Laura Butler 🐈🥼
@LauraCatPJs
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🧟♀️ account of former @Microsoft VP and Star Treknical Goddess 🪦 RIP @twitter 🔎 me on @OwnTrail , LinkedIn, and elsewhere as LauraCatPJs
Seattle, WA
Joined August 2016
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I am dead tired of hearing about the Zucks, Teslas, Thiels, Ubers, and Theranoses of tech.
I want to learn about the Mandelas, Merkels, Bercows, Fowlers, and Paos instead. About good people and role models worth emulating.
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Hi, I'm a Technical Fellow and VP of OneNote & Sticky Notes at Microsoft.
These are apps critical for education.
I am a college dropout.
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🎶 Happy 49th to me 🎶
ps. Le Photo Bomb just kills me 😂
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I can’t wait for TikTok to join the illustrious group of successful Microsoft social collab and consumer products.
MSN, Messenger, Hotmail, PlaceWare, Skype, GroupMe, Zune, LinkedIn messaging, Sunrise, Accompli (O mobile has decayed), Wunderlist, Intentional, Mixer, ... Oh wait.
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It's finally official. My last day at Microsoft is August 31!
This me right now!!!
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You call it the Super Bowl. I call it the best day of the year to eat a fabulous dinner at a restaurant that normally has a month+ waitlist.
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I was engaged to the man who was in charge of it. He was my first fiancee.
BOOM
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Anybody out there who thinks
@msonenote
is great value and worth 💎, please reply.
It helps make the case to fund and do even more here for customers.
@cl0udmaker
@chrismaddern
@msonenote
I am saving this tweet for the next finance and funding discussion I have. 🤑
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Folks, this is simple. The first three letters of Assange's last name say it all.
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Zuckerberg has been eclipsed by Musk. Mark brings ads and fake news to people, Elon brings people to new places by 3D printing science
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Satya called his book "Hit Refresh". Mine would be titled "Hit Save. A Lot."
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OMIGOD WE DID IT WE SUBMITTED OUR INCORPORATION PAPERWORK TODAY.😅🤯
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OMG I am now 50 years old in east coast time. That is all.
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Dear tweeples. I plan to ship 4-8 packages of cookies each week in 2019 to random followers who aren't Microsofties. That means I aim for >= 200 this year.
When it's ready I'll point you at an app to make this whole thing easier and fun. It will no doubt suck but it'll work.
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The world is divided into two parts:
- Those who love Rogue One
- Those who are just plain wrong
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NEED
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I don't care about the technical definitions.
In the USA:
Summer is Memorial Day to Labor Day
Fall is Labor Day to Thanksgiving
Winter is Thanksgiving to Valentine's Day
Spring is Valentine's Day to Memorial Day
I will defend this hill to the death. Bring it on.
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So Satya liked a message I sent on the Microsoft exec channel and it made my entire month.
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Dang that's fast sleuthing! It's not even fully available in internal dogfood.
The screenshot doesn't even have the new majorly improved naviga... oops almost spilled the beans.🤓
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Daily wisdom courtesy of Peridot on the top of Queen Anne hill in Seattle. These folks should have a blog!
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LinkedIn is a factory for useless pointless notifications.
My current fave is "Somebody anonymous viewed your profile". What behavior or engagement does LI expect to drive from this? It's not actionable. At least OK/Cancel/Abort/Retry has buttons to push.🤓
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What I could and do ramble on about:
- Star Trek
- x86/ia64/ARM assembly
- Star Trek
- Obscure but entertaining anthropological geographical and linguistic tidbits
- Space
- Ciders
- Star Trek
- Debugging
- Star Trek
- Moisturizers, lotions, and potions
- Star Trek
- 1980s Music
What could I talk about for 30mins with no prep?
- Harry Potter & the wizarding world
- Cool startups I’ve met
- How amazing cheese is
- Dogs and how they make us better humans
- Airports of the world and how terrible LAX is
- The importance of diversity and inclusion in tech
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Today I realized I truly am the Kevin Bacon of Microsoft.
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Hi tweeps. I have some news. As of today I have stepped down from running
@msonenote
@stickynotes
and
@MicrosoftToDo
and they are moving to
@ShilpaRan
.
1/
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I am a college drop out.
👏 You don't need a formal degree to succeed in tech.
👏 You don't need a CS degree to be a great product manager.
👏 Degrees are not magic! Hard work, intellectual curiosity, and good teamwork win every time.
Sincerely, someone with a fancy degree. 💫
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Kids are just adult startups and I shall refer to them as such from now on.
Anybody know where I can buy a "Congrats on raising your series B" card for a bat mitzvah?
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I volunteered to be a test subject for this COVID-19 vaccine trial. However weird it sounds I hope I am accepted.🤞🏽
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Dear
@Twitter
there’s one thing I want more than editing (with logging so history can’t be changed) of twetes.
I want authentication. Instead of binary blue-check or not, how about separating out two different things?
- Public figure or not
- Verified human or not
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The next time somebody asks me if that's my resting bitch face I'm going to say it's not resting and stare until they back away.
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My love 🥰 to the
@HBO
intern. I wasn't an intern and I almost brought
@Microsoft
to its knees in 1995.
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I got 95% of the way through filling out an online dating profile and I can't do it.
Everest marathon? Heck yeah!
Possibly impossible tech problem? You bet!
Truth to power? Bring it!
Dysfunctional team? Love u!
Meeting a stranger for a possible date? Scared as hell!
Ugh.
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Travel essentials for Berlin:
1 - Toiletries in the little bag TL for me
2 - 28 dozen cookies for the team
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Aloha from Hawaii my poor cold Seattle friends
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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I am now at Covid stage: What’s the point of pouring wine into a glass before drinking it
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@jfagone
I did! Thanks for solving my fall leadership what-to-do dilemma! Lemme know when you're in Seattle for a talk and I'll come. With 🍪.
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Hey
@Microsoft
colleagues and friends, please forgive me if you sent email or teams messages to my work account this week.
I am not ignoring you, honest. I just don't have corporate access anymore. Hit me up on LinkedIn and I'll respond.
xoxoxo
L
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You know I fixed the last few bugs in Win95, I am the great grandmother of video conferencing, and I recently founded a startup that by god is gonna get $ in June.
But I think I’m the most proud of this.
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Someone asked me why I forward jobs at other companies.
Well, sadly I can't hire all the awesome people in the world to my team. And if I could, then I'd have to partner with a lot of lame-asses.😉
But really, opportunity is opportunity. More of it is better for everyone.
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What could possibly go wrong with 100 or so
@Microsoft
executives on buses going over the
@SnoqualmiePass
tomorrow when there's 100% chance of snow?
#SnowmageddonThe13th
#DonnerParty2019
😬
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I'm a boss and a confidently bossy leader and I use emojis along with exclamation points!!! Suck it up world.🌏
Women putting emojis in work emails is one of the things men call out as making us look less confident
#damnedifyoudo
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To quote the immortal Dave Cutler:
When all is said and done, a hella lot more is said than done.
These are words to live by.
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I'm having a sentimental moment. I 😍 my team so much it hurts.
They deserve more and better than I can ever give them, almost certainly.
But I am who they have. And it's staggering the trust they put in me, humbling and scary and motivating.
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@EmmaWedekind
I have thrown up on my vice president on stage in front of a lot of people.
I have cried in ship room.
I have hit my head on the edge of my desk and completely knocked out a front tooth, then had a full day of meetings and work to deal with lisping the whole time.
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This is such a top-notch dad joke I think it’s achieved grandpa level
My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him. Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy. He’s a web designer.
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OK tweeps. I just grabbed about 300 of you and put into an Excel workbook. Now the Magic 8-Ball macros are running to choose the 🍪 winners this round.
#LauraCatPJsCookies4Followers
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I saw a Mercedes SUV tonight with the license plate "malloc" near the Microsoft campus.
I can't help hoping that the owner has a motorcycle plated with "free".
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If you introduce yourself to me as an influencer, I will slap you + your CBD oil + your chia seeds + your Instagram account silly.
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@DanaSchwartzzz
There is a business here. Let's found Mournr and offer a range of rental services in addition to mourners
- chic black or white outfits (depends on culture)
- weeping
- wigs for tearing hair out
- sunglasses
- veils
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Thanks tweeps for the help!
Black dress and necklace it is. I couldn't get the teal top to tie and sit right.
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This is for all who see this but especially those kind but kinda crazy people who follow me because it makes no sense!
I am absolutely blown away by you, the 👩🏽👧🏿👩🏼🚀👳🏽♂️🧕🏻👨🏼🦱👶🏾🦸🏾♂️🦸♀️ who sent me kind comments today. Honestly I am 😭. I don't understand it but I feel it.
🥰 u all
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This was an amazing experience, off the charts! It's proof you can have look good, do good, and be super smart at the same time. 🤓😉
We partnered with
@Microsoft
on a roundtable discussion about “Breaking New Ground.” Watch
@ShondaRhimes
lead the conversation with
@IbtihajMuhammad
,
@JurneeSmollett
, and
@LauraCatPJs
now on .
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So if we devs wear glasses, can we C#?
...
Tough crowd, tough crowd
It's hard to believe that C# is almost 20 years old. Created by Anders Hejlsberg, it was an important part of the Microsoft development story that included the dotNET frameworks and tools.
Bonus nerd points if you can remember the original code name for C#!
#FlashbackFriday
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Microsoft would’ve better spent its time trying to acquire Arm
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The whole 10x engineer thing zooming around the interwebs is so ridiculous.
No serious programmer lives in the decimal system. Don't bother pinging me for opportunities unless you're an x << 1 engineer. x can be negative, you get left-shifted for honesty.
💅🏽
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Dear
@British_Airways
you have my gratitude and loyalty forever.
Weather + traffic in Seattle were horrible. Took 2.5 hrs to go 15 miles to the airport, normally a 20 min trip.
I got to the counter as it closed, in 😢. Your employees got me to the gate and I’m on the ✈️. 😘
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Let me restate this.
When I get over 7k followers and stay there, I will bake and ship 🍪 to a bunch of folks. Some old loyal tweeps, some new ones, everybody who's gone cookieless is eligible.
I will do the same at 8K, 9K, and 10K followers.
So I have 6,936 followers as of 7:40 pm PST March 26 2019.
Who's gonna be lucky number 7,000 and get some homemade 🍪 from me as a thank you?
Note: If you've received 🍪 from me before you aren't eligible. We need to spread the buttery love.
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Thank you
@donasarkar
! Doing my best “Pink Titanium” look here in my new
#PrimaDona
dress.
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I finally found my photo with some Apollo astronauts.
Live Long and Prosper, gentlemen!
L to R: Walt Cunningham, Buzz Aldrin, and Charlie Duke.
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Lumia 1020 with Windows Phone 8 GDR 2.
However, I made it so I’m biased. It’s Microsoft’s loss, Windows Phone and me, but my gain.
Go Apple on ARM!
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This is great but good lord I got rid of my desk phone in 1999.
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Well Tweeps you really are an unruly and disobedient bunch.
I bossily tell you to stop following me and do you listen? NO AND CHEEZITS WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT!
You deserve all the stupid crap posting Ima do now ... 😉😘🤓🖖🏽😉
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I imagine some Facebook exec begged the team to develop a new feature that would shift attention away from fake news.
"Invent something even more depressing, toxic, and soul-destroying ASAP" s/he said.
And that's how Facebook Dating was created.
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When I was a kid I thought a Thesaurus was a smart dinosaur. Maybe a small dinosaur wearing glasses, a dinosaur that would be my friend.
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I am happy to live in Seattle. Here’s why.
1. Belief in science AND progress
2. Belief that doing good is how to do well
3. Belief that removing friction is how best to innovate
4. Belief that real wealth is a tide to lift all boats
5. Belief in acting by beliefs
It works!
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I am treating myself to a dinner at Le Messe in Seattle and it. is. fabulous.
I can see Lake Union while I eat dishes like this. The sun is out, I can do more pushups than my age, and I fit in my clithes from 20 years ago.
#DolceFarNiente
#LeMesse
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Packing for business trip to India and Europe. Necessities first.
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Sooo ... I included a cocktail kit in my dinner order. I poured the small bottle into a glass and drank it before reading the instructions. And those said to mix with 4 parts soda water.😳
Now I can’t focus my eyes. Please ignore anything I tweet in the next 12 hours or so.
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This is beyond disappointing. It is bullying, monopolistic, and un-customer friendly.
If this happens on my Windows desktop I will uninstall Office and stop paying, at a minimum.
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So I have 6,936 followers as of 7:40 pm PST March 26 2019.
Who's gonna be lucky number 7,000 and get some homemade 🍪 from me as a thank you?
Note: If you've received 🍪 from me before you aren't eligible. We need to spread the buttery love.
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I am clearing out my house and I found this.
It stumped for a bit until I realized it was me 16 years ago. 🤗
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I’m taking my next vacation in Italy once Covid-19 has settled down. I don’t care if it’s hot dry August or quiet Christmas or rainy spring. I am going.
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Y'know tweeps, I've been telling myself for 30 years that I am just alone because I'm an (awesome) unicorn.
But this month I've admitted to myself that it's hard and lonely to be a unicorn.
#Epiphany
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And in a pinch you can use it as a cheese or carrot grater
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@ArlanWasHere
So CES heard the “why is there no diversity in the key note speakers” feedback, but went in a bizarre direction.
CES is officially obsolete and dead now.
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This gonna sound like bragging but I only mean to share excitement!
I am touring Armenia, Georgia, and Azerbaijan in 2 months. By train! 🤠
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The Amazing Adventures of
@kclemson
and
@LauraCatPJs
are off to an exciting start. We haven't made it out of Seattle yet. Mimosas were invented for exactly this situation.
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Does anybody actually get cheesecake at The Cheesecake Factory?
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A jumpsuit is a must-have if you want to be in style right now.
Here’s mine. Green steel amirite?
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God help me I’m on my 4th Jane Austen movie in slippers eating fried rice out of a box and drinking Chardonnay that comes in a box and talking baby talk to my cat. I have officially given in and given up.
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