Lauren
@LaurenC30
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5,873
Following
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Media
4,077
Statuses
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Shut up, Thierry Henry. #BillsMafia #HottyToddy #PurpleEagles #LetsGoBuffalo
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Pinned Tweet
Me walking through the house closing closets and cupboards:
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I’m not sure how “tortured” Taylor Swift can really be when her football team won the Super Bowl in her first season.
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I will not give Colinsworth a pass for his blatant lopsided support of the Chiefs. He is paid millions to commentate on both teams & it was clear he didn’t do his homework on the Bills & seemed surprised by their play - but we were in the AFC Championship last season. No excuses.
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I’m still furious the refs didn’t tell us we had 12 men on the field against Denver before the snap.
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I called my mom back in Rochester to pick on her about the snow and then she hit me with a snarky “how’s your grocery store? I’m heading into Wegmans now” — and that hurt and I now regret trying to troll her 🥲
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The Buffalo Bills need your help, any available bodies that can play defense please report to Highmark Stadium. $20/hour.
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@stefondiggs
We need CB Diggs and DE Josh Allen so we can have a Diggs & Allen combo on both offense & defense
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Josh Allen should really consider legally changing his middle name from Patrick to Fuckin’.
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Buffalo maternity wards are gonna be busy in a little over 9 months 👀
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@barstoolsports
I blame Patrick for this - as an older brother he obviously didn’t fulfill his duties of kicking the little brothers ass when he they do something stupid and need to be put in check.
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Overall, he was picked first by Taron Johnson, then by Tre White, then by Levi Wallace, then by Jordan Poyer.
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🔴 March 16, 2020 - Bills sign Stefon Diggs
🔴 March 16, 2022 - Bills sign Von Miller
🔴March 17, 2022 - I submit petition to make March 16 an official WNY holiday
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I genuinely hope Josh Allen goes on an amazing tropical vacation and relaxes - that dude deserves it. I’ll even spring for his first piña colada 🍹
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Comprehensive list of things I have in common with Brandon Beane:
1) Continually saying “I’m not going to spend anymore money”, and then proceed to spend more money.
2) Infinite love & admiration for Josh Allen.
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I’ve entered the 7th level of Hell:
*Wegmans.
*3 days before Christmas.
*Day before an apocalyptic blizzard.
*With a ~5 year old in a kids steering wheel grocery cart.
🙏🏻 requested.
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Pick your fighter!
1) Wet Bandit
2) Sticky Bandit
3) Petty Bandit
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The way I talk to my kids about the 17-Year Buffalo Bills Playoff Drought, is oddly similar to the way my grandmother would talk about “The Great Depression”:
• You kids have no idea how good you have it
• We must be thankful & appreciate what we have now
• F the Patriots
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Maybe she took her smokin’ hot boyfriend on a dinner date
Buffalo Bills superstar Josh Allen took his smokin' hot girlfriend on a dinner date to an L.A. hotspot on Wednesday.
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I think it may be my calling to make sure people don’t forget that even though it was a loss, Gabe Davis had the *GREATEST* WR performance in NFL Playoff history 🚀
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Boss: oh is one of your kids sick?
Me: No.
Boss: Husband?
Me: No.
Boss: Well, I see you submitted a family sick leave request.
Me: Yes, Micah Hyde was injured in practice today, and Mafia means family.
Boss: …
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Ok,
@stefondiggs
wouldn’t want
@gabedavis13_
dating his sister, but he seems like a great guy to me.
Exhibit A:
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Patrick Mahomes promoting Bose Noise Cancelling Headphones actually is genius branding. If anyone in the world needs to tune people out it’s that guy.
Cc: Brittany & Jackson
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I’m old enough to remember when the Bills only played at 1pm on Sundays.
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When someone says “Go Bills”, you respond with “Go Bills”.
When someone says “Mac Jones”, you respond with “He’s gawt a raag aaarm”.
Listen, I don’t make the rules, I just follow them.
#BillsMafia
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Al Michaels: What a performance from Allen last night
Collinsworth: …
Michaels: Nobody predicted that kind of dominant performance, at least to that degree.
Collinsworth: (deafening silence)
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🔊 sound on🔊
Rookie skits & performances are what I live for
@stefondiggs
@BuffaloBills
@backstreetboys
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For a little boy with a heart defect, he had the best heart of all. ❤️💙
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Rex Ryan with a “hot take” that Ryan Tannehill is a better QB when Derrick Henry plays.
No shit.
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Did I make a downtown Buffalo hotel reservation for mid-February for a possible Super Bowl parade, with a friendly cancellation policy today?! Maybe 💁🏻♀️
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Dr. Dre had a brain aneurysm a little over a year ago and today he crushed the SB Halftime show. My heart is full 💕
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Eddie is probably the only member of BillsMafia with a 100% approval rating.
He is a bright spot in my timeline and in the world.
Keep fighting Commander Eddie!
❤️💙💪🏼
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I’m only 36 and have a 10 month old child, but I’m already excited to tell my grandkids someday about that Hyde interception.
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If McDermott told me to “shut-up”, I’d never speak again, ever.
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The new Wegmans bags double as a perfect gift bag for some people I know…
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There are 2 little kids in the restaurant we are at wearing Kaiir Elam jerseys - on Cape Cod, while the Patriots are playing.
To their parents - I salute you.
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This honestly isn’t really fair - asking
#BillsMafia
to donate to a good cause is like asking Brazilians to play soccer well — it’s just innate.
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Please don’t take your kids trick or treating at any Bills players home’s tonight - I hear they are only handling out Ls. 🎃
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Josh Allen’s high school coach called him “Tortuga”, Spanish for “Tortoise”, because he was so slow.
Can’t tell me this guy doesn’t love to feed on the hate & criticism.
#BillsMafia
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Anyone know when the jersey with pockets will be up on ? The people want to know!
…I’m the people.
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Beane probably:
"Here's the deal, I'm the best there is. Plain and simple. I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence"
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2 things Buffalo does better than any city in the world:
1) Chicken Wings
2) Playoff Droughts
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Hear me out - a weekly video podcast on Victory Mondays with Reid Ferguson re-reading thru all the national media’s negative comments about the Bills prior to their game.
Call it “Reid Receipts”.
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All of America: “We can’t stand Cris Collinsworth”
NBC: “Ok, so what I think I heard you say is that we should add another Collinsworth to the broadcast.”
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Treasuring this forever💔
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My daughter’s school emailed that on Monday kids can dress like a pirate for “International Talk Like A Pirate Day”, but they are sorely mistaken if they think a child of mine would leave the house in anything other than Bills attire on Monday.
Sorely Mistaken.
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Attn: Bengals fans, don’t start celebrating just yet.
Signed,
All of Buffalo
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I wish I was happier about this a$s beating, but I’m heartsick for Tre White.
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The Buffalo Bills and I have agreed to terms on a lifetime contract. I will continue to pay them to brutalize my heart and emotions. The Bills are feeling very confident in this being a successful arrangement for both parties.
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Prayers requested, as I attempt to battle Wegmans the day before Thanksgiving.
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NFL Rules Expert: Jawaan Taylor is definitely false starting and creating an unfair competitive advantage for the Chiefs.
Collinsworth: This is really the Lions fault for not complaining about it.
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The Buffalo airport has a bigger crowd to welcome the team back home at 3 in the morning in freezing cold temps...
There are hundreds of fans at the LA Coliseum where the Rams rally will take place around 12 pm. But the parade starts in an hour and the route is empty! Where are you Rams fans?!
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*At Dentist Appointment today*
Hygienist: we can schedule your next 6 month cleaning for Monday, February 14th at 8am
Me: Umm that’s the day after the Bills win the Super Bowl - I’ll need another date.
Hygienist: Would you rather Friday, the 11th?
Me: Yes *emphatic head nod*
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While driving, people that pull out in front of you in a hurry, while no one is behind you, and then drive really slow - are the absolute worst. 🤬
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I say this with absolute certainty - when I retire…I’m never un-retiring.
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Conspiracy Theory: this ball finally landed but hit the Facebook & Instagram satellite, thus the outage
#BillsMafia
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Have the Bills & Sabres ever had rosters this likable at the same time before?!
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It took all of about 3 seconds into Beane’s presser today before my husband told me he needed this quarter zip.
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Imagine “executives” watching Suzy Kolber navigate the Damar Hamlin situation with poise, thoughtfulness, and an understanding of the situation…and then thinking she she should be fired.
ESPN was great a long time ago, what a shame.
𝐑𝐞𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭: ESPN is firing 20 on-air personalities today, per
@AndrewMarchand
Notable personalities such as Max Kellerman, Keyshawn Johnson, Jay Williams, Steve Young and Suzy Kolber are among those also considered to be at risk.
More here:
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The fact that it will be 50° on Wednesday in Buffalo proves that the universe was pulling for a Bills Super Bowl victory parade. 😞
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A Bills Backer bar in Chicago had a massive fire today,where a firefighter perished. Please keep this man and his family in your thoughts and prayers.
@DelReid
maybe we can find out if a GoFundMe or something is set up for this man’s family’s
#BillsMafia
A Chicago firefighter died battling a blaze in the building housing the popular Lincoln Station bar in Lincoln Park this morning.
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Hockey in Buffalo is having a moment, and I am here for it.
I am also sobbing
#LetsGoBuffalo
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F-it, let’s not build a new stadium, let’s just take over away team’s stadium like a Spirit Halloween store.
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I’ve never really had an issue with Steelers fans but this turd of a man can efffff alllll the way off.
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I go to Wegmans with more stuff than Matt Milano takes on overnight trips.
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Every cigarette takes 11 minutes off your life, every Bills game takes 3 days off your life 💀
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Going through the Delta Sonic carwash is as close as I get to going clubbing these days
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I love Kyle Brandt…but my petty self really wants Alex Tuch (
#89
) announcing the Buffalo 89th pick in Vegas. 💁🏻♀️
Thrilled to announce I will be announcing Draft Pick No.89 in Las Vegas for the Buffalo Bills.
I can promise you it will not be boring.
Been practicing my walk across stage…
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Daughter: Mommy what does “Bella” mean?
Me: Well it’s an Italian word meaning beautiful.
Daughter: So Andy is beautiful?
Me: ….what?!
Daughter: Those guys keeping saying Andy is a bella.
💀💀💀💀😂😂😂😂
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I feel bad for CLE fans coming to the realization that Baker might not be the franchise QB they wanted AND then finding out that Josh can also make funny commercials. Ouch.
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Based on my Twitter feed right now, I absolutely never ever want to hear that “Women are too emotional”.
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When I moved to the south, I had people say things to me about adjusting to “the southern hospitality” and I always laughed it off because the truth is the kindest, most caring people I’ve ever met were from WNY.
Over 27,000 donations and more than $1 million dollars raised to honor
@JoshAllenQB
's grandmother and her family.
The Patricia Allen Pediatric Recovery Wing at
@OCHBuffalo
is officially open. ❤️💙
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How pissed is a certain QB’s wife that Taylor Swift is getting all the attention in KC?
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DO NOT THROW SNOWBALLS ON THE FIELD!!! 🤬
Hochuli does not need any more fuel for his fire.
And it’s classless.
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In case you needed a laugh today courtesy of a QB, I gift you Matt Ryan thinking he had a TD but ending up with a taunting penalty:
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THICCC thighs save lives
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“It was a humbling experience” - Sean McVay
“We got our asses beat. Straight up.” - Jalen Ramsey
“We got our asses kicked, plain and simple, they out coached us, they outplayed us.” - Mike Vrabel
“We got handled today” - Mike Tomlin
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Husband is adjusting to life in Rochester quite well - he just paid money to stream a minor league hockey game
@AmerksHockey
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