his super cute scarf in their next ad, their entire marketing team needs to be fired for sleeping on the job.
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An apology for me has three components.
1. Admission and clear understanding of wrong doing (say the words)
2. Genuine remorse (show the words)
3. Changed behavior (do the words)
Anything less is lip service.
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@ChristoThurston
Eskom had some of the most highly skilled people in the field. Many left over the years because of the political interference. As an entity on its own Eskom could have run very successful if it were not for political agendas being pushed through the entity over the years.
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Jesus didn't go to church a day in his life. He held church wherever he went.
Stay at home, hold church in your house and stop trying to use faith to manipulate people.
Y’all really think we gonna stop going to church because of a virus? Where th is your faith? Don’t you serve a miracle working God?
🙃
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@lilithlakshmi
Less spoilt brat and entitlement, more maturity and emotional intelligence please.
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While businesses adjust and decide how they want to approach the scrapping of masks as a requirement indoors, please be patient and understanding and have a mask at hand should you find yourself in a space that still enforces masks. Don't fight with staff. It's not fair on them.
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This is Eskom hair and the face of a person who woke up in a "fuck it, let's just do it" mood after a horrible night's sleep, waking up feeling hungover without having had a drink. I'm 41 years old, bad ass and tired. I can do whatever I want.
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I think it is insensitive and tone deaf to be going on about all these loans and funds and relief when it has failed to reach the people it was meant to benefit. Rather say nothing.
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Going to have to be more specific. We've been knocking people out of WCs for a month now. Busy nation.
WE ARE OUT OF THE WORLD CUP SOUTH AFRICA WILL PAY FOR THEIR CRIMES 😭😭😭💔💔💔💔
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Landed in CT.
Weather 14 degrees with 55km/ph wind
Load shedding slot starts
Cars doing 40 in a 100 zone
Aaaah, home.
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Yoh. I passed. I don't know how. But I did. Totally wiped out, but it's done.😭 I don't want to see a calculator for another month at least.
(Natalie, you are an accountant and you have to go back to work tomorrow. With your calculator.)
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Guys, my brother is an anti-vaxer. I only just found out. I don't know how to deal with this.
Please respect my privacy during this difficult time as I come to terms with this.
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My first half marathon. Everything was going great until 15kms. Then my legs were done. Still, I did it. For now, that's good enough.
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Cape Town people drive with no sense of purpose.
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My dentist told me to use a baby toothbrush. Stood in Clicks for 20 minutes trying to pick one.
Anyways, now I have a night toothbrush and a morning one.
I earn my own earn money, I can do what I want with it.
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And 4 years later we're finding out Trump is not the problem, America is. He just gave America permission to be themselves. Who they are is really problematic.
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@iamkoshiek
Counted stock in an abattoir. Don't eat processed meat anymore.
Counted stock in a supermarket. Don't buy food from food counters anymore.
Counted stock in a lighting and electrical business. Will never attempt DIY.
Stock counts will ruin things. Everyday things.
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That zapiro cartoon always leaves me with that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. An acrid mixture of fear, disgust and revulsion.
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I don't remember the reason I joined Twitter but this is the reason I stayed. Every so often someone will articulate my exact experience in a way that I can't because I'm too much in the thick of it, and then I don't feel like an island, a weirdo, a lost soul at sea.
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And here's the compulsory birthday selfies. Cos thems the rules.
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@PearlPillay
Me! Me! Me!
Gratuitous use of "unacceptable".
"I feel for them *but*..." narrative.
Completely shocked that larger societal issues are allowed to be an inconvenience to them.
Showing complete ignorance when asked a direct question.
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My little tiger is waiting for surgery. Looks a bit frightened. 😔
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Second birthday outfit for second birthday party. Because why not? I am extra like that.
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😂 Guys.
It's Aunt, not mom. (10x the fun without the trouble)
The kid is crazy about it!
I know you can get the shoes in Jet, but these are interchangeable with all his lace ups.
No, I'm not available to run for president. 🤣
(Thanks for all the compliments.🤗)
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Marketing.
What is the difference between Load Shedding and Rolling Blackouts?
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I just realised from Stage 7 the primary objective becomes preventing grid collapse and no longer electricity provision anymore.
Considering we've been on stage 6 for so long, that's a very sobering thought.
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Someone needs to explain this bare ankles in suits look to me. Was the suit so expensive that you couldn't afford the socks? Did they not have a pants in your size? I don't understand.
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It's day 472 of the taxi strike but no one remembers why anymore. Days of the week have become irrelevant but we think it's Tuesday. This is based on a feeling, Tuesday was always a nothing day. I often think about Horseleigh, the Republic of Cape Town's first daughter.
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@justbreatheOK
Entrepreneurs.
Artisans and tradesmen.
Artists.
Sir Lewis Hamilton.
Send the email.
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@fcfortune
Not even the half of it. Not long after he had to come clean about a whole baby of his being born to a whole other woman who was also married. We had graduated from circus to twilight zone.
He had a type, I wasn't it.
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Got told to smile today. In my office. Uninvited. When I was busy working.
Men think we owe it to them to light up like a Christmas tree at the sight of their faces.
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This fool really did "well actually" me because I wouldn't meet him at his place. I can't anymore. 🤦🏽♀️
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It's the legs crossed at the ankles for me. Comfortable being a winner. 💚💛
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Hey dead beat dads. If you think your baby mamma is asking money for herself, then why not pay the bills directly. School fees straight to the school. Kid on your medical aid or pay her medical aid. Take the kid uniform and school supplies shopping. Send them home with groceries.
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@nickhedley
Every person brings something to the team. Today they were the game changers. But it's still a team sport. We scored a try, they didn't. Springboks earned that win.
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The key point here is steel. Someone got a steel contract. Follow the steel and you'll understand this foolishness.
22 millions for a flag 🇿🇦 the useless minister is trying to justify it.
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Who knew 2021 would give us child predators going to jail? I'll take it.
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All dressed up for one short meeting out of the house today. Not enough people saw me, so here.
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