Khairy Creek
@KhairyCreek
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Standup Comedian| cohost of @2blkDadsPodcast | Writer| booking [email protected]
Baltimore, USA
Joined May 2019
Should’ve went to Waffle House, they would’ve shot at the police for him.
UnitedHealthcare CEO assassin suspect identified as Luigi Mangione, a 26-year-old former Ivy League student. He was taken into custody this morning at a Pennsylvania McDonald’s and caught with a manifesto that appeared to list grievances with the healthcare industry - he has not
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Lmao why do white people automatically think they’re in charge when the police aren’t around?.
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Me explaining to my girl that if she shuts up and actually pays attention to the movie . Then she can figure out what’s going on instead of asking me so many questions
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My daughter said all the kids were in school talking about whose dad would win in a race. She said that they all agreed to ask their dads to be in the race. I asked why she didn’t ask me to race. She looked at me. She looked at my stomach. Then we drove home in silence.
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White people think anybody meeting in groups without telling them is suspicious.
Around 30 killer whales were spotted in Monterey Bay over weekend -- with no clear explanation why so many had gathered.
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Sneaky links sound like sausages you hide in your pocket.
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Got up to grab her some breakfast before she woke up. This is what she texts me while I’m in line for her food 😭😂
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Whoever made these need to be charge of all black people wax figures from now on.
Megan Thee Stallion poses with her new wax figures at Madame Tussauds:
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Baltimore niggas when the police coming down the street. And they dirtbike won’t start .
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Black people watching the United States spend trillions on bailouts for the Corona Virus . After the JUST said they were to broke to pay reparations for Slavery
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Gunna saying bye to the rest of YSL as he heads to the interrogation room
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Drake when he heard somebody outside his house yelling “A Minorrrrr” .
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Jeezy homie when he see him in the same room as Gucci tonight
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One of my fourth graders got in trouble with me for cursing . Later on she came and apologized. She also gave me a note. This was the note.
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Her: lemme see how that new Fenty I gave you look on you . Me:
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When I forget to grab my mask and they say I can’t come in the store
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Women when their friend skirt won’t stop riding up while they twerk
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Y’all don’t wanna talk about how Steven Anita Smith would eat Chip Skylark tf up if they went hit for hit 😴
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White Woman: Lamar isn’t Quartybacky enough . Lamar Jackson:
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The beautiful thing about being an adult is that you understand that it’s a time and place for everything.
So Quavo & Chris Brown beefing? I know I'm late. But neither one of them couldn't bust a grape when they were sitting together a few months ago. That's hilarious! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
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Spider-Man when he checked his phone after taking a nap on 9/11
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Y’all: yo Jay-Z, I turned down $70,000 to come to ya brunch. Can you teach me how to make $70,000? . Jay Z:
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The hackers after they use my social security number and start getting calls from debt collectors
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My friend had a magician at her sons party . Niggas really do love magic
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Black people: If you’re not black, you can’t say Nigga . White People:
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ManBoy dead, Khadijah dead, Irene dead, Skully Pussy . It’s a beautiful morning indeed
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This how the choices for President be every single election.
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Ironman- dead.Black Widow- dead.Captain America- dead .Vision- dead.Wanda - dead (allegedly) .Spider-Man- nobody remembers .Hulk - off world? .Thor - off world .Cpt. marvel- off world .Captain America (Sam) - banned .Bucky - banned .Dr.Strange - didn’t know him like that.Hawkeye:
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How I feel when I finish my drink before the paper straw can get soggy
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Netflix did NOT “make anime popular”. It was Toonami.
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Moesha was a sneaky, Spoiled, and overall ungrateful girl who defied her parents at every turn to meet up with hood niggas. Y’all only think she deep cause she wrote in her diary while instrumentals played.
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My 4th and 5th graders found out I have a new baby on the way and surprised me in the gym with cards and stuff . 🥲
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When Captain America first woke up . And saw niggas walking around flaunting their civil rights .
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Kevin Owens backstage watching Sami Zayn tell his opps that he misses being family with them #Smackdown
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Jerry Springer died? . Kids who grew up at their granny house hurting bad right now
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When she ask you to bring crabs over cause she miss you. Now you on her couch while her and her homegirls eating ya crabs on the porch yelling “ayyeee” every time a Dirtbike go by
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Glorilla and JT turned twitter into Wild’N Out, No Apologies . Nicki and Meg went song for song, No Apologies . Saucy Santana told DJ Akademiks he would beat him tf up, NO APOLOGIES . Let’s leave Rap Beef to the girls cause they the only ones steppin on shit 😂.
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Xavier Woods when he hears about Odyssey Jones being removed from the roster
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When you get stuck at the light driving through West Baltimore. And make eye contact with one of them
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Dundalk has officially appropriated squeegee boys . They are calling themselves Caucasian Car Custodians
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More stories about my abusive daughter in my standup. Also check out @2BlkDadsPodcast and the 2 Black Dads Tour in Delaware, Baltimore, and Boston next.
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The fact that Chadwick got to keep that private and it never leaked says a lot about the people he kept around him . Quality friends.
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Man y’all better start flexing that privilege like the white people do . “Hello I am Denzel Washington Jr, son of Denzel Washington, and I would like one career plz”.
John David Washington says he would hide his father’s identity to get acting jobs on his own: “I used to lie, saying he was a construction worker or in jail.”
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If he thought that lil ass package was an Xbox then he really should be learning more.
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This cool af. We need more parents that let their kids be kids 🔥.
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Fells Point? I can see it already.
Baltimore's first cannabis smoking lounge will open in Fells Point this year, per sources.
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Spider-Man when he checked his phone after taking a nap on 9/11 .
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“You were never World Champion like me and E cause you aren’t good enough” . “We created KofiMania, handed it to you, and you pissed it away in 6 seconds to Lesnar” . Me: #WWERaw
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My daughter tried to kill me once
can y'all do me a favor & quote this w the funniest video you have of yourself?.
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Melo realizing he may have losses to Andrade twice . but Jade Cargill still watched his match #SmackDown
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When you laying in the bed watching the news . And ya school don’t pop up for a snow day .
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In order to get into my classroom, you gotta tell me something you love about yourself 🤞🏾❤️
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Me distracting the police so the homies can get all the good shit outta Target
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One of these days we gonna y’all about how women target rich black men to have their kids in hopes of obtaining a lifestyle they couldn’t afford for themselves . One day.
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Goku: KaKaRoT? My name is Goku and I’m from Earth . Vegeta:
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Dan Schneider when he walked on set and everybody still had their shoes on
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Lunchroom bullying really about to enter a renaissance era
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Chris Brown singing meanwhile his homie in the background bussin the female Titan down
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Him: *brings pregnant girlfriend around* . The homies: YOOOO CONGRATS BRO. I ain’t even know you had one on the way . Him: oh I don’t. It’s somebody else’s but I jus. The homies:
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I don’t really mind B. Simone sayingshe doesn’t date 9-5 workers . Can you imagine having to be up for work at 6am and hearing “BABY BOYYYY” at the top of her lungs at 3:45am.
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