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@Lil_Sproles_xo
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Following
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@jasvanillaa
@PhillyFantasma
He literally does not care that there is a girl in that shop until he sees it’s you 😂 ya did good sis
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If you think I'm going to wake up at 9:00 in the morning on a Sunday and eagerly wait in front of the TV for the Eagles to come on after they broke my fucking heart last week then you're absolutely right fly Eagles fly bitches let's go
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Sorry what? Couldn't hear you with Jerry Jones' dick in your mouth.
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My shoe rack fell apart but that seems like a problem for future faith 🦅go birds go sixers
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When Brady finds out Kraft has been kissing someone other than him
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fair warning I'm about to overshare again but recently had a guy tell me all he could think about while we were uhhhh *wrestling* was Devonta Smith because of the eagle tattoo on my buttocks so whether he likes it or not my WR has been responsible for another man's org*sm
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Just saw on Facebook: Alabama hasn't been this upset since Brown v. Board of Education 💀
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@Mriamdigital
@kwabena_ba4
@gabyyxcr
@Pregnancy_Video
That was the purest exchange on the internet and you ruined it
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White people love saying "a million dollars" when the server asks if they need anything else
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My boss came up to me and gave me this.
I was like, uhhhhh?
And he goes "what is it?"
And I was like..... A dollar?
This man says, "no, four quarters."
He's a Panthers fan. 😭😭😭
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It's 2019 can we pls stop making it a point to ask female sports fans to explain rules and answer trivia questions just to prove their fandom? Can't learn if you don't watch and you shouldn't have to refrain from being a fan until you know everything. K byyyeeeee 😇
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Well. I pretty much just walked down bourbon street screaming fuck the saints and Fly Eagles Fly so I think my job is done here
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He don't give a fuck about you anymore
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I have a headache and I do not want to study so here's a selfie for you to pls like and give me one (1) boost of dopamine thnx
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This lady I work with was like "you look like you're going to go riding"
I think she meant horses but my first thought was "yeah, your dad"
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@Bolusays
This is not on the same level but I was 16 when I told a guy (20) no repeatedly and he had sex with me anyway, ripping my nose ring out in the process and making it bleed. He tenderly put the piercing back in and cleaned up the wound after. I’ve never said that out loud before.
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Ya girl got a promotion today so if you see me acting extra spicy in the next week or so ya know why
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You know what doesn't go down?
Twitter.
And half the guys I've slept with.
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Covid test nurse asked if I’ve experienced sudden loss of taste and I said no I’ve dated shitty men for quite some time now
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Well. If I've learned anything it's that I probably rely on the Eagles way too much to keep my mental health intact. I'm sad but it was a good run.
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I don’t think Philly fans are particularly rude I just think everyone else is soft. Dude sat by me at the bar & said something to which I calmly responded we’re 11-1 & he said there goes the aggressive Philly fan as if I called his mom a cunt rather than stating an objective fact
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Bartender asked if I graduated high school so I stole their motherfucking mascot
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@cassandrabizon
@santan_childish
@j6cqueliiine
No actually that context is not important or even relevant because dealers don’t know what kind of tolerance every person they’re selling to has so they very well could be selling something that could kill someone every single time, regardless of the amount
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My biggest fears are:
1. Having a kid
2. Having a kid and then watching it play out like a Disney movie where I really want him or her to play sports and then the kid is like NO MOM THAT'S YOUR DREAM NOT MINE and then gets a fucking art degree
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Officially have gotten into a fight with: one random girl, one Saints fan, and one Cowboys fan
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@CravenRave
@Footnotegirl
@_PussNboots
@TravisDHughes
Lol you pull out statistics on man and he’s still like gUeSsEs ArE aSsUmPtIoNs
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I realized this guy never texted me back so I told him what happened in Endgame lol
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Unpopular Opinion: all of your unpopular opinions are actually very popular and that's why they get like 50k RTs
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Need to get laid in order to properly deal with this loss and don't "ma'am" me either I said what I said
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OK maybe I shouldn't have boo'd the 11 yo kid in a Falcons jersey but it builds character ya know
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go birds
Finding 6 bald eagles on your front porch deserves endless retweets
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She acting surprised like she hasn’t been asking where’s that fucking ring for 10 years now lol
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Shut the FUCK UP omg
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We were good in 2017 and now we're bad
What's the biggest difference between the 2017 Eagles and the 2018 Eagles?
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Sir I think you underestimate how much time I spend on my knees already
Mike Pence: 'Spend more time on your knees than on the internet'
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soooo annoying when guys are like "wow it's so rare that you're smart, pretty, AND you like sports!!" and I'm like... I can name 47 girls just like me right now off the top of my head
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I PASSED CHARACTER FITNESS!!!!! I DONT KNOW HOW BUT YA GIRL IS TAKING THE BAR EXAM!!!! WHOOOOO
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Um call me petty but no the FUCK I do not accept cowboys fans apologies for making fun of Wentz’s injuries just because now Dak is hurt. I feel awful for Dak but these apologies are insincere. You can’t just say sorry years later because NOW you know empathy. TRASH.
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Who sends a dick pic at 10:30 on a Sunday morning? Go find the lord, sir
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I don't give a fuck what kind of green the boys are playing in just fucking win
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@CriminelleLaw
As a current paralegal and law student, finishing a report I brought home from work with me and my textbooks waiting in line as we speak, I understand both sides of this tweet and I want you to know how wonderful both you and your paralegal are. Thanks for the encouragement.
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*takes all new tinder photos like this so hoes don’t forget which super bowl we won*
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Decided I'm no longer having sex with men since y'all all just wanna force women to birth your dumb offspring
Hello, ladies
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