J'🐼
@JayBrandstetter
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36M internet historian, asexual weird furry, and @fr_brennan 's IRL personal assistant 🐼 I co-host @IFTIpod and created @sa__moment 🐼 pfp art by @jojodartist
Atlantic City, NJ
Joined February 2018
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Last Seen Profiles
Pinned Tweet
So
@IFTIpod
isn't running out of SA content anytime soon, but opportunity is knocking and we just knocked out our first brainstorming session of concepts for a broader internet history based show. Comments are enabled, I'd love your suggestions!
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The cybertruck recall making them finally reveal the sales figures is so good, it sold half as much as the DeLorean lmao
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The internet is so good, people are asking Sid Meier to list his qualifications when talking about Civilization
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@kennedytcooper
Wrong character. Wayne Knight's Newman was the "comically obese" character and that's still what "comically obese" TV actors look like now.
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So the lesson I'm learning is that if you make eye contact with courtroom sketch artists they really do not hold back
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paying $6000 to be subjected to some kind of Beau Is Afraid-esque nightmare of surveillance passive-aggression where you're excluded based on perceived slights from violating an unwritten code
The starcruiser designers are really out there saying I didn't get included in the story because carrying a camera was some kind of party foul?? Possibly craziest excuse yet
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Wikipedia is like the one publicly-available website from Web 1.0 that still just works and isn't covered in ads, of course Elon hates it it's as much a miracle as Twitter was
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It really paints a picture, him being so cocky and open about being a Nazi at first and then retreating and becoming more paranoid as the years go on. It's always worth repeating that none of these people are happy and all their joy is performative and fleeting
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@Raspberry__Rose
The first photo with Elsa was actually a staged photo shoot an Illinois police department posted to their Facebook because it was cold and that's the only way cops know how to deal with problems. I am not joking.
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@kazukiscrocs
well I'm glad you think it's funny, I have a family history of yaoi hands and it's no joke even if you're asymptomatic
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With the upcoming Hbomberguy video ready to usher in a new era of dunking on Tommy Tallarico, I hope everyone appreciates that he's the one person responsible for every Video Games Live concert being full of sound effects and trailer footage because he though music was too boring
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@BenSharpie64
I'm sorry dude but using a Kerbal as your avatar is a funnier joke than anything I could come up with
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@SweatieAngle
The cushiest customer service job I ever had was working for a designer bag company because the profit margin on those things is so massive they don't give a shit about replacements and freebies. Basically getting paid to throw free shit at anyone who complained, it ruled.
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Once the German division of GamePro lost the negatives of their illustrations on printing day so they had their reviewers act out the different faces that they use to rate games
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the funniest thing about all this is that nobody expected a guy named Internet Historian to be doing "real" history, this was entirely a problem of his own creation because he wanted recognition and/or influence outside of his drama youtuber niche he could have coasted forever
Looks like more examples of Internet Historian plagiarism are surfacing. Not good.
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A glossy official Making Of video for Chex Quest came out a few years ago and they took it down because it's a bunch of business people casually bragging about the entire thing being programmed by a high schooler they exploited and it makes them look super bad lol
On today's episode, I learn the true meaning of plastic junk I found in a cereal box.
#FreeCivvie
#Retrogaming
#FPS
#Doom
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Well I guess now we can add Rickrolling to the long list of memes that originated with Something Awful posters
Never Gonna Give You Up: On this day 17 years ago, the first ever documented “rickroll” was performed by Erik Helwig aka Hot Dad (
@hotterdad
) when he prank called a local radio station to play the
@rickastley
classic. Rickroll happens at 0:58
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To save you a click: the bird turns the kanji for big 大 into the kanji for dog 犬
so it went from "big station" to "dog station" which is a pun that doesn't directly translate but is a funny piece of surreal imagery regardless IMHO
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putting together the doc on DA JOOSE and it is simultaneously one of the funniest and scariest things I've ever seen on the internet
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@EPM106
There's like a five minute scene in the Wilder movie where the guy with the brush cart explain that Wonka used to be outgoing but became a recluse and closed his factory to the public. You're complaining that your headcanon wasn't honored, it's all in the text.
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This article on Bruce Willis having dementia and being elder-abused into starring in movies is one of the bleakest things I've seen come out of the film industry, like, ever.
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It's not that hard guys. The SA forums create a lot of interesting stories but are a miserable place to actually exist on and interact with. There's a reason every owner eventually stops posting, goons are corrosive and soul-destroying. I just happen to be as well so I'm immune.
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I would be remiss in not mentioning that one Something Awful goon who didn't realize that "Confirmed Bachelor" meant being gay
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@RetvrnOfTheMatt
No wonder he's so mad about participation trophies, can't have kids getting self-esteem or they might turn him down.
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Mike Boudet, the Sword and Scale guy, got cancelled for sexually harassing his female listeners years ago and lost his advertisers and network so watching him try and rebrand as some anti-woke crusader and just getting laughed at? Folks, it's very good and funny.
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some guys have all the luck...
I'm gonna be on Fox 32 talking about the Chicago Rat Hole 🐀🕳️
Catch it at 4, 5, and 9PM
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Getting a new Hbomberguy video is like Christmas to me, it having a part about how much Internet Historian sucks is like having my birthday on Christmas but in a good way
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@sharkflan
I really love how Disco Elysium leaned into giving you as much discordant and garish stuff as possible just to make sure Harry had zero dignity and always looked like a tornado in a costume warehouse
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please I am begging wiki editors to stop being horny for the mom from Goof Troop
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In Something Awful's pen thread people were collecting thousand-dollar pens and then taking up journaling and calligraphy just to actually use these expensive tools they splurged all this money on that don't really have any practical purpose. Dunno why I am reminded of that now.
Love that video. Here's my level 3+ bullet proof door with 18 motorized deadbolts and a steel frame. If you aren't invited you aren't coming in. Coming up next after I save up enough money will be polycarbonate windows, steel shutters and exterior ballisticrete coating.
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Congrats to the guy who did the box art for Karnaaj Rally on the Gameboy Advance on Josh Hawley's new book cover, looks great!
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@eplerjc
Dude you're a boss at Bioware, you're not really in any position to be throwing stones about tech companies that overwork and underpay their employees in the name of shoddy unfinished products.
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Griping about how Wikipedia frequently hassles readers for donations is such a relatable and common thing, how do you whiff that this badly
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If any websites would be willing to pay me for it I can absolutely write an article critiquing The Whale from the perspective of a male fat fetishist that would be both funny and informative. If you would dig this, consider retweeting so it can hopefully find the eyes it needs.
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Also the entire WikiMedia Commons is almost 500TB in size, the "fitting it on a phone" thing is that you can compress a text-only static version of Wikipedia (ie no edit histories or user talk, just the article) to under 100GB for archival or offline use.
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@RatCate
how I feel laughing at Pizza Tower memes when I've never actually played or watched the game at all
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@UnaMcIlvenna
@gracejarvisohno
Got to be real, you sound like a pretty shitty friend if you would make a person go out when they don't want to just so you can feel good
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@topherflorence
I really want to know the series of events that led to you posting a version of the poster obviously photoshopped to make the ass look bigger that Tineye says doesn't exist anywhere else on the internet.
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@iVoteOR
@mbear4freedom
Babies literally do not wish at all because they do not think or reason or have self-awareness in any meaningful capacity, to say nothing of the capacity of a small clusters of cells embedded in the uterine wall to perform any activity other than meiosis.
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20k+ likes huh, sorry that means you have to pay the fursona tax now
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furries getting this defensive and angry at the idea of proving SFW spaces smacks of the same deep-seated insecurity as gamers getting mad at experimental games. this isn't a zero sum game, if you feel threatened by the existence of safe spaces that's your problem to deal with.
“the fandom needs to shed its kinky roots and be more of a safe space for kids”
someone literally vore me in a puphood wearing a harness while getting e-stimmed in the butt right now please for the love of god scare these people off
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@jeremysmiles
wait those robot ladies have belly bumps I thought they were just telling us that those were bad why is this all so confusing
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As always, Japanese baseball is decades ahead of us
This Mets hit by pitch statcast graphic is hilarious
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Also Wikipedia power user tip: If you register an account with them you can disable the donation messages.
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Also keep in mind that the dude is a composer, I love the idea of a guy whose entire livelihood was creating music turning around and going "actually music is lame and boring, can we get some gunshot noises and strobe lights in here?"
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I have an internet history podcast, if you like car stuff we did an episode about a legal dispute over a fan-made Jurassic Park jeep, it goes places!
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@janem00n
@Hbomberguy
I always remember Drew for his weird Amazon scams he would pull on the something awful forums. He would buy random banner ads that included an Amazon referral link so people would click it then his referral cookie would be loaded and he'd get paid for unrelated purchases
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I still think of Andrew Hussie as the TNG Edits guy and not the Homestuck guy
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@HenryKrinkIe
The fact that he was an alcoholic and chose not to disclose that to make it look like McDonalds was destroying his body when it was actually the alcohol, for one.
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@murder_turd
If you could figure out a way to package this macro and make it accessible+customizable you could revolutionize the world of posting overnight.
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The use of the word "safari" is very funny because one of the old Something Awful front page columns was called the Second Life Safari. SA being baffled or uncomfortable at having the exact same thing they do to other websites turned back on themselves is so good, I gotta say.
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@SweatieAngle
Also it was very funny seeing them try and greenwash leather because the best they could come up with is "we don't make leather out of endangered species" as if that was them taking a stand and not obeying basic international trade law.
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Also I talked to Fred about this picture and apparently Stone Toss was such an unlikable person that even at the 8Chan meetup everyone wanted him to stand in the back and not be near them because he couldn't turn off the Nazi shit for 5 minutes and just chill
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I love being an internet historian because every now and then a teenager will roll up on my discord and be like
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It makes total sense that 90s Japanese magazines would have a "we love western comics" issue in the same way that, say, Nickelodeon Magazine would have a "we love manga" issue but actually seeing it is still throwing me for a loop
I recently read that the Japanese term "Kusoge" (クソゲー) had been coined by writer Jun Miura in 2002, and that factoid didn't sit right with me, despite online gaming sites seeming to confirm this. Well, I spotted the infamous term in a 1990 Famitsu. Lore refuted, hopefully.
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@kazukiscrocs
Once back in like 2015 I was working at a call center for an insurance company and one of the customers I was dealing had an email address that was something like "yaoilovr420
@yahoo
.com" and it's so goddamn funny to have that on your insurance card
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Oh my God the counter "doxx" of the woman who wrote the call out is a fucking po box, this is the posting equivalent of Citizen Kane doing his sad little old man tantrum
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@SarahMkII1
@WeAreMel
@MilesKlee
Depp is a washed-up abusive alcoholic who burned all his bridges years ago, you're fixating on Amber Heard because you think that somehow it will act as a redemption arc for him when reality is even if all the Amber stuff was 100% false he's still a terrible person in decline.
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You don't want "alcohol-free queer-friendly spaces to meet people" you want to scold and post your way into having a social life without ever having to leave the house or be made uncomfortable. I have an alcohol-free queer-friendly space to meet people it's called wherever I am
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Sword and Scale is one of the most dogshit bloodthirsty true crime things ever made. No insight, no humanity, just raw rotten audio of people being killed over Mike's endless prodromal ranting about how mentally ill people shouldn't have rights because he's scared of them.
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god, the illustrations in religious homeschooling textbooks are unreal
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if Quentin Tarantino was a furry would he still be really into feet or would he be into paws
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People who say their favorite Breaking Bad character is Hank:
When the show was airing? Racists and cops. They probably thought he was the guy from The Shield whom they idolized
Now? The best people. The funniest memes. The chillest of media consumers. I am full tank on Hank.
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My favorite part of having a modestly successful gimmick account was getting to regularly chuck a grenade into the metaphorical hornet's nest, and dril gets to do that on the national level pretty regularly. He would throw the ring in the volcano immediately, no hesitation
in case you thought IDF Rape Camps were the worst thing our government is sanctioning
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@mondosalvo
I mean, Netflix just made an animated series out of a Twitter account. We don't remember them because making a show out of a tweet is exactly the kind of mindless trend-chasing that results in garbage.
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The guy who directed him being like "Yep its true lol" with total flippancy is just, ugh, douche chills.
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I thought this was a Twin Peaks screenshot for a second
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Like, I get that some people don't like that the Final Fantasy orchestra has a dress code and doesn't allow cosplayers but I will take that over the absolute clownshoes of Video Games Live any day of the week.
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@NotBrunoAgain
I thought we wanted shorter games with worse graphics and longer dev cycles and we weren't kidding
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@ErinInTheMorn
Jacksonville conservatives are great because they're terrified of any space outside of their car or home so whenever other people are capable of leaving their homes without an emotional support truck they have to try really hard to act unimpressed
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Neil DeGrasse Tyson was such a perfect cast member of the Obama era, when all these people that were actually just interested in being famous and meeting celebrities and getting Netflix deals were at least pretending they were going to do something to improve the world.
Remember when we thought Tyson was going to be the new Sagan?
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@mjs_DC
This is how I know you're a good journalist, you think that the way to fix people being angry at you is explaining at them harder
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As a former educator I think a lot about how our school system is built around training people to write essays and give presentations and how in turn so much amateur internet content feels like someone doing homework rather than an act of creative expression
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It fucking sucks that apparently nobody actually learned anything about disposable trend-chasing from the Hbomberguy video and instead just got really into dunking on James Somerton as the newest disposable trend to chase
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It's some real I Am Legend shit. You guys are the freaks and weirdos we document and laugh at now. And as someone who is powered by equal parts irony and spite I love it and am here for it and am so happy that I get to be the one to do this.
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This is like a Twilight Zone episode, thanks to the computer a guy goes crazy and alienates himself from every other human being only for the computer itself to ultimately reject him leaving him with nothing.
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@filhodejaneiro
@kocienda
@nikitonsky
You're trying to correct the guy who literally built the thing you're talking about
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@the_nerd_skull
I never get sick of seeing people that used to use the word "furf*g" try to argue that furry hate had nothing to do with homophobia
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