Sarcasm
@Heissarcastic
Followers
110,071
Following
56,229
Media
4,594
Statuses
211,969
Follow Me For A Collection Of Funny, Relatable and Sarcastic comedy Tweets! Follow and Enjoy
Joined September 2012
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Treating someone nicely no matter how badly they treat you isn't a sign of weakness. It just means you already know your self-worth.
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i am both "fast replier" and "never replies" type of person, it depends on my mood
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If you still receive both these calls you are the luckiest person in the world
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i should get in the shower
*2 hours later someone else starts the shower*
me: oh my god fuck you i was JUST about to get in there
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I ALWAYS GET SO NERVOUS WHEN PEOPLE STOP REPLYING TO ME
ITS LIKE DID I SAY SOMETHING WRONG
DID I SCARE THEM AWAY
DID I OFFEND U
IM SO SORRY
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I have no idea what this cat was trying to do but I'm in tears 😂😂😂
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Reasons why I stop replying:
1. I'm busy
2. you're boring
3. I'm mad
4. you replied with one word
5. I'm on twitter
6. I'm eating
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hey
guess what
you’re so close to surviving 2017
you can make it
i’m so proud that you’re still here
keep going buddy
i love you
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When you are listening to a song and the lyrics start applying to what you have been through
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I wasn't mad. Then you asked me 10 times if I was mad. Now I'm mad.
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Imagine having a phone with:
• iPhone's camera
•Samsung's memory
• Nokia's battery
• Blackberry's secure system
• Sony's audio system
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Three stages of life:
1. Birth
2. W H A T T H E F U C K I S T H I S
3. Death
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*opens instagram*
yep, everyone's life is still better than mine
*closes instagram*
*opens twitter*
ah yes. my fellow trash bretheren.
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Dear chocolate commercials, no one eats chocolate in slow motion with their eyes closed. Sincerely, normal people. -_-
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Dead people receive more flowers than the living ones because regret is stronger than gratitude.
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That moment when you close your eyes to apply shampoo and you get paranoid that someone will kill you in the shower..
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When you're at a party with ppl u don't know and your friend disappears
http://t.co/rrQsa3DI4N
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That awkward moment when you realize people are laughing at you, not with you.
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mom: *calls my name*
me: what
mom:
me: what
mom:
me: what
mom:
me: what
mom: *yells my name*
me: what
mom: WHY AREN'T YOU ANSWERING ME
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Dead people receive more flowers than the living ones because regret is stronger than gratitude.
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we only have one life. keep it simple.
• missing somebody – call
• wanna meet up – invite
• wanna be understood – explain
• have questions – ask
• don’t like something - speak up
• like something – share it
• want something - ask for it
• love someone – tell them
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"you're so quiet"
actually i never shut the fuck up around people i am comfortable with but you are not one of those people
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i’m the type of person who’s 100% down for random adventures but also 100% down to lay in bed all day.
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When this happens, I have to choose which grammatical sin I'll have to make in order to send a tweet.
http://t.co/A6BRPLdg9x
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It's funny how we can remember the lyrics to hundreds of songs, but can't remember anything when we study for a test.
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You just have to do your own thing, no matter what anyone says. It's your life, your rules, be the best person you wanna be.
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my DNA
💤 🍕
💤🍕
🍟
🍝💤
🍕 💤
🍖 💤
🍔 💤
🍕 💤
🍟💤
💤
💤 🍩
💤 🍝
💤 🍫
💤 🍔
💤 🍤
💤🍣
🍗
🍰 💤
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Retweet if you’ve ever been called:
Ugly
Fat
Stupid
Bitch
Loser
Nerd
Brat
Whore
Cunt
Suicidal freak
Fag
Gay
Worthless
Retard
Idiot
Jerk
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Stages of Twitter :
1. You create account
2️.You don't understand
3️.You don't visit for a few months
4️.You Return
5️.You become addicted
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Just a crush😋😍
3Months💑
9Months💏
1Year👫💕
5Years💏💍
10Years👪🏡
20Years👫👏💕
50Years👴👵
Heaven 👼👼
RETWEET if you want this💞.
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Being beautiful has nothing to do with physical appearance. It's your character as a person, its how you make others feel about themselves.
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The best love story is when you fall in love with the most unexpected person at the most unexpected time.
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I'm officially taken 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍as a fucking joke
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When you miss someone but know you have to cut them off for your own good
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Yesterday, I was grateful. Tomorrow, I'll be thankful. But for now, I'm blessed.
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Mindset: 🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓💵🎓
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If you're single:
1. You're either talking to someone
2. Stuck on an ex
3. Chasing someone who's taken
4. Ignoring someone who wants you
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