کیوانK
@NINENAILSINCH
Followers
807
Following
33K
Media
526
Statuses
3K
got too drunk last night and nearly unblocked and called the girl who used to pretend to have nightmares so she could punch me in the ribs while i slept.
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@ambr0xyde she used to say it was because Goku would be disappointed in me for not buying her enough jewelry.
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no i don’t snore ever, yes you can laugh it didn’t hurt im burly. i’ll check notifications later i have to go get ice cream please don’t start discourse under this. stop asking for her number she lives in a wrecked ship in the ocean now she don’t got phone.
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@washdopnurgrave one time fred durst commented this on my instagram post of me cosplaying as him. it’s like his signature comment though, i don’t think he knows it could be taken the wrong way.
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i would actually do anything for this cat he is the most precious creature on this earth.
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@washdopnurgrave he don’t got internet i know he is a good guy he probably just fw the emojis.
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oomf (girl) writes tweet and gets one billion follower and like… me (boy) writes way funnier tweet and gets 3 likes and death threats and punched in the ribs and force fed bombs.
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this can not be my legacy on this app man yall gotta be extra generous with all my future tweets.
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me on my way to my 8am classes
starting ya day listening to nu-metal music kinda red flag imo lol.
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@anakin813 spongebob would literally never do this. never.
spongebob does not experience lust.
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my outfit for celebrating the 25th anniversary of the beautiful album “The Fragile” by Nine Inch Nails
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why does everyone fantasize about bleeding out in the snow? what about playing and having fun? making snow angels and throwing snowballs? imagine jumping around with your friends here.
Now HERE'S a spot to bleed out in.
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i lowkey just graduated with a bachelors degree in mechanical engineering from the best engineering school in the world 😭
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i never argue with women. i say “yes beautiful😊” and then steal something out of her jewelry cabinet before i leave.
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nice but we do it better
Happily married to my 5’5” king for 8 years while y’all are getting ghosted by 6’2” alcoholics with 7th grade reading levels but go off about how you only date tall men I guess
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i got about 1 more month of being single until i start tweeting like a latina.
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it doesn’t seem right to partake in the “2024 Mirror Selfie Wrapped” trend as a man but ill do it anyways
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it is your duty as an american to show amish people chief keef.
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8 episodes in and The Sopranos intro still sucks sorry.
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working retail will deadass💀 have you best friends with a 7500 year old 😭 like i wonder what Vulthuryol Dark Overlord of Fire and Alduin Eater of Worlds are up to today😂🤣.
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if you currently have a dating app installed on your phone they are going to put you in a giant blender tomorrow.
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my opps couldn’t help but admit that i have beautiful eyelashes and asked for a butterfly kiss.
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@CallMeJefferyMa @paccflipper @Whereisblockaye LMAO yeah but them backseats too damn small in the coupe.
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it’ll take at least 10 glasses of wine for you to get me out these peter pants
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thierry henry & kate abdo vs kay adams & shams charania for work wife olympic gold medal.
Shams Charania's face when Kay Adams grabbed his phone on live TV is a must-see 😅. (via @UpAndAdamsShow).
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you’re in her DMs i’m at the ice cream store eating ice cream.
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no bullshit the guy at the UPS store looked at my drivers license (picture of me at 16) and asked me “what happened to this guy, where did his smile go? he is long gone.” . ?.
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7 beers deep getting emotional about the mistreatment of squidward.
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a man’s ultimate goal in life should be to provide a body of water for his woman to swim in so he can watch her swim all day.
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so my group left our engineering capstone expo early because we thought our project sucked and found out that we fucking WON an award while we are getting extremely drunk with our 60 year old project sponsor. they called us to stage but we gone. i’m insanely drunk. life is great
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ladies please be careful. a lot of these men do not actually like snoopy, or stardew valley, or calico critters, or Joan Didion, or 500 Days of Summer, or Lana Del Ray, or squishmallows, or Fleabag, or baby deer, or decorative pillow, or glossier you, or hygiene, or.
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i’m strict as hell, you tweet about being polyamorous one time and i’m unfollowing.
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last night a girl gave me a fucking chrome hearts necklace pendant and said my “side profile is pretty enough to be on a coin”. i haven’t stopped blushing since wow wow wow.
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my friend told me to always carry a small digital camera in my pocket. mine is cheap and shitty but that makes it even more charming i think.
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every time i go to the club the music stops and people stare at me wide eyed without blinking, repeating in unison “evil sleeps within him, evil sleeps within him” until i leave. what am i doing wrong ?.
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gifts from iran: rugs, setar, dayereh. and some gold earrings not shown.
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yeah go ahead and scroll past my spotify link. go ahead and shoot me in the head while you’re at it. i’m used to pain, nothing hurts me anymore. i thrive off of it. i need it to live. i’m numb without it.
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dudes will listen to nine inch nails meanwhile their crush is getting nailed by nine inches.
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How'd you get so big?.How'd you get so strong?.How'd it get so hard?.How'd it get so long?.
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i unfortunately have to trim and thin it out in a week but this is the most beautiful it has ever looked i think
looking at my hair and saying wow.
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telling a woman getting a beer to “be a lady” and order a more feminine drink is like shooting an angel straight down from heaven.
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plan tonight is to get really drunk, hit the club, and try to steal jewelry off anyone who flirts with me.
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i want her to be funny like peter.beautiful like lois .smart like stewie .eloquent like brian.and perverse like quagmire.
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i want her to be intellectual like squidward.enthusiastic like spongebob.a hustler like mr krabs .inventive like sandy .mellow like patrick.perseverant like plankton.to live life like larry.💜.
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some dickhead broke into my car and stole just a $3 roll of electrical tape.
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i felt anxious this morning because i may never know how your hands feel outside of my dreams.
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so i shot your boyfriend one time and all of a sudden we not cool no more?😭.
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i believe that squidward does experience lust. a burning sexual frustration even.
spongebob does not experience lust.
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this is simply the greatest tweet ever written on this platform but i never got my flowers for it. maybe one day ill try to tweet it again.
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Ben & Jerry’s should make uranium flavored ice cream so i can get radiation poisoning.
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