⬅️Real Name
@FutureHasbeen
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Journalist who covered cocktails, culture, and events in the Before Times. he/him
Somewhere in Los Angeles
Joined May 2013
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Pinned Tweet
Horrible Death & Incredible Sex!, a found crap journey into the gallbladder of the American Dream is now on YouTube. Enjoy at your own risk.
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Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.
Costco’s new finance chief today: “I also want to confirm the $1.50 hot dog price is safe.”
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Desperately need to know the story of the four people seeing Morbius tonight at 10:30 and elected to sit like this.
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Wade Boggs once drank 64 beers on a cross country flight.
What's the most incredible, statistical-outlier accomplishment in U.S. major sports history?
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Incredible contrast in RDJ’s mild smirk at Jo Koy’s joke about Oppenheimer being long versus him losing it at Mulaney’s joke about acting in Marvel movies.
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The Giuliani transcripts are incredible stuff, but nothing can top Donald Sterling’s incredible deposition.
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Wikipedia won’t let me add the true fact that Zoe Kravitz is reprising the role of Catwoman from The Lego Batman Movie.
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[November 2008, listening to Kanye and MIA back to back as I celebrate the election of Barack Obama]
“None of these three people will ever disappoint me!”
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This is an "Alien Vs. Predator" situation both literally and figuratively.
JUST IN: Trump thinks Scientology should lose its tax-exempt status
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The joke in Barbie about how all of *NSYNC are just Allans who left Barbieland (“Yes, even him.”) is even funnier upon remembering that Gosling and Timberlake came out of the same revival of the Mickey Mouse Club.
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Hi. My girlfriend and I saw you from across the bar and were really digging your vibe. Can we buy you a drink?
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Insane line from the Variety review of the Mario movie. Imagine deciding to describe a character known to everyone under 45 by using a reference to a character that hasn’t been relevant since 1982.
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You get used to the notion that celebrities are all shorter than you think and then you find out John C Reilly is somehow 6’2”.
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“Yes, and you call them steamed hams, despite the fact they are obviously grilled?”
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RIP to the coolest Rolling Stone.
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During production of All That Jazz, Bob Fosse tried to seduce Jessica Lange by dancing for her. After he finished, she said “When my boyfriend dances…” at which point he realized he was cooked because she was dating Baryshnikov.
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“Until someone knits a bigger scarf.”
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In the Nope universe once every six months there’s a viral tweet from someone who just found out about Gordy’s Home.
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Hard to think of a minor Simpsons character who has a better hit rate than Jasper. Never had a plotline devoted to him besides Frostilicus, but seemingly every line they gave him was a laugh line.
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You mean to tell me this guy won’t show up for his employees?
At a meeting Jimmy wasn't even at, we are told NBC decided to stop paying us after this week and end our health insurance after this month if the strike is ongoing. They won't even tell us if we will technically be furloughed. Just active employees who aren't paid.
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I forgot that Elizabeth Debicki has a brunette sister who looks just like her and is also tall
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Greatest transition in cinema history.
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Between this and Peter Hammond saying he’d never heard of Tetris before the Apple TV movie came out, it’s been an incredible month for film critics writing about video games.
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This clip has an energy like there’s a bomb under the seat of everyone involved including the audience.
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🚨🚨 According to two well-informed sources, there will even be a David Lynch feature film which has been completely off the radar and stars Laura Dern — either as a cameo or a supporting role — along with some other Lynch regulars. 🚨🚨
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You can tell this is good news because the dumbest motherfuckers are talking about it like this:
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“You know Don, the Japanese have their own version of Super Mario Bros 2. Ours is actually a reskin of a game called Yume Kōjō: Doki Doki Panic.”
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I’ve been watching this episode for nearly 30 years and I only just noticed the way Grandpa displays five fingers.
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This is incredibly funny if true. Good job pissing off some of the internet’s biggest psychopaths, Zaslav.
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What's the most delicious that PANCAKES have ever looked in media? (movies, TV shows, comics, cartoons, etc.)
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Mad Men Characters who definitely read Dune:
Ken, Pete (didn't get it), Kinsey, Peggy (because Abe recommended it), Ginsberg, Midge, Bert Cooper (has personally ridden a sand worm).
so fucked up that dune came out in the 60's can you imagine an episode of mad men where pete is talking about the fremen and shit
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@thegoodolddais
Drunk History was shockingly good at exploring marginalized historical figures that serious history shows don’t care about.
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McGruff once went undercover at a leather bar in a William Friedkin’s Cruising-type situation and discovered he liked it.
I wear these colors with pride. 🏳️🌈
NCPC always strives to collaborate with organizations and communities to raise awareness, prevent violent hate crimes, and foster inclusivity.
Take a bite out of hate crime against the LGBTQIA+ community @
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@Srirachachau
It’s driving me nuts that his staffers probably showed him three Dark Brandon memes and he went “People like it when I’m mean to the GOP? Well, I guess I could give it a try.”
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Thinking once again about Patch, Wolverine’s underworld alias that is just Wolverine with an eyepatch.
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No release date has been announced; they’re just going to wait for a movie to massively bomb and then move into those empty theaters.
Spirit Halloween is going from the strip mall to the big screen—it's getting the Hollywood treatment in a new movie starring Christopher Lloyd and Rachael Leigh Cook. 🎃
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In happier news:
At the Bored Ape restaurant, your ApeCoin is no good now
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They already deleted it, but we’ve got an early lead for Today’s Best Unhinged Brand Tweet.
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Just learned some incredible Frasier/Kelsey Grammer lore.
Source:
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Today is the day the language of Simpsons references was born.
#OnThisDay
#OTD
September 19, 1994,
#TheSimpsons
began airing in syndication. Local Fox stations aired repeats 5 days a week, up to 3 times a day, aiding in every Simpsons nerd's ability to commit entire classic episodes to memory for the rest of their lives.
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Michael Showalter has directed as many Oscar winning performances as Stanley Kubrick and I think that’s neat.
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Also, if you’re responding to this with an actual movie that traumatized you as a kid; shut up, you’re part of the problem.
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Is there a step beyond getting Jokerized?
Nancy Pelosi just introduced, as part of the Jan 6 remembrance.... a song by Lin Manuel Miranda performed by the cast of Hamilton
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A Milhouse Divided aired December 1st, 1996; which means this legend is Rock and Roll Hall of Fame eligible next year.
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Guardians 3 has an all time great “Elizabeth Debicki is 6’3” scene.
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@tentwentysixpm
Every time I read it, even though I know the punchline, I laugh like a fool.
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Did some basic reading up on Pennyworth, and it was apparently not only a prequel to the tv show Gotham (itself a Batman prequel), but also a prequel to V For Vendetta. This is not a joke.
was curious after it got cancelled so I looked at the pennyworth series finale to see what was even going on in this show and yall aren't gonna believe this
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Not gonna lie, that the last performance of Broadway’s longest running musical is going to star the understudy is the kind of theater magic bullshit I love.
A change of performer for the Phantom in the final show. That’s Broadway, baby.
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RIP Sexy Hamburglar, 2015-2023
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Because somehow, heartbreak feels good in a place like this.
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Was trying to figure out why Rings of Power felt so formless and three episodes in was already having trouble juggling the 7(!) different plotlines it had introduced.
And it turns out the two showrunners have never had a script produced, let alone ever worked in tv!
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Interesting new wrinkle for “Stevie Wonder can see” truthers: Stevie was a surprise guest at the Hollywood Bowl’s celebration of Quincy Jones’ 90th birthday last night. He talked about how the first time he met Quincy, he asked him if Ray Charles was actually blind.
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Play the Barry Lyndon/21 Savage fancam on the Las Vegas sphere in his memory.
Ryan O'Neal, Star of 'Love Story,' 'What's Up, Doc?' and 'Paper Moon,' Dies at 82
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As a member of the WGA and a credited screenwriter on Deadpool 3; any time Ryan Reynolds ad libs on set he is scabbing.
Of course, this wouldn’t be the first time he scabs as Deadpool:
Production on ‘DEADPOOL 3’, which will feature the team-up between Deadpool and Wolverine, officially begins today! ⚔️
Filming will take place in both London and Vancouver and will wrap later this year.
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The founders of Cincinnati wanted to make the name of the city a word puzzle until one man stepped in to tell them they were stupid.
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Mods are asleep, post vintage anti-metric system propaganda.
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I was about to make a joke about how a Forrest Gump sequel would reveal he was one of the first big COVID cases and then I remembered that actually happened.
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This classic is more benign than the average baffling brand tweet, but it’s still just as confusing.
”Do not fear mistakes. There are none.” – Happy Birthday to the legend,
@MilesDavis
.
http://t.co/L58Eb8OdHk
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Costner left because the studio (and presumably Taylor Sheridan) tried to force him to take a pay cut.
Between this and being the only writer actively against the strike, Sheridan has exposed himself as a real shit-heel.
Kevin Costner breaks silence on 'Yellowstone' exit and explains why he left the hit show
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Paul Williams always dressed like he was Baron Administrator of Cloud City.
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You can hear the world’s biggest Keane fan at the end of this clip.
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Terminator (1984): Kyle Reese never had much luck with the ladies, but his best bud John Connor just came up with a crazy plan to get him laid!
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Her daughter looks like she attends Rushmore Academy.
Dianne Feinstein, 90, cedes power of attorney to daughter — but still serves in Congress
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[I travel back to 1899]
Me: In the future, the president's name is Obama.
1899 Guy: You elected an Irishman?!
Me: You might want to sit down
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When they say the Olympics are about the triumph of the human spirit, this is what they mean.
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@discoscooby
@coopercooperco
The little head scratch DeVito does here is a hilarious acting choice.
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SAG members can’t dress as Beetlejuice, but they can dress as the Juice Demon.
SAG-AFTRA warns actors to not dress up as struck movie or television characters for Halloween and post it on social media, as it could violate the strike’s rules.
Instead, they encourage costumes inspired by generalized characters such as spiders, ghosts and zombies.
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When Billy Joel made weird juxtapositions, it made sense because he was grouping events by year. “Hula hoops, Castro, Edsel is a no-go” actually reflected the whiplash of the times.
I think they did this so they could end with 9/11. This is not a good idea. If "We Didn't Start the Fire" has any power, it's from the feeling of being dragged through a linear progression of history. This cover really is, as the original is often described, just a list of things
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No band will ever match the levels of drama Fleetwood Mac achieved.
The absolute best Christine McVie story, for my money, is when she was fucking Curry Grant (not Cary)-a lighting guy WHO STILL TOURED WITH THEM as of 2019-behind her husband John McVie's back.
She wrote the song "You Make Loving Fun" about the affair BUT
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