*Aliens land... 'What the fuck happened down here?!?!' Me (lighting a cigar) 'Somebody ate a bat or something I don't know, hey can I borrow the keys to yer ship?'

Tomorrow is going to be a long day... Any chance Godzilla could destroy Philadelphia tomorrow?🫤

OH MY GOD SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY!!! (Apply this to whatever)

@simplyme519 I can never remember what he looks like from moment to moment...

@simplyme519 I don't think I've seen a decent commercial in 5 years...

@littlemykonos Howdy

@simplyme519 Never watch the single moment of football and even I know that that guy's a fucking moron

@simplyme519 You tell him darlin'😎

@jessithebuckeye @RoyaltyCanadian Happy birthday Jess!!

@emily_tweets These two are encouraging it... Probably cuz they're hoping it'll drop something

Late night dog walks

@NYCDemonD1va These two had a pretty good day today too

@greycole05 @AdamColePro Yeah but at least when he looks down he can see his dick... And not some fat beer gut...(Tell me when I'm lying there... 'Lifter')

@KaijuPictures Ambitious

@RachieRach429 Adorbs aren't they?😅

@RachieRach429 If you want me to but I haven't been waxed recently...🫤

@simplyme519 Mabel's visiting 😅

@simplyme519 I say the same thing about Tom Cruise... When he was younger way too much teeth he looked like the mad hatter