Brunette Bohemian
@Jane_Doe82
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Following
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above average hair and knick fan for life
The Wire
Joined September 2020
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Last Seen Profiles
Pinned Tweet
I wasn’t a teenage dirtbag, I was a pleasure to have in class
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A woman in Arizona died in her office cubicle and wasn’t discovered for 4 days. If that’s not all the proof you need to not dedicate your life to a job that literally doesn’t care if you’re alive or dead, I don’t know what else you need
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Did a germ write this
Daily showers are purely ‘performative’ and have no real health benefit, experts insist
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{me as a lawyer responding to opposing counsel) okay wooooowwwwwww
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There’s not gonna be a civil war. None of us can afford to take that much time off work
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{guy pitching Chuck E Cheese} okay so it’s a giant rat and the 8 year olds are gonna gamble
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Tested positive for cutie patootie syndrome. Doc says it’s serious.
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Kim Kardashian, “I have the best advice for women in business, get up off your ass and work. No one wants to work anymore”
The rest of us:
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76 is too many trombones and I’m tired of pretending it isn’t
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Sorry for what I said when it was like, super humid outside
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A well-timed peanut butter and jelly sandwich covers a multitude of worries
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I hate a “you still go to the mall???????” type person because where else am i supposed to get auntie anne’s pretzels and also mind ya business
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Your ear is not ringing because your soulmate is somewhere thinking of you and pining for you. You have tinnitus.
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Sorry for the selfie but I can’t pass on such good lighting, it’s literally a law
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It’s her 74th birthday today. Say happy birthday to my mama ♥️ my everything
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Remember when someone misspelled the word “potato” and it was enough to end their political career
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The stranded astronauts are hearing “strange noises” in their speaker?
No thank you.
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Americans.
Stop spelling it “whales”
It is Wales.
An entire country.
Please learn things.
Thank you.
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This is 39. Should have died twice by now. It takes a lot to take me down.
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Kyle Rittenhouse said “I don’t like being called a murderer”
Well Kyle, I don’t like being called “that chick who eats doritos in bed” but here we are
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Grief is such an unfair ride. You feel a different stage every day.
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@emily_murnane
I just keep imagining her kids going to school being like “I saw your mom’s Instagram post last night”
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{my genie} so just to confirm, your third and final wish is to “slam dunk a basketball real cool in front of the homies”
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Just saw someone who is unvaccinated refer to himself as a “cleanblood” and we’ve officially reached the Harry Potter stage of this pandemic
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Yeah it’s my face again, so what, wanna fight about it?
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Bought this dress a year ago. Just took the tag off of it. I guess today is the day I put it on.
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I literally never stop thinking about giving blowjobs
Now that I have your attention - save the bees.
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{after losing a rap battle} how did he know my SAT score
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The ice is melting on Mt Everest and its uncovering hundreds of corpses. Have a nice day.
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Recently discovered that I can control the weather, so from now on, it’s 65 degrees with no humidity all year long
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I don’t need constant wild sex. I’ve lived a thousand lifetimes and I’m weary now. I need companionship. I need a best friend. I need someone who gives a damn about the details of my day. I need backup and emotional support. Someone who knows how to refill my cup
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I miss my dad every day of my life and I was the proudest daughter on earth. His funeral was standing room only because they ran out of chairs. If I could see him again, I’d “that’s my dad” the hell out of him
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I was very nearly physically assaulted earlier today at work. A man backed me up against a wall and was screaming in my face. He said he was going to hurt me. I was yelling for my boss, thank god he heard me and ran into the room. I’m very shaken up. I’m not okay
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My autistic nephew just got an adaptive bicycle and he’s giggling and laughing and I cried. I’m gonna go be happy today.
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“Close your DMs and you won’t get dick pics”
I just got 3 in a row from someone I followed , because you can’t foresee someone being a total psycho
How about men just STOP FUCKING DOING THIS
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I have been re-elected for another term as representative of brunettes. I won’t let you down
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Happy International Women’s Day. Here’s a pic of me being a woman.
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Oh my god please reply to this so I can see real people and not news articles I never asked for
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Fellas, are women allowed to have internal organs
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#ThrowbackThursday
snapped this 11 years ago, sitting alone on my couch on New Year’s Eve at midnight
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A serving size of pasta is “until you hate yourself”
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A 17 year old girl was killed IN THE BREAK ROOM at her job by the 27 year old man she had rejected. Fuck anyone who gets mad at “all men” when we have no idea what any of you fuckers are capable of doing to us until it’s too late
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Bill Clinton wasn’t impeached because of what he did with Monica Lewinsky. It was because he lied under oath. Trump isn’t being indicted because of what he did with Stormy Daniels. It’s because he misused campaign money and falsified the documents.
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*people who hung effigies of Obama from trees for 8 years* political violence is bad
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Do I finally look like a grown up? I feel like I finally look like a grown up.
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I’m with Joe
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Yesterday I picked up an instrument for the first time in years and I played and it sounded good and I could breathe enough to actually do it and I cried cause I missed this part of my life for so long. This is what I’m thankful for today. Lungs that work enough to do this again
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The sexiest thing a man can do is vote to protect my uterus. And also that thing with his tongue that I like.
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A little girl who was visiting our work today was attached to me the entire time. She kept hugging me and holding my hand, sitting next to me and putting her head on my shoulder. At one point she very quietly and sweetly said with her little voice, “I don’t have a mama….”
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Not now, my dog is smiling and I have to take a picture
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My promotion finally kicks in tomorrow. Been training for a while. It comes with a new office 😍 wish me all the luck
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