James
@JamesNotJamie1
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The artist formerly known as Jamie. Living to remember Snailbert. Investor, entrepreneur, luxury brand consultant; lover of watches, cars & horses
Miami Beach, FL
Joined September 2023
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Brat summer is all fun and games until you die from doing fent laced coke in bushwick and your parents have to come identify your body and you were wearing a miniskirt with no panties
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My new startup uses drones to deliver cigarettes through your car’s sunroof in traffic. Looking to raise like $1k or however much a drone and a carton of cigs cost
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Her: im coming over, you better not be a member of the dominican national guard with down’s syndrome when i get there
Me:
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If you think this is fucked up just imagine being me. Im allowed to vote and own a gun btw
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@RedFlagNYC
Yea i was walking my dog in the sunshine after a lovely morning with my beautiful girlfriend when i thought of this
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I still think big pharma would be such a good name for a rapper
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@coldhealing
It says more about you that you think this is boring. Your dopamine receptors are fried, you fail to see the beauty and wonder in the little things
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@joha_1306
I mean i definitely do have a fucked up mind and i feel a little bad that it produces stuff like this in joke format but yea you’re absolutely right lol
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Her: im coming over, you better not be a baby hippo with a tiny hat when i get there
Me:
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*watching a plague of frogs raining down from the heavens* we needed this
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I only buy diamonds that were mined under the most horrible circumstances imaginable
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Um im watching the olympics closing ceremony and they just cut out the still beating heart of a little french girl and fed it to an animatronic statue of moloch?? What did they mean by that?
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I sold my own data to hackers. Fuck it you can have my stupid fucked up piece of shit incel chingus identity i dont want it
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Beginning of the pandemic vs now (still haven’t taken off this sweater)
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Watching No Retreat No Surrender (1986) with The Number One Fragrance Icon Who Follows The Teachings Of Jesus
#motivation
#inspiration
#sigma
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People in airports get more fucked up looking and stupid every week
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If you drive any kind of nissan you are a bad person and you’re going to hell
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What they don’t want you to know about those stanley cups is they give u cancer and make u infertile and cause leprosy
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What i lack in intelligence, ambition, consistency, drive, work ethic, skills and experience i make up for in good looks and rich parents
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I am ready to verbally abuse some entry level customer service employees at an upscale department store
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Inflation is crazy, a simple mechanical wristwatch costs $200k now
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Everyone rushing to make generalizations about the people in miami who chimped out at the soccer game i just have one thing to say to you—oh yea omg theyre terrible all the time lol imagine driving on the same roads as them, my insurance is fucking crazy
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Post the outfit you’ll be wearing for the constitutional crisis
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We have to kill moo deng, this is like a classic ritualistic buildup, soon she must be sacrificed. I will eat her still-beating heart atop a giant altar etc
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On hard drug friday eve my family has a tradition where we each do just one bump before bedtime
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I find it really comforting that if i got murdered my mom would say a racial slur on fox news regardless of who killed me
The parents of Aiden Clark say they wish he had been killed by an older white man, instead of a Haitian, because they say his death has been used to spread hate towards migrants. Aiden’s father asks for Republicans to stop using his death for political reasons.
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One of the line items of project 2025 is making it illegal to be a brat
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I have never seen someone having a good vacation in miami. There’s an indian guy in floral print boardshorts and flipflops w a bluetooth earpiece calling me the n word and threatening to kill me rn while im reading a book. He clearly does not know about gun ownership in florida
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@nsfwphd
And a pathetic one at that. Im a real alcoholic so i never take a break from drinking
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Not only are they manipulating the hurricanes to hit republican states, but California hasn’t had a major earthquake since it flipped democrat (idk if that’s true) wake up sheeple
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It is such a tremendous relief to be back in miami where theres guns and drugs and plastic surgery and sports cars and yachts and tipping at restaurants and bars open until 5 am and NO EUROPEAN BULLSHIT
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Hard drug friday DUI checkpoint where the cops beat you up and call you a nerd if you’re not nodding off at the wheel
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Trough urinal at a michelin starred restaurant lets fucking goooo this is my shit
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EVERYTHING REMINDS ME OF HIM😭
what’s wrong babe you’ve barely touched your snail cakes
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Standing back and standing by sir
@JamesNotJamie1
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My life hasn’t turned out quite how I wanted and I find it a little frustrating that there’s nothing I can do to change that
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Just found a giant slug in Sweden. This is what Sweden is all about.
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Just came back from Thailand where i was sent by Q to assassinate moo deng
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If i was a cop i would do a pit maneuver every single time i pulled someone over even if they were obviously already slowing down to pull over. Then of course i would shoot them
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Yea u can borrow my gun just venmo me for however many bullets you need to use
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We still need to rename the gulf of mexico to like the gulf of bud light or whatever brand wants to sponsor it. The MyPillow Gulf ideally
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I have not bought anything in anticipation of the hurricane. Worst case scenario i will eat jacques
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Me: stop giving me your toughest battles
God: you can find the strength within yourself to make it to the golf course by 2:30 jamie
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I tried to watch the swedish version of COPS in sweden and it was literally just footage of the police doing paperwork lmfao
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Ok i know im beating a dead horse here but america needs to colonize europe and forcefully install air conditioners in every building it’s like 72 degrees in here rn im gonna stroke out
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Short everything
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