Ashton Womack
@JokesonAshton
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Dark Skinned Corbin Bleu @thedailyshow
eat pray drugs
Joined December 2011
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Pinned Tweet
The jacket is hard but the jokes are harder. New set just dropped. Link in comments.
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Not gonna lie I’m pretty hype to announce that I got a promotion at work yesterday and now I’m officially a writer
@TheDailyShow
. I’m fucking hype.
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Jordan Peele didn’t turn “I got 5 on it” into a horror song. It’s a song about not having enough money for weed, it’s already terrifying.
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Damn, this virus out here getting people paid sick leave, free healthcare and stopped pollution in China. Covid19, nahh bro, Covid2020.
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Craziest way to find out that I got work Monday morning.
After five months off the air, The Daily Show is back Monday, October 16th with all-new episodes, all-new guest hosts, and a ton of hot jokes about that Titanic submersible!
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@BradleyHarheez
The white guy who posted this thought she couldn't dance, further proving that caucasian are still as lost as ever when it comes to rhythm.
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if black people didn’t exist y’all would be on twitter talking in binary
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My black ass got passed at the comedy cellar last night, wtf.
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Mama I made it!
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Kamala Harris as a Prosecutor vs Kamala Harris as a Presidential Nominee
HAHHAHA i hate y’all niggas you make me sick. this ignorant shit is so exhausting
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Dudes like this can’t fathom loving someone for their personality because if they did they’d have to come to terms with why they’re alone.
Pornstar Riley Reid “conveniently” finds the love of her life at 29. He’s a free runner athlete. Is now pregnant. Dude these guys 😂😂
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@BenSotoYAC
@Kandra_T
@Ancestry
Lol they don’t show WHO they’re running from, they dismiss so much about slavery and in the end still make the white man a hero. Light skinned babies didn’t come from freedom fighting whites. They came from rape.
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Didn’t realize Nancy Reagan’s throat was where Reagan got the idea for trickle down economics.
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Kamala Harris said in 1986 she smoke weed in college but weed didn’t even come out until 95 🤔
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My resume speaks for itself because I don’t own a printer at home so ask me what you wanna know b.
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This man got these boys tweeting like astrology accounts.
Joe Rogan is a hero. Anyone going after him small af in they truth.
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I hate complimenting myself but fuck, I really made it from the worst hoods in Houston to writing for tv. Everyday I’m overwhelmed with gratitude.
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It’s so funny to watch TI fail in so many arenas: podcasting, standup comedy, multisyllabic words.
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It’s only a white boy summer cause all the black people scared to come outside.
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As you read this Azealia Banks gerbil is probably somewhere trying to escape an air fryer.
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They should call cps the way all these festivals keep dropping Dababy.
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the vegetables I bought last week watching me go through my tenth box of Cookie Crisp
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We really got a state called Nebraska. What is that a horse?
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@crissles
"Racist bones? " Well sir it wasn't his fibula that said nigga. It was his lips. He probably got racist organs.
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College doesn't make dumb people smart. It makes smart people poor.
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Lil Mermaid is black from all the oil we’ve spilled in the ocean
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White privilege in comedy is having to remind these edge lord ass comedians that I’m black way before I’m a comedian. Cops ain’t out here like “stop right there and tell me a joke”, so you out yo red pilled ass mind if you think I’m gonna defend your racism in the name of comedy.
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I’m conflicted, I don’t think Tim Allen should be allowed to say the nword but Buzz Light Year can.
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You left by yourself, I was escorted off the premises...we are not the same.
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If God didn’t want us to have one night stands she wouldn’t have invented morning breathe.
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If you love Christmas so much then why don’t you merry it.
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Sorry other Late Night Shows but this boy comedian is taken...I work for the Daily Show now, ever heard of 'em.
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If you really wanna honor Kobes legacy then support the WNBA.
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I got nominated for an Emmy today for writing. I know both my grandmas proud right now.
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Optimus Prime always talking about humans “proficiency for war” like he wasn’t born with fucking guns for hands.
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Last year I got to write for the Grammys and one of the jokes I wrote was about Dababy having back up dancers of all old people, so I told the host to say “Give it up for Dababy featuring Dababy Boomers” and Dababy almost shot us.
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Convinced Eric Adam’s only became Mayor just to get better pictures for his Raya account.
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How Will Smith being held more accountable for violence than the police?
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J.K Rowling: Before we were casting spells we were casting couches.
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Everyone is upset at Stormy Daniels for headlining a comedy club and I gotta say that’s my home club your talking about and boy do they fucking need it.
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If your parents bought your car im sorry but you’re a nepo baby.
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If somebody told me all it took was 44 billion dollars to make Shaun King go away I would have started saving up years ago.
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Robert Pattinsons Batman can only go out at night because if he goes out during the day he’ll start glittering.
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My ex thinks she has the upper hand cause she hasn’t answered my phone call in months but when I kill myself well see who has the upper hand
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My first piece at the Daily Show is up!
.
@RoyWoodJr
and
@Jaboukie
imagine a world where therapy feels more like black church.
Full piece on mental health in the black community:
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You seem like a really cool bro but I’m sorry I’m just not accepting any new white guys into my life rn
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ladies take your uncircumcised kings smegma and use it for cooking oil, if he can’t make you cum he should atleast make you a cannoli - probably
@shutupaida
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Bro, Kyrie is turning down 380k a game, dawg, for 380k I would suck the vaccine out of Nicki Minajs cousin friends testicles.
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@emobandtshirt
@chloewallace99
No ones gonna question his phone having signal 30,000 ft in the air.
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Stop demonizing people who just found out about Juneteenth today because being late to learning about black peoples freedom is what Juneteenth is all about.
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Black people used to have revolutionary spirits, now we got whatever neoliberal centrist cowardice this is
The pro-Palestine protestors lost, and will never regain, my respect once they ran up in Mother Emanuel AME in Charleston.
There isn’t a nasty tweet, Tik Tok of them screaming, or Black person apologizing for their anti-Blackness that could push me further away at this point.
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I dont know who needs to hear this but youre not shadowbanned, we just muted you.
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Damn, dawg, this my third time getting nominated for an Outstanding Writing Emmy. Tyler Perry could never.
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Ziwe would have Henry Kissinger on her show if he wasn’t so hard to book now.
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Me Grand Wizard Of
The KKK
🤝
“Clarence Thomas is a Coon.”
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Hey, here’s a little fun thing I pitched and co-wrote.
What is The Star-Spangled Banner really about? Hear it from the OG anthem-maker himself, Francis Scott Key.
@roywoodjr
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*Jesus offers you his body.
me: sorry I’m on this Keto diet
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Crazy how Kanye is just basically if the mypillow guy could rap.
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People really be like “so you’re gonna stop being friends with me just bc a support a genocide?” and it’s like, yes.
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Quick somebody tell Kyle Rittenhouse that Russias about to burn down a target in Ukraine.
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holding nightly fireside chats to get the boys thru no nut November like FDR did during the Great Depression
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Police plant so much evidence on niggas that you gotta pat them down before they pat you.
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Fuck texting her at 11:11, text her at 9:11, let her know you’ll never forget .
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yooo, my hometown newspaper really wrote about me, my momma about to lose her shit
Houston native comic Ashton Womack nominated for his third Emmy as a writer for The Daily Show
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I remember this time last year I was thinking “wow this year is gonna be different” and then six days later they stormed the Capitol.
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Meanwhile black people just invested $1,800,000,000 collectively in legal fees fighting cannibas related charges. Life at the bottom of the ladder.
The maker of Marlboro cigarettes just invested $1,800,000,000 in a cannabis company 🌱
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You have to eat my cooking at your own risk. I put cannabis oil on everything so the steaks are high.
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This is my fourth year writing for the grammys and fuck me does this part always feel good.
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I’m literally fist fighting the next person who puts out a special about cancel culture.
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Gamestop out here working they employees like they the ones who got extra lives and not Mario.
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As of yesterday, I’ve officially been a television writer for one whole ass year. Gahhdamn.
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One time R. Kelly came into the restaurant I used to work at with forty people and didn’t let any of them look at a menu until he completed every course of his meal. So whatever you accuse him of, I believe it.
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me checking the Twitter trending tab every twenty minutes:
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wow this Don Jr. thing sounds like something that could have been written on S&L
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From now on if a white guy says nigga the only acceptable apology is punching Richard Spencer in the face.
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If you love Christmas so much then why don’t you merry it.
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I started reading more because for like 6 years I thought Sharia Law was a Street Fighter character.
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“What’s the best camera to record your wife fucking a black guy on?”
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