Parker Cohen
@Jparkercohen
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6,926
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Statuses
4,580
co-founder / artist manager @metatonemgmt
Phoenix, AZ
Joined May 2011
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Pinned Tweet
If ur an artist manager and you aren’t ur artists biggest fan wtf is u doin
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i really be lookin at some girls ig stories dumbfounded on where tf they get their money AND time from… like becky, you just spent the last 10 weekends in a row at a different music festival and now ur in europe for the next 4 weeks?? how? go on tell us
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new life hack: instead of pestering a dj and their entire team for guest list… you can literally buy a ticket online and avoid being the most annoying person on the face of the planet
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got damn we’ve come a long way but the day is finally here and it time to absolutely fuck these red rocks upppp
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can’t believe we live in a timeline where there’s a movie about a bear accidentally getting into a brick of cocaine
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if you don’t make out w ur artist after he closes out tomorrowland are u even a manager?
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why is every single bilingual uber driver always just balls deep in the most passive phone convo of all time in their native language
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team summit injury report:
me (manager): broken ankle out 4-6 weeks
holt (manager): cut open foot out 3-7 days
Jordan (tour manager): high ankle sprain out 1-2 weeks
Nate (VJ): Broken arm out 1-2 months
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biggest festival set of our career ✅ people have no clue how much work goes into a set like this but the kid worked non stop to make sure this set was perfect. so proud of our entire team and every human involved in turning our dreams into reality. wknd 2 here we come babyyy
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dudes be like “my life is a bender too look at me!!!” then irish goodbye the afters at 3am cuz it’s past their bedtime
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absolutely no one:
@johnsummit
: “thank god we have a private chef i don’t even know how to make a yogurt”
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the amount of people with zero ability to pick up on social cues is astonishing to me
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the man hasn’t changed clothes in days we had to sort this wook right
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top 3 things ruining the music industry:
1. noise restrictions
2. radius clause’s
3. re-read points 1 & 2
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i literally think we could fill the entire capacity of club space with the amount of ppl that ask for guest list when we’re in miami
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i don’t think ppl realize just how much work goes into a show like this.. john has worked his absolute ass off nonstop for this one and i truly can’t wait to see months of hard work finally come to fruition tomorrow night. see u all at bmo 🥲
in the lab doing nonstop prep for the biggest show of my career 💪
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pov: your artist breaks his headphones every 27 minutes during his sets
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john played such a good set last night our tour manager didn’t know what to do with himself except frantically start cleaning the green room
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I wonder when ppl will finally understand that we met baldie months after he started the summif account and now we’re just degenerate homies with him
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2 of my artists just played the biggest sets of their careers last night at edc and i could not be more proud 🥲
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if u don’t like house music i trust you about as far as i can throw you
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im crippled rn if any bad bitches wanna take advantage of me
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“omg i know it’s 3 hours before doors of the biggest headline show of your career but what are you doing wanna get dinner wanna grab drinks wanna play monopoly can you guest list me??”
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sometimes i wake up and i’m like fuck this job why am i doing this
other days, i wake up in tears at how lucky i am to be doing what i love… today is one of those days
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one thing about me is i’m a sucker for a girl in a nice airport fit
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just some normal dudes happy to be living their dream 🥲
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why would you ever get upset about someone talking shit about you? it’s literally a direct reflection of their own insecurities let em talk 🗣
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i literally work in the music industry and don’t have enough time to go to as many events as becky does
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can’t believe the biggest record of johns career drops in 10 hours idk what to do w my hands
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grow up and party in the crowd
saying u love raving but only do bottle service is like saying u love italian food but only eat at olive garden
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just paid $23 for a sandwich and a bag of doritos at LAX
could’ve at least taken me out to dinner before fucking me like that
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sometimes life gives you lemons and you just need to tilt back and squeeze them into your eyeballs
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it’s always “hey parker how are u” followed by asking for guest list and never “hey parker how are u” followed by asking for my address to send me uber eats
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if you don’t love the new deadmau5 kaskade collab u have no soul
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one thing about me.. i’m a total slag for a nice sunrise
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there’s a special place in hell reserved for people that ask for EDC guest list week of the festival
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“yes 👍🏼👍🏼” ☠️☠️☠️☠️
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in case anyone was wondering it’s not my fault that john is on his 137th usb of the year
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if you’re an artist in 2022 and don’t treat social media and content with the same level of importance as your music ur never going to maximize your potential
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you know ur down bad when ur piss comes out lookin like honey mustard
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just ordered sea bass in biz class on a flight to europe
damn i’ve come a long way since selling ads at yelp
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how not to approach me at the function:
guy: yo lemme open for one of ur artists sometime
me: oh?
guy: *shows vid of him djing on some nyc rooftop* … “yeah, bitches love me”
me: …….. 😐
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serotonin just coursing thru our veins
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these new ig status updates can smd use twitter like an adult
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can’t help but look at this kid next to me on my flight going thru (what looks like) bio-chem notes and think about how very, veryyy different lives we live
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there’s something so sexy about staying in and sitting ur ass on the couch while everyone else is out
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ahhh yes, friday of miami music week… the walking corpses are officially out to play
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hot take: no one actually likes balenciaga they just want to say “i bought a plain ass cotton t shirt for $700” without actually saying it
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proud is an understatement
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who’s mans
still can’t get over this video of my manager blacked out during my vegas set this weekend lmfao
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For the first time in the history of ever…
@johnsummit
hit my vape…. And handed it right back
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looking for a job is anyone hiring?
can’t believe i’m on my way to san diego in the middle of edc lmao i’m firing my whole team for making me do this
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brooklyn mirage night 3 of 3… someone gettin pregnant on the dance floor tn
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guy next to me on this flight is deadass listening to a cd player should i tell him it’s almost 2023
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u know you fly too much when you start recognizing flight attendants
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fred again album cover meme has been a thing for 7 minutes and it’s already old
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Really is incredible just how small the music industry is. Everybody knows everybody. Just don’t be a fuckin asshole and you’ll probably go places
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Just woke up and realized there is one (1) record in the Beatport tech house top 10 that doesn’t have a popular old sample in it
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i like to consider myself a financially intelligent human being but i will literally pay the extra $50 for an uber black to pick me up curbside at LAX fuck this airport
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