Ghengis Khan't
@Gishuvski
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🇰🇪 Take everything with a pinch of humour.
Behind The Sins
Joined January 2010
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Pinned Tweet
Who called them nuns instead of "The girls of the pray-boy mansion"?
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Hii Nairobi everyone is trying to sell you something, unaenda kuuzia mmama insurance kwa ofisi ya bluechip company na yeye anakutolea face towels zenye anauza chini ya desk kama mihadarati.
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How police officers in America see black people is how police officers in Kenya see poor people, if a rich person calls the police on you in Kenya it's over for you.
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Unanunua gazeti unasoma mpaka classifieds unakosa kitu ya maana, lakini ngoja upatane na ile ya kufungiwa nyama..mpaka food inaungua.
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Y'all remember this story? I hope life continues smiling her way......
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Well educated but instead of aiming for the stars you aimed at DJ Evolve's neck.
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On the real though, it's like these Isuzu trucks were made to last forever....
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That video of a student showing us her daily routine at Rift Valley Academy shows you how differently future leaders and capital owners are taught differently from future peasants and labourers. We live in the same country, but in a parallel universe.
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There are so many cops guarding Central Bank, The Treasury and Times Towers in this hot sun. Little do they know that the thieves are inside.
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Kikuyu aunts during Ruracio.... "weloo, welokamuu......"
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Kudate dame ako na high sex drive is only fun on paper, nilikuwa na mwingine bana nilikuwa nawatch movies mpaka saa sita ndio nipate amelala, naingia kwa kitanda saa sita na nusu kumbe gaidi haijalala ni mimi inangoja.
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Yaani everyone is looking for an opportunity to leave this country.
Huenda watalii wakaelekea Tanzania kumfuata pundamilia wa ajabu aliyehama Kenya
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"US gives Kenyan politicians Ksh. 1.76B for 2022 campaigns."
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Ironically "Kahuthia" means someone doesn't understand the seriousness in everything, including shooting people through the neck.
Babu Owino was baptised 'Babu Owino Kahuthia' during Raila's meeting with Mt. Kenya leaders in Bondo. Read More:
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Kama Uhuru anaiba hivi akiwa mlevi imagine angekuwa sober..
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Unaweza ona mtu akitembea kwa street, beautiful, good looking, well dressed unamuadmire lakini zile battles anaface kwa life yake ni noma. Be nice to people.
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Kenya Power is a monopoly, how does it make loses? Competition from the Sun?
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Eritrea has been sanctioned and isolated for decades yet it's the only country on course to meet the millennium development goals, without the help of IMF and Wild Bank.
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Somalis are Kenyans until it's time to intermarry with other Kenyans.
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Man dealt with Mungiki like they were not fellow Kikuyus, he'll forever remain GOATed.
Michuki transformed the Matatu sector single handedly....all matatus went on strike and mans did not budge...Kibaki did not interfere...imagine Murkomen trying that today.. Riggy G would be like "Wanambiashara wa murima wanamariswo...tumeongea na Murkomeno awachane na watu wetu"
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Kuna jamaa alienda Qatar for 4 years alikuwa anatumia budake pesa amuekee ndio akirudi ajenge nyumba, kurudi kuuliza budake alipoint kwa tumbo akamuambia chukua panga ukate ziko hapa.....dude never recovered.
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Being broke makes you understand why Kikuyu men prioritize money over women.
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Nikikula food kama hii nafunika exit na msogoro, then nalala mwezi mzima nikiidigest kama nyoka.
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Mombasa street food >>>>>> Nairobi Street food by miles.
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Kwani your English teachers came from England?
coast is best known for good kiswahili but mmewahi jiuliza mbona hamkuwahi kuwa na mwalimu wa kiswahili anatoka coast?
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Unapeleka dame wa Twitter kwa bedsitter anakuuliza "you mean this is where you tweet from?"... . ."yes, this house is less than 140 characters".
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Hakunanga kitu poa kama kumove from nyumba ya mabati, to single room to bedsitter to one bedroom on your way to your dream mansion, the people you meet and the lessons you learn along the way are invaluable.
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Can we stop misusing the word "cartels" and start mentioning names?
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Exactly 10 years ago today, at exactly this hour God saved me from Nakumatt Downtown fire.
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Next years census to cost 18B? Si mtu aanze tu kusema "one" pale coast mpaka mtu wa mwisho aseme "49 million blah blah" pale Kainuk tusave hiyo pesa?
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Someone said ulienda kuachwa kwa ocean kama majini, and I couldn't restrain myself.
Niliambiwa nimewachwa na mtu alikuwa ameniweka sasa nikirudi Nairobi nitaenda kuishi kwa bedsitter Eastlands. Wanaume are ndio the messiest bitches I know…
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Jamaa wa keyboard is the church version of the IT guy.
Bro mbona huwezi wachia mtu mwingine acheze keyboard?
"Huwezi elewa manze,,, like,,, ni story mrefu bana"
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@Biraphil
@DylanLeClair_
Unfortunately she's not after the betterment of the situation in Africa, she's calling out France because she doesn't want African migrants on Italian soil, if they somehow manage to stop the flow of migrants she wouldn't care anymore.
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Dude! I'm 35.
Don’t feel bad about not having a girlfriend yet. Remember, Shrek didn’t have a girlfriend until he was 30.
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Child support slaps even harder.
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No amount of guilt tripping will ever make me take 10% of my earnings to a potbellied pastor, I'd rather feed a streetkid for a month.
You spend 100k on a phone 50k on shoes and send 0.5k for offering and you have the audacity to tell God that you are broke and in need of a job
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Africa must be really rich, first it was the Arabs, then the Portuguese, then the British, the French and the Belgians, now its the Chinese, and it doesn't seem to run out of resources to be exploited.
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Skinny niggas getting all the love online lakini huku nje unanyang'anywa dame na unapigwa.
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Same way you wouldn't want to be called a criminal because you come from Eastlands or you have dreadlocks, don't call Muslims terrorists.
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Mnaitanga Diamond "Simba" coz of having Baby Mamas in every E.A country but Samidoh is where you draw the line?
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Hii mambo ya kusema "Mungu anakuona" when someone hurts you though, Moi alituumiza 24 years, saa hii he's 95 going strong, ni kama Mungu hakumuona.
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Usikuwe intimidated na hawa yengs hukaa wasupuu ni kama waliumbwa Monday asubuhi, they have their shortcomings too. Wengine hata huwa wanakojoa kwa kitanda.
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Huku ushago unaenda kununua mboga ya 50 bob unaulizwa umepark pickup wapi.
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Ukiona Rotich ameamua kuadmit serikali imesota China haichukui simu.
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The reason why the "Lamba lolo" kind of music is going viral is because for a long time we haven't experienced simplicity and raw talent in Kenyan music like we did with akina E-Sir, Nonini, Mejja & Jua Kali, these days everyone wants to sound like the Nigerians or Americans.
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There's a cryptocurrency being advertised on Kikuyu radio stations called Kencoin, apparently started in April selling at Ksh. 50, it's now selling Ksh. 2000........your uncles and aunties about to cry in the toilet.
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KOT really hate on everything, mtu anakafunga pale NTV na puns mwingine huku anasema it's trash like they're watching TV at gunpoint. Si uwatch tu KBC?
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Pilipili ni ya matajiri bana, maskini akijua pain amepitia kupata hiyo food hawezi ongeza uchungu ndani yake.
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Kuna yengs we had bitter court battles and our respective family members were heavily invested heavily in that case, lakini tukijipata pekee yetu in private tulikuwa tunanyanduana mbaya sana, love is weird.
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@WEshiwani
@Asmali77
Let's stop blaming everything on economic hardship, a greedy person is a greedy person even if you gave them a job that paid millions, your politicians are an example.
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But a Luo man is now a member of the Kiambu County Assembly, this is the Kenya we want...
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Mtu akioa wacheni kujudge looks za mwenye ameoa6, loves goes deeper beyond looks. Ukitaka kila mtu aoe msichana mrembo nani ataoa sistako?
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@AbdulGideonny
@GazettedBandit
@AdebolaAdesona
How many Kenyans are over there in Nigeria? Nigerians are all over Nairobi. The said inferior country. The only tourist attraction in Nigeria is the noise of generators.
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Mtu aende pale Hilton aambie Kimathi aweke bunduki na machete chini vita iliisha.
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Hii Kenya sasa place imefika form ni kukosa kufile returns wakushike uende jela ukakule zile taxes umewapea in the past. Wakikula tunakula.
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Poverty.
Which sector of the economy ndio the Kenyatta Family hawajainfiltrate?
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I'm looking for a job....any job that can put a meal on my table, I don't have any degree but I have a dip. & 12 yrs experience in a large retail company. I have experience in any clerical work, store keeping, IT, customer service and merchandising.
#IkoKaziKE
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Uhuru akiretire hafai kuitwa Retired President, anafaa kuitwa Post Maloan.
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@muli_brian_
What matters is the contents inside, huyu anaeza kuzalia watoto wanatafuna calculus kama githeri.....
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*fuel prices increase by 2 shillings*
Matatus: Fare imepanda na 10 bob juu bei ya mafuta imepanda.
*fuel prices reduce by 10 shillings*
Matatus:
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Kuna mtu aliuliza if women can cheat on soldiers and police officers with guns, who do you think you are with a laptop bag? Sijawai move on.
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Msichana akikuambia ako single jua hayuko single ni pesa uko na mingi kuliko boyfriend yake.
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Normalize beating up politicians on sight.
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This Biology should have helped you realize shooting someone through the neck is usually fatal.
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@MusingsofAwe
True, the bourgeoisie are taught freedom, independence, and how to enjoy the power of money. The peasants are taught how to submit to power and live in deprivation in prison like environment.
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Yesu angekuwa na bibi siku ya kufufuka angempata na jamaa wa nduthi.
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My friend dropped a drumstick and picked it up like "hii kuku kama haikutoroka ikiwa hai inadhani saa hii ndio itasucceed?"
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Kenyan supermarkets are a hotbed of slavery smh, 13hr shifts, 7 days a week.
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Naelewa hii labda ni joke lakini haya maisha ya kujicompare na watu wengine huwa mangumu sana, nyinyi wote hamuezi kuwa sawa so kama kwa kweli unapenda dame wako mtumie hiyo 250 uwachane na wanaonunua magari.
Beste yangu amebuyiwa Toyota Alion na dem yake sa zile dem yangu ananiomba 250 mpesa😭😭😭
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Back when I was growing up AI stood for Artificial Insemination.
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There's this lady friend who had lost her job and her mind (literally), I bumped into her sleeping on the streets hapo Aga Khan Walk, I gave her a place to stay but my then G.F couldn't understand so I had to kick her out, I was dumped a few months later anyway...
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Kabogo rose from Mwau's driver to MP to Governor then back to ordinary citizen all while Wenger was still Arsenal Manager.
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They killed my best friend yaani
Nugu ingine imeacha imekatakata employers wake na ikahepa na pesa, violent robbers deserve nothing but a very painful death, fu*k your human rights shenanigans. Hope they survive.
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The longer you stay on this app, the fewer people you want to meet.
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Wenye mnaenda kupiga kura msirudi hapa kutusi watu, wenye mnaboycott msitusi watu hapa, everyone is doing what they think is right.
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Dame yako akikutoka juu umefutwa kazi or you're going through financial difficulties you shouldn't be sad, she wasn't the one.
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Apparently this shoe will set you back Ksh. 217,000 only....
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My heart stopped for a moment when I saw "mercy" on this tweet.
Dear God, I praise and thank You for Your loving-kindness and great mercy which is new every morning and remains steadfast and sure throughout the day - to strengthen and hold. Thank You for the glory of the cross.. we beseech you to see us through this Covid-19 pandemic. Amen.
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Do not cheer violence when it's your people doing it and condemn it when it's your people dying, violence shouldn't be an option.
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Rwanda is so small you can't say "as far as I am concerned" if you live there.
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Limuru hakuna haja ya kudeworm, unasimama nje kama umefungua mdomo mpaka minyoo inakufa na pneumonia.
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@Owanderz
@guyotieno
I was looking for this reply, plus who wants to have sickly offsprings too?
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Halafu kama uko na mtoto anajua kusoma zoea kununua gazeti kwa nyumba.
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I was surprised to see Wazungus irked by Thailand's requirement that they have a certain amount of money for them to get visas, so we've been letting broke people into our country? As an African I thought the basic requirement for international travel is you have money.
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