Gary Bainbridge
@Gary_Bainbridge
Followers
13,365
Following
1,186
Media
1,938
Statuses
179,845
Writer. Editorial consultant. Occasional podcast guest. Chief boss, @BusStopEdit . Judge, British Pie Awards/your lifestyle.
Joined April 2008
Don't wanna be here?
Send us removal request.
Explore trending content on Musk Viewer
スタフォニ
• 66441 Tweets
ウマチュン
• 61852 Tweets
#INDvsSAFinal
• 58088 Tweets
#BABA抜き最弱王決定戦
• 55435 Tweets
SEND 21 BACK TO THE NOVEL
• 53963 Tweets
#三枝明那3DLIVE
• 42882 Tweets
#街並み照らすヤツら
• 31005 Tweets
Let's Join NuNew1stCon
• 29632 Tweets
Knights
• 24659 Tweets
ソロライブ
• 23462 Tweets
PABLO ON ICSYV
• 21857 Tweets
WANDEE TOGETHER
• 18977 Tweets
アプリDL
• 18384 Tweets
最高のライブ
• 18375 Tweets
ジュンブラ
• 16775 Tweets
ドラえもんズ
• 16577 Tweets
BGYO GELO ATeamTheDemoX
• 14864 Tweets
ババ抜き
• 11534 Tweets
山田涼介
• 11270 Tweets
うぇいびー
• 10463 Tweets
My rent has just been increased, according to correspondence, because the value of the property in which I live has increased. If I'm reading this correctly, I now have to give my landlord more money because he has more money.
344
3K
13K
I hope she joins Caroline Lucas's party so that on the ballot paper she'd be "Rudd, Amber (Green)". Send tweet.
40
941
5K
I suppose if they put Thatcher's face on the £50 note it'll stop young Conservatives from burning them in front of the homeless.
43
1K
5K
The latest in my occasional series French Onion Soups That Look Like Boris Johnson.
39
438
5K
IDEA: Petition to rename country “AAA United Kingdom” to make using drop-down menus easier.
80
366
5K
Never trust a man who thinks "clever" is an insult.
The World Health Organisation is just another club of ‘clever people’ who want to bully and tell us what to do. Ignore.
6K
614
2K
93
1K
4K
Of course, his name was Dennis Iceman until he met John Thaw.
55
394
4K
Stop making hot cross buns with the wrong things in them. People who don't like raisins don't deserve to have hot cross buns.
235
393
4K
Blimey, if we're this excited about Labour losing an election, imagine how much we'd enjoy Labour winning one.
38
759
3K
I don't even know why Brexiters want blue passports. It's not as if they'll ever need them.
91
728
2K
If Nigel Farage doesn't like what the Speaker has to say about Trump, he should make a speech about it in the Commons.
91
920
2K
Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
Get that wrong again
And you're finished in floristry, Carol.
8
405
2K
I don't understand how this constant scrum of "photographers and activists" outside Cummings's London home didn't notice him and his family leaving for Durham with all their luggage.
25
328
2K
The last two days have certainly shown me how many professed socialists are prepared to chuck my EU immigrant friends under a bus for JC.
89
859
2K
If I end an email with "Regards," it means you have disappointed me and/or burnt down my home.
40
190
2K
The worst thing that has ever happened to me has just happened. I won a raffle and the prize is tickets to see Mrs Brown Live.
159
326
2K
Hands up whoever thinks the thing that really upset PM is that Ewan McGregor didn't know he hosts Good Morning Britain. *raises hand*
39
415
2K
I expect Gove's campaign is wondering which line to take.
32
204
2K
Hello, all websites. No, I don't want any desktop notifications, ever.
22
228
2K
If Pizza Express folds it will have to change its name to Calzone Express.
32
286
2K
"Islam isn't a race" - racists who think they've found a loophole.
63
345
1K
Can't see how Sunak's going to get a big tech job in California after the election if he doesn't know how WhatsApp works.
17
144
1K
I hate it when you go to Center Parcs and they make you go on the big water slide and then you have to talk to the Israeli Prime Minister.
23
364
1K
Your occasional reminder that people who bang on about the nanny state and red tape are usually total knobs.
17
363
1K
What is your most dated go-to cultural reference? I am inspired by a friend who just invoked Duncan Goodhew. Mine is using Peter Bowles to describe a smooth gentleman.
922
136
1K
Extreme Right Said Fred.
There was a really good atmosphere in Trafalgar Sq today 👍
2K
299
2K
54
134
1K
I Got Huge, Babe.
23
154
907
What is it with Theresa May trying to forge alliances with orange men?
29
417
887
I've said for ages that the Cummings affair was the watershed moment. Before that, people wanted to know what they needed to do. After that, they wanted to know what they could get away with.
Intensive care doctor at UCL Prof Hugh Montgomery tells
@TimesRadio
: "We can't blame the Government, we can't blame the Tier system. This is people behaving badly. I'm just very angry about this. If we were wearing masks, washing hands, this virus would not be as it is".
1K
827
3K
39
191
879
Starmer's decided it's better to have him outside the tent pissing in than inside the tent pissing all over himself.
It’s been an honour to serve as Labour’s Shadow Justice Secretary since 2016.
I’ve just had a chat with Keir who let me know I won’t be in his new Shadow Cabinet team.
As I've done since joining the Party in the mid-1990s, I'll continue to give my all to get a Labour Gov't.
2K
895
8K
18
97
805
In Tesco...
CASHIER: "That's £10.66."
ME: "Really? That's one in the eye for me."
CASHIER: "...Do you need a receipt?"
30
140
801
I think you'll find the word is "vajazzle".
Leicester: Man arrested after string of jewellery snatches
0
0
3
14
116
783
Apart from anything else, why didn’t Sunak get Paul Brand to come and interview him *in* Normandy? He’d have been able to make loads of references to the location and there’d be B-roll footage of him hobnobbing with Zelenskyy and Macron and Biden. It’s just insane.
30
76
1K
I’ll never understand how Kate Hoey joined the Labour Party. Did she join the wrong queue or something?
Of course we should. Those of us brought up before central heating wore extra jumpers when winter came
5K
230
1K
64
96
748
It's so weird how the two Liverpool MPs most despised by Corbynites are Jewish women. I mean, how massively unlucky. What *are* the chances?
153
175
711
Get Carta.
Man arrested on suspicion of trying to steal a Magna Carta from Salisbury Cathedral in Wiltshire
192
425
930
36
122
736
Right, people from North America, who keep telling me my rent goes up because property taxes go up, 1) tenants pay "property taxes" in the UK, not landlords; and 2) you're not the first libertarian mouth-breather to make this mistake.
11
38
677
Nigel Farage is so far up Trump's bottom he can see Piers Morgan's feet.
15
434
660
This is quite the thread.
My wife talked me into a thing at the Cathedral tonight. Took the boys too. Thought it was carols. Turned out to be hymns.
38
230
579
15
420
666
The Sun complaining about Yaxley-Lennon is like somebody feeding laxatives to dogs and then complaining about the mess they've made on the kitchen floor.
6
152
600
"Why is it Chicken McNuggets, but a McChicken Sandwich?"
INTERVIEWER: "I meant about the job."
7
191
591
I don't get people who "work hard and play hard". Have a sit down and a sticky bun sometimes, you idiots. It's amazing.
13
85
589
Is it too much to ask Twitter, when a celebrity over the age of 70 is trending, to indicate "Dead, Birthday, or Nonce"?
16
95
598
I am really conflicted about next year. On the one hand, Brexit is going to be a hellscape of mince. On the other hand, my literal favourite thing is being able to say "I told you so."
17
87
575
You can't bury ghosts. That's the point of ghosts.
BBC hopes to bury ghost of Top of the Pops with new music show
6
6
13
17
125
551
I miss the days when a culture war meant you had to choose between Blur and Oasis.
16
91
553
Contents of box:
Sandwich made with Shippams beef paste (1)
Frubes (2)
Banana (1)
Kit-Kat (1)
Carton of Um Bongo (1)
47
45
565
I don't know which Labour source dubbed Johnson a "honking pudding", but I do know that I want that person to write every Starmer speech until the election.
10
47
543
Cnut.
Jeremy Corbyn insists he will 'turn back the Tory tide'
26
12
11
54
225
524
Turns out I've been boycotting the Sultan of Brunei's hotels all my life.
11
44
509
One day I will be able to put on my first kettle of the day without singing "Kettle on" like Marc Bolan singing "Get It On". Today is not that day.
76
37
501
TFW you're being interviewed live on national telly and then you remember you've got to be in Slough in an hour for your shift on reception at Wernham Hogg.
11
52
489
How can there be poor people when there are rich people? Eh?
How can "3 million UK children be going hungry in the holidays" when there's a national epidemic of child obesity? Eh?
1K
148
158
15
232
478
Gosh, this is gruelling. I bet Johnson's just dying to get home and paint some smiling people looking through the windows of a cardboard box bus.
6
90
453
COLUMN: Why voting Leave is reckless and selfish.
16
170
434
Enjoying reading complaints from Corbynistas about Starmer being described as "forensic", as if their guy wouldn't have asked one angry question about PPE, had it batted away, and then wasted his second question on Chilean libraries.
11
38
434
She didn't just do it six times. She did it six times between September 15 and October 16.
9
78
427
Simon Ricketts was the best of men and I'm going to miss my friend.
34
11
402
We can put a man on the moon but we still can't find a way to stop sausages rolling back onto the cooked side in the pan.
32
90
406
The most ridiculous thing about Batman Returns these days is that Penguin's political career is over after Batman exposes him.
2
243
389
Just saw a restaurant offering "home-cooked food", which is literally the opposite of what I want from a restaurant.
14
54
385
I remember saying that the EU had prevented war between European nations and Leavers telling me I was scaremongering.
Theresa May would go to war to defend the sovereignty of Gibraltar, says Michael Howard
379
489
352
29
297
385
Currently amusing myself by imagining Boba Fett's angry mother calling him "Robert Anthony Fett".
9
84
374
Unlike Jacob Rees Mogg, who has just walked out of 1922.
11
62
369
Don't know much about history.
Don't know much biology.
Don't know much about a science book.
Luckily I could get a job in a free school.
56
2K
362
"No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No." - me choosing a film on Netflix.
28
123
355
Don't do that Star Wars name thing. It's just hackers wanting to know what your favourite pasta dish is.
4
40
350
Corbyn's Article 50 negotiating position: I'm warning you, if you don't give me everything I want, I will give you everything you want.
8
264
354
Just read about somebody who "tragically passed away in a plane explosion". I think you can probably get away with saying "died" in those circumstances.
14
14
347
It still makes me laugh that the Government said, "No, don't be silly", when we voted to call that ship Boaty McBoatface, but they're all Will Of The People when it comes to Brexit.
5
126
345
Corbyn, you're an ineffectual, vacuous, upper middle-class dilettante who treats left-wing politics as a fantasy role-playing game.
22
125
345
I don't understand the sequence of events which would have led up to this photograph.
http://t.co/4XjrtcfIax
126
356
338
A man opposite me on this train is reading my column in the paper. I am trying not to be recognised by coughing loudly and arranging my face into my byline picture.
11
24
337
Stop showing me the bit where Therese Coffey made a prune of herself. Show me the bit where she *finds out* she made a prune of herself.
7
17
345
No, we were the 5th - a status we achieved while members in good standing of the EU - and now we are 7th.
We are the 5th largest economy in the world – hardly a minnow. Countries far smaller than us have successful trade deals.
98
179
445
14
152
309
Mate, you were replaced by Nadine Dorries as Culture Secretary. It’s the easiest role in the Cabinet and Boris Johnson - BORIS JOHNSON - looked at you and thought Nadine Dorries would do a better job than you.
12
37
310
I’ve seen this a few times and I think the answer is that they’ve slowed down the footage.
4
35
311
I love the idea that Bill Gates is capable of causing various pandemics. Like, have you ever tried to place a picture in Word?
3
46
300
It's taken 28 years, but Mike Stock has finally produced something worse than The Reynolds Girls' I'd Rather Jack.
19
120
289
The BBC’s coverage of the Euro final tonight really brought the nation together. We all hate Kasabian.
11
24
293
Good news, Red Dwarf fans. After decades of being The Victoria, Lister's birthplace has reverted to its correct name.
8
37
279
"You'll never read this in the media", say people who presumably found out about a thing via telepathy.
14
90
265
Trump is basically what would happen if the other four Wonka Golden Ticket winners paired off and had the same grandchild.
Doing my best to disregard the many inflammatory President O statements and roadblocks.Thought it was going to be a smooth transition - NOT!
28K
19K
75K
5
128
268
Weird way to prepare for covering an election. He's going to have the munchies at 2am.
I have that election day feeling. Sheer exhilaration. Up all night on
@BBCRadio4
. Can't wait for those bongs at 10. Stay with us till dawn.
31
46
196
7
115
270
On my way home after my last shift at the ECHO and my idiot colleagues came back from the pub to bang me out, the beautiful idiots.
23
7
276
So, I wrote a short play last year, and it's premiering in Liverpool next month, and tickets are now on sale, and I'm really excited.
60
34
271
I dunno, I just feel I'm getting mixed messages...
7
45
264