Beth May
@HeyBethMay
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Haters dont know about my Six Flags season pass!👼🏼writer 🐸actor 🤰stampler fam @dungeonsanddads 📕#lmmortalSoulSalvageYard 😎she/hers
Los Angeles, CA
Joined February 2015
WATCH THIS SPACE as the kids say, cuz we're taking this show on the road!! We've got a cute little Kickstarter launching on Tuesday to get my solo show "Beth Wants The D" to Hollywood Fringe and Edinburgh Fringe in 2025! This is a big deal and I'm beyond excited!
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Pretty ridiculous how every injury you get after you turn 27 is just, like, permanent.
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Changed my body from the way God made it, It reflects my altered mind.
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podcast bros should start sharing one microphone like dudes in rock bands
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"Sorry boss, can't make it in to work today as I am unfortunately snug as a bug in a rug rn.".
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Happy Daddies Day to everyone celebrating ✌🏻We were so young in this pic 😭 Love u 💖
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Lol cute
Jack Harlow Proclaims Himself 2nd Best White Rapper Behind Eminem
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The season one finale of Dungeons & Daddies is here! Been a silly, wonderful couple years, and I’m so grateful to all of our listeners and Patrons who have gone on this ride with us and blessed us with incredible fan art, great discussion, and a ton of support and love.
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The episode of Dungeons & Daddies where we meet Doug the Intern’s nice parents and try not to tell them that Doug’s dead. Obvious choice.
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The teens must perform stand-up sets for a complete stranger. Listen to S2 Ep. 42 - Finding Tori now! .
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[Bene Gesserit voice] Bella where the hell have you been, loca?.
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Don’t ask people what their scars are from. Just assume the worst (attacked by haunted lawnmower) and move on.
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Took a pic of Anthony being mean to us while wearing his bathing suit in the corner of our ridiculous Airbnb and it looks like he’s bathing in Freddie’s bowl of grapes but that’s just the kind of dedication he has for his art
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2022 was wild I started out in a horrific depressive episode, spent part of Feb in the psych ward, got electroshock therapy until April, felt better, finally finished a screenplay, started new projects, worked w/ my best friends, met a wonderful guy, overshared it all on Twitter!.
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As someone who’s intermittently kinda straight, kinda bi, and kinda ace, I’ve been accused of not caring enough about my sexuality to properly interrogate it. That’s why this month I’m partnering with COPS.
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Hey my podcast cohosts saw you from across the bar and we really dig your vibe, can we buy you a drink or a Nectar mattress?
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I can’t talk right now I’m doin hot girl shit 🙏🏻 (taking a dice box mirror selfie with my mic for my dungeons and dragons podcast)
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Passive aggressive friendly reminder that bipolar is an illness, not an adjective. Kanye IS not bipolar. Kanye HAS bipolar. Kanye IS an asshole, and it’s probably not related to him having bipolar.
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Haven’t discussed with the boys yet but pretty sure we should cancel the Dungeons and Daddies tour due to a pimple I have on my chin. Sorry this just seems insurmountable??.
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If I make it to 40k followers I’ll text my mom “just hit 40,000 followers on Twitter” and screenshot her wholesome reply.
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Hi Sharks, my name is Beth May, and today I’m asking…for your hand in marriage.
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THREAD: Today is #WorldSuicidePreventionDay and I’d like to tell you the story of this picture. 1/?
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You’re in his DMs and I’ve been in the psych ward 8 times. We are not the same.
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I’m not sure how it happened but it’s already been over 2 years since me and the boys got together for our first test recording of what would eventually become @dungeonsanddads - Here’s to many more chances to disappoint Anthony!
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see u sunday champ
Celebrate Father's Day with your Daddies: join our livestream one-shot dadventure this Sunday at 5pm PST! Tickets are just $5. 🎟 We know some of y'all have ✨obligations✨ getting in the way, so fill out this permission slip & score an excused absence!
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PLEASE CHECK YOUR CHILDREN’S HALLOWEEN CANDY!! I just put my headshot in a bunch of Snickers bars so you can pass it along to a big Hollywood agent!!
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Whenever I’m the last person to show up for a Dungeons and Daddies recording, I dress up like Bob Odenkirk, burst through the door and cry out “my little men!” while hugging my fellow podcasters.
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I’m either doing an in-character concept album for Dungeons and Daddies OR singing happy birthday to JFK in a really sexy way
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Recorded ep 64 of Dungeons and Daddies last night and these 2 screencaps are a good representation of what went down.
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Lolol look at this absolute mugshot from the year I learned to snowboard
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NO I wasn’t born bisexual! I got so comfortable with my sexuality as a straight woman that I became kinda bi! We exist! All it takes is a little smooch between friends at the club and then ur like I’m no homophobe! I’m an ally! Kiss me again so I can prove that & also let’s fuck!.
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"Sorry I can't stay out late because I have bipolar disorder and 8 hours of sleep is imperative to my continued sanity".-boring.-an overshare.-nobody cares. "Sorry I can't stay out late due to My Condition.".-intriguing.-so mysterious.-implies I may be a werewolf.
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This sounds like a real Monkey’s Paw request haha but ok. IF this post gets 500 likes I will read a poem from The Immortal Soul Salvage Yard in the voice of Ron Stampler.
@HeyBethMay I'm gonna buy it but I have request! Can Ron Stampler narrate the audio book or at least read a poem from the book 👀?.
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What’s a good male performance where he’s being controlled by a rat pulling on his hair under his chef’s hat?.
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For taxes the IRS should just send us all Venmo requests and we can be like “no actually u ate most of that pizza” and the pizza is the military budget.
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It looks like we committed vehicular manslaughter but we’re really just making a movie.
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That’s a realllllll nice goose you got there. It’d be a shame if it was…a silly one.
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“DnD iS fOr NErds”. No… D&D is for PROFESSIONAL ATHLETES who are nerds!! 💕.
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SPOILER ALERT! The rumors are true. Scary Marlowe won the Wordle today!
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I’ll never be the person in the zombie movie hiding that I got bit. I’m gonna be seeking some attention immediately, like, “Owie omggggg I’m hurt so bad do u think it’s infected???”.
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BREAKING NEWS: Local tortoiseshell cat absolutely miserable in tortoise shell Halloween costume
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Aw yeah takin’ this update to a Twitterrrrr thread ~ been having a pretty hard time with bipolar depression the last couple months, and I’ve elected to get another series of electroconvulsive treatments to get my life back on track. I’m 6 treatments into this series. 1/4.
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Did this 2 ur man last night.
The Chinese algae eater's mouth is inferior with a special "sucker" modification which allows the fish to eat algae. If deprived of proper forage, they may feed off of the body slime on other fish. [📹 unamifoxmain: .
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It’s been 7 years, so safe to say that comedy peaked with this video
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My dad supports Trump, which honestly makes me sick. What makes me sicker is the fact that Trump doesn’t give a shit about my dad’s life. Trump does not give a shit about anyone but himself. Wish I could get my dad to see that. Wish I could get my dad to give a shit.
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I don’t think the “‘slut era’ I whisper” meme is funny because I’m too busy having lots of sex.
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This is me btw. When you’re being mean to me this is who you’re being mean to.
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I don’t want to give anything away or overhype it, but simply put - the experience of recording next Tuesday’s episode of @dungeonsanddads is something I will likely remember until I am super super old.
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Big apologies for my hubris here but I just strongly believe I could win an Oscar with this biopic.
I could live all my life and never come up with anything as funny as Raygun, the 36-year-old Australian Olympic breakdancer
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Just heard back from my doctor with the test results. It’s not good news. Turns out I’m “mid?”.
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This is me if you even care.
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One of these days if I’m funny enough my psychiatrist is gonna say I’m cured.
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Me and the girlies at Bible camp: ok fuck marry kill - father, son, and Holy Spirit 🥰.
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Does the one ring call to you?. Start your journey with the characters of Middle-earth there and back again! Now available everywhere: @wizards_magic #MTGPartner #MTGxLOTR
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OK! I hope I don’t get in trouble for posting this clip but my episode of @UmActuallyShow is out now on @dropout !! Had so much fun with @fwong and @jfwong & it was such an honor to meet the Um Actually team, who are a bunch of smart, funny sweethearts!! Thanks for having me!💖
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Me eating dark chocolate: Mmm healthy choice! This is basically a vegetable.
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Ladies if you’re ever wearing a band shirt and a guy asks you to name 3 songs just point to the shirt and say “oh this is a BAND?”.
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“Want a Ring doorbell to spy on whoever keeps stealing our packages but also do not want to be someone with a Ring doorbell” is the current white woman dilemma I’m bravely facing.
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Oh my GODDDDD.
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Him: You better not be serving count on a boat when I get there. My dracula ass:
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Star Trek TNG is listed on Netflix as “TV-PG for sex and fear” and that’s the type of energy I’d like to carry into the rest of my life.
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Hey Twitter, some exciting news! 🥰. After complaining on a podcast about my wikifeet being inaccurate (size 6.5? Give me a break I was on swim team), I’ve been informed it’s been updated with the correct size. So inspiring to see a community cOme together to do what’s right. 🙏🏻.
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