Lauren Mabbett
@LaurenMabbett
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Following
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radio/MC/quiz host/stand up comedy/mac n cheese lover Insta: mabbettface
Tauranga, NZ
Joined April 2009
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Pinned Tweet
In New Zealand you have to say "just these thanks" as you place your items on the counter otherwise they will not serve you and assume you are requiring many more items
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The best acting I ever do is when I pretend to continue browsing in a store where I’ve just seen the price of a T-shirt is $349
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Last night a dude at a Wellington bar spat in my face after I told him to leave me alone then he threatened to "knock me out. " So remember ladies, when out at night and minding your business, never tell a guy to leave you alone
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Since my landlord won’t put a heat-pump into my freezing concrete apartment I hope he doesn’t mind if I light a fire in the lounge
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My friend said she didn't want to join Twitter because she didn't need another social media with everyone showing off how great their life was and I was like hahahaha girrrrrl no we're all miserable here.
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Can companies make packets of wraps for single people because I bought a pack of 6 and now I have to eat wraps for every meal forever and there are wraps everywhere in my house I can’t escape the wraps
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Happy 1st of December! Time to start the saddest advent calendar ever
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Hi sorry I'm going to be late I sat down on my bed after a shower
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Is it acceptable to ask twitterers out on dates. There seems to be far more talent here than some of the nongs on Tinder
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How many steps have you guys done today? I have done 17
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Two years ago today we saw the sky turn orange and thought that would be the craziest thing coming our way
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My main reason for not wanting to get Covid is not wanting Dr Ashley Bloomfield to tell the entire nation what sex stores I went to and when
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How do we tell the clothing shops that there are still some of us that want the bottom half of the top
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Thanks everyone for the support! I'm totally fine just pissed off that this is even a thing we have to deal with. I've sent the bar a detailed email and requested they check their cameras so he can be tracked down.
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I would like to put money on the fact that not one of you has ever opened one of these cleanly with the “pull tab” bullshit on the top
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Anyone else still got this retro bad boy sitting on their phone?
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It's Daylight Saving, Easter Sunday and April Fools Day all at once this is very overwhelming.
Remember to put your chocolate back an hour and the clocks are closed today and LOOK OUT FOR FAKE HOT CROSS BUNS
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Hi boss, today for work since it's halloween I'm dressing up as my last sexual experience and not coming
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I haven’t even managed to own 7 houses in a game of Monopoly
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If you take the letters from Brian Tamaki's name, mix them up, take some out and add in some new ones it spells Giant Douchebag
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The 2 emotions of doing Heardle today:
1. Easy!
2. What the actual fuck.
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The 'It's okay, it's during lockdown' list:
Ate the whole packet
Drank the whole bottle
Text the ex
Full conversations with cat
Didn't shower/showered 4 times because bored
Forgot pants
Forgot bra
Mouth breathed
Daily step count = 11
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Since there’s a show called Renters putting renters in a bad light can we also have a show called Landlords who keep your bond cos there’s dust behind the dishwasher
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How do people run so elegantly and even have conversations with others while I'm over here sweating from every orifice and sounding like a donkey giving birth to a broken printer
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Like this?
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Me trying to figure out other ways of contacting people since Facebook messenger is down
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You know you’re unfit when you have to take a minute to mentally prepare to put on the fourth corner of the fitted sheet
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Why do people think it's okay to carry on a conversation while we walk up 3 flights of stairs together. This is silent, panting time.
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Everyone’s suffering in some way during lockdown. Including me. I’m really saddened to announce I’ve started watching Shortland Street. Please check in on your mates.
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All I want is someone to love me the way New Zealand loves ganging up on lockdown breachers
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Four people on my Facebook have announced their engagement in the last 3 days and I literally am sprawled on the couch in my undies with a glass of wine in one hand and a can of fly spray in the other
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Since there's a show called Renters can we also have a show about Landlords who keep your bond because the numbers on the letterbox aren't clean
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Quite nervous for 10am considering the last thing I watched that involved a traffic light system and elimination.
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Can’t wait for contactless delivery to end so I can go back to pashing the courier
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*sends long email*
Right, now I must immediately go to my sent folder and read it from their perspective.
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Good to see all the buses taking action and self isolating
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The seriousness of what happened has sunk in today so I've now contacted the police as well. This guy shouldn't be out and about roaming our streets.
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So far I've read 8 different versions of the Dreamworld tragedy. Surely being right should be more important than being first..
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[Goes on tiktok] I now hate people
[Goes on Facebook] I now hate people I know
[Goes on Instagram]I now hate myself
[Goes on news website] I now hate everything
[Goes on Twitter] Ahhh my people.
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"Youse need to stop getting pissed and pashing" - Jacinda
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Thought I was really ballsy giving my number to a guy in a cafe yesterday, but we just met up today for a drink and he informed me he is 13 years my junior at 21.
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#TheBachelorNZ
show idea: Instead of actual roses they gave out Cadbury Roses and if you get the turkish delight it means you're going home
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I got woken up to my bed shaking and stuff on my shelves rattling, I text both my roommates saying “earthquake??” then spent the next ten mins refreshing Twitter and Geonet. I am mortified to hear a boy just leave one of their rooms
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Can’t wait for this contactless delivery thing to end so I can go back to pashing all the couriers
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If you're symptomatic, stay home.
If you're hydromatic, keep talking, woah, keep talking.
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My 36th birthday is being spent alone in a comfy jersey, with red wine, Uber Eats on the way and watching some Ellen stand up. Happy.
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Val Kilmer pictured here hanging out with the actor who went on to star in Cast Away
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Today I called a Wellington supermarket to ask if they had toilet paper left and the guy said "I'm not allowed to comment on that" and hung up.
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I started studying radio in 2008 in Tauranga to one day end up here. Took a while, but here we go. Pumped for this, kicking off Monday!
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I’ve never slept nude because I know the first night I try it there’ll be a robbery, a fire and an earthquake all at the same time
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Ryan Seacrest be drawing out that pause on the American Idol intro like
"THIS...
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Here is part 1 of what I just went through with my last roommate. I'll be living alone from now on 🙃
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Tonight I hosted a quiz where the crowd didn’t know who Tom Jones or The Breakfast Club were and now I realise I’ve crossed over into another age bracket
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Miley Cyrus seen here holding hands with the actor from American Beauty
http://t.co/JhhXa64Uzt
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Upon seeing the selection of single kiwi men has anyone else just deleted their Tinder?
#thebachelorettenz
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If life gives you lemons, take them cause they're $7.99 in supermarkets right now and that's beer money right there
#RuinAnOldSaying
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Types of showers:
The spritz - 2min max, hair tied up
The think - uses soap but spends 15 minutes winning that argument from earlier
The everything - the deluxe valet of showers, emerges entirely hairless from the neck down
The heat me I'm cold - putting on a jersey just won't do
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Great to see
@pineyzb
with a beer in his hand at 9.20am on his last day at NZME after 22 years 👏
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@imteddybless
@MelBailey
Once I did a joke about being on the pill and a man came up to tell me about how "actually" a girls body works
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Today we said goodbye to my bro in law Mike who passed away from cancer after being diagnosed just three months ago. Give your loved ones a squeeze ❤️
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"Can't I just report on how snowy it is from inside the studio?"
"NO YOU MUST BE OUT THERE IN THE BLIZZARD AND MAKE SURE YOU GET WHACKED BY SOMETHING FOR EFFECT"
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@RobertGlennieNZ
That was exactly my first thought. And nope he was a lone wolf, drunk af and wandering around getting into people's faces. He should've been kicked out earlier imo
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Instead of all the sex questions, it'd be great if the therapists could ask the contestants how they get their teeth so damn white
#mafsau
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I live in an overpriced studio apartment but the view from bed this morning was worth every cent 😍
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Me: Spends 47 minutes trying to think of something witty and get 3 likes.
Lady Gaga:
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I was behind an elderly lady at the checkout & none of her cards would work. I checked how much her order was ($48) then stood there contemplating if I should be a hero & pay for her. She then started abusing the staff & getting racist so I'ma take my $48 and buy myself a treat.
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This is disgusting behaviour from the Invercargill police
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They say there’s a current egg shortage in new zealand but I saw heaps of them on the road today
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I'm staying with my parents and while here I have to:
-unplug the jug from the wall after it's boiled
-dry the shower after use - including the floor
-unplug the washing machine after use and turn the taps off and DRY THE INSIDE OF THE MACHINE
I am drinking all of the wine.
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If you ever feel like you're losing it, please think of the lady who just emailed me asking to pick up drawers from a trade me sale I had last year. Drawers which she picked up in November.
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I'm so single why do I even bother changing the second pillowcase
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Me: spends hours trying to come up with the most witty, well thought out, hilarious tweet that gets 1 like.
Bieber:
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When you get in the Uber dressed like this and they change the station to More FM 😐
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Driving home from work today I saw my roommate out walking with her boyfriend - who is not in our bubble.
Do I:
a) see how long she will lie to me when she gets home
b) change the locks
c) poo in her sheets
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Crazy how people pay hundreds of dollars for a dairy intolerance test when you could just hold a buttercup under your chin
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Remember my crazy con artist roommate that left a voucher behind for a deluxe stay in a hotel? Cheers bitch 🥂
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