Mitten Squad
@MittenSquad
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I'm on the YouTube. This is where the real game begins.
Michigan, The Greatest State
Joined November 2014
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Send us removal request.
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Pinned Tweet
I posted another update on my channel. It’s too long to post as a tweet so here’s a screenshot of it.
TLDR: I’m not dead and will eventually upload again, when I’m ready.
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Nothing better than spending Thanksgiving at the hospital after being forced into arm/leg restraints and put into a fucking diaper against your will.
Im okay all things considered though. They said I blew a .351 BAC and could’ve gone into a coma or even died. So that’s fun.
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Little bit of a life update: My drinking has gotten so out of control that I had to go to the emergency room again yesterday. I got some bad news there. Turns out i've got pancreatitis. The frequent vomiting sucks but the pain is indescribable and nothing seems to make it stop.
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I don’t consider myself to be a prepper or conspiracy theorist, but I do keep a bug out bag by my front door in case calamity strikes and I have to flee for my life.
Don’t worry, I didn’t overdo it. I only packed the essentials: 5 Wiis and 5 copies of Wii Sports
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Today marks 2 months since I quit drinking. This is what it feels like
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WHICH BITCH IS FINALLY OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AFTER 4 INCREDIBLY LONG DAYS?
it's me, it was a tough question I know
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When I moved into this apartment almost 2 years ago I had 8 forks. Today I have no forks. What the hell happened to all my forks
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8 years ago today, I created the channel that would become Mitten Squad. There's never been a better time for me to finally do one of the most requested challenges of all time.
Can You Beat Fallout: New Vegas By Killing Everyone In The Game? via
@YouTube
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Seeing this was something I daydreamed about in high school. I was surprised at 10,000 subscribers. Getting to 100,000 subscribers felt unreal. This feels like a dream, because it is, or was. I’ve fulfilled a dream I've had for more than 10 years. Thank you everyone <3
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Fork update: I’m a synth now
When I moved into this apartment almost 2 years ago I had 8 forks. Today I have no forks. What the hell happened to all my forks
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My hiatus is over. I'm back.
Can You Beat Fallout: New Vegas As A Godless Pacifist?
via
@YouTube
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This has to be the worst idea for anything anyone has ever had
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I just saw a spider crawl into my backpack. My wallet is in there. I’m going to die trying to get that wallet.
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So I got a container that has a bunch of middle and high school stuff. Found a notebook from 8th grade. Turns out my ego has always been massive. You can’t see it but my jaw is not on the floor.
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We're proud to announce Fallout 1st, our $100 per year premium membership that gives you access features that should have been in Fallout 76 to begin with.
Fallout 1st: Fuck You, Pay Us.
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The Fallout 4 Completely Crippled playthrough summed up in a single image
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Consider this though, I own zip ties and used them to strap 5 Wii controllers to my arms and legs. Is that something a "regular human" would do?
Literally every regular human I know owns zip ties. This is like Pauline Kael on steroids.
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I’m pleased to say that today I ascended from Gamer to Hero. I have successfully reunited a father with the son he never wanted. Remember this day because once I inevitably undo the lid on that jar it’ll be like the Hell scenes in Event Horizon but with cheese.
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My fucking dad just asked me if I’m gonna beat Fallout New Vegas with the coronavirus.
MY FUCKING DAD JUST ASKED ME THAT.
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I was gonna take a suggestive picture of me and this plaque lying on a dead bearskin rug in front of a fireplace, but I remembered that I don’t have a fireplace, so I had to improvise.
Thanks again for helping me reach 1,000,000 subscribers!
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Fun fact: Bethesda, because they're brilliant and would never make a mistake, didn't buy or , so someone snagged them both a few hours ago.
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I hate to get political, but playtime is over.
@realDonaldTrump
you claimed you were going to make American great again. It's been almost 4 years now, but there's still no news of Kirby Air Ride 2 or a Switch port of Kirby Air Ride. I'm starting to think you're full of shit.
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9 years ago on this very day, I gave birth to Mitten Squad. I don’t have a special video for it, I’ve been dealing with some life nonsense lately.
That being said, I’m thrilled to let you all know that yesterday my 2nd son was born. He’s not for sale yet, but he will be soon.
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I regret to inform you all that the person who made this post was tragically hit by a bus tomorrow morning. It's a shame that this could've been avoided if they hadn't tried to look behind the curtain.
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I don’t think I’ve ever put in such little effort to get something this cool in my life.
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I knocked something off my fridge and as I was putting it back I found this little surprise past me left for current me. It’s probably the funniest thing that has ever happened to anyone ever, ever.
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I don’t wanna spoil anything, but the Flare Gun in Fallout 4 can go fuck itself
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This is amazing but why are my eyes so small?
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Me: "My hiatus isn't over yet, don't let this one video being released on my channel's 8th anniversary make you think it's over."
Also me: "TWO VIDEOS IN ONE WEEK WOOOOOOO!!!"
Best of Mitten Squad's: Can You Beat - Vol. 4 via
@YouTube
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Kirby Air Ride 2 not getting announced is proof there is no God
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120,000 views in the first hour, that’s not at all what I was expecting
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I'd like to give a huge shoutout to drunk me for spending $163 on takeout last night. I spent $76 on pizza that I didn't even eat. Then I was so hammered that I spent another $85 on Mexican food that I don't remember ordering.
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Holy shit, thank you!
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I'm appreciative of the success I've had on YouTube. My viewers are not the best but they're pretty alright. That said, it's really fucking weird when someone (it's one of you reading this I know it) sends me a message and their profile picture is me.
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Went to the emergency room today. I got to wear a gown, rode in a wheelchair, had a CT scan, it was a swell time. I tripped while carrying something and it jammed into my neck when I landed. There's no serious damage, just a lot of pain. The visual aid explains Paul's Great Fall.
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You know a challenge is gonna be good when you have to buy 5 TVs just to make it happen
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You don't have to like it, but this is what a real Charmander looks like
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It's just been revealed to me that someone with the same first and last name as my 4th grade teacher has been missing for the last 8 years. Someone named Paul reported her as being missing in 2012. Some of her blood was found in his house.
Kinda spooky to think about.
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For almost 3 years people have been telling me to play Fallout: New Vegas while constantly being over-encumbered. Fuck you. I'm not doing that.
Can You Beat Fallout 4 While Completely Crippled And Over-Encumbered? via
@YouTube
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The Mexican restaurant I regularly order from really fucked up this time. Maybe it was because I ordered enough food for 3 people, maybe not, but, among other things, I ordered 6 cheese sticks and they gave me 8. Those motherfuckers have no idea what they've just done.
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Microsoft buying Activision almost makes you wish for a nuclear winter
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I can't believe it. The worst Fallout game of all time is on Trending for Gaming. Well done everyone, my garbage is now at home with all the rest of YouTube's garbage.
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I’m taking my channel in a bold new direction. Can You Beat videos are lame, I’m a tech reviewer now. For my first review, I’ll be reviewing the iPhone 12 Pro.
9/10, but it worked better before I broke it
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Saw a centipede crawling on the blanket I had on my wall for sound purposes. Sprayed it with some nonsense and the fucker fell onto one of my hard drives and crawled inside. I sealed the drive in 6 ziplock bags and am sending it to a data recovery company. It’s their problem now.
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Happy birthday to me, I’m no longer 23, I tried to continue this rhyme, but it wasn’t meant to be
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I don’t have enough vodka for this. I don’t think Earth has enough vodka for this.
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I'd like to publicly ask everyone who saw that Charmander I posted a few days ago to keep Vault Peter in your thoughts, because now he's in your mind and will never leave.
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7 years ago, on this very day, a 16 year old freak with a nasally voice created a new YouTube channel. Now it's my job and has far exceeded what I ever thought my channel could be.
To everyone who's watched my videos, thank you for helping me live my dream.
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That’s one small technological achievement for man, one giant leap off a cliff for whatever sanity I had left
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Some sick fucking maniac called me and left a voicemail that was just them sneezing
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2020 has been a little rough but at there is a small silver lining, at least for me. One of my videos finally passed 5,000,000 views!
That video deserves to be at the top, naming the Soul Survivor LegenGary may be the highlight of my entire life.
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what the fuck. Spongebob sure has gone off the rails in the last few years
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Today's video is late. To offer something in its place, I'll let you all in on a little secret. It's gonna sound insane, you're not gonna believe me, but it's the truth.
Before I did the face reveal and people started pointing it out, I never noticed that my eyes are far apart
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I can’t believe it, these bastards just won’t stop. First they give me an extra cheese stick, then they have to go and one-up themselves by giving me the legendary conjoined twin cheese stick. My heart can’t take this.
The Mexican restaurant I regularly order from really fucked up this time. Maybe it was because I ordered enough food for 3 people, maybe not, but, among other things, I ordered 6 cheese sticks and they gave me 8. Those motherfuckers have no idea what they've just done.
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3200 YEARS!? How the fuck am I supposed to compete with that?
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So... there's a power that was cut from Skyrim that let's you transform yourself into a Skeever.
You know what that means.
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You think it’s annoying when you try to peel the sticker off a game and the sticker falls apart as you tear it? Try peeling the sticker off a drink.
I hate everyone who has ever existed.
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There's no new video today. I'm not taking another break, the video just isn't finished yet. It'll be out tomorrow or Tuesday.
If it makes you feel better, next week's video is a motherfucker of a Skyrim challenge.
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YouTuber Pro Tip: If your videos are scripted, drink as much as you possibly can before you start writing
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After watching from the basement as his mainframe in the Lucky 38's Penthouse was destroyed with an inflatable mallet, Mr House waits patiently for Courier Six to discover his true form (2281, colorized)
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On this very day in the Fallout universe (May 14, 2020), H&H Tools Company permanently sealed all their bathroom doors shut to keep their employees from disposing their waste while on the job.
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Let's play a game. This is the art for my next video's thumbnail. The first person to correctly guess the challenge gets a shoutout at the end of the video.
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The nerve of these fucking psychopaths to send me this shit on Christmas morning...
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Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for this, but why the fuck did it have to happen on May 7th when I could’ve hit 800,000 subscribers on May 8th instead
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I had this weird dream last night where scientists found a giant worm hibernating in the crust of the Earth. The worm was like 8 feet thick and thousands of feet long. They were worried it was going to end life as we know it.
I’ve been thinking about this all morning.
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I accidentally lied during last week's video. I'm pushing Halo CE No Damage to next week because I found a mod for New Vegas that's so unfathomably ridiculous that I had to play it.
Just to give you an idea of what we're dealing with here, Mr House was literally a Brahmin's ass
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Maybe I’ll get the coronavirus and maybe I’ll die. But if I die, I’m going out staring into the face of God
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Bethesda and Obsidian were smart, they made it so you aren't allowed to kill children in Fallout 3 or New Vegas.
However, with a weapon that inflicts fatigue damage, you can knock out all the children.
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I don’t often do this but I would like to congratulate my downstairs neighbors for making it to the 2020 National Door Slamming Championship. I can tell by the amount of doors being slammed and the yelling that they’re really training hard and want to win the gold doorknob.
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Alright guys, I need your help. I'm planning for when the coronavirus eviscerates Michigan. I've thought a lot about medical supplies, masks, food, water, and other small items that may be useful during the end times.
I think I got all the essentials. Tell me what I'm missing.
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To celebrate the 3 years of making Can You Beat videos, I tore the Mojave Wasteland to shreds, burned the remains, rolled the ashes into a snowman, and kicked its head off.
Can You Beat Fallout: New Vegas With Only Bean Bag Rounds? via
@YouTube
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Do you remember all those times I said I would never do a GTA 5 challenge because the game was too big? I meant it with all my heart until I changed my mind.
Can You Beat Grand Theft Auto 5 With Only A Pistol?
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Hi. My name is Paul and I’d like to show you something pretty fucked up.
Can You Beat Fallout 3 With Your Eyes? via
@YouTube
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A few weeks ago used 2 thumbtacks to cover a window with a towel because of high winds and shitty windows. I set the tacks on a table by the window. Now there's only one.
A rogue thumbtack is listening to Fortunate Son as it roams through my carpet.
What the fuck do I do?
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Like I said a few days ago, no Can You Beat video today but here’s a video from last year of Drunk Paul trying to play Call of Duty: World at War.
The window next to me was open so anyone who was outside heard this.
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I'm not happy about this again after my last video was late but I’m doing it anyway: No video this week. I’m moving next weekend and complications from the move got me stressed as fuck. And it’s Thursday afternoon and I haven’t started the play through yet.
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