milo edwards
@Milo_Edwards
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comedian, podcaster + dumb online guy | hosts: @trashfuturepod, @mastersofpod, @gluepodcast | follow me on bsky, insta, tiktok ⬇️⬇️
the internet
Joined May 2009
my new special 'voicemail' is premiering for free on my youtube channel on wednesday 10th july at 20:00 BST / 15:00 EST please check it out, like, subscribe, leave a comment about milfs, etc. thank you team.
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a woman just got on the subway yelling into her phone “listen BITCH you told him i was a DRUG ADDICT-“. and then was abruptly cut off by a mariachi band boarding the train playing feliz navidad. one of the greatest comedic set pieces i’ve ever seen. no notes 10/10.
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amazing that the shut-down was caused by the new york side, the irish were really controlling the game in the first half but a shock last minute equaliser for the big apple there.
the portal in new york and dublin has been shut down because some girl FLASHED the people on the other side
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there has never been anything more british than a millionaire tory eel farmer accidentally putting himself out of business by voting for brexit.
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volunteered to cook christmas dinner for 10 ppl at my gf’s mum’s unaware of some key details such as she only owns one frying pan and it’s encrusted with fossilised remains of long departed sausages. i just moved an 8kg turkey using 2 table forks and a spoon. this is my dunkirk.
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gf turns to me while i’m driving and goes “they’re making a top gun 2” and i’m like “you mean top gun 3?” and then we basically had the bodybuilding forums argument about days of the week where it turned out that she regarded the first top gun as “top gun 0”.
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2 hours of 4 guys in a tube talking about cryptocurrency followed by a cut to black.
A film about the OceanGate Titan submersible incident is in the works. (Source: Deadline)
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every ad in london is like “hey bestie we live in hell haha buy this coffee 💕”
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imagining a british porn bot replying to tweets like . M Y M I N G E I N B I O.
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[south africa presenting 15 tiktoks in a row of israeli soldiers saying “haha we’re committing a genocide 🤪”]. british barrister being paid $10,000 a day to defend israel: your honour the 9:16 aspect ratio is not admissible in court.
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my gf texted to ask if i could bring some tools over to build garden furniture, so i asked her what tools they already had and she sent me this image:
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eu: we need boots on the ground - everyone must contribute . estonia: 2 boots.
Estonia will send ONE soldier to protect ships from Houthi attacks as part of new EU military operation in Red sea
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this is some of the most powerful britainology i have ever encountered - it’s like what if the dumbest guy in your hometown got to design the stanford prison experiment
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the transition of libertarian guys from pretending they’re gonna 3d print a gun and overthrow the govt to calling the cops about having their imaginary ape stolen is awesome.
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i’m in paris and what i’ll say is you’re never prepared for quite how french the french are - .no more than 5 minutes have i been sat outside this cafe eating lunch when a kind of nice-with-it 50 year old woman walking a pomeranian in a beret ambles past and says “bon appetit”.
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twitter is undeniably getting worse every day and yet whenever someone announces they’re leaving i simply see that they are not a true sicko. staying is like being in the string quartet on the titanic but for some reason we’re playing hoobastank.
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trying to imagine a british version of this where adele starts dating luke shaw and they’re all watching the fa cup final with a 23-shaped bowl full of mini cheddars.
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this is a perfect demonstration of how russian and american conservatives have the exact same mentality lmao.
More fallout from Apple's decision to stop selling its products in Russia. "Here's our response to American sanctions! We don't fear you! We'll live without your nice 'pretty' things!"
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“students are directly disrespecting the groundskeepers” might be one of the funniest quotes i’ve ever read about a protest.
Breaking: Protestors at McGill university ripped up the new grass lawn in the name of Palestine. The school had to re-grass the lawn after the encampment from last semester destroyed it, now the students are directly disrespecting the groundskeepers.
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never thought i’d live to see the british government outflanked economically to the left by the ceo of shell.
The CEO of Shell has called on the government to tax oil and gas companies in order to protect the poorest people in society from soaring energy costs
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bernie sanders: i have a series of radical policies which will transform our society for the better . libs: [booing]. rich person: i am rich. libs: [cheering]. rich person: i am also racist . libs: [teary eyed] this man will restore faith in politics.
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unfortunately the number one nev maker is actually gary neville’s paternal grandmother who produced neville neville, arguably the highest pound-for-pound neville level ever reached in one man.
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i can’t even make sense of what the conspiracy whackos are on about anymore - guys will see regular archaeology and be like “ah yes proof at last!!” proof of what mate, a fucken mole civilisation?
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*3 weeks ago*.right wing press: the left are destroying civility in british politics by pouring milk on tommy robinson!. *today*.right wing press: whomst among us has not choked a woman at a work event?.
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i know there’s more to unpack here but the absolute state of that tea he’s made.
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what’s the most deranged discourse you reckon you could get at least 5 people on here to go along with? for me i reckon it’s “acab includes paramedics”.
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Fanny Shagger. United States Census, 1920.
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i was trying to explain what a capybara was to my gf’s french aunt last night, so googled “french for capybara” and the first thing that came up was this image:
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say what you like about the metaverse but to be fair it looks like absolute shit.
I interviewed Facebook’s Nick Clegg somewhere where you can’t catch Covid - the metaverse
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i’ve seen some shit in boujis london pubs but the crowning glory has to be this faux rust-effect dyson airblade
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absolutely losing it at this dutch pro-palestine protester giving an interview while being dragged out of the building by the ankles
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this website is basically a lottery you can only lose - endless people with 200 followers, posting daily for 3 faves and then finally accidentally pushing the right button and getting ratio’d into oblivion for 24h by people they’ve never met and who’ll never think of them again.
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just had an email from my barber saying that his shop is back open and offering 'one to one appointments', which implies the existence of the somewhat terrifying 'group haircut'.
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i got talking to one of australia’s perfect himbos in a bar in south london last night and he said to me “yeah i mean, i’m here for a short time not a long time right!” and i don’t think i’ve ever seen such a confusing misunderstanding of a phrase.
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hang on people in america were taking 3h connecting flights when you could get a 90min direct train????.
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exciting things ahead for relative unknown malia obama!!
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[the year 2030: former president donald trump and rachel maddow share a gigantic 2ft long hot dog while they watch a monster truck rally]. liberals: this is exactly the kind of statesman-like behaviour president logan paul will never be capable of. for shame.
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weird i showed one of these and they let me cast 63 votes for “hamas corbyn”.
I got turned away at the polling station. Apparently this wasn’t valid ID :(
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a hard right government in argentina? a desperate tory government in the uk miles behind in the poll and staring down the barrel of a general election?
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she waited for the band to finish and then yelled “BITCH you live in a roach infested house” i couldn’t breathe.
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every advert in london is like this now. say what you will about al-qaeda but they kept us on our toes a bit more
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this is the only political struggle i care about now sorry
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I disagree with the plans to shorten the line by 98.6%, it is contrary to the spirit of the project - they should keep the 170km length and *narrow* it by 98.6%.
Saudi cuts back NEOM desert city plans by 98.6 percent.
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honestly wasn’t prepared for this
‘How good can his gull impression really be?’ I thought to myself. Then he changed my world entirely.
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m night shyamalan style twist at the end of this wikipedia excerpt.
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andrew tate is in training to become the coolest 9 year old at a regional primary school.
I have been locked in my house to perfect the 7 styles of WUDAN. Join me in the fight against the Matrix:
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as most of you know i am a scholar of @theJeremyVine on radio 2 and believe me when i say this is the single best thing i have *ever* heard on there:
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it wasn’t easy for eric adams to take bribes from the turks, every time they would hold out the envelope and then pull it back, then twirl it around, then the envelope would be in his hand but empty, then it would disappear into a second envelope behind their ba.
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never write jedward off - you forget about them for a while and then, bang - john's psychic abilities were activated immediately before a minor bus crash.
Trust your instincts! We were sitting on the top of the bus and John felt like we should move downstairs and the bus crashed into the train station! everyone is ok thank god but what a close call.
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this account perfectly encapsulates the incredible mundanity of british life - you can be married to a man who arguably changed the course of all history (bad), you can be richer than god himself, and yet here you are attending the premiere of ben 10: alien force.
Cherie Blair attends the UK Premiere of 'Ben 10 Alien Force' at Old Billingsgate Market in London (2009)
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reader i was hooting. i was hollering. i had to turn away and laugh into my hat.
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to give priti patel her due: if she does manage to get sacked for workplace bullying, it'll still be an improvement on last time, when she was sacked for treason.
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what i love about this is that it makes it sound slightly like the russians invaded specifically to stop his concert.
Canceled comedian Louis CK to perform in Kyiv despite Russian invasion
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acceptable adult vape flavours:.- hummus.- shepherd’s pie.- corned beef.- tapenade .- tax return.
"If you are an adult, are you really going to be buying bubblegum-flavoured vape?". Labour MP Stella Creasy tells #PoliticsLive there's a "public health challenge" surrounding children and vaping.
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men will literally be buried with 8,000 terracotta soldiers instead of going to therapy.
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genuine dialogue:.“they already made a top gun 2”.“yeah but i think of that as top gun 1”.“???”.
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roman centurion: [dusting his hands off as he walks away from the crucifixion] well, we won’t be seeing that guy again!.
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lmao imagine how racist you have to be to get BANNED from AUSTRALIA.
Milo banned from entering Australia. Equivalent of Chinese social credit system being implemented worldwide. Dark times.
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just learned that australians call the salvation army “the salvos”
The Salvos help millions of Australians every year with food, accommodation and services – proud to take part in their 2023 Red Shield Appeal.
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right wing cartoonists were all cursed by a witch to constantly parody leftism but always accidentally make it look badass.
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we didn’t
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never been more confused by a cigarette warning - am…am i the rat??
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we’ve managed it lads, even if at one point i asked for a ladle and was presented with a sieve (the perfect philosophical opposite of a ladle).
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[removing the entire bottom row of jenga blocks first, instantly collapsing the tower]. elon musk: hmm interesting.
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i have absolutely no idea what this could entail but i WILL be going
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socialism would have just sent him there.
Capitalism, not socialism, sent Jeff Bezos to space and back today.
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whenever someone wins an award for political cartoons, you look at them and they’re all like the prime minister drinking from a petrol pump labelled “big oil profits” while a donkey labelled “the deficit” is crying behind him.
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just had a long phone call with a friend in st petersburg - she narrowly escaped being arrested at a protest today and i think it’s worth remembering how scared many russians are, both of being arrested for resisting the war and that they or their relatives might be sent to fight.
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walking into the sea and ending it all could save me up to £45 a month on my phone bill according to new report.
Royal Mail could save £650m by switching to three-day-a week service, says Ofcom
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it’s very funny to imply you’re smart by playing chess when we all know garry kasparov was a chess grandmaster and is also one of the dumbest motherfuckers alive.
My dad taught me how to play chess at the age of 7 and since then I've had the chess bug. Chess has taught me so many things which are useful in politics from being strategic to giving me that competitive streak.
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in a pizza place my gf just asked the waitress if she could have the 8 cheese pizza with a tomato base and she said she had to ask the kitchen. anyway, she came back and said “i’m afraid that would be impossible” and we cannot stop laughing.
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never in the field of christmas dinner has so much been owed by so many to so few utensils.
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i think, in a crowded field, jamie oliver might just be a dark horse contender for the most dislikable man britain has produced in the last 50 years.
"Boris, this ain’t alright.”. Chef @jamieoliver tells @krishgm why he's calling on people to protest outside Number 10 with an Eton mess pudding if the government doesn’t reverse its decision to delay a ban on multi-buy offers on junk food.
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it’s absolutely the most london thing ever that even city hall has been gentrified out of its own neighbourhood.
Sadiq Khan proposes moving City Hall to east London to cut costs
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imagine being a wasp and waking up to this shit 😤.
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highlight of my christmas was absolutely my cousin’s polish wife being genuinely quite annoyed that i’d split up with my hungarian ex as it was depriving her of the chance to build a sort of eastern european axis in the family.
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the british public are absolutely furious with themselves about how they’ve handled the pandemic. they’ve really let down the government.
Who Britons hold most responsible for the rise in coronavirus cases over the last month: . The public: 51%.The government: 31%.
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🚨 NEW: A ReformUK candidate has claimed the UK should have ‘taken Hitler up on his offer of neutrality’ instead of fighting the Nazis. [@bbclaurak].
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she was wearing the beret not the pomeranian, but this would also not be impossible.
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my first thought was “this is like count binface for people on anabolic steroids” and yet again i have created a completely new sentence, incomprehensible to anyone leading a normal life.
🚨 NEW: Influencer Andrew Tate launches the Bruv Party and says he will run for Prime Minister
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it's so cool that us senators have started dying in office like they're the pope. there will now be a senatorial conclave to elect a new dianne feinstein.
BREAKING: Sen. Dianne Feinstein, a trailblazer in U.S. politics and the longest-serving woman in the Senate, has died at 90.
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the funniest report i’ve read so far and hope is true is that the kremlin ordered the regular fsb border guards to deny the wagner column entry to russia and they replied that this would be “unrealistic”.
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@APostStory you could not be wider from the mark, i’ve seen this woman attempt to set up a google doc.
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why is it every photo of prince philip they release to prove he’s alive only makes me more convinced he’s dead?
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i know we've all had our fun over the years laughing at insane ukrainian nationalists, me especially, but you really *cannot* edgelord your way through a completely unjustified invasion in which ukrainian civilians are going to die.
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excited for this to be mired in controversy over the launch of a beer called something like 'The Real IPA'.
NEW: BrewDog is opening its first bar in Northern Ireland and the location can been revealed👇.
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i have eaten lunch and find myself overcome with the urge to smoke 8-12 cigarettes.
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just got absolutely bodied by a 4 y/o girl on the tube - i gave my gf a kiss on the head and she points and shouts “look! her daddy is giving her kisses!”.
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it’ll be sad to see all these eels released into the thames where they will surely develop devastating cocaine habits.
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i’m sorry but this country is not fucking real. i am a britain truther now.
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no harriet, a gathering of drug dealers would technically be for the purposes of work so would be exempt under the rules.
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“raygun the australian phd olympic breakdancer” is my manchurian candidate activation phrase. it has activated me to learn everything i can about raygun the australian phd olympic breakdancer.
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j.k. rowling’s pr person solemnly opening a manila envelope labelled “terf meltdown”, retrieving 3 fake passports and $10,000 in used bills and quietly going to start a new life in venezuela.
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if the queen dies right now i think there is a non-zero chance that a slapstick version of "mad max: fury road" will happen to britain.
Britain's Queen Elizabeth accepts medical advice to rest for a few days, canceling a planned visit to Northern Ireland
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the platonic form of the british tv debate is a subject matter expert making a reasoned case for doing something and their opponent, an idiot chosen by a random ballot similar to jury service, saying 'nah that's bollocks'.
Should the Morning After Pill be available on general sale?. Here's both sides of the argument with NHS doctor @SoniaAdesara and freelance journalist @llggeorgia. #KayBurley FC
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this was the bad boy in question (glazed with cumin, honey and soy sauce)
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