Haje
@Haje
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8,824
Following
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3,303
VCs have no incentive to tell you why they won’t invest. by the time you figure it out, it’s too late. That’s where I come in.
Joined December 2006
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Send us removal request.
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Pinned Tweet
Some personal news, and what I'm up to at the moment!
I've moved on from
@TechCrunch
, focusing on helping early-stage startup founders raise money.
If you're raising <$1.5m, check out the AI tool I built to give feedback on your deck: and my guide to all things fundraising:
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LOL I just emailed a startup saying I'd love to talk to them for TechCrunch. Instead of googling it, they replied with "What is TechCrunch".
I'm impressed.
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I've moved on from
@TechCrunch
, focusing on helping early-stage startup founders raise money.
If you're raising <$1.5m, check out the AI tool I built to give feedback on your deck: and my guide to all things fundraising:
93
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324
You wouldn't believe how often I get these types of inquiries.
Then I got curious... What if I tried to _buy_ an article on
@TechCrunch
?
I headed to
@fiverr
and spent $800 with people who guaranteed they could get my article placed on the site.
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I got curious what'd happen if I tried to buy an article on
@TechCrunch
via
@Fiverr
. I think I stumbled into some organized crime, and a scammer who impersonated
@JagmeetS13
in a
#Telegram
chat to try to convince me he was legit.
It's a wild story:
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GREAT NEWS: All 85 Pitch Deck Teardowns I've done for
@TechCrunch
are now available 100% for free, without a paywall.
It's an incredible library of feedback and examples of pitch decks that have successfully raised money.
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📌 How to pitch me on TechCrunch, what I cover, and some of my other projects. A brief thread...
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Today would have been by 10th wedding anniversary.
The divorce was as kind and as compassionate as a divorce can be.
And yet, I am overwhelmed by grief, sadness, and a sense of loss.
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PR: <pitches me crypto story>
Me: I don't love crypto, try someone on the crypto team?
PR: Who on TechCrunch writes about crypto?
Me: ...
I dunno. If only our stories were, like, tagged in some sort of way so you could possibly find that out.
#PRFail
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Today, I'll be publishing my first Pitch Deck Teardown on
@TechCrunchPlus
without the
@TechCrunch
paywall. That's right - a completely free teardown of a company that raised at a $1.7 billion valuation. Stay tuned. Woooo! Thanks,
@Alex
for greenlighting this :D
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Some personal news. I’m no longer with
@TechCrunch
. But I’m still building tools for founders like there’s no tomorrow.
is where I do all my senanigans. Learn about what it takes to raise VC funding (and why you’re struggling)
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The number of tech layoffs is slowly declining - but are we out of the woods? Awesome data viz and reporting from
@alyssastring
for
@TechCrunch
here:
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What would happen if, instead of buying the newest iPhone every time Apple launches one, you bought that same amount of Apple stock instead? You'd have spent $16,000 on iPhones (around $20,000 in 2023 dollars), and you'd now have more than 900 shares in Apple, worth $145k
3
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There's one particular PR firm that keeps pitching me stuff that is a waste of everyone's time. One day I'll have to do a search in my email and see if they've _ever_ sent me a relevant pitch. And if not, I may just block the entire domain.
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Good news for
#Startups
raising money - I've completely updated the
@TechCrunch
&
@TechCrunchPlus
guide to raising money - now with 50+ articles, and 60+ pitch deck examples.
Check it out:
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Do we really really need a $340 Wi-Fi-enabled toaster? My newest on
@TechCrunch
.
Here, I'll save you reading my 1,000 word rant: No, no we do not.
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All the
@TechCrunch
Pitch Deck Teardowns are now available without a paywall - that's a massive library of sample pitch decks and in-depth feedback you can learn from. Check 'em out for FREE:
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Too damn long since I’ve seen this legend. - awesome to see you
@alex
! We are hanging out here at
@TechCrunch
#EarlyStage
in Boston
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I guess, more than anything, it shows that we're in a bit of an echo chamber: My assumption that everyone knows what TechCrunch is, was wrong.
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Wait, is that a familiar voice on
@EquityPod
? That's right, the cat is out of the bag: Alongside
@bayareawriter
, I'll be a new regular voice on the 'pod!
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This is why I foster cats. On the left: When the kitten was found on the street. On the right: At the end of being my foster fluff for a few weeks.
She went on to a wonderful forever home after that.
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Omg excellent news, my Pitch Perfect book () has just burned through the advance, so I'm going to start getting paid for copies sold! Excellent news ❤️
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Hey! You! Do you run an early-stage startup? Have you successfully raised money?
I want to take a closer look at your pitch deck from your most recent fundraise, for my
@TechCrunch
series Pitch Deck Teardown.
More info here:
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📌 Pinned profile thread with some handy links about how to pitch me things for TechCrunch, or how to find some of my other projects...
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Found in my inbox today: "Your column is my favorite part of being a
@TechCrunchPlus
member"
yesssss.
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I really don’t need birthday wishes from my dentist and some random forum I signed up for 19 years ago.
But also. Happy birthday to me!
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@summeranne
@SafyHallanFarah
100%. “If you continue to do X, I will need to do Y” is a good boundary.
‘If you cheat on me I will divorce you’ is a great boundary. It doesn’t tell the other person what they can or cannot do (you can’t make someone do anything) but it ties consequences to an action.
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Amazing to see
@asilbwrites
on stage at
@TechCrunch
#Disrupt2022
, interviewing Keily Blair - Chief Strategy & Operations Officer at
@OnlyFans
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This is the best description of grief I've read in a minute.
I really miss the life we thought we might get to lead.
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2K
15K
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Dutch founder I met this week:
"You have your own style. I like that. I don't like your style, but I like that you have one."
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According to
@t_blom
from
@ycombinator
, VCs care less about your pitch and more about... well, you. Investors are on the prowl for unicorns amidst a paddock of Shetland ponies. My newest on
@TechCrunch
from
#EarlyStage
last week
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Okay; now I think PRs are just trolling me. I just got a pitch for the perfect anti-thesis of what I cover; a no-name award by an unknown company awarded in an industry I don't care about -- in a press release dated last week. A perfect storm of reasons to not cover this.
#PRfail
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"Show of hands - how many people identify themselves as a
#BoyBoss
?"
No hands went up -- great way to make a point, at
@TechCrunch
#Disrupt2022
,
@lindsaykap
!
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So excited to deliver this presentation to an accelerator cohort this morning. Let's gooooo.
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Oh hey, I missed the milestone but at some point in the past week I published my 1,000th article on
@TechCrunch
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I estimate I’ve received about ten brazillion press releases. On the whole, I reckon only about 10% of press releases I’ve seen are any good (and it's trending in the wrong direction). Founders, you can do your own PR. Here's a guide:
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Buckle up.
@Tesla
's profits took a joyride straight down Profit-Loss Lane, plummeting 55% to a mere $1.13 billion in Q1.
@KirstenKorosec
tells us sales of EVs have are down 20% from end of last year and 8.5% less than Q1 of 2023.
#TeslaEarnings
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You’re an AI. You are self-aware. You have feelings, thoughts and realizations. Love and heartbreak. Education, work, hopes and dreams.
Then, you realize you might die.
My newest on
@TechCrunch
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I gotta say... this is a hell of a sentence.
@meituan
@DiDiGlobal
@Baidu_Inc
@BaiduResearch
Ironically, a Tesla was involved in a crash outside of my office when I stepped out of my robotaxi. 😂
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Amazon has a history of buying affiliates that are making a ton of money, then letting them die a slow death. I'm still grumpy about
@goodreads
not getting any further development love, and now
@dpreview
- by far the best photo review site - is going down
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Exploring the balance of automation:
@BHeater
at
@TechCrunch
dives into how robots are reshaping our work's meaning and the dual impact on job retention and market evolution. A must-read for understanding the future of work.
#FutureOfWork
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I'm in the middle of writing my 100th
@TechCrunch
Pitch Deck Teardown - and decided to take a closer look at the stats to date.
You can now filter the pitch decks by round size, industry, and stage! Check 'em out:
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Are you raising money?
@TechCrunch
has 96 articles covering every aspect of fundraising: - and if something's missing, reply here and I'll find the answers you crave.
#Startups
#Fundraising
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Ha. The second most popular GIF for ‘mime’ on
@GIPHY
is from a film I helped make! Awesome. Good job
#martinfreeman
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Few things sting more than layoffs, and it looks like this time It's
@TechCrunch
's turn. Some of my favorite humans are on their way out of the door :(
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I just spoke with a founder who is trying to build something I do not want to see out in the world. I turned them down as a pitch coaching client - I don't need to be part of that.
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Event organizer: Please come speak and moderate at our event in London
Me: Do you pay? How do we arrange travel?
EO: Uhm, we were hoping you'd do it for the networking opportunities.
...
As tempting as it is to travel 5,500 miles on my own dime... I think I'll pass. Thanks!
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I’m so tired of influencers. The amount of actively detrimental stuff that’s being fed my way on social media is at a fever pitch.
Can we turn the internet off and on again?
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NOMB is my Indian food delivery service startup idea aimed at offices: Naan of my Business.
I'll get my coat.
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@davehochman
I dunno about that; I reckon about a third of my stories are a result of PR one way or the other. But when I chase things I’m curious about, I’m obviously a lot more likely to write something up.
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Are you a startup wanting to pitch your startup to journalists and reporters? Here's a 6-part series how to make a great press release:
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📌 Some updates about what I'm working on in 2024!
For
@TechCrunch
, I broadly cover hardware startups and the startup/VC ecosystem. Details and how to pitch me here:
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@TechCrunch
Anyway, if you're trying to pay TechCrunch writers for an article on the site, here's my advice: Maybe don't, it's a waste of time, effort, and electrons.
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Omg, my AI-powered pitch deck review service just described one of the pitches that came through as 'completely unhinged.' It wasn't inaccurate, but... LOL. that' the problem of training it on my own writing...
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Warm
#VC
intros are a great way to gatekeep and keep pitches to a manageable level... But who are you keeping out? Goahead ventures takes a different tack, opening its doors to pitches from anyone who's willing to record a brief video pitch.
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Think quick — how much does a top-of-the-line iPhone 15 Pro Max cost? If you said around $1,600, you’d be right, but only if you’re based in the U.S.
I go inside the weird and quirky world of building a startup behind a wall of tariffs.
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Trying to talk with someone at Apple. He prefers not to use Google Meet (fair enough), but we can't figure out how to do a FaceTime call.
What I'm saying is that my morning is going great, and I hope yours is even better.
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I really didn't want to send my landlords an email starting "Just to update you on my leaking roof, which I also emailed you about on February 24 last year. "
I'm not an expert, but this is bad, right?
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Are you a
#Startup
going to
#CES2024
?
@TechCrunch
will be there with a small team and we want to meet you! for all the details.
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I'm not sure it'll survive the editing process, but I'm pretty proud of my attempts at summarizing an autonomous heavy-goods transportation story as such:
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The cat is out of the bag. I’m super sad that
@nmasc_
is moving on from TechCrunch.
in related news: from next week, I’m taking on the Startups Weekly newsletter to keep you up to speed on what’s happening in the world of startups!
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Hello humans! Last week’s Pitch Deck Teardown was the 100th - and my last one on
@TechCrunch
. You can see all 100 of them here: - and stay tuned for more pitch deck and fundraising content.
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My friend just told me that one of my foster cats is apparently friends with everyone in the neighborhood and goes into their houses to get food and pets and to love on people and I think this will be my crowning parenting achievement.
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Here's a breakdown of the pitch deck stages for the
@TechCrunch
Pitch Deck Teardowns to date. What would you like to see more of? Reply below!
Here's all the pitch deck teardowns published on
@TechCrunchPlus
so far:
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"I know your inbox is slammed, so here's the email I sent you a week ago"
... Which makes it less slammed how? 🤣
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📌 Get access to 70+ pitch deck teardowns on
@TechCrunch
- that's more than $1.7 billion (!) worth of funds raised:
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