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Janey Godley Fanatic. Combover Sympathiser. JB Fletcher Enthusiast. #QPFC
Glasgow, Scotland
Joined November 2019
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One of my biggest pet hates.
Bogging, trampy, dragged-up bastards.
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Boy in the work got this last night. I honestly think I would struggle not to shag this before I ate it.
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He’s gonnae be the first known case of a man exploding to death.
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Eamonn Holmes and Philip Schofield, 2 “national treasures” who have been unmasked as pricks.
Eamonn Holmes has no sympathy for Meghan Markle: "I just find her incredibly irritating. I've never met her but I look at her and I think 'I don't think I'd like you in real life.' Awful, woke, weak, manipulative, spoilt..."
@EamonnHolmes
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@DawnNeesom
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#Megxit
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Livi players sitting in the changing room.
🗣️'The club's not worth ANY MONEY...you'd be a fool if you think you're going to line your pockets from Livingston Football Club'
David Martindale reveals Livingston debts as he claims club would be in a better place but for 'outside parties'
Buying a car? Click HERE ➡
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Janey Godley
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Never met this guy but i fucking hate him and bet he has a Glasgow Uni accent.
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@wiIIbanks
Andy Carroll has never been 100% fit. In his life. He came out the womb with a hamstring strain.
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2 Poland fans running up to me earlier heading to the game. “That price cannot be correct, surely?!”
I see what’s happened here mate. Gimme £5.20 and we’ll call it quits.
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A lot of Celtic fans really aren’t feeling Maeda eh? The guy genuinely “doesn’t stop” man. Really like him.
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Found this guy’s driver’s license. Asked him to follow me so I could DM him. Replied “No” then blocked me 😂
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Philip Schofield is a bullying prick and Holly Willoughby is his gormless, guffawing sidekick who laughs at anything he says and is in danger of losing her “national treasure” crown.
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“Nice one saaan 🔥 “
“Yes bro 👊 “
“Hard work starts here saaan😉”
“Easy ma boi 👌”
A Scottish footballers pals when Twitter announce his signing for a new club or new contract.
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@rstorry
@BTP
@summerrainii
@metpoliceuk
Absolutely spot on. The wee cunts don’t care because they know they can’t be touched. If anyone gives them the slap they clearly deserve, that person gets the jail. System’s a joke.
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“And when did you know your dad was a massive wanker?”
“I was about 6 hours old.”
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Happy for the big man but who the fuck is policing Coronation St while he’s living it up in Dingwall? Quite selfish imo.
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@Chrissywelsh7
@Jack_Moore7
Loved this one because everyone was going mental and they asked Simeone about it after the game and he said he would’ve did the same thing!
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@RichardAmofa
Or when a keeper makes a brilliant save, he bounces up and starts pointing and shouting at nobody in particular while his team mates rush over to congratulate him.
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Just made a cunt of it 🙈 Auld fat guy in work, while eating a packet of McCoys, says “Ach that’s me no getting to the gym noo. Shame.”
I went “Haha! Ye a regular aye? That’s shite mate, haha!”
He looked genuinely hurt and said “well I know it’s no much, but I like to swim” ☹️
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@MickB20
@UberFacts
The rest of my life shall be spent figuring out how to access the remaining 99% of my farting power.
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Me at lunchtime;
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Found out today that my da’s getting out the hospital on Friday. He was already buzzing with that, then he got a phone call fae an unknown number and it was Owen Coyle! So decent of him, man.
Pat cheesered oot his nut. 😁
My da got knocked down after the QP game last week. Broke all his ribs and his shoulder (classic Pat) but he’s ok. Got this email from the club a couple of couple of days later. Nice touch .
@queensparkfc
👍🏻
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Mother in law forwarded me a Janey Godley voiceover clip yesterday, and I’m just plucking up the courage to tell Charlene we’re getting a divorce.
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There isn’t a bad character in this show. Every one of them are fucking hilarious.
Matt Berry’s voice ❤️
#WhatWeDointheShadows
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Courtesy of my wonderful wife. While I was out watching Thistle win my coupon,
@Charliex1307
was setting this up. 👏
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I welcome, and indeed look forward to, Russia bombing fuck outta us.
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“Can I see your ticket there?”
“I’m a delegate mate, free travel.”
“Nae worries, got yer pass there?”
“Left it in the hoose.”
Cunt was about 18, had got off a Larkhall train and was wearing a North Face and a pair of Nike joggies.
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Was my wee Nana’s funeral today. Was actually a really nice day with the family and back to my ma’s for a wee drink.
On the way home now and have agreed with Charlene on Asda pizzas and spicy wedges for dinner. My Nana would want me to be happy. X
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I've always wondered what type of person believes changing the last number in our date is significant. Tomorrow is Monday, just like last Monday. Happy New Year? What makes it special? Hatred runs rapid and Americans stray further from our Constatution. Hallmark nation
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My da got knocked down after the QP game last week. Broke all his ribs and his shoulder (classic Pat) but he’s ok. Got this email from the club a couple of couple of days later. Nice touch .
@queensparkfc
👍🏻
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Gonnae need unhinge my jaw like a fucking python to give this a go.
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So after doing the same job for nearly 10 years, I’ve just had it confirmed that I’ve been successful in getting my 2nd promotion in 3 months!
Buzzing.
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Going by Calvin Harris 2 weeks ago, TRNSMT last week and Gerry Cinnamon this week, scientists should do a study into what it is about putting on a bucket hat that turns ye into an absolute arsehole.
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Got a letter in from the Student Loans Company saying I had overpaid and was due a refund. Phoned them up expecting maybe £50 or something. £783.19 in the next 7-10 working days. Walking about the house thinking I’m Jordan Belfort.
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@MuradMerali
I forgot we should all check with Murad who we can follow on Twitter. 🙄
Get a grip mate.
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Got a promotion at work. As I’ve mentioned before my ma is a bit of a Holy Joe. Came home last night to find a congratulations card from the priest at my ma’s local parish, she’d had a few masses said for me hoping I’d get it 😂
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@ZanderMurray
I thought he was calling you a shite player and thought “well that’s just unnecessary.”
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Well somehow that’s me and
@Charliex1307
married one whole year today. Nope, I don’t know how she manages it either. I’m just keeping schtum and hoping she never comes to her senses.🤞X
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Smart. Funny. Gorgeous. Makes the world a better place purely by being in it.
Charlene’s lovely too. X
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“What a collection Darren, ye certainly had some career.”
“Career? These are just fae 22/23!”
We are pleased to announce that we have signed experienced midfielder Darren Miller after his release from St. Cadoc's. His deal runs until summer 2024.
Welcome to the Peasy.
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I was greeting when we won the penalty never mind won the match. Emotional wreck. One of the best days of my life.
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Wow. Had heard talk but thought it was nonsense. Last couple of months have been poor but I’m gutted at this ☹️
On a personal level, wee things like phoning my dad when he was in hospital after a stroke meant the world to him. Wish him all the best.
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Talking to my da there, asking him if he’d watched the Celtic game last night. I said; “That Hatate had some game eh?”
He went; “HaTATTIE? Aye, he’s a CHIP aff the auld block eh?”
and laughed at his own patter for about 3 minutes solid.
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My da said today that this was the inspiration for the QP away top and I genuinely can’t argue with him or unsee it.
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@dapperlaughs
@itv2
Aye. No doubt she was “driven to it” and Ant’s a national treasure who was “battling demons”.
Double standards are ridiculous.
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“I loved everything Celtic stand for.” 😂😂😂
Support who ye want but don’t talk shite about why.
@Frankjnr275
I was brought up by mum mum who took me to watch Ayr United home and away . My dad and the rest of my family support Rangers . Sorry but that’s just not for me and I loved everything Celtic stand for . Got my first season ticket at 15 and never looked back 💚
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I get that he’s a “character” but this season he’s more and more coming across as a greeting faced cunt who is always blaming someone else. I’ve watched a few of his interviews and thought he was talking absolute nonsense.
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Some people have hand sanitizer dispensers in their house. My ma’s got a homemade holy water dispenser.
Genuinely.
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So basically a standard English Premiership game then?
Aberdeen warn fans for Saturday's pilot event that they can't sing, chant or shout and must sit and wear masks 👀
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If this tremendous outpouring of support for the NHS has taught us anything it’s that, if we’re being honest, the majority of weans are shite at drawing and colouring in.
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Finished up work for nearly 3 weeks and off to Mexico on Saturday.
Cheers troops 🍻
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Had an old guy (looked to be nearly 60) in the station earlier looking to get a train to Nitshill. Told him it was cancelled. He went “Aw don’t tell me that big man, I’m just oot the nick and I’m meeting a burd that’s wanting pumped. Oh well, the cow’ll just need to wait.” 😂
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5 year anniversary today
@Charliex1307
. Livin it up in Gran Canaria. At least I know she wasn’t just with me for my beautiful hair.
Whilst I know yous would love to shower us with gifts, we would prefer if you all donated something to the Jay Slater Rescue Fund.
#BringHimHome
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Charlene’s talking about daeing a “Beer Hunt” for me in the garden. I’m 34 years old. Just gimme the beer please.
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Just remembered on my first boys holiday we met a group of guys fae Yorkshire, and got talking about fitba. 2 of them supported Leeds and one of them didnae support a club. He was an “Alan Shearer supporter.”
Still think about that guy now and hope he’s had a terrible life.
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I was gonnae tweet a Borat MY WIFE! gif before I seen this (because I’m pure hilarious) but somehow it doesn’t feel very appropriate.
Dunno how she’s coped for 3 years, with 11 as my gf before that, but I’m very grateful.
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Just back from Efes in Merchant City. One of the best meals I’ve ever had.
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Happy New Year troops. Cheers for reading my shite thoughts. Aw the best X
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@IAmKingBey
@LainaDAZE
@hasunohanas
Imagine being a queen bee, going about your daily business and being snatched, put into an envelope and being delivered to a psychopath who then drops you into the middle of 1000 bees who may or may not kill you depending on how they feeling that day! 😳
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4 years ago today,
@Charliex1307
became the envy of women everywhere when she said “I do” and took me off the market. She should defo have left me countless times since then, and I suppose I’m technically punching, but I think we’re quite good together.
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