The Baked Baker
@KwaNinz
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The last time I felt this patriotic was when Eliud Kipchoge did the 1.59.40.
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@Shad_khalif
is the longest abduction we’ve had. He was kidnapped on Sunday tuko Tuesday manze. Where is Shad? Shad ako wapi?!
#FreeShad
#RejectFinanceBill2024
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When a nigga hates you, he makes sure you’re aware.
Mama Rachael nayeye anaona all her co-wives wakipewa kazi😂😂😂na ofisi yake inafungwa
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Accusing Miguna of inciting the protest from the back of Maybach, you really can’t make this shit up. Umetoa wapi pesa ya Maybach wewe.
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It's a sheer contradiction that
@MigunaMiguna
, the self-proclaimed barrister, is passionately inciting our children to unleash mayhem.This is uncouth in our modern Kenya.
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How do I catch you stealing my money red handed , watch you use my name to take loans I have no idea about, (you also steal that) and what you don’t steal, you mismanage then when I confront you about it, I’m the bad guy. Wtf is wrong with you.
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This is definitely one of the greatest things I have ever witnessed in my life. And I’m sure same goes for everybody else too. We will NEVER forget. ♥️
Pesa ya Mchanga imeisha. Ni mimi tu na Mungu tunajua vitu nimepitia
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Hii Twitter kazi ni kuscammiana na kukulana tu. If you haven’t done either, funga account.
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Hii story ya locally produced sanitary towels, ni nani anaanzisha kampuni among them anapush hii kitu hivi? Alafu wanataka tuvae hizi new pads manufactured in Kenya, a country where KEBS doesn’t work, tuchomeke kuma si ndio?
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Imagine if Gina Din and Michael Joseph found Murkomen or Moses Kuria instead of Michuki time for starting M-PESA.
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I thought you guys said Ruto has a very fatal disease. Mbona hajakufa bado?😭
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The only downside of dying in my sleep is they’d find that my vibrator is under my pillow ikiwa imeshikana na rosary. 🥴😭
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I don’t know what the story is here but I can tell you Nairobi Hospital is 100% at fault.
A drunk Boniface Mwangi caused fracas in Nairobi hospital leading to the destruction of facility's equipments.
I don't why he was so frustrated yet the hospital treated his wife and was taken home peacefully by his bro.
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If you can bend in the skirt, that skirt is way too long you need to cut it.
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This is what our president thinks he looks like in his suits stg.
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They keep saying the economy can’t survive the protests but what our economy can’t survive is THEM! Our economy can not survive all this looting fuck! I’m actually really scared. They have put us in such a bad hole and they are digging it further at such an alarming rate?!
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Watu wakitafuta kiberiti ya kuwasha candles for mass home I subconsciously offered my lighter. So naturally the sermon was about kuvuta bangi. This is just not my day.
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God flexxed so damn hard when He came out with this plant.
Marijuana absorbs nuclear radiation. In 1998, the Ukraine's Institute of Bast Crops planted industrial marijuana to help remove contaminants in the soil near Chernobyl.
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It’s my dad thinking I’ll be CBK governor one day lol. Ile kublaze mi hublaze nitakumbuka passwad ya kufungua store ya doh kweli?🥴
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A girl is now officially old. Reminiscing the good old days of youth with these two pics I took when I was young and popping. Happy birthday to me I gezz. Goddammit.
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It’s only been a month. Niggas fought for independence for 50+ years and fought Moi for 20. Today we got our faces spat on but the day is over and yaliyo ndwele sipite. Tusife moyo, tomorrow still needs us.
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I can’t believe there’s people who hate on avocado when all it does is elevate every single meal it touches from sushi to njahi. Versatility.
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Nairobi real estate developers, mbona hamjengi 1br houses? Alafu muweke no kids allowed...
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Side note, John Allan Namu anakuwanga ameiva hadi sauti. 😮💨
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A lot of Nairobi lifestyle is a smoke screen. Question everything and don’t run the race ukijipimisha na watu. Just be honest with yourself about your reality and capacity.
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Do you realise how insane being alive is? None of us was expressly told what the point of being alive is, we just showed up and started. And nobody who is alive has proof/evidence of what really cuts when we die.
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The ripple effects of the LSK president’s relentless service in such a short time are so evident cz I can’t remember ever seeing these many lawyers freely and enthusiastically educating and aiding wronged people. So Koome, si uresign msee committed to the law achukue usukani?
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Can’t believe I’m on track to have Dr. as my title before I turn 30 yet all I tweet about is stealing from niggas. It really cracks me up honestly.
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KQ moving exactly like me. I pay Fuliza and immediately after - I’m buying Jordans, Sephora is confirming my order, digging a bigger hole than the last. Crazy.
KQ plans to expand its fleet by 30-40% and add 12 new destinations after posting a profit of Sh513 million for the first time in over a decade.
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Medical misogyny thing is very real. I had two strokes in 2021 and the first 2 male doctors and male nurses who saw me at emergency said I was just have a panic attack until my dad came and started threatening the hospital. I could have died. Worse? I could have been paralysed.
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Luo men being shocked at how Ruto can lie and gaslight like this is some crazy shit.💀
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Your number one goal in life should be to have comprehensive health insurance. No amount of saving and hustling and investing will protect you from the poverty illness can plunge you in in the blink of an eye. (Get home insurance too.)
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Once upon a time another life ago when I was in my clown era, all I got for Valentine’s was a meme coz “he didn’t celebrate”. For sb who’s been a material gworl their whole life, that shit hurted. I literally had no choice but to fuck his friends. My hands were tied.
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Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.
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Last weekend of August is unofficially Kenyan summer kick-off. The spirit of Sodom and Gomorrah is upon us. It’s time to hot and thot.
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Hii generation huniudhi vibaya sana na madharau zao za the youth. People are screaming blue that if govt just worked and stopped with the corruption, the jobs will be there. All they heard was, “These are some jobless kids who need sth to do like sweep streets.” FUCK!
Davis Chirchir on Youth Employment: If we don't address the question of the youth, it is a time bomb waiting to happen, and it's already happening. We need to work closely together to ensure that we have the kind of initiatives that we have seen before like 'Kazi Mtaani'
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Hiyo kuchunwa cheeks mbele ya kila mtu si enough for impeachment on grounds of weirdness? Because what exactly was that? Nimeskia nthithi.
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When he sprinted pointing to us, my guy when he knew he had done it, I’ve never screamed that loud in my life. LEGEND!!!!
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Ever since I started listening to the Twitter hair specialists and removed oils and butters and soufflés from my hair routine, my hair is thriving. All I do is shampoo, condition then gel. Kwanza gel ni soh mbili hata kuenda salon nimeweka pause nisave hiyo 10K.
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Idk how you guys are keeping hope alive for our lives and country because every fucking day there’s something. The corruption and greed is unbelievable. These niggas are stealing everything live infront of our eyes and lecturing us. What the actual fuck.
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The way Fashion Killa by
@ayrastarr
is a banger! Shoooo! The year can end, she’s closed it out.
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Yaani hii maisha one day mnanusana makwapa na msee ile romance deep na next day it’s like you’re strangers hata hamjui ka mwingine ako hai. Lol. Crazy ride.
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Written my memo and emailed it. It’s easy to be apathetic with our current situation because it won’t mean much “wameshanunuliwa” but that is how KK got into power, apathetic citizens not showing up to vote coz “imeshaenda”. Determined to just participate somehow.😭
Public participation on the Finance Bill, 2024. Your opportunity to have your support or reservations recorded and heard.
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Blunt in mouth, stomach on flat. Flawless execution of a “pregnancy where bitches” vid.
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Na wezi mkiiba simu iko mid recording pls hit post zifike IG before mzime.
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This country is so unserious. Do you know how crazy it is that we had a president that would regularly address the nation visibly drunk?
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~She said, 'I'm so afraid.' And I said, 'why?,' and she said, 'Because I'm so profoundly happy, Dr. Rasul. Happiness like this is frightening.' I asked her why and she said, 'They only let you be this happy if they're preparing to take something from you.~ Khaled Hosseini.
Am I the only one who gets a little nervous when personal happiness seems possible?
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One day I will be able to talk about my sister’s boyfriend robbing us without feeling nagonjeka malaria.
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Can’t believe people are out here looking like this when I’m built like a biscuit. I hate everything.
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And that Kaunda suited fucker will get on TV and say the youth are ruining businesses and the economy and will arrest some random guy for tweeting
#RutoMustGo
like we can’t see this with our own two eyes. Hii nchi itanichizisha mimi!😭
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The govt would have said wametenga 700M for victims and guys would still have bills because the money would be eaten. What Hanifa has done is so monumental, so important and inspirational. We will never forget.
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Can y’all retweet with ur fav selfie video!?? Trying to see some beautiful people
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Wakingupinthemorningthinkingaboutsomanythingsijustwishthingswouldgetbetterbutnothingseemstochange.
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Me: Babe si you chapa me a pic vile nakaa poa leo.
Them: Bet.
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In an ideal world, CSes should to go to Kenya School of Government for a year straight every day after work to be taught how to run their ministries by previous CSes and 6 months in ukianguka mtihani unafutwa. Shida ni huku even the previous CSes are dwanzis.
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“I’m not afraid of dying. I’m afraid of being stuck in a life that makes me wish I was dead.” -
@__sammich__
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I really wasn’t made to be a mum cz wdymn I can be a struggling single mum when my bd and/or his fam wakona coins? I will leave that child on your mother’s doorstep and disappear minimum 6 yrs. I’m very competitive, deadbeat Olympics siwezi itikia unishinde. Winners win.
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I reply to my IG cake page stories every single time lol. Gas has to begin at home.
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First batch in. Seated outside in the morning sun enjoying. Selling Makueni mangoes btdub mid to wholesale. Moja 25 bob minimum order 40. They’re large, each weighing around 400g to 700g. Holla if interested. 🥭
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I woke up with period cravings for a seafood pizza and the homie said weka tampons kwa mfuko and go get you that pizza. I...😭🥰
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Playing with his beard as he plays with my fudhis. >>>>>>
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Kukuwa dame ni kitu poa juu unaweza fap mara kumi kwa siku. Maboy after 3 rounds inatoa hewa. Pengine uchukue nut na Fuliza.
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The only guiding principle you will ever need in life? Jipende bitch.
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My guy Muigai amesema rich kids lives matter too.
PRESIDENT Kenyatta says dynasties vs hustlers debate deeply divisive; cites growing hostilities against the privileged.
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My unpopular opinion is people aren’t hard enough on themselves. You have never had an honest conversation with yourself so you can’t even acknowledge and accept the primary role you are playing in your own suffering. Happy new week.
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Cake was picked jana na ikafika Nyeri in one piece. Didn’t even budge na ni amarula forest. I’m a talented nigga. Is all.
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Every time I see my cakes on IG stories watu wakiparty wakiwa so joyful it lights a spark in my heart. Hobby paying my bills and spreading joy at the same damn time.😭
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Funny how I talk a big game on here when in person I’m the softest person alive na nikifall in love ni mimi nitauza couch nibuyie msee kagift ndio afeel poa tu hata there doesn’t need to be an occasion. I stay embarrassing my online persona irl.
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If you leave immediately you realise it no longer lives up to your standard, you will never have to “heal” again because having to heal from every relationship is a byproduct of overstaying every relationship that stopped meeting your standard. Shera gagged me a lil bit.
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One thing about the streets, they’re not for everyone. Haidhuru kuaccept hauwezani. Huwa rough sana matime uchungu inafeel itakuchizisha. Ukiona waistbeads kwa bafu au dashboard unfamiliar moyo ianguke isimame kidogo, chorea tu. Choose a normal constant heartbeat. Choose life.
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Imagine don’t leave your S/O because I borrowed them for a bit. No need to be dramatic. Unless it’s explicit stealing, I always rudisha them. Promise. I have a code bana.
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Realising I only know (personally) one person who has had lupus longer than me now. Everybody else died.
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WSR alilipa Osama and co. wapoeshe hii bash juu wakona “influence” then Sunday happens immediately after.😅Sasa amelipa Baba and I can only imagine the numbers at the next gathering. Straight into my veins.
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These are the consequences of raging misogyny not qualifying as a major character flaw for most people. Because I mean what is shocking about him taking the money, he was never a good person? 😅
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Sucking his dick in the car after I call him to pick me from brunch at 1.15 p.m.
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