Gary McKenzie
@Garymckenzie7
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Following
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90% of people will believe anything you write if you start it with 90% of people
Edinburgh, Scotland
Joined October 2012
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When you go the pub for “a couple pints” and your bird texts you this 10hrs later when you’re still out
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Called it in 2019
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“I wouldn’t be giving my child an iPad”
Aye that’s sound Susan but some of us have children spawned directly from the devil and we need to give them an iPad just to have a fucking shower
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Arriving at a hoose party when you know the cunts don’t want you there
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What's something that used to be cheap but is now ridiculously expensive?
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Maradona deed. Just shows no matter how much you look after yourself, when your times up - it’s up.
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Fuck iPads and fifa. This is social interaction 🤝
This is where you build friendships, find the alpha and find folk you could commit murder with.
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Every construction worker that’s ever been on a health and safety course
Flights around the world and a 22 motor convoy to get to Cop26 just to fall asleep during the discussions
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Just spent an amazing hour at a care centre for children and young people with special needs. Happy kids and staff who are saints
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“Jermaine Defoe hasn’t kicked a ball all season and he’s a pensioner”
“Get Yaya signed up, Brendan”
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Sitting having pints watching soccer Saturday and reading out what your Mrs has just text you..
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@______91_______
@_Georgiepm
U don’t know about everyone else but i quote enjoy seeing good things being done. Great content.
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There’s yur man
Can’t believe there is someone on Calder road about 20ft from the forensic tent standing at the bus stop thinking his bus is gonna get along that road.
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Duno how folk from Spain, Turkey etc do it. It’s 9 degrees at 10am on a Wednesday morning in March and everyone I’ve spoke to has said “could bevy like”
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@hurst_jason
@AbiWalker1
@SwannickLeah
Jason. Stay where you are. Don’t move. Someone will come and collect you.
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That’s shocking. So rather than interview the best people for the job they need to just interview a shite guy for the sake of his skin colour and/or religion.
The English Football League has made it policy that clubs must interview at least one black, Asian and minority ethnic (BAME) candidate when searching for a new first-team manager.
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@aburnsjoiners
@Iamscotharrison
Dear Scot, I wrote you but still ain't callin'
I left my cell, my pager, and my home phone at the bottom
I sent two letters back in autumn, you must not-a got 'em
There probably was a problem at the post office or somethin'
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Wait no more…
Let’s see if 80,000 fans can go over without one arrest … I’ll wait . …
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I’ve caused myself a big problem here.
Happy 9th birthday, Cohen 💙
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Brought Willow to Miller and Carter for Daddy and Daughter date and soon as we sat down she was like “excuse me can I have a steak please and a beer for my daddy” 😂
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Did you pump her? Be honest.
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@ManUtd_HQ
@SteBonesJones
@SkyKaveh
Your hatred for Liverpool is stronger than the love you have for Utd my friend
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Seen a headline the other day "10,000 Brits land in Ibiza" imagine if it was 10,000 Pakis land in Ibiza ????
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If your kid ever came home and told you they liked Celtic
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This is a fucking joke. I kiss Willow about a hundred times a day, would kiss her every minute of everyday if i could. Would love someone to try tell me to be less affectionate with my daughter. Fucking wet wipes
David Beckham criticised for photo showing him kissing daughter Harper, seven, on the lips
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@jack_hickey8
@m_bimpong
@SoccerAM
Otamendi hahahahahahahahahahhaahhahhhuuauahahahahahahahahhahahahahaahhahahaa
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@thomascowan13
@MichaelBensonn
Where are you mate? Stay there. We will send someone to collect you.
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@paddy9990
@Record_Sport
Congratulations. First comment on a post regarding Rangers targets before 8am on a Monday morning
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When she says “but it’s never just a couple of pints” but you actually go home after a couple of pints
When the lads tell you to cash out but you keep it running and it lands
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Probably a simple answer but Harry Kane - the captain and talisman of the spurs team? Why’s he in his house watch the second leg of a CL quarter final? Should he no be there in that changing room supporting his boys? No like they traveled to Spain or that !!!
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@TonyBellew
He changed the game? Are you suggesting fighters weren’t packing out stadiums before AJ?
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My coach at Broomhall Saints told me the game was off and a was cutting through the pitches later that day with David Hyland and my team was playing with 10 men.
What’s the craziest thing a coach or manager has said to you?
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@Thejoaniebird71
@Raid1968
I believe you’re mistaken. This is the parents of Clint Eastwood.
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Great attitude for a 3 year old at 7am on a Saturday morning
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Absolute fucking toilet behaviour trying to stick people in to their work for a social media post.
Fucking scabs !!!
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Can’t believe there is someone on Calder road about 20ft from the forensic tent standing at the bus stop thinking his bus is gonna get along that road.
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@Ele_ctrified
@Jamesy34766993
Sorry. I’ve had bad experiences and I’ve never fully got over it. Plus i can’t do keepy ups
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Officially a home owner ✅
Never thought this would happen 6//7 year ago that’s for sure
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Anybody know this guy? Would love to know if he’s still alive 😂😂😂
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Wonder why?
Danny Drinkwater has just been sent off in a Chelsea u23’s game for crunching a 16 year old 😬😬😬
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Find it very strange how Celtic fans are so against teams making loan signings considering they wanked over Roberts and Musonda (😂), no even gonna talk about Guidetti.
Maybe just Sevco that aren’t allowed to do it? 👀
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Honestly can’t bring myself to buy garden furniture when a know a could just take someone else’s out their garden
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@GNev2
A reporter dodging a question that they don’t like by asking a question. Come on, Henry.
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When your mrs comes through at 5am after telling you to call it a night at 3am
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@MelissaReddy_
Unfortunately liverpool could get 15 clean sheets on the bounce them have a game like today and we would be told it’s typical Liverpool.
Liverpool have improved massively at the back. That’s a fact
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Exhibit ‘A’
Me trying to have a shite before she got an iPad
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@MichaelBensonn
Have to agree with him. Could have kept going. Going where I’m not sure but defo looked like he was going somewhere….
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What she sees and hears during missionary
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@acciesbook2010
@Chris_Jack89
One is a CM where we have loads of competition and the other is a pacey, tricky winger which we don’t have much off.
Hope that helps
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Take it you aren’t arsed about keeping a 2 meter distance when it suits then?
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@140lee
@Gregco5088
When the megastore worker reminds you that there’s a chance we could play in orange on the 12th
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😂😂😂😂
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Harry Redknapp looks like Nick Knowles has set him up on a blind date with his birds pal
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Anyone remember before kids and you could have a Sunday morning sit down in peace ?!?!
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Airlines fucking triple holiday prices during school holidays but want sympathy on a wee patch. Get to fuck Ya shower of robbing bastards
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Just told Willow (who’s two btw) that next time she try’s to put her Mummy’s make up on that she’s getting a new daddy cause a won’t be her daddy anymore - she looked me right in the eye and went “OK GARY” and started to put make up on
Im in big fucking trouble !!!!
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Unbelievable amount of messages to me, the boys and Rachel. Everyone is appreciated.
Gutted is an understatement but a good friend reminded me today we could write some books with the stories and memory’s he’s left us.
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Had to cut off before the end as he burst in to tears but a happy birthday video from his idol has one happy and emotional little boy on his 7th birthday today
Some buzz
#CohenTurns7
#RyanJack
#FavouritePlayer
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Your pals taking you home at 8am on a bender after your birds been messaging them all that she Can’t get a hold of you
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All the mums gonna upload cute Xmas eve pics of their kids. Here’s my two featuring their drill sergeant mum 😂😂😂
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@nico_utc
@Tyson_Fury
@DavidPrice_1
A class act? No mate, no he’s not. Was defo a prospect but his chin is like a thin pane of glass
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People you shouldn’t trust
1) people that don’t like football
2) people that relax in jeans
3) people that eat ham and pineapple pizzas
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Raise your glass to absent friends and family and pull the loved ones close. A lot can change in a year. Merry Christmas to all
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@dean_bullock
@jack_hickey8
@m_bimpong
@SoccerAM
Hahahahahahahahahhhha no he absolutely was not. Ffs
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Go to shop buy same make and size of tv. Take the new one out, put the broken one in the box and go straight back to the shop and return it. You’re welcome 👍
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Keep getting a stiff neck at work so got a pillow at primark yest. Only one i could see was Harry Potter (never seen it)
Boys on site calling me Gary Potter.
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What a 7 days it’s been. 7 days ago mental health along with massive drink and drug benders came to a horrible eruption. 7 days of reaching out for help and it’s a new fight but I’m here for it.
Anyone that knows me knows a never talk but trust me. Fucking talk !!!!
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