@Brend0_N its cause you haven't seen me for so long

"I feel so proud when my friends tell me their parents like me like damn right they do, im a fucking delight"

RT @xofreckles: Coworker: Hi! Me: No..

@Brend0_N da faq, like never ever..lol ur man boobs will bounce if you run

"August has the most birthdays, February has the least and most of the serial killers are born in November."@Brend0_N

"Shaggy: Like. Does Fred get all the chicks because of that stupid scarf thing?... *Passes joint to Scooby Scooby: Ridunno. Robabry..."

RT @IGotsSmarts: “Aloha cruel world!” - a hula dancer’s suicide note.

RT @FactsOfSchool: When I say "the other day" it can mean any time from yesterday to 364 days ago.

Me: This chicken is undercooked. Wife: You don't appreciate my cooking. Me: I think the vet could save it if it we took it right now."

" Real friendship is when your friend comes over to your house and then you both just take a nap."@ThiviaG @LeeanneHencil

crush: so who's your crush me: *soulja boy voice* YOOOUUUUUUU"

"@lnsaneTweets: talking to a hot boy’s parents like “hey, big fan of your work""

"Me trying to play it cool in a text with a guy I like: Hi. *flips through bridal magazine*"@LeeanneHencil @ThiviaG

"That frightful moment when I am asked a question and I have to answer 'Yes' or 'No'. I'm a woman. How can I give monosyllabic answers ?"

"@ScottBerghorn: Let's Be honest, we all have a "people we need to bang before we die list""@Brend0_N

"@BigO_303: Home is where the wine is."

I HATE BLACK GIRLS THAT WORK IN MCDONALD'S. THEY BE TAKING YA ORDER WITH ATTITUDE LIKE YOU THE REASON THEY NEVER MET THEIR FATHER"@ThiviaG