SarahToninFNP 🧜🏾♀️
@MomRobe
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Hospitalist FNP-C. she/her. wannabe mermaid. dog & human mom. opinions my own. Faerie smut and coffee. she/her. ISFJ-T. ADHD. soap, scrub, oil & balm maker. 🧼
Cold af USA
Joined November 2020
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I feel sick. I’ve just found out that one of my colleagues has taken their life. A beautiful soul, lost to an unimaginable pain. This beautiful person worked tirelessly on our COVID med-Surg unit. God rest their soul. 😭😭😭💔💔💔💔 the nurses are not ok.
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My body hurts after a 16 hr shift in COVID ICU, it not as much as my soul. I have never felt so helpless, so angry, and so sad in my life. The things I saw, and had to do in just that one shift are a drop in the ocean of what a health care worker experiences.
#MaskUp
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I’m vaccinated and still wearing a mask when I’m out and about. Until Fauci tells me not to, I’m going to do the safe thing. It doesn’t bother me one bit and it doesn’t infringe on my rights because I actuslly give a shit. That’s the tweet.
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I must have asked myself at least five times during my shift today… “what are we even doing? What am I doing? This is torture. This doesn’t feel right anymore. Why are we doing this?” Nurses are tired.
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Think COVID is fake? Join me in my ICU for 16 hours. Watch what We have to do to keep these people alive. Come look at their wounds, their frail, weak bodies, watch them gasp for air. Watch us as we try to comfort their families over FaceTime. Watch us put them in bags. 😭
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Happened to go back & look at my most recent review at work, where my manager literally wrote “you go above, and beyond, attending meetings even on your days off, and you’re an excellent team player” and then marked it as meets expectations!
I’m about to be so unsatisfactory 🖕🏻
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They come in, hypoxic. We give then oxygen, decadron, IV fluids, Remdesivir, plasma, lovenox, protonix.. you name it. High flow oxygen, then intubation-sedation-proning. They stay for days if not weeks. Atrophy, bedsores, decay.. then they die. This is COVID 😪
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Another day of watching humans suffocate and slip away. I will do my best to comfort them and give them dignity. I hate this. 😞😭
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Please please PLEASE reach out to the nurses and HCWs in your life. We are suffering unimaginable loss and grief. I am going to take the rest of today off so I can calm myself back down. I am so incredibly shaken by this news. God help us all.
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Nurse practitioner mom-daughter talk 🧵
Me: I had to get a shot today!
12: yeah? Was it the HPV shot? That one hurt. Ugh… I hated it.
Me: no, tetanus. BUT- I saw someone today that didn’t get the HPV shots because they weren’t out yet and they had HPV in their throat … 1/x
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Call it “cancel culture” but a store that terminates an employee simply for speaking up and causing harm to NO ONE isn’t a store I want to shop in.
#TraderJoes
#boycott
trader joe's just fired me for sending this letter to the ceo, saying i don't share the company values. i guess advocating for a safer workplace isn't a company value?
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Talk to your kids about their bodies, and how to protect them. Always. 🩷
P.S.
Sex isn’t bad, and vagina isn’t a dirty word. ☝🏻
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Lest we forget- it is NURSES who comprised the highest percentage of healthcare worker deaths from COVID-19.
This worsened an existing shortage. My state (NY) lost 452 nurses alone. Remember this when you speak of staffing shortages.
It wasn’t the vaccine mandate.
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Shutting down an entire intermediate critical care unit and dispersing what staff are left into ICU and Med surg… even fewer beds available now. 😔 this is scary. I don’t think people get it.
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So being tripled in the ICU is new norm? Running 3-4 RNs short?! And COVID cases are rising? What the hell are we supposed to do. How is this sustainable. Please someone fix this. 😭
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This will be the first time I am being tested for COVID-19 because of symptoms, since the beginning of the pandemic. So I am waiting in my car to be called into urgent care. Please give me pictures of your pets to look at while I wait 🥺☹️
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16.5 hrs and 15,600 steps later I can tell you that COVID is still killing people. It’s the same thing every day, now. Turn, flip, prone, sedate, paralyze, hope for the best. It feels futile. It feels fruitless. I’m tired. Please make this pandemic end. 😔
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ratios are going up. 4th COVID unit open. No extra help. This is madness. These patients will suffer; they will NOT get the care that they need and that is a tragedy 😪😭 I have never dreaded my work day so much...
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And yes- she knows what a trach is, and we have discussed PAP smears because why not? Kids are smarter than we give them credit for.
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There is no amount of preparation for what COVID nurses see every shift. But here we are, still caring, still trying, and growing more weary. It’s just autopilot now. Intubate-prone-paralyze-wait.
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Thank you everyone for your kind words. I cannot even comprehend the pain this person must have been in and their spouse must now endure. Please hugs the ones you love, and check in with those you haven’t spoken to recently.
#SuicidePrevention
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My Christmas wish is that people stop pretending this pandemic won’t effect them, and that they’ll wear their masks, social distance stay home, and stay safe. I literally want nothing else. I’m just so tired. 🎄
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All hell broke loose. COVID is back 😪 it was a nice break from the N95s....
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Me: so that’s why the HPV shot is so important. To start even before you’re sexually active, so your body is primed to neutralize the threat of HPV. Isn’t that cool?
12: the shot hurts- but yeah, I don’t want a hole in my neck!
Me: or cervical cancer!
3/x
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Dear Hospitals: money will not solve everything. You can offer as much bonus $ as you want, it won’t save patients and keep staff from leaving. Better ratios, scheduling autonomy, working equipment, transparent leadership, and safer working environments. Sincerely, a tired Nurse.
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And they didn’t know because it’s sneaky that way; silent until it causes cancer. They had a cancer so badly that it closed off their entire airway, and they had to have their vocal cords removed. Now they have a trach, & need a feeding tube. Same age as me!
12: oh wow 😮
2/x
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12: isn’t that inside your vagina?
Me: yes- it’s part of that whole system. Also sneaky- you don’t know anything is wrong sometimes until it’s too late. That’s why PAP smears are important, and regular body check-ups can save lives.
12: awesome sauce ☺️
4/x
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Wasn’t ready to see “ground glass opacities” on a CT chest report (like ever again) but here we are 🥹
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overflowing ER, more COVID than I’d like to see. Like ever. Far from over 😓
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Admins who wear scrubs to work but have zero patient contact… perplex me
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Oh hey- we literally closed down half of our ICU (9 beds!) because of staffing, and 2 nurses showed up to work in the ED, but go on and celebrate the new year. It’s fine. Everything is fine.
🥲🙃
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If you think Nurse Practitioners and Physician Assistants are amazing, talented, honorable, and highly qualified, advance practice providers then heyyyyy boo 🥰 let’s be friends.
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@yashar
"my girls are completely spoiled and get whatever the fuck they want and don't understand the plight of the working poor, so I let them go fuck around in Cancun while I lied about my whereabouts, and then 'come home to Texas' to spread more disinformation." There I fixed it.
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Thank you everyone for hearing me and seeing me. What we do is agonizing and exhausting but we do try to save every one we have. This virus is awful and I have seen such sadness and grief. Please wear a mask, stop smoking and stay healthy.
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someone, please remind me that the PTO I am taking next week is mine to take, and I do not have to come in on my days off to help in the ICU. I deserve a break, and I need space and time to care for my mind and body. Please help me remember this.
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This blew up! I love that we are talking about sexual health and vaccine preventable disease in such an open way. Get your vaccines, kids! And talk to your primary care provider about safe sex practices, and how stay healthy because you deserve it 😘💖
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@thekjohnston
I am a front line worker, and have yet to get my vaccine, but these COVID deniers get them??? Seems a bit odd. I'd love for them to join me in my ICU and see the absolute HELLSCAPE they're created with their ignorance.
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@RepKatiePorter
Thank you for telling the American people the TRUTH. We are lucky to have you in our corner ✨❤️👏🏻
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PSA: if your family member is in the hospital, the best time to call and get info is after 10am. 7-8 is shift change and 8-10 is assessments, meds, baths, and testing. Also- the more often you call, the more times you are pulling the nurse away from their patients. :) 1/2
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“They tried to give each nurse 10 patients….” Wow 😮
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I wish I had the means to actually do a study- the patients that I’m seeing in the ED with exacerbations of chronic illnesses and discovering NEW ones seem to have one thing in common: a COVID-19 infection in the past 18mo. Mild, or severe, mostly vaxed, and all ages.
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Let me tell you right the hell now, my sweets. I did NOT bust my ass to get a 4.0 in my program during a pandemic, while raising kids, working as a COVID ICU nurse, and graduate top of my class for some angry folx out there to say I am an ‘MD wannabe’. SIT DOWN.
#FNPpride
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Imagine, me… working COVID (+) because we are short staffed, with improper PPE because AHA told me *not to delay doing CPR* on your mom or dad, and they live through the event only to die of the COVID I gave them.
This is a thing that could absolutely happen.
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@_nursewretched_
Honestly sounds like a lot of ppl in this thread just wanna protect the cops- or help them, in which case… go be a cop 🙃 and let the nurses do the nursing
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I’ve been elbow deep in more COVID and slow painful death today and I’m just numb and sad. I must have asked the doctor three times today “what are we doing?” And she said... “ugh... I don’t know. I don’t know.” This week has been heavy. 😢😣
#COVID19
sucks.
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If nurses and providers ran hospitals instead of MBAs and CFOs, there would be widespread QUALITY instead of GREED, mischief, and death.
The CEO of the hospital should be able to provide bedside care on their lunch break as if the skills never left their hands or heart.
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My sweet boy is getting admitted for treatment 💔💔💔💔 pneumonia. Please pray for him 💔💔💔💔
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Literally have not used any of my sick time in the 13 months. I have been working there with the exception of when I was out with Covid and I am about to literally be so sick. And it will be because of the stress of feeling like I will never truly meet their expectations 🖕🏻🖕🏻🖕🏻
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Many people that I have seen survive this are now living with the reality that they'll never be the same. Months of rehab, chronic pain, chronic resp/heart conditions, profound disability... that's not a LIFE. COVID takes away everything good.
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@Cleavon_MD
It’s one thing to ha e a shortage of nurse. It’s another to have a shortage of critical care trained nurses. We are a special breed. God help us.
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my internal mommy-nurse clock is ringing... so loudly... the five-alarm-fire texts I am getting from work are sickening. Nurses, fresh off orientation, completely overwhelmed, crying, and being told to suck it up because it's like this everywhere? GOD I am sick over it.
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@thanh_neville
I’m sorry. I too have said little white lies to my patients. It hurts. Every death hurts. 😭
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The nurses I am working with today and double backing… stayed until 10 last night, came back in at 7, and doubling again. 😭 this is not ok. My dear sweet friends. My patients. It’s heart breaking.
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@lawre237
@GreenAjah_1
I’m so sorry it’s come to this. Every day I go to work wondering which of our COVID patients will tank. I hate living on the edge. This is exhausting and deeply sad 😔
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Even just one 12 hr shift... I feel set back months. I don’t think I realized the toll critical COVID patients took on me until I had a short break from them. I am so tired today & so tired of this pandemic. Please, FFS wear your masks and stay safe. People are still dying.
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Wow people are really out here trashing nurses? Who are out here literally giving our lives? 🥲 y tho
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@greenpeeps5
@cptnwtrpnts
@dremilyportermd
@wallisweaver
Ugh...we had the same issue at my hospital. A LOT of people complained and BOOM all of a sudden all the COVID nurses starting getting their links to sign up. 🤦🏼♀️ I asked if those people who got it before me could replace me until I got it and they didn’t like that. 🤷🏼♀️
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When you find out your own hospital is going to hire travelers for $3k a week but you didn’t get a market adjustment and pittance for a raise during COVID 🙃
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When you drop off a patient to med Surg and the nurse just looks like they’re gonna cry 😢.... y’all nursing is a MESS right now. These ratios ain’t right.
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Here is what I know:
I got vaccinated because I am a nurse and science is kind of my thing. I don’t really know why some of my colleagues are refusing the vax. I’m angry and I’m sad- for them, for us, and for the patients.
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Every day I work I grow more and more tired of the hospital. The burnout is real. Nursing is so so broken.
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Tomorrow is my last shift as an ICU RN. I will always be an ICU nurse, though. In my head, my heart and my soul. But it’s on to new adventures for me: FNP inpatient hospitalist team, hopefully working with observation patients, ED holds, medical admits and problem solving. ☺️
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@MollyJongFast
I am too. And in order to keep myself and my family safe, I NEED this vaccine. I spend 36-44 hrs a week in my COVID ICU. I really hope this works.
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Don’t call nurses heroes and then refuse to mask, vax, and do the right thing. We are just your sacrificial lambs and you’ve destroyed your herd. Good luck getting good care in any hospital.
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At the end of the day I know I did shit right. My entire family and I got vaxed. We stayed home. Canceled MANY trips in favor of safety. We wear our masks. We show up to work and bust ass for our community. No matter what happens- I did it right. ✌🏻
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ICU has tripled assignments, doubled up CRRT, CVICU lost a bunch more staff, but there was a bunch of snacks in the break room from the board of trustees. So it’s all good 👍🏻
Thanks for the Doritos I ate while typing up the H&P for my admit that will be waiting for a bed x48hrs
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Like I don’t even know what to say anymore. Hospitalizations WILL go up. Cases will continue to break records. Health care workers will get sick, and the system will collapse. 🤷♀️ what do y’all want us to do? We tried. We damn tried! Hitting barriers every damn step of the way.
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STOP blaming nurses. Let us leave. Let us take care of OURSELVES for once. Our cups are empty and broken. We need help. Please stop acting like we are here to die for our patients! We aren't. That is not why we do this work. Trying to give a shit and help us change this system. x
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Just learned that a dear friend of mine, during her C-section a few months back, asked for a tubal ligation but because she works for a catholic hospital, they denied her. Based on THEIR religious objection.
She was open on the table and denied her right for a tubal ligation.
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Good morning
#nursetwitter
! I've got heat on my back and Tylenol in my stomach in hopes of readying my body for another week in COVID ICU. Sending my love to you, amazing nurses ✨🥰
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@norcal823
The only thing that exploded was the national debt, income inequality, and white supremacy.
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@TaisonBell
@MHPoison1
@KimIversenShow
thinks it’s ok for kids to die because they have comorbid conditions, which makes them less worthy of life
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And in front of the SO the patient says “they’re lying. I don’t have COVID. The test is wrong”.
Your honor, I would like to redirect
Myself off a cliff
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@doctorORbust
I am so saddened reading this. That is a terrible way to find out and I'm heartbroken for you. I hope your colleagues are holding space for you and giving you the time you need to heal. Please be well.
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I might just end up taking a job I don’t love because staying at the bedside during another surge with Delta+ and CRITICAL shortage of nurses is honestly torture. I don’t want to do this anymore.
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Number of staff out sick doubled overnight.
🤷♀️ what else can I say? I’ll continue to work until I get sick.
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NPs are just mid-levels but you loooove my work up so much you copied and pasted the whole thing into your note for the day? That’s why I use a different font. 🧐 I see you. And yes- I was spot on. Because I spent the time. ✌🏻
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@AfibWithRiver
I love when they’re like “just want you to be extra careful” like ma’am I always try to avoid a blood exposure- with any patient? … also that’s highly discriminatory and rude 😑
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Only an ICU RN would understand how much I wanna yeet myself into traffic right now…. IR, then CT, and now a two hour MRI. Pray for me 🙏 🥲🙃
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Waiting for over 36 hrs in an ED for an inpatient bed is insane, but that is the reality right now for some folks. COVID did this, and we are paying the price. Some people’s price is higher than others. The ED is not set up to manage inpatient disease processes.
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and I will add one more thing- this is not everyone's story. Many DO survive and go on to live their lives in a meaningful way. But if this is ONE person's story, it should be enough to make people listen and do the right thing, because every life matters, right?
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This is your periodic reminder that Nurse Practitioners are NOT:
1. Mid level (anything)
2. ‘Mini’ or ‘baby’ doctors
3. Doctors’ assistants
4. Your punching bag
Carry on 😘
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Why am I borderline unconscious on the couch but if I get up and get in bed, my brain explodes into a million stars ✨ and I’m awake for eternity
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Ok so just spent 30 mins with a COVID denier, explaining vaccination, how exposures work and how testing works and why they are having pleuritic chest pain, and how inflammation works, and what a D-dimer is, and how you aren’t going to feel better right away… 1/2
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Being pro-choice is not the same as being pro-abortion. This has been a public service announcement.
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Thank you everyone for the support. It is truly agonizing, watching these patients suffer. We always try our best and give them all we have but our strength, and our resources are critically strained. We need everyone to follow the guidelines and keep safe. ❤️
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I'm here to say some things on nursing, because it's my life and love, and all I've done since age 18. I turn 35 in 10 days and I've seen, heard, done, and lost a lot. I've got some shit to say. 1/x
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@LabyrinthWeaver
@DemNevada
@realDonaldTrump
In between COVID ICU shifts, I will be poppin’ the popcorn 🍿 watching
@realDonaldTrump
meltdown and get taken to the cleaners 👏🏻
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Let me just say this-
PAs and APRNs (NPs, CRNAs, CNS, CNM, etc) are not “mid level providers”.
We have earned our titles. We add value to our professions. We are a valuable part of the interdisciplinary team. If I catch you talking shit about us- I will come for you.
👋🏻
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I think the hardest part about trying to sleep before my shift tomorrow is knowing that kind, sweet humans I got to know prior to intubation, holding them in their most vulnerable moments, will likely be gone, or close to death. Time is not kind with COVID patients. 😢
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