People were asking what I was doing. Now I can tell you. We get to make iCarly for ADULTS! ‘iCarly’ Reboot With Original Stars Miranda Cosgrove, Jerry Trainor & Nathan Kress Ordered By Paramount+ via
@Deadline
Other dead people Trump should be starting a feud with:
Barbara Bush
Andy Williams
Ricky Jay
Mr. Rogers
Jimmy Carter (then when told Carter is still alive will claim he's dead.)
Colonel Potter
Stacks Edwards
All those dumb guys that died in "Saving Private Ryan"
When I was a boy, my grandfather died of lung cancer. His coughing and wheezing broke my heart. So right then I dedicated my life to raise as many billions as it would take for researchers to create special earphones that would filter that coughing stuff out.
EVERYONE PLEASE give Charlie's great new song a LISTEN & LIKE & SAVE on Spotify, Amazon, Apple etc. He wrote, sang, played & produced it. It's day 1 & it matters MOST TODAY! Play it from by clicking the link below THANKS & SHARE if you can!:
Just now - My dad in the ER with mysterious stomach pains about to get a shot of morphine asked if there will be any side effects. Dr: "You'll probably like jazz more."
Matt Perry said recently his substance abuse was to quell anxiety about not being the funniest guy in the room which broke my heart. Because after countless dinners and poker games, I can say he needn't have worried. Via con dios, Matty. Love, Failure Man.
You know that lie Trump told today about not knowing anything about firing the pandemic response team put in place by Obama? Here he is bragging about it like the asshole he is.
I don't care how bad the joke was. What other person gets to jump on stage and attack a presenter without any consequences? Where is security? Is Will Smith that valuable to the show that all ethics mean nothing? Shame on Will. Shame on the show. Shame on the academy.
#TheSimpsons
Dr. Julius Hibbert was originally a black woman named Dr. Julia Hibbert whom we named after SNL alum Julia Sweeney who I knew from The Groundlings. She was married at the time to another Groundling, Steve Hibbert.
Hey, anti-vaxers! Great job at actually bringing completely curable deadly diseases back to kill kids based on your false disproven fears that some unknown danger might hurt your kid. So very very stupid and selfish.
Now that the news is out I can say I'm sadly no longer trying to make iCarly a show worth watching. But the work I did has given the show a foundation. I wish them the best.
#OnThisDay
March 11, 1993, "Last Exit to Springfield" first aired on the Fox network. Dir:
@markk1914
. Wr:
@JayKogen
& Wallace Wolodarsky EP:
@AlJean
@MikeReissWriter
. It has been frequently been cited as one of the best episodes of the entire series.
I feel like when Bill Maher kids that his writers "better laugh at the shitty jokes they wrote for him or he'll fire them", I think he means to say his writers better laugh at the shitty jokes they wrote for him or he'll fire them.
WARNING REDDIT USERS! I've seen FAKE POSTS with my name a picture saying stuff I NEVER SAID! I don't announce casting decisions or story details about the show. I also NEVER BADMOUTH anyone from iCarly including Dan Schneider who I'm grateful to for creating the show. IT'S B.S.
@AndyRichter
Two things. 1. We all feel this way from time to time. Some of us for long stretches. I feel that wave pretty strong today, myself. You are not alone. 2. I love you.
@ThatGuy3002
If you like the Simpsons you must give Sam Simon a ton of credit. He had the inspiration & expertise. He made the show funny, compelling, fast & smart. He developed the characters, the story structure & fast tempo. Of course Matt & Jim contributed A LOT but to me Sam was the key.
If oil prices have fallen to NEGATIVE $37 a barrel, and I own no oil barrels, then don't I have $37 for every barrel I don't own? Guys, I think I'm a billionaire!
Dr. Hibbert became Julius when we flipped the sex. Some of us thought it'd be easier to be silly with a male doctor than a woman & we wanted a Cosby-like character when we were put up against "The Cosby Show" in our Thursday time slot. Hibbert wore Cosby sweaters.
#TheSimpsons
#OnThisDay
January 21, 1990, "Homer's Odyssey" first airs on Fox. Dir: Wes Archer. Wr:
@JayKogen
, Wallace Wolodarsky. SR:
@simonsam
@canyonjim
and Matt Groening. It was the first Simpsons script to be completed, although it was the third episode produced.
Star Wars was about an ordinary farm boy who achieved greatness because he tapped into the goodness around him and in himself. Then it got changed to a story of people with magic bloodlines who were destined to rule the galaxy. I liked the 1st way better.
About 29 years ago I had dinner w/
@ConanOBrien
when he said he wanted to be a talk show host. I laughed. He explained he was serious. I said, "That's a weird dream but if it's your dream then go for it." He did & while it's still weird he gave it his all. Mazel tov, my friend.
100% true - Just pitched my dad a new pilot I'm writing about a son who blames the failures of his life on a his father who he think never believed in him. My dad said don't write it. It didn't sound very good or commercial to him.
JAY KOGEN'S CELEBRITY ROUND UP is here! Growing up in showbiz adjacent L.A. I have a surprising amount of stories. If you name a celebrity who was alive from 1965-ish to now, I will tell you any personal story or loose connection I've had with her or him or they! Ask away.
I think
#DJKhalid
would go down on his wife someone told him all he has to do is keep screaming his own name into her vagina the way he screams it on everyone else's music,
#BobSaget
Funny, filthy & the nicest guy ever. Starting out in stand up, he provided encouragement & laughs to me, a kid who didn't deserve it. Through the years he continued to be balls out funny & overly kind. Simply put he gave the love he had & he was loved in return. RIP
#TheSimpsons
to celebrate the 30th Anniversary of out first Simpsons show broadcast to the world,
@JonVitti
and I had lunch together. He's a great smart guy who remembers more than I do.
Now it's time for CELEBRITY ROUND UP! Name an actor, comic, or show biz notable who was alive in the last 50 years & I'll tell you if I had any slight interaction or vague connection with him or her. You'd be very surprised who I've met and not at all surprised who I haven't.
I'll start. Recently I've been bothered by fame as a goal. I see shows like The Bachelor where they claim they want love but it's clearly a shot at fame. People become famous for being famous. No talent. Just renown. What is fame as a commodity and why does it matter so much?
Funny story. A few weeks ago I wrote that the only thing I know for sure is that Elliott Gould will speak at my funeral. This was funny to me because the chances of Eliiott Gould speaking at my funeral is low. He's basically a movie star I had heard of but not someone I know.
Last night I got tickled by Diane Keaton. Not metaphorically. She poked and tickled me. I have been a lifelong fan of hers but tickling was never a dream of mine. Fun though.
But then he called me to ask what I meant? (A friend gave him my number.) and I explained my joke but eventually he spent our phone calls laying "truth on me." I loved it and a few days ago we went to lunch and it was beautiful.
Also for the past few days I've been feeling sad. So feeling sorry for myself isn't a recipe for feeling lovable. Life circumstance has made me down but I haven't done the work to pull myself out of it yet. But I need to. And will.
Friday May 19, there will be a screening of The Wrong Guy! At Dynasty Typewriter, 2511 Wilshire Blvd, Los Angeles, CA 90057! I will be there along with, Dave Foley, Jay Kogen and other special guests! Tickets are available here
I also want to say this! If you are working to impress people you will ALWAYS BE HEARTBROKEN. People don't give a shit. Nobody cares what you did or what you achieved unless they are getting a cut. Instead they are into their own story. So ONLY work to impress yourself.
#TheSimpsons
according to Sam Simon, Barney Gumble is as close to Barney Rubble from the Flintstones aa we could make him. Gumble is taken from Rubble and Google (Before the search engine there was a cartoon character named Barney Google.)
Can any of really say that when we were 17 we didn't cross state lines and head down to protests armed with assault rifles and shoot people only armed with skateboards to protect parking lots?
Your quarantine nickname is just... your name, spoken sadly, then shouted plaintively even though no one will hear. Then whispered in a low hollow emptiness. You're welcome.
So Mrs. Krabappel, pronounced Kra-bop-pul, is really "Crab Apple" and completely based on the Little Rascals' teacher Mrs. Crabtree as
@DJMortyCoyle
rightfully pointed out. I also my best friend
@DanielHGill
had/has cousins named Appel so the spelling is a nod to them and him.
#WGAstrong
I saw the very funny
@pagetpaget
picketing at Warner Bros today and she ran out of things to say to me very quickly. I'm assuming my good looks kind of disoriented her.
Every time I didn't get hired, I get a chance to work on something else and meet some great people. Every girl who ignored me made me available to other relationships. & every bad relationship prepared me for a better shot at a better relationship.
#PhilosophyPhriday
. No regrets.
Dear Seddies and Creddies. 1. It's really not an issue for the new show at all. 2. I'm not the person making those decisions. So just watch the new iCarly and see what happens with their new loves and losses and see how you like it.
Very sad to hear entertainment reporter (Stump Alum) Sam Rubin passed away. He was a kind guy who always fancied himself a performer of sorts. He was charming, funny, & self-depreciating. He often called me for free joke pitches. The guy loved shows & his family. I will miss him.
My sister Jill, who would have been 61 today, at the Kings Stanley Cup Finals winning game in 2012. She was a life long Kings fan. It was a spectacular moment for us. Happy birthday to Jill. Here's to the good times.
10 EASY WAYS TO HAPPINESS!
1-Exercise
2-Vanquish your enemies
3-Make a billion $
4-No screens before bed
5-Demand vengeance
6-Smile more!
7-Parade enemies through the streets
8-Be grateful for what you have
9-Don’t compare lives
10-Sit on throne made from your rival’s bones
Saw Cats today and HATED it. Not the movie. Just two cats sitting there staring at me like I was some kind of jerk who owed them something. They're the jerks. THEY'RE THE JERKS!
I think it's funny how the right things billionaires and Hollywood liberals have the power to trick kids into marching for sensible gun laws when the billionaires and Hollywood liberals can't convince kids to see "Tomb Raider."
People who fear voting in person but think USPS can't safely deliver a “mail-in” do this:
1. Request a mail-in ballot.
2. Do not mail it.
3. Google your supervisor of elections to see where you can drop off your mail-in ballot. Its usually NOT THE POLLING PLACE. All states do it!
David Angell, who co-created Frasier, was on the first plane that hit the towers 19 years ago. He and his wife Lynn were flying from Boston to LA for the Emmys. I recently found this picture of him relaxing in Martin's chair between takes, and it's my favorite photo of him ever.
To all my EMMY nominated friends: The Emmy Award is the pinnacle of recognition for your art. It means your peers truly see your excellence. Congratulations! You've made it! And for all my friends who weren't nominated: Fuck it. Awards are meaningless.
They say you should live like you were dying. So I stay in bed taking Ketamine, watching the Gameshow channel, and falling in and out of consciousness. It really has made a difference.
So as some have surmised, Elvis Costello (& Nick Lowe) had a manager named Jake Riviera. The name always sounded shady and completely made up to me. So originally I wanted to name the fake infomercial doc Dr. Jake Riveria but legal asked me to change it so it became Nick.
"Single as a Pringle?" Insane! Pringles are never alone. They are in cans with dozens of their clones. Just because it rhymes doesn't make it a good expression. Lazy.