schmox
@IvoryGazelle
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Two lib arts degrees and a diabetic cat https://t.co/LLhnBtQDij…
New Orleans, LA
Joined October 2012
[inventing the toaster] engineer: Ok it burns the bread if you put it at 4 chief engineer: perfect. Make it go up to 8
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@McDonalds Ordered through Uber eats today and didn't get the fun happy meal box OR the toy. Whyyyyyyyy
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RT @MikeTaddow: today is the day i discovered the british version of dollar tree is called poundland skksjsjksjskjsksks
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RT @MedicatedWP: A classic from a suspended account. I think about it and die laughing every time
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RT @UndeniablyAlex: Yankee Candle's Stages of Abstraction Level 1: The scent represents a physical object where the object's aroma is one…
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RT @ArfMeasures: Therapist: What's wrong? Me: If I do the Borat voice once more, I'll be getting a divorce Therapist: And who told you th…
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RT @skullmandible: most cutting thing you can say is "who's this clown?" because it implies they're a) a clown & b) not even one of the bet…
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RT @IvoryGazelle: Me: *finally understanding how change machines work* ahh ok that makes cents
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RT @psybermonkey: *Movie's 10 second sex scene begins My dad who's been missing for 12 years: hey whatcha watchin'
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RT @caithuls: BOSS: Your feminist agenda is starting to disrupt meetings ME: *tucks tampon behind ear like a pen* How
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