Very proud that after 18m of research, writing & design, my 2nd book, 'Be The Rainbow: A Practical Guide for Supporting Bereaved Children In Primary School', is now available from &
#edutwitter
#childbereavement
#teachertwitter
One of my main concerns as a widowed dad was how my daughter would be impacted by her mum's death. Yet in the last month she passed her 1st piano exam, came 2nd in the school talent contest, made her Brownie Promise & had her 1st canter on a beach. For 8 I think she's doing OK 🥰
My daughter was 5 when her mum died. She's 10 now, and over the last few years, she's made her
#grief
her own. When memories come up that bring difficult feelings, she finds a way through. Today, she wanted to visit her mum's grave, so we did. Now we're eating cake. All is well.
My son was 7 when his mum died. Today, he's 12, and the biggest compliment I can give him is that he's made damn sure not to let himself be defined by his loss, but by the quality of his own character. He inspires me every day.
#bereavement
#grief
#healing
#Teachers
, you see that boy at the back of the class, the one who's normally so bright and cheerful, but today is very quiet? He's thinking about his mum. Yesterday he was at the church cutting the grass on her grave. If you can, take a moment with him.
#hiddengrief
#bereavement
The 5th Christmas since my wife died, and the first where it's been just pure, simple enjoyment. This was our Boxing Day walk. Healing is possible.
#grief
#bereavement
#healing
My daughter didn't need to see pictures of women rugby players in lingerie to get into the sport - she loved it just from being given the chance to play. Perhaps the
#strongisbeautiful
campaign should concentrate on giving girls opportunities rather than sexist messages?
There’s a new campaign to get teenage girls into sport. Called
#strongisbeautiful
it’s been kicked off by Team GB rugby players posing in lingerie.
Feels really regressive and sexist to me.
Maybe I’m old.
My daughter, age 10, decided she no longer wanted her extensive collection of Barbie toys. I said she could sell it on Ebay and earn a decent amount of pocket money. She said she'd rather give it to a local charity to "help other children." That's my girl.
#prouddad
#values
My children have made their grief their own. 4 years today since their mum died, they've chosen not to mark it or do anything different, just hang out & have a "normal" day. My son said "Perhaps we'll do something another day." Im very proud of them.
#Bereavement
#HealingJourney
And this is what well planned
#bereavementsupport
looks like. My daughter's teacher checked with her in advance what she'd like to do for
#MothersDay2022
, liaised with me about what she was planning & then helped my daughter make the card that she wanted. Absolutely perfect ❤
My son was 7 when his mum died. He's 10 today and living proof of the difference great bereavement support makes. It's what I wish for every grieving child, but today I'm just thankful we had it for him. He's going to have a wonderful birthday 💖
#Grief
#Healing
#Recovery
Feeling ridiculously proud of this young man on his first day of
#HighSchool
. Seeing him so full of confidence and love of life after all that he's experienced over the years is all I could have asked for. There may have been a tear or two shed!
#newschool
#prouddad
It would've been their mum's 40th birthday today, but the children have decided they don't want to do anything in particular to mark it, except perhaps something at school with their friends. They've made their
#bereavement
their own, and I couldn't be more proud of them
#healing
It's 3 yrs today since my wife died. I asked the children if they'd like to do something special for it. They said no they just want to go to the local stables to help out, like always. For me, I'll take a moment to appreciate the time we had. Life goes on🙏🏻
#bereavement
#healing
It's 4 years ago this week since my late wife died. 4 years on and life is good again. That would have been unimaginable without the wonderful support we received from the children's school. For me, it's a moment to be thankful 🙏🏻
#school
#betherainbow
#bereavementsupport
On Monday, I gave the children a choice - whether to watch The Queen's funeral & experience part of history or, given their memories of their mum dying, be away from it somewhere on a beach. They chose the beach & it was absolutely right for them
#grief
#bereavement
#healing
The children's mum was Belgian, so every 5 years we have to go to the embassy in London to renew their passports & protect their dual nationality. The last time we did this she was alive, so today's trip has particular significance. Even 4 years on, there are still milestones.
After my wife died, I wanted to tell my children the story of their mum's journey with cancer. So I gathered all the Facebook posts she'd made over the 3 years from first diagnosis until her death. They told her story, in her words. Those words became this book.
#WorldCancerDay
I'd like to show you something. The photo on the right is my daughter's school photo 3 months after her mum died. The one on the left is now, 3 years later. It's the difference wonderful bereavement support makes. She has her light back.
#grief
#healing
#edutwitter
#twittereps
The children didn't want to mark Mother's Day this year and instead chose a walk in the woods with friends. As so often, it was the perfect choice.
#bereavement
#positivechoices
#healing
We go on holiday to Greece on Thursday and last night my daughter was upset. The last time we were due to go to Greece was 5 yrs ago, but we'd had to cancel as her mum was too ill with
#cancer
to travel. She died a few weeks later. So last night we talked about that. 1/2
#grief
Teachers, if you're planning to do a piece of work with the children next week about their Christmas holidays, can you check-in beforehand with any bereaved children (and, ideally, their carer) to see how they are & if they want to be involved? Thank you for your kindness 🙏🏻
When my late wife was diagnosed with
#cancer
, her greatest fear was not for herself but for our children. This is what she wrote after we were told her cancer was terminal. Thinking of all those on a journey with cancer today.
Yesterday, nearly 5 years since his mum died, my son felt an overwhelming sense of how long it had been since he'd had a cuddle from her. He took a moment to cry, be held, have his loss acknowledged, and the wave of
#grief
passed. It doesn't go away, but it can heal.
#bereavement
Hearing from another widowed parent how their children's school offered no
#bereavementsupport
, I wanted to show this. 3 yrs ago this is how my children chose to spend their mum's birthday - tidying her grave to make it "nice" for her. This is the reality of children's grief. 1/2
It can be hard bringing a new partner into a bereaved family. It takes time, patience & understanding. There are many challenges along the way -
#Grief
is a fickle beast, especially for children. But it's worth it. I took this tonight, and I think it captures it perfectly.
A message for my son: Until you were 4, you called me "Papa". Then I became "Dad". This morning you tried "Justin". Let's be clear, that's neither big or clever and isn't going to go well. Now, go & brush your hair and nip that little idea in the bud. Love DAD.
#dadrules
This was 3 years ago. My son asked Santa if he could bring his mum back, and it was gently explained that it isn't possible; that when people die they don't come back. It was really the moment of acceptance and the beginning of their healing. 1/2
#bereavement
#healing
#Christmas
We talked about how doing things that make us happy is important. We talked about how doing this matters because Mum didn't get the chance to. We talked about how, when we travel on August 22nd, the date we buried Mum, we'll do it in her honour. My daughter has slept well. 2/2
Shameless
#prouddad
post tonight after school Parents Evening. The feedback was of a "lovely, kind little girl" who is doing great. That's all a parent needs to hear, right?
Moving to a new home after 9 years is the children's biggest life change since their mum died. Yet they've made the day their own, including a live video call with their friends as the lorry left. Some tears, lots of memory sharing, plenty of laughter. A good day ❤️
It's my daughter's 10th birthday today. She's now twice the age she was when her mum died. We can't change what happened, we can only change how we live through grief. So I'll take this.
#Bereavement
#Grief
#Healing
Widowed parents often feel like we have to compensate for our kids only having 1 parent, that we have to be as good as 2, all the time. This week I was reminded that good enough is good enough. We can't always reach the heights we'd like, but doing our best is enough
#bereavement
My son just got in from school and said "Dad, something embarrassing just happened!" Apparently, as he got off the bus, he said "bye" to the driver, then automatically followed it up with "love you." 😆 I'm actually proud that it's so engrained in his character 🥰
It was a story I made up to bring my children comfort after their mum died. Now 'their story' is a book and they've got their copies, and I think they're feeling very proud!
#healingjourney
#specialmoments
#grief
#bereavement
A tale of 2 photos. The one on the left was my daughter's school photo 3 months after her mum died. Angry, broken, lost. The one on the right was yesterday, 4 years on. I think it shows better than any words the difference wonderful bereavement support can make.
#betherainbow
Relaxed, laughing, waving to the pilot as we boarded the plane, you wouldn't have believed it was 5 years to the day since we buried their mum. Loving how happy they looked, the pilot invited them to the cockpit. If you're in the dark days of
#grief
, know life can be good again.
One of the biggest challenges in building a new life as a widowed parent, is how to bring your new partner & your children together. This weekend, 6 months after my son first met my partner, he went up to her, gave her a huge cuddle and held her hand as we walked.
#specialmoments
My son's teacher messaged me to say Friday's PSHE lesson will be on
#grief
. She asked if I had any thoughts or concerns. She'll also ask my son if/how he wishes to be involved. She's assuming nothing and assessing & planning for his individual needs. It's
#betherainbow
in action.
#NewYear
can be horrible for those in
#grief
. It brutally marks the passing of time since a loved one's death. So, for those who need it, my photo of 2023 was the morning after the winter solstice; the sun rising again, even after the longest night. Hold on.
#bereavement
It's a funny thing,
#grief
. It gives a perspective on life like no other life experience does. Watching my daughter yesterday, I couldn't help but think how her mum never got to see her ride and how she'd have loved it. A very poignant pride that only loss can bring.
We're just back from Belgium, where my partner met my late wife's family. A special, poignant time of acknowledging loss while embracing new life. It raised difficult emotions for my daughter, but with love, understanding & clear behavioural boundaries became a magical weekend.
Why should schools assess, plan & put in place bereavement support for grieving children when they've so many other children to think of? Because when they do, this happens. My daughter is loving life thanks in no small part to the help she received in school.
#betherainbow
I was asked by child bereavement charity
@SimonSaysCBS
for some thoughts that might help a bereaved family at Christmas. So I asked myself if I could go back, what would I say to my newly-bereaved self. This, embodied by my daughter, captured it.
#bereavement
#grief
#Christmas
We shouldn't underestimate what bereaved children are capable of understanding. Sometimes, when my children are missing their mum, I tell them how one of the ways we know she'll always be with us is through the law of physics known as energy conservation 1/3
My friend's sister died suddenly this weekend. She had a daughter, 8, who is now experiencing unimaginable grief. Tomorrow, I'll be contacting her school and giving the head a copy of 'Be The Rainbow', with an offer of support. It's been a stark reminder of why I wrote it.
Another poignant moment tonight as my daughter made her Brownie Promise. As a widowed dad, I feel immensely thankful that an organisation like
@Girlguiding
exists for her to get such positive female input, and I know her mum would've been so proud
#bereavement
#milestone
#healing
I’m seeing the devastation that is happening around the country, and it’s hard to watch. Tomorrow, it will be 5 years since my wife died, so I know a thing or two about grief, anger, pain and I’m seeing a lot of that at the moment. If I may, I'd like to tell you a story. 1/20
3 years on, the children don't believe in Santa and they know their mum isn't coming back. But with that acceptance they, and I, have learned to enjoy Christmas again. It's different, but it's ours. Wishing you all the best, whatever that means for you. 2/2
#bereavement
#healing
@DrNadiaChaudhri
My heart breaks reading your tweets, but your courage is inspirational. My wife was the same. I'm sure your Sun will be as nourished by your spirit as my children have been by their mum's. She was terrified for them, but 2 years on they are thriving. I'm sure your Sun will too.
My late wife was a remarkable woman & a wonderful mum to my daughter. My partner of the last 2 years is a remarkable woman & has a wonderful relationship with my daughter. I feel blessed to have had them both in our lives and honour them both today.
#InternationalWomensDay
3/3 Some of her energy stayed around us, some of it wandered out into the universe, but somewhere, somehow, every cuddle or kiss she ever gave them, the sound of her saying their names, lives on. They never get tired of hearing that.
#bereavement
#Children
#Grief
#Healing
#NGAW22
When I took my children to see Santa the first time after their mum died, he asked them what they wanted for Christmas. They said they'd like him to bring their mum back. This is the secret Christmas wish of many bereaved children. 1/2
#Bereavement
#Grief
#Christmas
You can't make
#grief
go away. You can build a wonderful life around it so that it loses its power. Today, we hiked up a mountain, Waun Fach in the Brecon Beacons. The smiles said everything.
#bereavement
#healingjourney
#lifeisgood
Widowed parents often try to be both parents to their children, to make up for the one that died. It took me a while, but I accepted that's not possible. So now I'm just Dad, & that's good enough. This is me & my son today at Manstone Rock, the highest point of The Stiperstones.
With
#MothersDay2023
approaching, I thought this deserved a retweet from last year. It's a beautiful example of a school supporting a bereaved child, in this case my daughter, through what can be a challenging day. It is 'Be The Rainbow' in practice ❤️
#edutwitter
#schools
#grief
And this is what well planned
#bereavementsupport
looks like. My daughter's teacher checked with her in advance what she'd like to do for
#MothersDay2022
, liaised with me about what she was planning & then helped my daughter make the card that she wanted. Absolutely perfect ❤
Don't underestimate the power of
#friendship
for helping children heal. My son & his friend have known each other since the age of 1. His friend helped my son through the grief of his mum dying, now my son is helping his friend through his parents' divorce.
#Bereavement
#Healing
It's estimated that in every school in the UK, there is a child who has experienced the death of a parent or sibling. Wouldn't it be wonderful if the new Education Secretary
@bphillipsonMP
could develop a national strategy for supporting them? 1/2
#grief
#bereavement
#schools
It's been a difficult week for my daughter. She had her last day at her old school following our house move, and it's raised difficult feelings. So yesterday was a day of walk, talk & play in the woods. Last night she slept well & we'll go again today.
#MentalHealthAwarenessWeek
I've come to realise the stages of grief don't exist. Bereavement isn't linear. We don't move through an orderly sequence of emotions.
#bereavement
#grief
1/2
My daughter only started playing the piano after her mum died. Turns out she has some talent & absolutely loves it. Giving bereaved children a chance to fill out through experiences that allow them to shine is a huge part of their healing.
#Grief
#bereavement
#betherainbow
I didn't want my kids to be defined by their
#grief
, but I do want them to use it as inspiration. This weekend I've felt humbled as they grabbed life with both hands & ran free. Its what I wish for all bereaved children & the motivation behind 'Be The Rainbow'
#gratitude
#healing
I've messaged my daughter's teacher with the link to this thread for her to see the great response to her work. So important to highlight fantastic practice and give it the recognition it deserves 👏
There's no guide on introducing a new partner to bereaved children. There can't be - every family, relationship & bereavement is unique. As we settle into our new home, I thought I’d share a few thoughts on our family’s experience 1/n
#bereavement
#relationships
@WidowedAndYoung
My daughter's school said that for this year's
@BBCCiN
day, the children can wear an outfit that represents "someone who has helped them in life". My daughter came in this evening and asked my partner what she wears to work so she can copy it on the day. Quite a moment ❤️
Thank you for the lovely response to this, and for all the comments. Some have asked how my daughter & I are doing emotionally, so, as it's nearly 3 years since my wife died, I thought it would be helpful to say a little about that 1/n
One of my main concerns as a widowed dad was how my daughter would be impacted by her mum's death. Yet in the last month she passed her 1st piano exam, came 2nd in the school talent contest, made her Brownie Promise & had her 1st canter on a beach. For 8 I think she's doing OK 🥰
It's the start of
#NationalGriefAwarenessWeek
. More than 4 years after my wife's death, I thought I'd offer a daily reflection on my experience of
#Grief
.
Day 1. Time doesn't heal. To heal, you have to patiently, painfully, doggedly engage with grief. It won't passively go away.
At bedtime my 9 yr old son said he was missing Mummy. After a cuddle he asked me what I'd ask him if I had one last question left in the world. I said "Did I do a good job?". "Yes" he replied & smiled, before settling down to sleep. I'll take that.
#bereavement
@WidowedAndYoung
For our family, moving house week has shown the benefit of great
#bereavementsupport
. During huge change, the children have felt able to talk about their range of emotions & made use of their own support networks. It's 'Be The Rainbow' in action, and I'm very proud of them.
Grief taught me not to be afraid to go where it’s difficult, to listen, to open my heart. That's how to find a way through anger, through pain, through all the horrible tension to a place where there is peace and yes, even love. In the end, I think that’s what we all want.🙏20/20
After my wife died, I made a video for my daughter with photos of her & her mum, set to Boy Zone's "No Matter What". For yesterday's school talent show she choreographed a dance to that song with her friends, including signs with a "Believe In Yourself" message
#prouddad
#healing
It took 2+yrs from my wife's death until I felt able to date again. I had to feel ready in myself & go lightly for my children. Last night I met my new partners family (honoured to sit next to her father). So for those in grief, take heart.
#Healing
is possible.
@WidowedAndYoung
In the event, he chose to be part of the lesson but not to talk about his bereavement, & was very happy with that. Great bereavement support doesn't have to be complicated - it just needs compassionate planning 🙏 2/2
#edutwitter
#teachers
#bereavement
This is what great bereavement support looks like in practice. My son's class was due to have a PHSE lesson about challenging life experiences. In advance, the teacher spoke with my son about the lesson and gave him a choice as to whether, & to what extent, to participate 1/2
Our
#MothersDay
began with taking the children to their usual rugby matches, followed by a visit to their mum's grave. It was their choice. Then, when we got home, they presented my partner with a gift they'd made - a heart-shaped box with chocolate in. I'm so proud of them.
It's days like this, the first day of middle school, which are so bitter sweet for widowed parents. Immense pride our children are growing up strong & independent despite their loss, yet the sharp reality of the milestones our loved ones will miss
#bereavement
@WidowedAndYoung
I tell them how everytime their mum cuddled them, kissed them or spoke their names, little neurons in her brain fired into life. This created a tiny amount of heat, an energy, Mummy's energy, and the law of energy conservation tells us it can't be destroyed, only transformed 2/3
We were lucky that my children’s school delivered wonderful bereavement support, but it shouldn’t be down to luck. Every grieving child deserves the best support possible. I even wrote a book to make it easy. There are no excuses. 2/2
#bereavement
#school
My son wanted to show me the drum piece he's learning for his grade 3 exam. "You won't know it." he said, "but it's called 'You Really Got Me' by a band called The Kinks. ". His face as I joined in with my finest Dad Ray Davies impression was a mixture of amazement and delight!
Yesterday was another day of walk, talk & play in the woods. A chance to air and ease out difficult feelings during a time of change. Today is the first day at the new school, and I think all will be well.
#bereavement
#grief
#mentalhealth
#betherainbow
So far this year, 3 schools have had copies of 'Be The Rainbow' because children in their care were bereaved over the holidays. The book was inspired by my daughter, so it's always sad to hear that another child needs bereavement support, but good to know they'll receive it.
When I told my daughter about the wonderful response to her Mothers Day card, she raised her eyebrows & told me I should've taken a picture of the light she made with her teacher too. So, by order of Miss B, here it is. She's right of course.
#MothersDay2022
#bereavementsupport
Very proud but poignant moment this evening as my daughter passed her first piano test, the pre-prep for Grade 1. Her mum was a talented flautist, so its lovely watching our daughter enjoying music so much. Her mum would be so proud ❤
#prouddad
#healingjourney
#music
#Grief
Conversation last night with my 7 yr old daughter. She said she still, 2 yrs on, sometimes feels angry at her mum for dying & sometimes blames herself too. We talked about that being OK & normal & that it's no one's fault. She slept well.
#childbereavement
@WidowedAndYoung
Adults often shy away from using words like dead, death or dying when talking to bereaved children, out of fear of upsetting them. But children NEED us to use the real words, rather than euphemisms like "lost" or "passed away", which can just confuse them in their grief.
#DMAW22
@__garbo__
Thank you. Yes, its not an either or - acknowledging & expressing difficult emotions is perhaps the most important part and there's been a lot of that over the 3 years (and will continue to be). This is just celebrating a wonderful month as, I feel, there's room for both. 😊
The winter solstice brings the longest night of the year. This morning, I watched the sun rise as our part of the world began its journey back towards light. For those in
#grief
this Christmas, know that the darkest night does pass, and there will be light again.
#bereavement
But thanks to amazing support, I feel we’re all doing OK & life is going well. Bereavement is a journey, so while difficult emotions will always bubble up from time to time & need to be held, I also feel it’s important to celebrate wonderful moments too. I hope that helps 🙂4/4
Every family's journey with
#cancer
is different - different beginnings, different treatments, different endings. Yet every journey begins with the moment of diagnosis. It's a horrible, shattering moment. Wishing the
#PrincessofWales
& family all the best in the journey ahead.
Next Sunday is
#FathersDay
in the UK. For children whose father has died, this can be a particularly difficult time.
#Schools
, please take a moment to check-in with any bereaved children & their widowed parent to see if there's anything you can do to help.
#grief
#betherainbow
It’s estimated that over 40000 children experience the death of a parent each year. That means there’s a fair chance that over the summer holidays thousands of children will have a mum or dad die. Which for schools leads to a simple question 1/2
#edutwitter
#bereavement
#teachers
Dr. Anya Amanda Jones MBBCh Bsc(Hons)
Loosing my mother suddenly and tragically aged 7, I wanted no one else to endure the grief I felt. Fast forward 20 years later. Mam, your girl’s a bloody doctor! Even in the darkness, she found light 🤍🩺👩🏼⚕️
Currently on cloud 9!!☁️
Tomorrow, I'll be going into my daughter's school to read 'Cuddles Are Forever'. It's the picture book I wrote for my children after their mum died. It's about what happens when we die, and is rooted in science while allowing for faith.
#WorldBookDay2024
#schools
#grief
4 years ago, my children came home from school to these - "memory bears" made from their mum's clothes. They still have pride of place in the children's bedrooms. They're a wonderful way for bereaved children to keep memories alive.
#grief
#bereavement
#memorybears
The thing about grief is it's not about making it go away. Instead, we fill our lives with wonderful experiences until we discover we are so much more than our grief. Like taking an evening walk through the forest to see the sun set. Life is good.
#Bereavement
#HealingJourney
Time doesn't heal. It merely gives the opportunity for healing to take place. What heals is engagement with
#grief
, and what that looks like is unique to each individual. For bereaved children, it's no different. 1/n
This time last year, the children wanted to tidy & prepare their mum's grave for winter. This year they don't. Like adults, children's relationship with
#grief
changes. As adults, we have to be emotionally agile enough to move with them, to simply hold them, however they are.
Grief isn’t linear, and for children it’s like jumping in puddles; one minute in their grief, the next playing, achieving or wanting to know what’s for tea! I've had to be emotionally agile enough to respond to their feelings, while allowing time for myself too. Not easy! 3/n
When a school is told that a child has experienced the death of someone important, how it responds in the first few hours & days can set the tone for the months & years to come. Little things can make all the difference. 1/2
#edutwitter
#schools
#bereavementsupport