Alessandra Ranelli is ✨👀 vague 👀✨
@Ilsa_seeks_Rick
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Author of slutty-cozy crime. Words: NY Times Modern Love. Hotel Orient Resident Writer. American in Vienna. Woman in the Red Dress. Rep: @harryillers 🏳️🌈
Joined July 2015
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👀✨VAGUE✨ PUBLISHING✨ TELEGRAM✨👀
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Unwritten law:
No matter how grumpy I feel, if I spot a child in a princess gown, I drop everything, gasp, and shout,
“Your HIGHNESS. We weren’t informed of your visit! What an HONOR to be graced by your presence.”
And do a big ol’ dorky bow.
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2K
Writers: “I had a full request”
Normal People: “Great! When can I buy the book?”
It’s like saying:
“I had a match on Bumble!”
“Great! When is the baby due? Can I visit?”
#amquerying
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Care to help me choose an author photo? I think the second… though the fourth fits the tone of my writing 😂.
Mysteriously,
The Woman in the Red Dress
#amquerying
#WritingCommunity
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✨Excited to announce I’m rep’d by
@harryillers
at
@DHHlitagency
!✨
Of the nine agents I met, he was the one. His clients’ books dominate my shelf. Hoping mine joins them! It’s a funny, sexy mystery set in a real Viennese love hotel, where every anonymous guest has a secret.
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And while this week involved the greatest victory of my writing career so far, demolishing this cheesecake like a gremlin while hiding in a quaint side alley in Vienna might have been the highlight of my week.
(End)
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Any writers need a meet-cute?Because I just had one. (A 🧵)
There is one bakery in Vienna that makes a perfect GF San Sebastian Cheesecake. I have been craving it all week. Last two times I went they were sold out. But today was going to be my day. I rushed out of work… (1/2)
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It’s his turn and there is, indeed, only one slice left. He orders it. I turn to leave. My stomach as hollow as my heart. But.
Mr. Handsome stops me. HE BOUGHT ME THE CHEESECAKE.
I escape with my cheesecake before I can fall in love with him.
Alas, I am taken. (4/5)
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This week was an emotional rollercoaster.
24 full requests in a week.
Ups. Downs. Rejections. Conflicting feedback. Dream emails. Tears. All of it.
Weirdly, I am happiest for Sterling, my MC. She deserves it.
Thank you to everyone who helped get her here.
#amquerying
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Hey
#WritingCommmunity
I'm Alessandra, an American crime writer in Vienna best known for a sad Modern Love column, until I signed with
@harryillers
for my FUN debut, a "slutty cozy" contemporary noir set at a love hotel.
I'm also a bad swimmer, hobby painter, & talkative dork❤️
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Just had my agent 1-on-1 call, my prize from
@JerichoWriters
and…
ANOTHER. FULL. REQUEST.
#amquerying
#JWMeetYourMatch
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So. A dream agent reopened yesterday. Queried at 1:11.
ANOTHER full request 4 hours later.
I guess it’s 11:11 somewhere?
I might pass out.
#amquerying
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The email I just got left me shaking and hyperventilating. In complete joyous shock.
Even if this request ends in rejection, I am FRAMING this email.
#amquerying
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I've never been popular. Was always picked last for things. Always too loud, too annoying, too weird. This week was overwhelming. My fitbit showed fast heart rate warnings 3x. Thank you, everyone. Especially the writing community.
P.S. I got another full request.
#amquerying
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If you are an introvert attending
#Harrogate
for the first time and you have not yet been assigned to an extrovert, I am happy to be your legally appointed extrovert representative.
Come wave timidly at me.
I'll be wearing red.
#TheakstonsCrime
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Very happy to meet my agent
@harryillers
in person at last.
Everyone warned me how tall he is, but I don’t see what they’re talking about.
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Two years ago today, at 3:30 AM, I first visited the Hotel Orient, Vienna’s secretive love hotel. I awoke that afternoon with a champagne headache and a ✨vague✨ book idea.
2 years, 4 drafts, 59 queries, and 30 full requests later…
Good news is coming.
#amquerying
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Someone did this for me when I was young and I never forgot it. It’s pure, free, priceless joy. Try it.
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Victories as a writer are rare. So when you have one, celebrate it in style.
Cheers to getting an agent!
Because research never ends: we clinked glasses for book one in the setting for book two.
Next week editing begins. Wish me luck.
#amagented
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The email inbox gods smiled upon me today.
Going to treat myself to another happy-cry.
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Good Hair Day ™️ fell on a day I am writing at home and have no meetings. Thus you must all suffer the consequences of my vanity because I feel pretty today.
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SO YOU REMEMBER WHEN THIS HAPPENED?
WELL ANOTHER MORE EXCITING THING RELATED TO THIS THING JUST HAPPENED AND I AM FREAKING OUT.
#amquerying
The email I just got left me shaking and hyperventilating. In complete joyous shock.
Even if this request ends in rejection, I am FRAMING this email.
#amquerying
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FYI, if agents want to slide into a querying author's DMs, no need to apologize! I can't speak for all writers, but pretty sure we have all been dreaming of that.
Zero complaints, so long as you offer a verifiable means of communication, like an agency email address.
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What the world needs now is more agents vague posting about how much they ADORE the submission they’re reading.
Raise your hand if you agree.
🙋🏼♀️
#amquerying
#amrefreshingemail
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EXTRA! EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT!
My essay was published today in the NEW YORK TIMES MODERN LOVE column!!!
#writersoftwitter
#AuthorsOfTwitter
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So I say, my tone that is soaked in despair, “You’re here for the cheesecake, aren’t you?” and he admits that he is. He assures me they must have more and I assure him “They never have more.”
My stomach grumbles.
The barista barks at him. (3/5)
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…and when I got there, there were three slices left in the window display. But three people in front of me in line. Understandably, I panicked. Guy in front of me was super handsome, but I can only glare at him. This is the asshole who is about to ruin my day… (2/5)
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They opened a pen shop on my street. I have to walk by and see the poor little pens, all caged up, begging to be brought home.
I adopted this pleasantly scritchy-scratchy little guy.
Going to take him to Harrogate. Give him the life he deserves!
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KNIVES OUT x THE GUEST LIST
A locked-room murder exposes the secrets of Vienna’s infamous Hotel Orient, where no cameras are allowed, no names are given, and every anonymous guest has something to hide.
Contemporary
#crime
with golden age vibes & a queer twist.
#JWMeetYourMatch
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This is the most exciting week of my life. Last month I almost quit. But instead I revised (while crying and texting writer friends)
A lot of this is luck.
I found 60 four-leaf clovers last year and I spent most of them wishing for this to happen. Guess it worked.
#amquerying
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Made it to Betty's for gluten free pastries, accompanied by bookseller extraordinaire
@a_alambritis
.
A perfect way to wrap up a successful
#TheakstonsCrime
weekend in
#Harrogate
So fun to see everyone. Now, I am going to nap for a month.
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Exciting times!
This weekend:
#CapitalCrime
in London with my agent
@harryillingworth
and tons of authors I adore.
Next week: Murder at the Hotel Orient goes ✨On Sub✨
I can’t wait for editors to meet Sterling.
In the meanwhile, here’s a little teaser.
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A young guest at my workplace added this option and honestly, it‘s the one. No contest.
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Welcome to the Hotel Orient, Editors.
Your reservation begins today.
Now, I will leave you in The Concierge’s very capable hands. She has been waiting for you.
I wish you a lovely stay.
✨Let the games begin. ✨
#MurderAtTheHotelOrient
#MATHO
#onsub
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Went to my first
#TheakstonsCrime
in
#harrogate
this year, and met a million authors, editors, and agents. Here is all the industry gossip I picked up along the way, a 🧵
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At the Hotel Orient, our Concierge meets your every need, whether it‘s a relaxing lie-in or a a lie to tell your wife.
It’s our pleasure to ensure your pleasure.
Too bad you can’t please everyone.
Editors, your invitation arrives tomorrow.
#MurderAtTheHotelOrient
#OnSub
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Editors, your invitations have arrived.
Your tour begins June 6th.
All you need is an alias.
If you dare, tell me about yourself below, and I’ll assign you a pseudonym. 👀
✨
#MurderAtTheHotelOrient
is on sub TOMORROW. ✨
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#Capitalcrime2024
was amazing, but I am exhausted and have to be up at 3am to get home. So many kind people in the crime writing and reading community, it’s overwhelming. I’m grateful I had the opportunity to attend. ❤️
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Endless thanks to
@JerichoWriters
for crowning my pitch the winner. I had a stellar response, and multiple full requests. Mostly, I made new friends. I can't predict the future, but the outlook seems a lot ✨brighter✨ this week.
#JWmeetyourmatch
#amquerying
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I'm 35 today. Was shocked to wake up and find that my ovaries hadn't shriveled, nor am I a wrinkly crone invisible to all men? Also, no hearing where I have to report every milestone I've passed?
The day is young. Ladies, how long did your crone transition on your 35th take?
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Entering my “Fancy European Aunt” phase.
Gather round, kids. Here’s $1000 and some candy. Don’t tell your parents.
Now go make Auntie a martini. Yes, just like I taught you after kindergarten graduation.
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Got to work to find my account was locked for suspicious activity, and my manager wanted to meet.
As a crime writer, my search history, out of context, could not only get me fired, but arrested.
Turns out it was a tech issue & my boss wanted to gab about my new agent. Phew 😂
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I kidnapped the
@JerichoWriters
newsletter today in order to begin the next phase of my evil plan: teaching you all how to write a damn fine pitch.
#amquerying
#WritingCommmunity
#writingresource
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When things calm down I will post a 🧵 on the edits I made and the people who helped me along the way. So keep an eye out.
This week’s Request-Fest wore me out.
Now, we wait.
Everyone cross everything.
We’re cashing in all these four-leaf clovers. 🍀
#amquerying
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Inspired by yesterday's outpouring of
#writingcommunity
kindness, and the messages I got seeking help, I made this bingo sheet for
#amquerying
authors with tips for protecting your heart.
My pitch revisions seem to work, so from Sept. I will offer 1 per month. Free, as always.
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Coming in 24 hours:
WORLD PREMIERE of the world's worst book promo. Sponsored by no one. Discouraged by many. Written, directed, and starring me. With deep apologies to the author
@WordsByGoodman
We filmed 3 minutes of promo, and 45 of laughter. It's a disaster. Tune in.
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TOMORROW I am reading at Noir at the Bar Harrogate alongside some amazing crime writers.
I have an enticing excerpt for you, which drops some names sure to be familiar to the
#Harrogate
crowd...
Let's see if it gets me in trouble.
#NATBHarrogate
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I sponsored a place this year! The feedback from this contest was great. It confirmed my instinct that a change I’d made (based on advice) was a mistake.
After 3 revisions I had a wild response: 30 fulls out of 58 queries. I’ll share good news about that book later today. ✨👀
So far this year we have given away 321 sponsored places - we can’t give them to everyone unfortunately- our portal is closing this Thursday for sponsored entries and so please read our criteria before applying.
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@AJLinnemeyer
I have been thinking of this recently. I plan to post a hall of fame list of the agents who gave me the best rejections with the most feedback. The people where it was better to have queried and lost than never to have queried at all.
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Muttering “commitment to the writing craft” to myself at 3am as I travel back to Vienna from
#CapitalCrime2024
.
Bringing real “There’s no place like home” energy to Heathrow today.
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Lot of bookmarks on this!
Send me the ARC when you publish your romcom about a pastry chef who resigns from Austria's top Konditorei after developing celiac, gets divorced, then finds a new career and herself. (True story!)
Working title: "GF stands for Girlfriend."
Any writers need a meet-cute?Because I just had one. (A 🧵)
There is one bakery in Vienna that makes a perfect GF San Sebastian Cheesecake. I have been craving it all week. Last two times I went they were sold out. But today was going to be my day. I rushed out of work… (1/2)
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I LOVE posts like this. Congratulations to whoever this author is, I get a ✨vague ✨feeling tomorrow is your lucky day!
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The work of a Love Hotel Concierge may be endless…
but it’s never boring.
Editors, your invitation arrives in 2 days.
#MurderAtTheHotelOrient
#onsubmission
#writingcommunity
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Reunited with Snarfles after my
missing luggage was the biggest scandal at
#Harrogate
.
I bought him a sweater out of guilt. Question is: who wore it best?
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Working on some new blog stuff. What do you want to see first?
My Weird Pitch Development Technique
The Revision That Changed Everything
How I Got My Agent
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World's Worst Book Promo: Part 1 of 2
A RELUCTANT SPY by
@wordsbygoodman
is out on SEPTEMBER 12th.
It's a great book, unlike this trailer. Which was not sponsored or endorsed by anyone.
Sound on to hear my Bulgarian coworker's phenomenal voiceover.
(Posting Part 2 now)
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Just finished a zoom call about... stuff.
This is the energy I am bringing to the next month.
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✨🎁✨
AHH I am SO thrilled by the response to my Pitch Technique post!
So I'm gifting 1 new subscriber a pitch revision. Winner sends up to 3 pitch drafts & a synopsis, and gets 1 revised pitch fit for X.
Deadline: Thurs. April 11th at 10 CET, Will pick at 11:11 CET.
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My Pitching Advice from the
@JerichoWriters
newsletter.
4 Things Your Pitch Needs
&
4 Things It Probably Doesn’t
(A 🧵)
#amquerying
#queryingtips
#WritingCommmunity
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Today, 20 minutes before the most important zoom meeting of my life, I got a horrific nose bleed. Thank whatever deity stopped it just in time because I was PANICKING.
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Apologies for the flood level rain in Vienna. I’ve been crying a lot of happy tears this past week. ❤️
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Just in case you missed the news yesterday:
So happy to be working with
@harryillers
and to see people getting as excited about this book as I have been for the last two years!
I don’t think it hit me until I saw my
bio on the DHH website. Intrigued to see what’s next!
Welcome to
@Ilsa_seeks_Rick
who has joined
@harryillers
’ list.
Alessandra, a Vienna-based author who hails from America, will be working with Harry on her first novel, a murder mystery set at a notorious Viennese love hotel.
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Baggage update:
The baggage is (allegedly) on its way to Harrogate and will arrive tonight.
Will be reunited with Snarfles soon.
💃🏼💃🏼💃🏼💃🏼💃🏼
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@AJLinnemeyer
@HFLane_writing
rejected my
full manuscript with detailed, kind feedback, that it just wasn’t for her because it was too fast paced. She said she would be cheering me on from the sidelines, a typical form promise, but she actually has been. Which means the world to me.
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So… given the pattern over the last few days, you all probably know what I am about to say.
But… it happened again.
I might have a heart attack.
#amquerying
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So excited to be a part of Noir at the Bar in
#Harrogate
this year! What an amazing line up!
Here, have some more exclamation points for the road: !!!
Excited to announce the authors who will be taking part in
#NATBHarrogate
this year!
Come along to The Blues Bar at 4pm on Thurs 18th July to hear these fantastic authors read from their work.
It's free to attend, but arrive early to avoid disappointment!
@bridget_walsh1
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I don't know what I did that all this kindness is rallying around me online today but it's making me emotional!
I do this because I love it, I don't charge for it. So happy it has helped a few people shine. It's inspiring me to keep going. ❤️
So proud of you, Rea!
Couldn't agree more! ❤
Thanks to
@Ilsa_seeks_Rick
my pitch got shortlisted for the PitchJericho '24 competition, which came in 2nd with only 1% behind the winner. And I also received a FMR. 🥰
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After an exhausting four months, I couldn't imagine writing all summer.
Took me two weeks to get the itch.
I've known the general plot for book two for a year. Then last week, during a humid summer thunderstorm, the first lines glinted in the flash.
And they made me shiver.🐘
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So sad to hear of Janet Reid’s passing. Query Shark is an unmatched resource for querying writers, all thanks to her efforts. What a loss for her loved ones, which I hope they see is felt by authors worldwide. Not sure my little voice counts much, but she taught me so much. ❤️
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Arrived in Manchester for
#Harrogate
and my baggage is missing.
So, guess I will be the woman in the exact same red dress every damn day.
🤦🏼♀️
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I'm sharing my weird pitch ritual that helped me win 3 pitch contests, get 10 offers of representation, and an agent.
This goes live next week, but you can get early access here. Now, I will go hide in the clickbait shame corner.
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As Capital Crime nears, saying this ONCE, after saying it 500 times at Harrogate.
It’s not a sunburn. I have an immune issue & my nose goes Rudolf red. Docs cant figure it out. Stress worsens it. If you want to say my rosy nose is ADORABLE, go for it. But please stop asking. ❤️
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Take. This. Course.
Signed,
An agented author who took this course.
Whether you want to write a nail-biting detective series, cosy mysteries or carefully plotted police procedurals, join bestselling author
@VaseemKhanUK
on our six-week online Writing Crime Fiction course 🕵️♂️
Next course starts 11 Apr:
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Did I write what I planned? No.
Did I write something great? Yes.
Did I go back and add that creative side quest to my To-Do list just so I could check it off? You're damn right I did.
#WritingCommunity
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I entered my book for a prize that’s awarded on my 35th Birthday.
Has the LL been announced? No,
Did I request the days off from work with “award ceremony” as the reason? You bet I did!
I’m putting my money where my ✨manifesting✨ is.
😂😂😂
#amquerying
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Angel on shoulder: This is a professional email. Much business. Very serious. The time for personality is later. Or never, considering your personality.
Devil on shoulder: Test them… see if they have a sense of humor. The time for dropping f-bombs is now!
#amquerying
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If people are interested, I could write a more detailed thread on the changes I made and the people who helped me?
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In the middle of the hub-bub I got a form rejection, but it's on the older version of the manuscript. So, still at 100% request rate for the revised version. Feels like a house of cards at this point.
#amquerying
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First met
@VaseemKhanUK
on Thursday and after mentioning I took the CBC course he recorded HE asked for a photo with me?! He gave me a pep talk before the dragon’s pen pitch event and introduced me to
@mushenska
who was so kind and down to earth for being a kingmaker.
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After an adrenaline rushing weekend at
#capitalcrime2024
, I have a sneaking suspicion that the next few weeks will be wild.
The countdown has begun, so I'm resting now in anticipation.
Besides, isn't anticipation always the best part? 💋
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Yesterday was a good day. Arrived at Capital Crime where
@jennieg_author
recognized ME.
What?!
She is exactly as kind as she seems, if not more. Her discussion on the debut panel was hilarious and so relatable.
Security footage of me seeing her in the lobby:
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I was so excited for
#Theakstonscrime
in
#Harrogate
that I convinced myself I only had two workdays this week before I fly out on Thursday.
Shocked, appalled, and dismayed to learn that Wednesdays still exist during Harrogate week? Feels illegal.
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To be perfectly clear everyone: there has still been a LOT of rejection. Got one today! The past weeks have been so up and down that I have been a disaster. But today I am a happy-crying disaster about to hang her “report card” on the fridge.
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This is a perfect reflection of how supportive and kind the
#theakstonscrime
crime writing community is. When my baggage was lost a writer friend, who I have never met in real life, packed an extra dress for me to borrow at
#harrogate
❤️
@Ilsa_seeks_Rick
Yay! I did actually pack you a dress. It isn’t red though so I had a feeling it might have been rejected!
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Taking a break from being a city mouse to take in the beauty of Carinthia, a province in southern Austria, which I have insulted with my novice painting.
Turned out less like happy trees, more like grumpy blobs. But, nevertheless it's an improvement.
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I thought my biggest creative achievement this year would be finishing my book. Instead it's the TRAVESTY of a promo I filmed, at the request of no one, for zero dollars, for a book I adore.
Can you guess the title from this clip?
Coming soon to a social media near you.
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World's Worst Book Promo: Part 2
Thanks to Sveta for the voiceover. Apologies to David Goodman for... everything else.
A RELUCTANT SPY by
@wordsbygoodman
is out in ONE MONTH on SEPTEMBER 12th.
Pre-order it .
This trailer was sponsored by no one & discouraged by many.
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I have been going almost non-stop since mid-February.
I slept 11 hours last night.
Woke up feeling happy, groggy, grateful and human again.
It’s going to be a good day.
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Every year on my birthday (July 4th) my dad takes ice cream to the
@BrighamWomens
NICU who cared for me. They spend their holidays away from their families, for the sake of families like mine. 35 years later and some of the team from my birth are still there, as am I.❤️
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